Always His (Crazed Devotion #1) (15 page)

“You said you were going to your uncle’s.” I crawled out of bed and stood beside it, crossing my arms over my chest, no longer feeling exhausted. “How did you end up at the pool hall, and furthermore, how did you and Tyler get into a fight?”

“I, um . . .”

“You had no intention of going to your uncle’s when you left here, did you? You went looking for him.” I already knew the answer, but I waited to hear what he had to say anyway.

“Yeah.”

“So you lied.” I was trying not to get angry, but it was hard. “You acted like a dick and left me all night to wonder what in the hell I could have done wrong.”

“Nic—”

“I slept with Tyler.” My heart raced as I spoke the words. “It was a huge mistake. I was looking for comfort on one of my worst nights, and he offered it. Yes, I should have known he had only one thing on his mind when he offered his friendship, but I was in a dark place.” My chest tightened further, but I did my best to refrain from giving in to my emotions. “The guy I was in love with and thought I would have by my side forever left me. He left without looking back, and I fell apart. But saying I regret that night would be saying I regret Tori, which I will never do. Because she gave me the hope I needed to move on.” My eyes burned as I fought to hold back the tears.

“I hate that he had his hands on you. Every time I think about the two of you together, I just want to kill him,” Ryker confessed, and I closed my eyes tightly, taking a deep, calming breath.

“You need to get over it,” I said. “Because nothing about that night was memorable. It wasn’t some romantic night that led up to some undeniable love. It was two drunk people that woke up the next day and could barely remember what happened.”

“I never should have let you go,” he said.

“No, you shouldn’t have, but you did,” I added without hesitation. “You promised things you gave up on the moment you left, and you have to accept that. But damn it, Ryker, you are here now. You say you want us, but then you pull the shit you did last night.” I paused because I just needed a moment before I said the rest of what needed to be said.

“You need to let it go, because it’s only going to drive us apart in the end. We can’t change the past, no matter how much we wish we could. You need to decide if you can move forward with me and Tori, knowing her dad is a man you despise.” I swallowed past the large lump that had formed at the base of my throat. “I need to go.”

“I love you,” Ryker whispered, and the tears I’d tried to hold back spilled over.

“But is that enough?” I asked, not really expecting an answer. Because I wasn’t just asking Ryker, I was also asking myself. “Good-bye, Ryker.”

I didn’t wait for him to respond before I lowered the phone and hit the End button.

I walked out into the hallway, and as I approached Tori’s room, I could hear her talking to herself. She did that when she played with her dolls. The sound of her sweet little voice was exactly what I needed to remind me that I had to keep my head above water. I couldn’t let myself get wrapped up in the drama of jealous boyfriends and drunk one-night stands. I had her to take care of, and curling up in bed to cry out the heartache I was now feeling wasn’t an option.

I leaned against the doorframe of her bedroom, watching as she pretended to feed her baby doll a fake apple.

“Chew it up, Millicent,” she directed in her big-girl voice. “Num, num,” she said as she rubbed her tummy. “Apples are healthy. If you eat all your fruits you can have a cookie for desert.”

Hearing her repeat the things I’d said to her more than once was the sweetest. She was getting so big too fast, and yeah, a part of me wished Tyler cared enough to notice. Looking at her and the amazing little person she was becoming made it so hard to understand why her daddy didn’t want to be a part of that. It broke my heart that she wouldn’t have the relationship with her dad that I have with mine. I dreaded the day she came to me and asked why she hadn’t been enough. But it was never about her not being enough . . . Tyler wasn’t enough.

When she noticed me standing in the doorway, she smiled and my chest tightened with the deepest love possible. “Are you having fun, Peanut?”

“Millicent wouldn’t eat her fruit. She said she wanted cookies instead,” Tori explained. Her little eyebrows wrinkled, her nose crinkled, and her cheeks bunched up tight. “I had to bribe her with one cookie just to get her to eat her apples.”

A smile covered my lips as I fought off my laughter. Sometimes I swear she was a teenager trapped in a little girl’s body. “Is that so?”

“Yeah.” She shrugged like it was no big deal. “So I was thinking,” she continued, and my interest in her little thoughts was immediately piqued. “Since Milli ate all her apple, can we have two cookies?”

It was her sneaky way of getting a second cookie, but I felt the need to spoil her today. “I have a better idea.” I knelt in front of her. “Let’s call Pawpaw and see if he wants to go to IHOP. You can get the chocolate chip pancakes with the whipped cream.”

Her face lit up with excitement. “Can Millicent come too and get her own order?”

She was a tricky little thing.

“How about I share mine with Milli and you can con Grandpa out of some of his too?”

My own form of trickery seemed to satisfy her sugar fixation. She jumped up quickly and went to her closet in search of clothes while I walked back to my room. For the time being I ignored the text message from Ryker waiting for me when I woke my phone. I just wanted a little time before I had to face the possibility that Tori and I may be more than he could handle.

“Damn, what crawled up your ass and died there?” Elle asked as she placed her tray on the end of the bar.

It was a slow night, and I’ll admit I wasn’t in the best of moods, but I thought I’d done a good job at hiding it. But from the look on Elle’s face, I knew I hadn’t hidden it well at all.

“With Ryker back, I find it hard to believe a girl can walk around with anything but a smile on her face.” She wagged her eyebrows suggestively.

“Yeah, well, things are a little confusing right now. Sorry if I’ve been a bitch tonight.” I busied myself filling the orders from the table she was currently waiting on. “Tyler and Ryker got in a fight last night,” I said without looking up. “He doesn’t seem to be able to let go of what happened between Tyler and I. Which means I’m not sure he can accept Tori. And no matter how much I love him, that’s just something I could never live with.”

She was silent, and I knew what I’d said had probably shocked her. Tears pooled in my eyes, and I took a few deeps breaths to fight them back.

“Well, then to hell with him,” Elle said matter-of-factly. “If he can’t let it go, then you don’t need him. And neither does Tori.”

“Yeah,” I whispered, the word burning my throat.

Silence set in between us as I placed the last rum and Coke on her tray.

“He’s the fool, Nicole, not you. And one day he’ll see that.”

I bit my lower lip and nodded, hoping she was right. Because losing him a second time may be even harder than the first.

N
othing had gone right for me today.

My call with Nicole went to hell fast, and it was followed by one fuckup after another. But standing at the side of the road looking down at my flat tire was the icing on top of the fucking shit cake.

I had spent an hour trying to break loose the shaft that held my spare tire in place only to come up empty-handed. The fucking thing was rusted and seized so tight there was no way I was going to break it loose by hand. Which left me with only one option—call a tow truck.

Now here I stood, cursing this whole fucking day as Randall loaded my Ford up on the bed of his truck. I wished I could go back to yesterday, before I let Tyler and his call to Nicole get under my skin. I’d handle the whole thing differently.

“I can have this changed over for you in a couple hours, Ryk,” Randall said as he placed the block behind my wheel.

“Thanks, man,” I said as I followed him to his truck. “Can you drop me off at Lucy’s on the way?”

“Sure,” he said with a smile. “How’s Nic doing?”

We had all grown up together, so Randall knew our background. Which also meant he knew Tyler and Nicole’s background too.

“She was doing great until I fucked shit up.”

He cocked an eyebrow and pointed toward his truck. “Climb on up, and you can tell me all about it on the drive.”

I let out a deep breath and decided why the hell not. What could it hurt?

So for fifteen minutes I carried on about what had taken place with Tyler from the moment I stepped into town up until last night. Hell, I even included the conversation between Nicole and me from this morning.

“You need to get your head out of your ass, man,” Randall said as he slowed to a stop in front of Lucy’s. “That girl in there never once stopped loving you. She may have tried to convince everyone around her that she had, but I can assure you it was all an act.”

Randall was always so quiet, so I was shocked he’d said this much. But he held nothing back.

“A lot of guys tried their luck with her after you left. Hell, I won’t lie and say I didn’t ask her out myself.” He chuckled when I gave him an irritated look. “But she never gave in. You know how slick Tyler was back in the day. He played the sympathetic friend, and that was what she needed. She just wanted to feel whole again.”

My chest ached with the knowledge that she’d found comfort in Tyler.

“He took advantage of her state. It happened, and you have to move past it. She didn’t love him. Hell, I don’t think she even truly liked him,” he assured me. “But you can’t sit here and pretend you didn’t sleep with other women over the last five years. The difference is those women aren’t here and she doesn’t have to face them.”

I understood what he was saying, but it still felt like a punch in the nuts every time I imagined them together.

“If you don’t let go of that shit rolling around in your head, it may be her that walks away this time,” he added, and my stomach rolled with nerves. “Stop living in the past and look at what you have right here, right now. Because that girl loves you. She always has.”

I already knew everything he was telling me was true, but having someone remind me of it was exactly what I needed. I looked out through the windshield and focused on the blue, lit sign on the front of the bar that said
Lucy’s
. Behind that door was the girl I was madly in love with. The girl I gave up everything to come back here for. I was letting some smug ass and his dedication to making my life hell get in the way of my future. I had an amazing woman and an adorable little girl that made me feel whole. Why the hell was I continuing to jeopardize that happiness?