Amelia's Journey (23 page)

Maeleen handed her the cloak, but Ben grasped it and placed across Amelia's shoulders. He leaned close and said, “If you could have seen the look on your face just now; it was wonderful.”

The scent of spice on his skin tickled her to her toes. One more hour with Ben was more than she could have dreamed for today. She kissed her mother's cheek. “Thank you.”

A few minutes later they were seated in the carriage on the way to the train station. Ben grasped Amelia's hand in his. “When Ma sent the request to your mother, we didn't know what to expect as an answer. When I told her about what happened at the hospital and on the ride home, she decided it was worth a try. I'm so glad your father agreed.”

“I haven't been that shocked since my tenth birthday when they gave me a surprise party and I got to ride a pony.”

As much as she wanted to be with Ben and his family today, the revelation her mother had made this morning niggled in the back of her mind. She needed to tell Ben what really happened with Amanda and what it meant for their relationship. Ben deserved to know because he wanted a large family, just as she had before learning about the problem faced by the women of her mother's family. Should she tell him now, or wait and do it in a letter? Either way, the idea of such a conversation sent a shiver of dread up her spine.

Isaac waited as Lenora pulled on her gloves in preparation for their trip to the hospital. If things had gone well today, they would be helping Charles get Amanda home and into bed. Not that Charles needed the help, but Amanda understandably wanted her mother by her side.

Another problem was of more concern to Isaac than Amanda. He couldn't help but see the feelings that flowed between Amelia and Benjamin. If only the young man lived in Boston and not out in the wild lands of Kansas. Of course he'd heard those lands were fairly tame now, but it was still too far away from home.

He assisted Lenora with her coat. “Do you think we may have made a mistake granting Elizabeth's request to let Amelia go to the train station with them today?”

Her sweet smile spoke of her approval of what he'd done. She raised a gloved hand to his cheek. “I think it was the nicest thing you could have done for her today. He obviously cares a great deal about her, as she does him. It will be awhile before they see each other again, so there's no harm in giving them a little time today.”

“I hope you're right. Benjamin's a fine young man, and I've always admired his father, but they don't live here, and they can't give Amelia the life she deserves and would have here in Boston.”

“That's true, but for some reason, this life we want for her has little appeal for our spirited daughter.”

He grasped her arm, and they headed downstairs and outside where Toby waited with the carriage. Lenora's words rang true, but he had hoped the social events of the past months would distract and amuse her. Instead she seemed even more determined to go her own way.

Once they were seated and rolling toward the hospital, Isaac cleared his throat. “I suppose a trip to Kansas will be in order. Perhaps if we visit and Amelia sees the kind of life Elizabeth and Clara have on the ranch, she won't be so hasty in wanting to leave home and live there.”

“Perhaps so, dear, but she also might like it enough to want to marry Ben and move there. Apparently Amelia has no interest in the young men she's met these past months. We really can't force her into marrying someone she doesn't love or want to be with.”

Isaac recognized the truth of her words. He'd never force Amelia into anything like that, but he'd had hopes that Philip Barlow would meet with her approval. After the happiness of his marriage to Lenora, he wouldn't think of asking his daughter to marry without love. However, he'd almost rather she remain single than marry and move out to Kansas.

He grasped Lenora's hand in his. “She deserves to have love like ours, and perhaps she will still find it at home. We'll see if what she feels now can survive the many months of separation between today and April.”

Lenora glanced up at him then lowered her eyes. “I told Amelia about the women in my family and the problems with having children.”

Isaac's eyes opened wide. “How did she react?”

“I am sure she thought of Benjamin and their future. I wish I had told her sooner because she's always talked about having a houseful of children after she married.”

“Yes, I noticed how well she did with Grace Ann and little Billy.” He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close. “All we can do is pray for both her and Amanda. The Lord will take care of how many children they may have.” He'd have to do more praying about both his daughters. One needed solace and peace after the experience she'd just had, and the other needed guidance in finding what the future held in store for her.

The carriage rolled to a stop in front of the hospital, and Toby hopped down to assist Lenora from the carriage. Amanda was one daughter they could help right now. Amelia would come later, and he prayed for God's wisdom in guiding her the next few months.

Chapter 22

W
hen they arrived at the station, Amelia and Ben joined his family in the waiting area. Mrs. Haynes hugged Amelia. “I'm so sorry about Amanda, but I'm happy she's all right and will be going home today.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Haynes. It was quite an ordeal for all of us.”

Ben grasped her hand. “I'm just glad I could be there with you.” He nodded to a bench across the way. “We have half an hour before we have to board; let's sit over there and talk.”

Amelia nodded to his parents and followed Ben to the corner and the bench there. So many things she needed and wanted to say rushed through her thoughts, but where should she begin? They sat facing each other, and love filled every ounce of her being for this wonderfully sensitive, caring, and strong man before her.

He cleared his throat before speaking. “First of all, I'm so very thankful your parents consented for you to come with us today. We took a chance, and it worked.”

“Only this morning I prayed that there was some way we could say good-bye, and now God answered that prayer. I have so much to tell you.” How much she should reveal still wasn't clear, but she must tell him something of what she had learned this morning from her mother.

Before she could speak, he did. “Did you look at the plans I gave you Sunday? What did you think?”

“Oh, yes, I did. I love the house arrangement! I like having a dining area separate from the kitchen as well as a kitchen large enough for a table and chairs.”

“Good. I want to start on the construction right away, so you'll have something to see when you come in April.”

“But that's not certain as yet. Papa hasn't said a word more about it since Sunday night.” She'd wanted to ask him this morning but had decided not to press her luck.

“I think you'll be there. In fact, I'm almost certain of it. I want to take you out there to the land I picked and have at least the framing if not the walls ready for you to inspect. That way you can have a better idea of what you want to put into it.”

“I pray you are right, because it sounds so wonderful. I can't wait to see it.” She bit her lip. Better tell him now before he became too wrapped up in his plans for her and the future. His feelings might change when she told him the truth, but if they did, their love didn't have a chance to begin with.

She glanced up at the big clock. Only twenty minutes left. Time went too fast when she wanted it to slow down and much too slow when she was in a hurry for something to happen. She chewed the corner of her lip, trying to find the words to tell him her plight.

Ben grasped her hands. “What is it? You have a troubled look in your eyes. Are you worried about Amanda?”

“No…not Amanda exactly.” Amelia took a deep breath and blew it out. Might as well plunge ahead. “What happened to Amanda will most likely happen to me when I want to have children.”

Ben's head moved back, and his brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“The women in my mother's family always have problems in childbirth. That's why Mama and Papa have only the two of us. A baby brother died at birth, and Mama had two incidents just like Amanda's.” Heat burned in her cheeks at the mention of such things with a man, but he must know. “That's why Mama didn't have any more babies and why she's an only child.”

His hand reached up to caress her cheek. “That's a terrible thing to bear, but how does it concern you and me?”

“Don't you see? The same could be true with me. I want a houseful of children, but I may not be able to have more than one, if that many. I know how much you want a big family like your own, but that may not be possible with me as your wife.”

“Shh, don't talk like that. Anything is possible with God. If we have ten children or only one or even none, then we will have each other. All I want is you by my side as my wife for the rest of my life.”

He said the words now, but how would he feel five, ten years into the future? As much as she loved him, she couldn't marry him without his knowing the truth and knowing for sure he would be happy with the possibility of no children.

“Ben, don't be hasty. Think about it over the next few months. Really think about it and what our lives would be like without children. If you feel the same when I come to Kansas, we can discuss more of our future then.” Her feelings would never change, but she had to give him the opportunity to change his and find a woman who could give him what she couldn't.

A voice announced the time for St. Louis passengers to start boarding. Their time was over for today, but would it be over for good the next time she saw him?

Ben groaned at the call for boarding the train. How could he ever convince Amelia he loved her no matter what might happen in their future? He wanted to grab her and kiss her with all the emotions sweeping over him, but he refrained. It would show his love, but it would also be an embarrassment if someone else should happen to see and have the wrong impression. Amelia's reputation came first.

“I think that means we have to go now. Mama and the others are waiting.” He held her hand, and they walked back toward the gate leading to the trains. When they met the tracks, Ben stopped and gazed down at Amelia.

“I'll remember this week and all that has happened for the next few months until we meet again.” He placed his hands on her cheeks. “I want you to remember this. I love you very much, and nothing will change that. You'll see when you come to Sweetwater Springs in the spring.” He bent and kissed her forehead then dropped his hands, picked up his satchel, and stepped up onto the train platform.

A whistle blew and smoke gushed into the air. The wheels turned, and Ben jerked at the movement. He waved at Amelia, who waved back with one hand covering her mouth. Mary Beth stood beside her, waving her good-byes as well. The two women he cared about very much grew smaller as the train picked up speed and increased the distance between them. Then the train curved and they were gone.

He dropped his hand to his side and entered the Pullman car where they would reside until they reached St. Louis. Even though the train had a dining car, Ma and Clara had packed a basket of snacks to while away the time and fill the hungry stomachs of Gideon and Billy.

Billy now snuck a peek under the checkered cloth, only to be scolded by Ma. He sat back on his seat with his bottom lip stuck out so far he'd trip over it if he stood up. Ben snickered, and that brought a glare from his little brother. What a little pest he could be, but Ben wouldn't trade him for anything else

That led his mind to Amelia and her revelation. Not having children would be difficult and a little less fulfilling than having a large family, but Amelia was what was important—not how many children she could have. Orphan trains came regularly, and if he and Amelia couldn't have their own, many children needed parents, so they could adopt. Then again, maybe Amelia wouldn't want to have children who didn't belong to her. He sobered at that idea.