Always In: The Shore Series Book 2 (19 page)

‘Looking at the ring, it wasn’t hard to imagine getting down on one knee and asking for Harlow’s hand in marriage. She would keep glancing at her hand, admiring the ring. Truth is everything I thought of was in fact the opposite.

Greta kisses my cheek and thanks me again for the jewelry box. She sure has come a long way. She didn't really have time for me when Harlow and I were together. She was getting married and her grandmother had her claws into her. Since Granny is out of the picture and her influences no longer affect Greta, she realizes how she had been acting.

"Cruz, I know Jeff and I thanked you on the phone but we needed to thank you in person. You saved Avery. If you weren't there...God knows—" I stop her and pat her hand.

"It was my job, Greta. I’m really happy for you guys."

Greta and Jeff and even Craw exchange glances, then look to me.

"Cruz, we have a favor to ask of you. Since we consider you Avery's hero and kind of a guardian angel we want to ask you to be one of her Godfather's. You and Craw."

I hear what she asks me but not really.

"You, you want what? Greta, I don't know if that's a good idea. Things are a bit awkward, you know with Harlow and all. I’m not sure it's the most comfortable situation."

She looks a bit sad but nods her head in understanding, then grabs the baby from Craw and places her in my arms, and I am suddenly in what some would call awe. At first it feels awkward to hold something so fragile and small in my hands, but then I adjust myself so that I’m cradling her head in my hands and her body rests on my thighs. Avery opens her eyes as soon as she's placed in my arms like she knows me. I was the first thing she saw when she was born. They can see when they first come out, right? I have no idea what I’m thinking except that for some odd reason, holding this tiny baby girl in my hands feels, I don't know, right? Yes. That's the word. Right. Natural. And just like that I found my natural. Out of all the fucking things. This kid makes me know what the natural really is. I can be a father. I think I want to be a father. I can be the father mine wasn't. Words escape me for a few moments. Avery grunts a few times and Greta reaches over and caresses her tiny daughter’s head.

"It's amazing how you can fall in love with something instantaneously. From the very first second. The love just comes naturally." Greta doesn't look at me when she's speaking because I keep glancing in her direction. Her focus is on Avery.

"Greta, can I ask you a question?"

She smiles down at Avery and says softly, "Of course." Little tiny bubbles come out of Avery's mouth as she grunts again and Greta takes a cloth thingy and wipes at her tiny mouth.

"Does Harlow know about you asking me to be one of her godfathers?"

She looks up at me then to Craw. He starts to speak before Greta has a chance to explain.

"When Jeff and Greta called and told me their plan, at first I didn't think it would sit well with Har, but I called her and spoke with her and she said that Avery wouldn't be here without you, so she thinks it's great." I take a deep breath in and feel my body and my mind relax a bit knowing what she thinks.

"Actually her words were, ‘this is the way it's supposed to be.’"

I look down again at this sleeping little angel in my arms.

My God.

I know in my heart of hearts what I want out of life. I want the wife, the kid, the dog, the nine-to-five job, the white-picket fence shit. I want holidays with family, I want my kid to grow up with Matteo and Avery, and if I close my eyes the only person I see any of this happening with is Harlow. Without a shadow of a doubt, with all that I am and all that I can see in my future, she is the start of it, and the end of it. Then I remember the word, naturally. If I got her back it wouldn't happen for us naturally. We'd have to take the scientific approach, the invasive medical way. Maybe even the adoption route. Who the fuck cares really? Whatever road we go down, if that road is in front of us it will be our future. Our life. Our family. As sad as I am every time I look at Avery, something tells me there is hope, it tells me there's always a chance, and there's always a miracle waiting to happen.

CHAPTER 11

These Dreams

Harlow~

My body feels light as air. It's as if I’m not touching the ground, but I know that I am. Each step I take feels like I could jump, like I’m skipping. When I do touch down, what's below my bare feet is grainy and rough. As I look down I see it's wood. Brown and a bit unstable when my feet land. I look ahead and squint to see where I am because something bright is reflecting in my eyes. I float a bit closer, teetering on the edge of the wood. Water is swaying; brightness from the sun’s rays is reflecting off the water. It's like a thousand tiny mirrors floating in the tranquil cleft. The sun feels so good on my face, on my body. I look at my arms and legs, specks of light radiate off my skin. It's as though tiny lights are imbedded into my skin and they light up. I touch my arms and the shimmer of the rays remains. I touch my legs. They are normal. No scars, no deep pink grooves. My toes are painted red. I smile stretching my arms out to my sides. I feel blissful. So relaxed and at peace. The water beacons for me to come to it, but I’m afraid. I look toward it again, then away, then back again. A figure is sitting on the edge of the wood. All I can see is the back of the figure. As I step closer, I can see the outline of the figure. A man. "Hello?" I call out. I can't see the man’s face, I can only hear a voice and see an arm reaching out to me.

"Come and sit. Don't be afraid," the figure answers back.

"But I am afraid," I reply.

"When you are with me, there's no fear. It's not going to hurt you. I'll make sure that will never happen again."

I listen to the man and take his hand. It's big but his touch is gentle and I feel calm as soon as I my hand connects with his.

I sit on the edge along side of him. I can feel the heat of the wood through my clothes, burning a bit, but not uncomfortable.

"Take a deep breath in and let the salt of the air hit your lungs. Don't be afraid of it. Take the baby steps."

I do as he says and I breathe in, shutting my eyes letting the air filter through my system.

When I open my eyes I look down and see my feet in the water and it's warm like a bath. I smile.

"See, I told you. The water is our friend. Always has been. You can let go when you're with me. I'll never let it hurt you again."

I believe what he says. The fear has dissipated, but I’m still a bit skeptical.

"Are you sure it won't hurt me. It's hurt me before. I know it has."

The man turns his face to mine but I still can't see it. The sun is blinding me, not allowing me to make out the curvature of his face. He takes my hand and brings it to his cheek. He rubs my fingers across and down to his jawline like he knows I can't see him, but he needs me to feel him. It feels so familiar, like I’ve felt it a thousand times before.

"It will never hurt you again. I’m always here to make sure. I’ve told you this before. So many times while you slept."

"While I slept?" He takes his hand and sweeps it over the top of my head, running his fingers through my hair, gently, skillfully.

"Yes. You slept for a long time. The water made you sleep, but it won't ever again. You're with me now."

I trust this person. I can feel that with every stroke of my finger on his face. I feel so happy.

"Am I awake now?" I ask him, and he smiles. I can see at least his mouth. I want to kiss his lips for reassurance that he is telling me the truth, but it's all I see.

"You are almost there. You're almost awake. Here, at this place, you are. This is our place. When you are here, yes, you are awake because we are together."

"Almost? When will I be fully awake? Do you know?"

He touches my face and I lean into his hand. He cradles it and bends into my ear. "I don't know the answer to that, but I’m here to make sure you are safe and prepare you for when you finally do."

I smile as the sun warms my skin and his hand strokes my face.

"That feels nice," I tell him.

"I know, Turnip. I know."

***

My body jolts awake. Sweat covers my body. My pillows are off my bed along with all my blankets. I pant, trying to catch my breath. I wipe the perspiration from my head. I look out the window. Dawn has not yet made its approach.

That dream. It was so real. I could feel it all, smell it all. But what I can't wrap my head around is that it was Cruz sitting there with me. He was speaking to me, telling me things I don't understand, except for calling me Turnip. I need answers to this. Could it be a memory?

I grab my phone and dial Willow right away not even caring it's almost 4 a.m.

She answers with a mumble, "Why the fuck are you calling me so early for? This better be good."

"Wills, I think I remembered something in a dream. I’m a little freaked out about it, actually a lot freaked out." I start to cry and I’m guessing she can hear the desperation in my voice.

"I'll be right over,” she says with no hesitation.

Within ten minutes I hear Willow use the key to my house and slam the door behind her. I stay in my bed. My knees are up against my chest and the tears come faster than I can wipe them away. She enters my room, wearing her pajamas and slippers and rushes to my bed. She plops down in her usual way and leans her head on her hand, stretching her body out in front of me.

“Wanna tell me why you're crying about it? Remembering is a good thing, you know."

I nod and tell her all about the dream. Her eyes are wide and a few times her jaw drops open when I tell her.

"What do you think it all means?"

She sits up and inches closer to me, putting her elbows on her knees and taking a deep breath in and out.

"Well, I’m no Dr. Goldberg so I can't really tell you about some of the stuff, but what you dreamt is pretty much what happened."

I rub my head with my hands and fall back onto the pillows I had rescued from the floor.

"Ugh, it did, didn't it? I was thinking back to the dream when you were on your way over. It kind of happened that way. The dock, right? In my dream we were on the dock."

She nods yes as I peek up from the pillows.

"We spent a lot of time on that dock. Him and I. I know now we did. We used to sit on those chairs out there. The more I think about it, the more I remember."

Willow pulls my arms up so that I’m sitting and she wipes the stray tears from my cheeks.

"Har, this is a good thing, no matter how you look at it. Listen, the last few weeks have been a bit confusing. You see Cruz and stuff comes back. The doctors told you some things would come back eventually, slowly. There's no guarantee how they come back, they just do. The new baby and the trauma of that… Cruz saving Avery, Greta and Jeff asking him to be godfather, all that stuff stimulates your memories. I think it's normal."

I have to laugh. Normal just isn't a word to describe what my life has been the last few months. I’m trying to move on and deal with my misfortunes, but they still plague me.

"Normal? You call anything that happens in my life normal? Wills, I survived a coma, woke up not knowing I was in love with someone, that we had a future together, my family was torn apart by the evilness of my grandmother, I still have medical issues from the accident, and I can't even remember the name of my first grade teacher."

"Mrs. Sims," Willow coughs out like I can't hear her.

"Ha, ha. Really funny. You're a regular comedian, aren't you?"

Willow tugs at my hand.

"Oh, come on. You know that's my defense mechanism. I try and see the humor in everything. Even comas."

I stare at her like I want to rip out every natural piece of blonde hair on her head but then I think,
this is Willow
. She's been by my side since we were kids. Granted, I hated her because she was a bitch up until fourth grade. Thea and I used to crap our pants when we saw her coming, stomping her way through the playground and intimidating everyone in her path. As we became friends, the three of us grew very close. We became sisters. She was always the center of attention—she made it that way—but look out if someone tried to mess with anyone who was her friend. I'd hate to be on the other end of a Willow confrontation, but that's what makes Willow, Willow.

"Okay, so you had a memory of Cruz. Excellent in my opinion. How do you feel about it? About remembering a little about you and him?"

I scratch at my head. Because my anxiety level is so high, I can taste the blood from biting the inside of my cheek.

"I don't really know how to feel. When I was dreaming, it felt good. So familiar. Like it was something not out of the ordinary. I felt his hand in mine and it felt right. Being with him there, sitting on that dock. I can recall bits and pieces of us on that dock. Talking and getting to know each other. It was our thing. It's just a little scary. A memory that shoots back into your brain after being gone for so long is weird."

Willow points for me to lie down and after picking up the thrown blankets and pillows from off the floor, she places them back onto my bed and on top of me. She makes them smooth and then shimmies her body into the bed next to me like we used to do when we were kids—and teenagers, and adults for that matter—when we had sleepovers.

She snuggles into me slightly and I flip off my lamp.

"Har, I don't know what it's like for you, not being able to remember things. I wish I could fully grasp what it's like, but you should embrace every single piece that comes back. With Cruz, oh, I don't know, that part is complicated in itself. He always seems to end up in your life no matter what. I think that part may be meant to be. Somehow, he's going to be in your life one way or another. He's a good guy. He suffered along with you."

I groan into the pillow.

"Yes, I know he did, and for that I'll be forever grateful, and I'll be grateful for what he did for Greta. I’m just confused because in my dream I felt so much and it scared me. The whole thing scares me because I don't think I wanted to wake up from that dream, Wills. Do you understand?"