Always Enough (16 page)

“I’m so sorry, Michael. I didn’t realize. But we can’t be anything more. I love Kyler. I think it’s always been him.”

“And where is your precious Ky now?” he sneered.

“Not that I owe you any explanation, but he’s at his parents’ house. His dad’s health has been declining and he’s been over there dealing with all of that. Speaking of which, I need to go so I can be with him.”

I started to get up but he pushed me back down.

“Michael, I’m serious, I don’t have time for this. I didn’t mean to string you along, but I really need to go.”

I stood up and started to walk towards the door, but he wasn’t going to take no for answer. He grabbed me by my upper arm, spinning me around so I was facing him. At first I saw sadness in his eyes, but that was quickly overshadowed by determination. I knew what was happening but wasn’t fast enough to stop it. He brought his mouth down on mine and kissed me.

I stood there, completely shocked that he had forced himself on me, when he knew I didn’t want this. My mouth stayed still, not kissing him back. He tried to get me to open my mouth. I felt his tongue on my lips, but I didn’t budge. I started to protest and I felt his arms wrap around me to hold me in place. That’s when I heard my front door open. I tore mouth away and I turned around to see who it was.

Kyler was standing there.

His eyes were red-rimmed, and his face was full of anger. I hadn’t seen him in so long, and the shock of seeing him standing in my doorway caused a gasp to escape my lips.

“Kyler.”

He looked from my face to Michael’s, then back to mine again. I started to take a step towards him, but the ice in his eyes stopped me in my tracks. He curled his lip, and then spoke. “I guess I’m interrupting something.”

I shook my head but he wouldn’t listen. “Don’t try to contact me again, Harper. I don’t want to see you.”

He turned around and walked out. I moved to follow Kyler, and Michael tried to stop me, but I wasn’t having it. When he grabbed my arm, I brought my hand back and swung it around. It connected with his face with a loud slap. I couldn’t stand looking at him any longer. Any friendship we may have had was destroyed.

“Get the fuck out of my house!” I shouted at him.

I ran outside but Ky was already gone. I sank into the front lawn and cried.

My Dad died today.

When I’d showed up at my parents’ house the first day back home, I couldn’t believe my eyes. My Dad looked so sick. His eyes were bloodshot and sunken. He had age-spots all over his body, and his normal ‘spark’ was just … gone. The life was practically drained from his body. He was barely holding on, fighting for every breath he took. He lay in a hospital beds bed in the middle of the living room, too weak to make the trip upstairs anymore. There were machines beeping, and he had an IV hooked up to his arm. A catheter ran beside the bed. My Dad was gone, and I had no idea what to do. I wanted to fix it or even take his place. Dad was really quiet when I first arrived, but he gave the briefest hint of a smile before closing his eyes and falling asleep.

My Mom was a fucking basket case. She was doing everything she could to hold herself together in front of my Dad, but when she wasn’t around him … Jesus! I had to pry her off the floor too many times to count. Her tears were never-ending. I had to sit her down at the table and force-feed her because she was too depressed to eat. I had to act the parent, because she’d reverted to childlike behavior.

I was so exhausted that I couldn’t remember if I’d showered or brushed my teeth. In fact, I couldn’t remember if I’d even changed my clothes. It didn’t matter though. I’d push through any of the exhaustion to take care of my parents. They needed me. There had never been a moment in my life when they weren’t there for me. It was time I did the same for them.

Then there was Harper. I felt like such an asshole for not texting or calling her, but I just had too many other things going on. I knew that she could—and would—help me out without question, but I never made the call. The days just blended together.

The moment my Dad took his last breath, I thought of Harper. I missed her—I needed her. I wanted to be with her, breathing the same air.

When my Dad’s life was finally over, I realized that I only wanted a life with Harper. I’d always wanted a life with Harper, but I wanted to live out the rest of my days with her until I drew
my
last breath.

The house was full of neighbors, the pastor, and my mom’s friends. I figured she’d be okay for a little bit while I went to see Harper. The whole drive over to her house, all I wanted to do was bury my face in her hair and feel her. She’d help me feel grounded.

When I pulled into her driveway, I saw Michael’s car. My grief was put to the side and I was ready to pound this kid’s face into the cement. Fuck the friendship we’d had when we were kids—this wasn’t high school anymore, and I was sick of him coming on to my girl. I parked and got out of my car, moving quickly towards the front door. I pushed the door open, ready to throw his ass out, but what I saw was not what I’d expected. Michael was holding Harper in his arms and they were kissing.

Boy, she hadn’t waited around at all, had she? In that moment, all of the fight left me. I was officially alone. Harper turned around and looked right in my eyes. My stomach coiled at the sight of her. She looked so fucking guilty. She gasped when she saw me because she’d been caught. I bet she’d been fucking him the whole time she was with me. I was such a fool.

Harper said my name, but I recoiled at just the sight of her. Turning around, I walked out of the house and got in my car. I spun out when I pulled away, speeding down the road. I ignored the stop signs in the neighborhood and drove straight to the bar.

On my way I called Finn. He was a brother to me, and he lived with us after his parents died, and I’m sure he’d want to know.

“Hey, man, how’s it going?” He sounded happy. Why wouldn’t he be? He’d just had a baby.

“Not good. Dad just died.” I wished I could have said it better—less harsh—but there was no other way to do it.

He was quiet for a few short beats. “Jesus. How are you doing?”

“Been better.”

“Yeah. Okay, well, I’ll let Em know and catch the first flight out there. I’m sure she’ll want to come but Allie is still so little and I’d rather not put her on a plane.”

“Okay.”

“Is there anything I can do for you or your mom until I get there?” he asked.

“No. Mom’s at home with some people to help with the funeral arrangements.”

“What about you?”

“I’m headed to the bar. I need to take my mind off it.” My voice sounded completely dead.

“Look, man, I’m not sure that’s the best idea. Where’s Harper?”

I let out a brief and angered laughed. “Why don’t you call Michael, I bet he knows where she is.”

Again there was a long pause.

“What do you mean? What’s going on, Kyler?” His voice got serious.

I didn’t want to think about it. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to
feel
anything.

“Listen, I’m really not in the mood to talk right now. I just thought you’d want to know about Dad. I’ll see you when you get here.”

Finn started to say something else but I hung up on him. I’d already pulled up outside the bar but had sat in the car to finish my call.
Time to get good and numb
. I jumped out of the car and went inside.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, digging through my purse, trying to find my cell phone.

I was so flustered when I couldn’t find it that I turned the purse upside down and spilled the contents onto the floor by the front door. On my hands and knees, I pushed everything around looking for the phone, but I could hardly see through the tears in my eyes. When my hands found what they had been looking for, I picked it up and tried pushing the buttons to call Ky, but my fingers shook so badly that I kept hitting the wrong buttons.

“FUCK!” I screamed again. I sat down on the floor with my back against the wall. I hit my head on the wall out of frustration. How did everything get so fucked up, and so quickly? I was crying so hard I couldn’t catch my breath. This couldn’t possibly be happening. Ky saw Michael kissing me
,
but I hadn’t kissed him back. How could he think that I would have reciprocated that kiss? I
loved
Ky. I fucking loved him to my core, but he’d just left.

It was exactly what I’d feared. Giving my heart to a man and then him leaving me … alone. Granted, Ky probably thought I’d been kissing Michael back, but he didn’t even give me a chance to tell him that what he saw wasn’t what was actually happening. He promised that he’d never leave me, but now he was gone. My whole body rocked with my uncontrollable sobbing.

My phone rang while it was still in my hand. My eyes flew open and hit ‘answer.’ “Kyler?”

“No, honey, it’s Em. Oh my God, Harper, you sound terrible.”

I started bawling. “I feel terrible, Em. I’m so lost right now.”

“Finn just got off the phone with Ky, he said you were with Michael. What happened, Harper? I thought you were with Ky?”

“Oh God … he really does think I kissed Michael. Fuck.” I dropped my head. “How am I going to fix this, Em?”

“Did you kiss him?”

“What? No! He came on to
me.
I was trying to leave so I could go to see Ky, but Michael came over and was trying to tell me that he’d fallen for me. I told him that I didn’t feel the same, and when I tried to leave, he kissed me.”

“Oh, no! And you didn’t kiss him back?”

I was getting pissed. “Jesus, Em, I just told you he came on to
me
. I was just about to push him off me when Ky showed up and saw us.” A whole new wave of tears hit when I remembered Kyler’s face. “He hates me, Em. He wouldn’t even stop so I could explain.”

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. But you do you know why he was there?”

“I assume he came to see me. I haven’t spoken to him or heard from him in six days. That’s why I was going to see him.”

She cursed under her breath. “Harper … Kyler’s dad died this afternoon.”

Oh no. No no no …

“He did?” I whispered. “Oh God. I think I’ve totally fucked everything up, Em. He’s never going to give me a chance to explain. Shit,
I
wouldn’t give me a chance to explain.”

“You have to try, Harper. If you love him, you have to keep trying until he hears you out. But he just watched his dad die. I’m sure his emotions are a bit crazy right now, but it has to be worth a try.”

I took a few deep breaths and tried to collect my thoughts. “I’m not even sure where he is right now.”

“Finn said he’s at the bar. But, Harper, he didn’t sound too good. He hung up on Finn.”

“Not good. Okay, I’ll go try there first. If Finn hears from him, please let me know.”

“I will. I love you, Harper, and I believe everything will work out.”

“Love you, too.”

I hung up and got up off the floor. The mirror that hung above the entry table showed a reflection of a woman who was a complete wreck. My hair stuck to my tear stained cheeks, I had mascara smeared down my face, and my eyes were puffy and red. I went to the bathroom and wet a washcloth and wiped under my eyes.

On my way out of the house I grabbed a coat. The air held more than just a fall chill, and I felt it all the way to my core. Shivering, I got in my car, cranked up the heat, and sped down the road to the one bar I knew Ky would have visited. It had been two hours since he left the house, and I was worried what state he was going to be in when I found him. He’d had enough time to get good and drunk. If he was, I didn’t know how I was going to get him to listen to me, or how I was going to get him to leave the bar. If anybody was as stubborn as I was, it was Kyler.

Sure enough, as I pulled into the parking lot I saw his rental, parked in the handicapped spot. My hands shook as I turned off the engine. I could do this. I
had
to do this. I would make him listen to me. I wanted to know about his dad, and what I could do to help him through it. But I also wanted to tell him that Michael meant nothing to me. He never had. He had to listen to me. And if he got up to leave? Well, I’d just have to hope I could find some way to stop him. Even if that meant jumping on his back … he
would
listen to me.