Always with You (WIth You Trilogy) (21 page)

Karl looked back and forth between the three of us and shook his head. “No,” he sighed. “Just, don’t take advantage, Jelly.” His voice was gruff but he smirked when he looked over at the twins who were obviously sulking. “Gimme a Twix.”

The twins looked even more miserable as they begrudgingly handed over more of their hoard before rapidly digging into the rest of it before any of us could take any more.

I couldn’t help but laugh at them. They really took food seriously. Their mouths were still full when Xander escorted Jake into the room. I grinned and waited my turn to hug him. He looked happier than I’d seem him recently and I hoped he was feeling a bit better than he was when I’d visited Newcastle.

“Jake,”
Craig tilted his head to beckon Jake closer. He handed an envelope over and I watched Jake’s brow crinkle in concentration as he opened it.

“Passenger?” Jakes eyes lit up, holding up the two concert tickets from the envelope.

Craig nodded. “He’s coming to Newcastle. I met his manager and he hooked me up.”

“That’s fucking awesome, Craig!” Jake’s grin broadened and he slapped Craig on the back in appreciation.

Craig just shrugged it off awkwardly. I thought it was an incredibly sweet gesture to make considering how upset Jake had been about Craig nagging him about his diabetes.

“How did you meet his manager?” Jake asked excitedly.

Craig looked uncomfortable at the question. “At a fight,” he mumbled.

“Cool!” Jake grinned boyishly. “He a fan?”

He shrugged again and I heard Karl scoff, probably about to make some derogatory comment at Craig’s expense.

“So, now that you’re all here, is somebody going to tell us
why
?” I intervened before they could initiate the hostilities. I aimed my question at Karl because I figured if anybody knew something, it’d be him.

His scowl turned into a grin as he
motioned for us all to sit down. He turned to face Xander and grinned over at him. Xander wore his usual smirk as he strode to my brother’s side.

“As you all know,” Karl started, his eyes travelling over all of us. “Things have been a little
tense the past few months.” His eyes met mine and I knew he understood that it had been more trying for me than the others. “I know it’s caused problems for all of us but I think we can all agree it was worth it.”

There were murmurs of agreement and I felt myself blush and try to hide my smile at the knowledge that my brothers really would do anything
for me. In times past, that had meant being overly controlling but in this instance it meant giving up social media and being particularly guarded with people. I appreciated it.

“Bu
t things should settle down now.”

“How come?” Jake asked but nobody got a chance to answer because the
door swung open and all eyes moved in that direction.

The large frame of Ian filled the door. Aside from looking a little tired
, he was his normal, happy self. Being closest to the door I squealed and launched myself at him in a way that could be described as anything but graceful.

“Ian!” I squeaked as I squeezed him as tight as I could. “You’re home!”

“Hi, Jellybean,” he returned my hug with an equal amount of pressure until I was forced to release him so that I could take a deep breath.

“You
’re home safe,” I repeated, going in for another hug.

“Was there ever any doubt?” He chuckled, flashing me his cocky smile.

I just beamed back because I was so overwhelmed to see him. My brothers were more demure in their greetings but it was obvious they were all overjoyed. When they were done with their one-armed man hugs and grunted greetings, we sat back around the table, all of us focussed on Ian.

“So…” H
e grinned. “Jason’s still here?” He turned his focus on Jason, whose hand was firmly planted on my knee as he sat beside me.

“I’m not going anywhere, mate,” Jason grinned, squeezing my knee and leaning over to kiss my cheek to prove a point.

Ian just shook his head with a wry smile. “Alright.”

How times have changed.
I didn’t even see a single grimace from my brothers at Jason’s affection. Don’t get me wrong, none of them looked over the moon but, at the very least, they were used to it.

There was a knock at the door and one of the office people came in with a trolley filled with biscuits, coffee, and tea. Wherever we were, the people here obviously knew Ian. Or at the very least, they were familiar with his addictions.

When the door closed behind her, Xander locked it and returned to his seat. We all watched as Ian deliberated over the biscuits with immense concentration. We knew the first one he picked would become his obsession for the next month or so. He settled on a Hobnob and I smiled because I remembered that it was Dad’s favourite.

“Alright,” Ian managed, his mou
th filled with biscuit which he washed away with coffee. “First things first,” he turned to look at Xander. “Jelly cause any problems?”

“Seriously?” I blurted. “That’s the first thing you have to say?” I crossed my arms childishly. I was a little annoyed but I wasn’t sure if he could tell because I was still grinning like an idiot
because he was home.

Ian just chuckled. “I go away for three months and I come back to find you’ve got an attitude.”

“And she stole our food!” Danny announced, nodding in agreement.

“Yeah!”
Rick chimed in.

I just stuck my tongue out at them and Jason chuckled from my side. I grinned to myself because in the past
, this conversation would have terrified me but I felt relatively sure that they weren’t going to lash out at me.

“
Not been a problem at all,” Xander intervened, drawing Ian’s attention back to me. “One of the easiest jobs I’ve ever worked.”

“Good,” Ian nodded, shooting me a wink that let me know he was happy I’d behaved and not too annoyed with my cheeky behaviour.

I beamed happily and contentment consumed me. Ian’s coming home felt like a resolution to the uneasiness that had plagued us since July. Karl had implied as much. The family would be coming together again and hopefully we’d be able to move on from all that had happened.

“Now that that’s cleared up,” he cleared his throat and be
gan speaking with more authority. Captain Carter was taking over the discussion. “I owe you all a few explanations.”

I exchanged a few curious glances with my brothers. Ian rarely divulged information and I think we were all desperate for any scraps of insight we could get into his mysterious life.

“Most of you know very little about my work,” his eyes rested on Karl for a second before he continued. “This has mostly been for your safety. The less you know, the better. But now that my work life has pushed into my private life, it’s best you all know the basics. I’m still active SAS but for the past few years the work I have been doing is not quite what you might expect. I was assigned to a interagency taskforce between the military and intelligence agencies.” He paused and looked around at us, his face a mask without expression. Impossible to read.

“How does that affect us?” Danny asked, studying Ian intensely, trying to read behind the mask.

“MI5 and MI6 provide us with intelligence, we act upon it. Threats inside and outside the borders are often connected and we act quickly, efficiently, and discretely to eliminate them before they’re realised,” he explained, his voice calm and collected. His gaze travelled evenly over each of us as he talked so that none of us felt ignored. “Usually the operations are so swift and precise that there’s no risk of us being exposed. There’s never enough left for anybody to find out who was involved on our side. I never thought there was a risk that I’d put any of you in harm’s way.”

“What changed?” Rick asked.

Ian appeared to be thinking his words over carefully before replying. He glanced at Xander who met his gaze and gave him a subtle nod. “We had an operation in the works when one of the people gathering intelligence went MIA.”

“Like a spy?” Jake interrupted, sounding surprised and slightly awed.

“We didn’t find him for three months,” Ian continued, ignoring Jake’s question. “And when we did it was too late. We have no idea what information was compromised before we got to him,” he said guiltily, his brow heavy with remorse.

“So, you think whoever took Jamie
found out who you are and was trying to get revenge on you?” Jason frowned, his grip on my thigh tightening somewhat.

“That’s what we thought,” Ian nodded, looking guiltily in my direction. “We weren’t able to trace the payment, but one of the hired hands had a brother who was tied to the group we were investigating. That’s too much of a coincidence for my liking.”

We were all silent as we allowed the mega bomb of an explanation that Ian had just landed on us to sink in. My brother was some sort of James Bond style soldier guy. It had been funny to joke about before but now that we had confirmation, it didn’t seem funny at all.

Danny was the first to break the silence. “I called it,” he grinned.

“
We
called it,” Rick corrected him with a matching grin.

Ian just shook his head at them. At this point, none of us expected them to take anything seriously.

“But you’re home now…” Craig pulled the conversation back on track.

“I am,” Ian
nodded. “The operation was a complete success. We had to move it forwards because, if we had been compromised, we needed the element of surprise. The threat was removed.”

“Completely?” Jason prompted.

“Completely,” Ian nodded.

I breathed a sigh of relief.
It’s over?
It felt unreal that one second the threat of death and kidnapping could be looming over me, and the next it was gone. Just like that. I didn’t want to think about what Ian had needed to do to make it so, I was just glad he hadn’t gotten hurt, or injured, or worse.

“S
o,” Ian started, once he’d given us a few seconds to absorb it all. “I got back yesterday. I’ve been stuck in debriefings since then. I haven’t had a fucking beer in three months.”

There was a collective intake of sympathetic breath from
most of the men.

“Alright,” Karl nodded. “Let’s go fix that.”

The sound of chairs across scraping across the cheap carpet filled the room as everyone pushed away from the table. I immediately gravitated to Ian’s side because I hadn’t seen him in so long and I just wanted to be reassured that he was real.

“So what’s with the new attitude?” Ian teased me as I followed him down the many steps.

“I’m sorry,” I apologised with a nervous frown. “I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful.”

“I know, Jelly,” he laughed. “It’s nice to see you joining in. I’m sorry you never felt you could before.”

I shook my head because I didn’t want him feeling guilty so I squeezed his hand to communicate this silently.

“I was worried spending so much time with Xander would turn you into a miserable twat,” he grinned at Xander.

“She was immune from the get-go,” Xander replied gruffly, his eyes twinkling with humour.

“Oh, really?” Ian laughed.

“Called me an ass less than twenty-four hours in,” Xander nodded, his lips quirking up briefly.

“Being a good judge of character runs in the family,” Ian smirked.

Xander laughed, a sound I’d heard rarely over the past few months. It was obvious he considered Ian a close friend and that the trust was mutual between them.

We traipsed closer into the city centre and I hung back
, holding Jason’s hand. I could tell he was happy even though we hadn’t had chance to talk much because my brothers dominated the conversation. I suspected he was happy that the lingering fear that something would happen would be gone now. Xander had been a constant presence in recent months and, though he wasn’t really a bad guy, it would be nice to get our privacy back.

“We’re never gonna get to have our talk at this rate,” I shot Jason an apologetic glance.

“I’m happy putting it off another year,” he grinned back.

“Really?” I frowned.

He shrugged and squeezed my hand tighter in his. He tried to smile, and it might have fooled someone else, but I could see the worry he was hiding.

“
We’re going to have that talk, Jason. Maybe not while we’re with my brothers but soon. We’ll have the talk and the only thing that will change will be that I’ll possibly love you a little more for sharing yourself with me,” I smiled, clinging to his arm so that we were as close as possible.

I meant every word. It killed me that Jason was worrying but I knew, without a doubt, that he was blowing things out of proportion in his mind. There was nothing he could tell me that would change my feelings for him.

Tuesday, 8th October 2013

We were in the pub so long that people began arriving for their evening meals and I started feeling underdressed in my jeans and t-shirt. It really was unfair. My brothers were all dressed in some variation of the same but they all looked dressed up enough to be out for the evening.

I shuffled awkwardly in my chair as I watched a group of women come in, dressed to the nines in chic, slinky dresses and double layers of make-up.

“What’s up, little squirrel?” Jason asked, picking up on my discomfort as usual.

I cocked my head at him and gestured to my clothes, scrunching my face up to say “isn’t it obvious?”

“You look beautiful,” he reassured me with a smile, brushing his lips over my forehead before pressing a kiss to the tip of my nose.

“I didn’t know what we were doing,” I mumbled. “I didn’t really bring anything appropriate for being out.”

“You could do with dressing up a bit, Jelly,” Ian grinned across the table.

He could read lips. We got it, there was no need to demonstrate all the time. I barely resisted rolling my eyes at him and settled for pouting instead. Jason scowled over at Ian and pulled me tighter into his side. I thought I might even
have heard a growl of irritation.

I
smiled to myself at Jason’s reaction before turning back to face my big brother. “And let me guess, you want me to wear a big brother approved outfit?” I smirked bravely, clutching Jason’s thigh to maintain my façade of courage.

Ian’s eyebrow raised in something between shock and amusement. All eyes turned to me, their previous discussions completely forgotten.

“Ooooh!” The twins goaded mockingly.

The others laughed but Ian’s attention was solely on me
and he wasn’t laughing. He reassumed his expressionless mask and stared me down for what felt like eternity but was probably more like a couple of seconds.

“I want you to wear something appropriate,” he replied with a smirk
similar to Karl’s, although his was hard to gage.

Is he mad at me? Is he amused?
I couldn’t tell. I could, however, feel Jason looking at me with a mixture of pride and humour. I wasn’t sure how to reply, unsure if I was about to push him into soldier mode. I’d not seen him in so long, I was unwilling to risk meeting his alter ego.

“I, um,” I backtracked, ready to apologise for being cheeky, but Ian shook his head and chuckled.

“Elise and Matt will be arriving soon, I thought you might want to wear something else so we can go to a proper restaurant together,” he said kindly.

“Oh,” I hedged. I wasn’t expecting him to take my
cheek in stride.

“Here,” he tossed his debit card across at me. “The shops don’t shut for a while. Get whatever you need.”

“Ian,” I frowned. “I don’t want your money. If I need something, I can-”

“Then you can use my card to get it. I sprung this on
you, it’s only fair,” Ian interrupted me firmly.

I opened my mouth to prote
st but he used his best soldier-man stare on me and I clamped up. I took the card and slid it into my pocket before awkwardly mumbling my thanks.

“Jason, I’ll text you the hotel
details. Dinner’s at eight,” Ian nodded to Jason before returning his attention to Karl who was busy showing him pictures of an admittedly beautiful Grace on his phone.

He was giving the address to Jason because he knew I’d get lost trying to find it. Even if he didn’t trust me to find my way, at least he trusted Jason to help me.

When we found our way to the shops, I spotted a Primark and made my way towards it but Jason circled his arm around my waist and pulled me back to him.

“Not Primark, little squirrel,” he murmured against my neck.

“What’s wrong with Primark?” I frowned, turning round in his arms so I could face him.

“Nothing,” he
shook his head. “But everyone shops there because it’s so cheap. You’re beautiful, Jamie. I’m not having you wearing clothes that’ll be exactly the same as ten other people in the room. You deserve something as special as you are.”

I blushed by default and smiled up at him. “You’re very sweet, Jason, but there’s no point spending tonnes of money on clothes. They’re not important.”

“It’s important to me, come on,” he tugged on my hand and led me away from Primark.

I shook my head and smiled. I could see there was no point arguing, I’d just pick something reasonably low priced and be done with it.

As usual,
I revelled in the feel of Jason’s hand holding mine as he steered me. I’d never grow complacent; his skin would always ignite mine and bring me peace, happiness, and security. I knew how lucky I was.

Jason didn’t interrupt as I browsed the rails. He let me pick out a few different things without comment but I could see his eyes light up when I held up something
that he obviously liked the look of.

I don’t know what was going
on in my head but I found myself wanting to try on dresses that I knew my brothers would hate. I’d been pushing my luck all day and nobody had reacted as I thought they would, aside from Karl’s warning about not taking advantage.

Arms
full of different dresses, I led the way to the changing rooms. The skimpy red number was the first thing off the hanger. Without it even being on, I could tell it was short – flash your nether regions short. The neckline was a halter that dipped perilously low and just holding it in my hands made me feel uneasy but I wasn’t sure why.
Is it because I know my brothers won’t like it?
I decided not to think about it too much and quickly stripped off and slid into the tiny garment.

It was extremely soft against my skin, the fabric
was obviously not the usual cheap stuff. I opened my eyes slowly to take in my reflection. My nose wrinkled in an automatic response to the sight that met me. I looked like an eight year old playing dress-up with a slutty aunt’s clothing.

“You gonna show me, baby?” Jason called out from the entrance to the changing rooms where a stern, grey-haired lady was vehemently standing guard.

“Do I have to?” I whined.

Jason’s deep chuckle carried down the short hallway. “Of course.” I could hear him grinning.

I bit my lip nervously and pushed the door open. I gave myself a quick pep talk and stepped through so that he could see me. Tugging on the hemline to make sure my rear end wasn’t on show, I forced my eyes up to meet his. I felt awkward and clumsy as I waited for Jason’s reaction.

“Do you like it?” He asked, ignoring the dressing room
attendant’s protests as he moved forwards to cup my face in his hand. He looked concerned as he tried to gauge my emotions.

“I kind of wish I liked it,” I admitted bashfully.

“You look beautiful, Jamie. You always look beautiful,” he smiled, taking my arm and spinning me round slowly with my hand raised above my head. “But you don’t look comfortable.”

“I’m not really,” I
frowned. “It’s just… the dress, it’s not…”

“It’s not you,” Jason smiled.

I shook my head in agreement. I wanted it to be me. I wanted to be able to wear sexy clothes because I wanted to look good for Jason. My clothes should represent the way Jason made me feel.

“Why this dress?” Jason asked, his hands rubbing
the tops of my arms.

“It’s sexy,” I shrugged, meeting his green-blue gaze, filled with love and concern.

“It is, but mostly because you’re wearing it,” he grinned, pressing a kiss to my nose. “This dress is the kind of sexy that lays it all out there. It puts it all on show for the world to see. The kind of sexy you are is more elegant than this.

Your
sex appeal is more than a summation of how you look. It’s the silent grace you have. The way the air parts for you when you run, the way you blush so delicately, the way you care about those around you. You need a dress that’s as elegant as you are.”

I squeezed my hands tightly around his waist, tears of happiness gathering behind my eyes. J
ason always said the sweetest things. He was right, the dress wasn’t me. Deep down, I knew that I’d picked it simply because my brothers would hate it. Part of me wanted to rebel against their overprotection, to show them that I was my own person. But to do that, I had to be true to myself.

“You say the sweetest things,” I smiled, looking up at him and brushing my fingers over his slight stubble. I loved it when he let it grow just a little bit.

“Don’t tell anyone else that,” he winked.

I laughed and kissed him once more before the old lady finally succeeded in ushering him out.
I didn’t need to try all of the other dresses on after that. There was only one that was truly me, it was one of the ones that I’d caught Jason smiling when I picked up.

It was the very def
inition of understated elegance: a deep green in colour with subtle detailing that really brought the dress to life. It came up to my collarbones with off the cuff shoulders. The skirt was just above my knee and the fabric was a sensuously soft lace with a silk slip underneath. It nipped in at the waist and flowed out delicately around my knees. I loved it.

I didn’t show Jason, instead I took it off and got dressed again, taking it with me and grinning at him as I left the changing room.

“You found one I take it by that little smile you’re wearing?” He smiled, pulling me into his side as he guided me past the dragon lady. He took the dress from me and held it out at arms length. “I can’t wait to see you in it.”

Jason insisted on picking a pair of
high-heeled shoes to go with it, seeing as I hadn’t brought any with me. The shoes the lady in the shop matched to the dress were beige with a lace panel and a small golden buckle. The shoes lead to matching gold earrings with a green stone and a beige coat to keep me warm. Jason was very persistent about this part.

He picked up a few things for himself before we went to pay. There was no way I was using Ian’s card for this so I started digging around in my purse for my card whilst thanking God for overdrafts.

Before I had chance to slip it into the machine, Jason was already entering his pin code.

“Jason!” I protested. “You can’t pay for this!”

“Just did,” he grinned smugly.

“That’s not-”

He cut me off with a delicious interruption-kiss that took my breath away, effectively ensuring I couldn’t carry on arguing for a good few seconds afterwards. “Jamie-Lea, there is no way in hell that your brother is paying for this. There’s even less chance that you are. You’re mine. Mine to love, mine to cherish, and mine to look after. If looking after you means buying you dresses that are guaranteed to blow my mind, then I’m definitely doing it.”

With that, he swept up the thick paper bag
, inside which our purchases had been wrapped in tissue paper, and lead me through the door.

I followed him, slowly thinking out my response
. “Jason,” I said deliberately, drawing his attention to me. I held his hands in mine, revelling in the fact that his attention was solely focused on me. “I love you. With all my heart. I need you, just you. I love that you want to do things like this for me, but I don’t need it. There are better things for you to use your money for.”

“Like what?” He smiled. “Tell me one single thing that could be worth more to me than you are.”

“Your future?” I offered.

“Wrong pronoun,” he smirked.

“What?” I frowned, my brain taking a few seconds to catch up.

“
Our
future is very important to me,” he explained, prompting me to smile broadly and squeeze his hands tighter. “But don’t sweat it, little squirrel. I can afford to buy you nice things every now and then and doing so makes me very happy. You
do
want me to be happy, don’t you?”

Still reeling from the confirmation that Jason thought about us being together as much as I did, I found it hard to come up with a good argument. “You don’t fight fair,” I pouted.

He just laughed. “Come on, let’s go find the hotel.”

Ian had left a message with reception telling us to pick up our room keys and bags from his room. He answered the door almost as soon as we knocked with his mask firmly in place. I studied him warily from the doorway.

“You got clothes then?” He asked tonelessly.

“Yes…” I answered cautiously. “And shoes.”

“Got anything to tell me?”

“Um, no?” I frowned in confusion.

He held out his hand and looked at me pointedly.
What does he want?
I wondered. I couldn’t figure out why he was acting oddly. Clearly, Jason understood better than I did because he slipped his hand into my back pocket and removed Ian’s card before handing it over.

“As I said, anything to tell me?” He prompted.

“I, um…” I hedged.

“How much did it cost?”

“I don’t know,” I frowned. I had no idea, I hadn’t had chance to look before Jason intercepted my payment attempt.