Always Summer (22 page)

After half
an hour, I found my scratchy voice, by which time the doctor had already left.

“Can I have
some water?” I asked one of my nurses.

“Sure
sweetie, I just have to finish some observations, and then we’ll see about your
water.” She replied, smiling.

Summer.

How could I
be so stupid to place that update on
facebook
?
I really hadn’t thought it through at all... I was so excited; I had let my
guard down.

I still
couldn’t believe that Jordan had taken such drastic action against Blake.

Jordan was
most likely home today... since he’d gotten bail.
 
I knew I shouldn’t see him... but I just
couldn’t help it.

I drove up
to his house and parked out the front.
 
I’d been there plenty of times before, but I felt like a stranger now.

I could see
the curtains pull back and release in the front room.
 
Then the front door opened, and his mother
walked out… hurrying to the car.

Shit, she
looked pissed.
 
I wound the window down.

“Summer!
 
What are you doing here?” she scolded, but up
close she looked confused and only slightly angry.

“I… I came
to see Jordan.” I said.

“You
shouldn’t come here… he’s not really himself.” She began.
 
“Turn around and go home.” She pleaded.

“Anne, I
just… I don’t know… I.” I had nothing really.

She sighed,
“I know… it is all screwed up.” She said.
 
“He began losing it before school was over… he’s been… different!
 
I’m scared for him.”

“I feel so
guilty.” I said.

“I wish you
two had of worked out.” She said, smiling sadly.
 
“But life doesn’t always give you what you
want, does it!?”

I didn’t
want to say anything that would upset her further.
 
I decided she was right… that I should go.

What I
hadn’t seen while we had been talking through my window, was Jordan making his
way to my car; neither had his Mom…

The
passenger door opened, and Jordan sat himself in the seat.

“Jordan!
 
You should be inside… don’t go and do
anything stupid!” Anne pleaded.

“Mom!”
Jordan shouted.
 
I flinched… he
continued, “
Summer
came here to talk, obviously… so
we’ll talk!
 
Now!
 
We’ll even stay here, and you can watch from
the window.” He seethed.

Anne stood
up straight, but didn’t move.

“Mom!”
Jordan commanded.

She slowly
walked backward a few steps.

“It’s okay
Anne… here.” I pulled out the keys and threw them to her. “That way you know we
won’t be going anywhere.” I explained.

She nodded,
before moving around the car and walking back to her house.
 
She not only opened the curtains in the front
room window, but she left the front door open too.

I turned to
Jordan who was staring at me with a mixture of emotions on his face.

I didn’t
say anything… I waited for him to speak.

“Two years…
two years together… and you throw it away like it just didn’t mean anything.”
He stated.

I shook my
head, an overwhelming feeling of guilt swelled up inside my stomach.

“I can’t
get over you
Summer
… but you just seem to be able to
walk away as if it all meant nothing.” He reasoned.

“I… I don’t
think it meant nothing.” I said quietly.

His
breathing had increased and it was loud… he was crying, and though he was
trying to contain it, he shuddered with difficulty to stop it.

He choked,
“Blake?
 
How long?”

“A couple of weeks.”
I replied.

He looked
at me as though I had lied.
 
His face was
the picture of pain.

“You
haven’t been here!
 
How could you have
gotten together during the last few weeks?” he scolded through his pain.

“It’s
complicated…” I said.

“Were you
fucking him while you were fucking me?” he said cruelly.

“No… We
haven’t even gone there.” I supplied.
 
I
had no intention of telling him about what had happened, especially the timing
of it.

“So, I’m
still the only guy you’ve fucked?” he said incredulously.

I cringed,
but I nodded.

“Summer…
why?” Jordan asked.

“Why what?”
I skirted around the issues.

“Why did
you break my heart?” he
asked,
another sob
threatening.

“Oh, Jordan…
I’m sorry, but…” I started

“…come back
to me… Please!
 
I know I acted like a
dick… but I’ll change, I promise!” he pleaded, and reached a hand out to touch
my face.

He looked
so wounded; I couldn’t help it, so I leant into the touch.

I looked at
him…

Did I love
him?
 
Yes… Did I love him enough to at
one stage try and make what we had
work
... if he got
help?
 
Yes…

But, there
was a major obstacle… Blake!

I loved him
so much more… infinitely more!
 
If I
hadn’t had any feelings for Blake, I’d probably accept Jordan as my world.
 
But Blake was always going to be the only
world for me.

Before all
of this registered and processed in my mind, Jordan had already leant over and
placed his lips on mine.

He held my
face in his hands and kissed me fiercely… but I couldn’t return the kiss.
 
Jordan noticed.

He pulled
his lips away, with a painful groan, and then a whimper escaped him.
 
He still held my face in his strong
hands.
 
He placed his forehead to mine.
 
I was crying now.

“I
should’ve noticed how you two were… I mean I did notice, but I just thought you
were friends.
 
I remember you two kissing
that day.
 
I always tried to summon that
burning passion in you, but we never had it… did we!” He said, his face
scrunching up.

I shook my
head.

He looked
so utterly defeated and forlorn.

“
Summer
,” he began, before kissing me gently again on the
lips… sweetly, softly and for what seemed like the longest time.
 
Then he pulled back slightly, his face still
close, though his eyes displayed distance… “Never, ever again contact me… I
don’t want to see you, I refuse to talk to you and I won’t acknowledge you in
any way if for some unfortunate reason you happen to be anywhere near me.
 
We are not only over… we are nothing!” he
cried.

With that,
he got out of his side of the car, slammed the passenger door so hard the glass
rattled violently, and left without turning around.
 
With his departure, he took with him a vast
number of friendly faces, that although weren’t bosom buddy close, still
numbered as a part of my inner circle of friends.
 
He also took years of friendship and love.

Anne ran
out, tears streaming down her face, to give me the keys.
 
She didn’t look at me either, despite having
to open the passenger door and lean across to hand me the keys, before backing
out, closing the door, turning around and running back to the house.

I placed
the keys in the ignition, placed the car in gear, got the car out of there, and
drove two blocks before my tears were becoming too hazardous for me to drive
safely anymore.
 
So, I pulled over.
 
I didn’t rejoin the traffic for another forty
minutes, and by then my eyes were red and swollen, my heart was tenderized, and
my stomach felt like it had been used as a punching bag.

I blubbered
into Debbie’s chest for hours after, as we sat on the couch and she rocked me
gently.
 
I
fell
asleep right there in the living room… staying there for the remainder of the
day.
 
It meant I missed Blake waking up,
and since I was in so much pain, I failed to look at my phone, or check my
phone messages.

Debbie had
at first allowed our house phone to ring out, and then she just unplugged
it.
 
The answering service collected the
curious questioning as to my whereabouts.

Blake.

She wasn’t
answering, and her house number went to the messenger service… I was frantic.
 
I didn’t know where she was.
 
My fear was tiring me out… The
staff were
all telling me to relax; that it wasn’t good for
me to be stressing out.
 
But I was afraid
that something had happened to her… that Jordan had done something to her.

I finally
roped my sister into checking things out, but she couldn’t contact her either…
so she went and telephoned Jordan’s house to make certain that he’d been home
all day, and just to be sure he hadn’t gone to see
Summer
.
 

When she
stepped back inside the room, the look on her face was all it took for me to
know something terrible was wrong.
 

The pain in
my head was sudden.
 
All the monitors
around me were making noises indicating my distress; my nurse was injecting my
IV with something, and despite it all, that something was beginning to calm me
down.

“Tell me!”
I demanded, although my voice wasn’t all that forceful… the drug was already
taking effect.

Julie
sighed; she looked across to our Dad.
 
Dad must’ve nodded assent, because although I couldn’t see him on the
other side of the room, with my focus on Julie, I didn’t hear him either.

“Mrs. Myers
said
Summer
was over there today, talking to
Jordan.
 
Jordan was extremely emotional,
and they had some sort of fight.
 
When
Jordan left
Summer
, Summer looked like her heart had
been torn from her chest.
 
She drove away
from the house alone.” Julie said.
 

I felt
tears before I could stop them… I was so raw… so emotional!

“What did
he say to her?” I asked.
 
I felt like I
was shouting in my pain, but it all came out like a squeak.

“I don’t
know,” Julie said.
 
“But I’m going to go
and find out.
 
I’ll ring you, when I find
out.” She promised, leaning in to kiss my forehead… but I was already beginning
to drift off now that the medicine was taking away my thoughts and the pain
along with it.

Summer.

The
doorbell, followed by pounding at the front door woke me. Debbie answered it
and was speaking quietly to whoever was there.
 
I started stretching… I threw my legs over the edge of the couch.
 
My head was throbbing, so I dropped it into
my hands.
 
Guilt was tearing at me too!

“Summer?”
Julie said softly.

“Jewels?”
I replied, and despite the pain in my head and the tears I’d already released,
I was crying all over again.

“What
happened?” she said, sitting down next to me and draping her arm around me.

I told her
about my attempt to see Jordan; thinking he might tell me why he would attack
Blake.
 
I told her how he pleaded for me
to return to him.
 
I told her he kissed
me… but that I didn’t kiss him back… her face went quite rigid at this point…
and I said about him removing me from every aspect of his future life.

Julie
sighed, she gave me a squeeze, and then she crouched down in front of me.

“Summer,
I’m going to be blunt.” Julie started.
 
“You’re a fucking idiot!
 
Why
would you approach Jordan, knowing that he was so volatile at the moment?”
 
She seethed.

I went to
say something, but she held her hand up to stop me, before continuing.

“Why would
you let him kiss you?
 
Why?” she asked.

“I didn’t…
I didn’t want him to. I just didn’t realize he was going to.” I reasoned… fresh
tears coursing down my face.

“Well you
should’ve smacked him across his face!
 
Shoved him out of the car!
 
Done
something that would make him realize you aren’t his!”
 
She angrily replied.