Amish Circle Letters II: The Second Circle of Letters (4 page)

When had things become so complicated
, he pondered.

Chapter 2:
Rachel’s Letter

Dear Family,

I awoke early this morning and am sitting in the darkness of my kitchen. My heart swells with joy for the happiness of our dear bruder, Steve. Yesterday’s celebration was very special for me. It was so wonderful to see such joy on all the faces. But it was also a celebration of life, one that I found especially meaningful now that my own husband has gone through his first treatment for the cancer.

I know that by the time Mamm reads my letter, this mailing will have come to a full circle and we will see whether or not the treatment will help. But regardless, I know that it is God’s will, in His infinite wisdom to make that ultimate decision.

When I returned from the wedding last evening, he was sleeping. I fear that he does not feel too well and is hiding his discomfort from me. Please keep us in your prayers.

So much seems to have happened since Mamm began the circle letter six months ago. With the kinner in school, I have freedom during the days to tend to Elijah. In truth, that is where our focus is right now…on his healing. We spend a lot of time reading the Bible and praying to God that this treatment will cure Elijah
’s illness. I certainly hate to see him in so much discomfort.

The kinner have been quite helpful and I do so appreciate their acts of kindness, helping with the animals before school and before supper. The boys have turned into men, it seems. True men of God who understand the need to step in when help is needed with nary a complaint. I could not be more proud of them.

I leave you in closing with this verse to hold close to your hearts:

He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
[3]

Take comfort in the knowledge that our Lord heals us when our hearts ache because of illness, sorrow, or disappointment. He will answer all of our prayers in due time.

By the time that this package of letters reaches you, I pray that we have better news to report to the family and I also pray that all is well with you and yours.

Blessings,

Rachel

On the morning after Steve and Mimi
’s wedding, the sun rose over the horizon behind the barn on the Yoder farm. Mary Ruth had waited until she heard Menno arise for the morning milking. She listened as he shuffled around the bedroom, changing out of his nightclothes and into his work shirt and pants. The mattress sagged under his weight as he sat back down to put on his socks.

She wanted to roll over, to reach out and touch his back. But, as always, the fear of rejection was too great. She needed to know for certain that such an effort on her part would be accepted, if not returned, by the brooding man she had married. If only, she thought, he would reach out to touch her shoulder or to wish her a good morning. If only, she thought, he would give her a sign showing that he cared.

Had it really only been eleven days since they had married? She shut her eyes and remembered that first kiss. It had been after their wedding as they were returning home. She had asked him to kiss her and he had obliged. The touch of his lips, so soft and gentle, on her own mouth had sent shock waves throughout her body. She had wanted to know what it was like to kiss her husband, this Menno Yoder, the man she had started to fall in love with. And when she told him that she loved him, he had told her that she didn’t yet, but she would.

And then what?
she thought.

She tried to remember what had happened. How had their wedding night gone so horribly wrong? She had been nervous, anticipating that first night. After getting the
kinner
to bed, she had returned to the kitchen only to discover that Menno wasn’t there. She had puttered around the kitchen, waiting for him to return from the barn. Surely that was where he had gone. Almost an hour passed and there had been no sign of Menno. Disheartened, Mary Ruth had extinguished the light before heading toward the large downstairs bedroom, the one off of the kitchen. To her shock, she found Menno sleeping in the bed. He hadn’t gone to the barn at all but had retired for the night without even telling her.

That was when she knew that something was terribly wrong.

On that first morning, Menno was already gone when she had finally awoken. She had quickly dressed and hurried outside, her black shawl hanging from her shoulders as she walked toward the barn. He had been milking the cows and she went to him, asking if he needed help. He had merely glanced at her then looked away. And so the silence had begun.

After the morning milking, Mary Ruth had hurried back to the house in order to get the
kinner
ready for school. There was breakfast to be made, lunches to be packed, and hair to be pinned back beneath small white prayer
kapps
. By the time the
kinner
left the house to walk down the lane toward the school, Mary Ruth had already put in a full three hours of work. In the quiet of the house, she watched the
kinner
as they disappeared down the driveway. They wouldn’t return until the afternoon. Perhaps, Mary Ruth thought, she could find time to spend alone with Menno then…to find out why he had seemed so angry with her.

But it was not to be. Mimi had arrived to help Mary Ruth clean up from the previous day
’s festivities. Typically, the weddings were held at the bride’s house and that was where the newlyweds would spend their first night together so that they could help the parents clean up the house in the morning. But Menno had insisted that their wedding be held at his house in order to create new, fresh memories. Mimi had been gracious enough to offer to help clean in the morning.

Unfortunately, by the time that they had finished putting the downstairs back in order, the
kinner
were stomping into the washroom and Mimi was saying her goodbyes. At no time during the rest of the day had Mary Ruth been able to see her husband.

It hadn
’t gotten any easer in the days since then.

Now, as she listened to Menno stand up from the bed, the floorboard creaking ever so slightly, and then move toward the door, she prayed that he would pause to look at her.
Please,
she begged him silently.
Say something to me. Anything
. Instead, he walked out of the bedroom, quietly shutting the door behind him as he left.

When she heard the house door shut, she tossed the blankets back from the bed and sat up, angry and frustrated. What was wrong with her husband? What had created this rift between them? What had happened to the man who had courted her by leaving Bible verses and flowers for her? Had he changed his mind? Did he only marry her for the
kinner’s
sake?

And then, Mary Ruth remembered the Bible quote from the previous evening. The Bible quote that God had placed in her mind when she had prayed for His help. Mary Ruth smiled. She also remembered her promise to do everything she could to please her husband. That was, after all, following God
’s instruction.

“Today,” she said to herself, trying to sound confident and convince herself as she spoke, “Everything will change!”

In the cold of the bedroom, Mary Ruth quickly dressed and straightened up the room. She started to make the bed and hung up Menno’s clothing from the previous evening. She noticed that he hadn’t changed from his good clothes when he had returned from the wedding and gone to the barn. The bottoms of his pants were dirty and needed a good washing. She set them aside in order to clean them later and finished making the bed.

Once she returned to the kitchen, she hurried to the stove to make a pot of coffee. While it was brewing, she sat down at the table with a small pad of yellow lined paper. She remembered when Menno had courted her, when she had begun to fall in love with him. He had left her flowers and little pieces of folded paper that contained Bible verses.
Well,
she thought,
two can play at that game!
She leafed through her Bible, her eyes scanning some of her favorite quotes. She flipped through the books of the Bible until she found 1 Corinthians 16:14:
Do everything in love.
Yes, she thought with a smile.
That will do, to start.

In her best handwriting, she carefully wrote those four words on the piece of paper. She took her time, not wanting the quote to look rushed or written in a hurry. When she was finished, she sat back and looked at the quote she had written. Would four simple words break the ice? Could these words from the Bible hold so much power? She prayed that they would, for she simply could not keep living in a house heavy with the silence emanating from her husband.

Folding the note in half, she tucked it into her apron pocket before she took a quick glance at the clock. It was almost six. Melvin would be getting up soon to help his father with the morning chores. Hurrying, Mary Ruth picked up the pot of coffee and grabbed a plain white ceramic mug from the cabinet.

It was cold outside and she immediately regretted not grabbing her black shawl. But there was no time to waste. Hurrying across the driveway toward the barn, she watched as her breath formed a small cloud of frosty air as she exhaled. The sun was just over the roofline of the barn. The rays of light were casting shadows on the driveway. It was going to be a beautiful day. Mary Ruth smiled as she walked into the barn, her heart pounding as she anticipated her husband
’s reaction to her small note.

The barn was quiet when she entered it. Mary Ruth didn
’t want to startle Menno so she set the pot of coffee and the mug on a hay bale near the door. For a moment, she hesitated; but then, with another smile at her own cleverness, she reached into her pocket for the piece of folded yellow paper. She slipped it into the mug. He’d find it there and know what she was thinking. He’d read those four words and see that she was trying. Perhaps, she hoped, he would come seek her and take her in his arms for a kiss, the second kiss of their married lives.

Rubbing her arms to keep the cold at bay, she hurried back into the house. Her heart leapt with joy, imagining Menno
’s reaction to the Bible quote. Would he smile? Would his eyes sparkle? Would he realize that she was trying to please him as a good wife should?

In her mind, she imagined all of this happening. She saw him standing in the kitchen doorway, watching her with a look in his eyes that said that he loved her, that he was sorry for whatever was troubling him. He would wait until the children weren
’t looking before he would approach her and place his hands on her waist, pulling her into his arms. He would lower his head and gently, oh ever so gently, press his lips against hers for the softest and most tender of kisses. Then he would whisper “I’m sorry” in her ear and she would fight tears of joy at Menno’s change.

Yes,
she thought.
That’s exactly what will happen.

Once inside the kitchen, Mary Ruth tried to forget about her anxiety over the note. She didn
’t want to be distracted as she hurried to set the table and began to prepare breakfast. With the chill in the air, she decided to make some warm oatmeal for the
kinner
and Menno. He’d be all warmed up from the coffee and hopefully even more from her love note to him. But nice, hot oatmeal would keep him warm throughout the cold morning.

Melvin stumbled down the stairs, wiping the sleep off his eyes. His hair was tousled and his shirt untucked. He gave her a quick greeting, a toss of the hand and a grumble, as he headed toward the washroom to get his coat and join his
daed
in the barn. He usually spent an hour helping feed the animals and muck the stalls. By seven-fifteen, Melvin would return to the house to get cleaned up for school and breakfast. It was a long morning for such a young man but Mary Ruth knew that it would build character and work ethic in her stepson to help his father each day.

When Suzanna came down the stairs, she was already dressed with her hair neatly brushed and pulled back into a bun at the nape of her neck. She carried the laundry basket with her. Mary Ruth smiled as Suzanna left it in the washroom.

“That was right gut of you, Suzanna!”

The young girl smiled. “Knew you
’d be doing the laundry today,” she said. “Didn’t hurt me none to bring it down for you.”

She was such a sweet girl. Mary Ruth felt her heart swell with love for her stepdaughter. How blessed, she thought, am I to have such thoughtful children. “Why don
’t you sit for a spell and I’ll make you some hot cocoa? It’s cold outside today.” She didn’t wait for an answer as she hurried to take some milk from the propane operated refrigerator and poured some into a waiting pan to heat up on the stove.

It was over an hour later before Menno and Melvin returned from their barn chores. The younger girls were already seated at the table and Suzanna was helping Mary Ruth with the food. Bread was toasted. Oatmeal was ready. Juice was poured. All that was needed was the blessing over the meal from Menno.

Mary Ruth glanced up when she heard the men return from the chores and enter the washroom. Her heart pounded, a swelling anticipation for a reaction from her husband. She placed one hand on the counter, steadying herself as she waited for him to fulfill her dream. She reached up with her other hand, making certain that her hair was smoothed back and no stray hairs had fallen from beneath her prayer
kapp
. She pinched her cheeks, just a little, hoping that they looked rosy and fresh.

And then he walked into the kitchen. He didn
’t stop in the doorway. He didn’t seek her out. There wasn’t a sparkle in his eye. Instead, he merely carried the coffee pot and ceramic mug toward the counter, avoiding her eyes. “
Danke
for the coffee, Mary Ruth,” he mumbled before taking his place at the head of the table.

She stared at him, her mouth gaping open in surprise. Surely he had seen the note? How could he have missed it? She was stunned. He had read the note and still wouldn
’t look at her? He loathed her so much that he couldn’t even meet her eyes?

Somehow, she managed to walk toward the table to take her own seat. Her heart pounded inside of her chest and her hands were shaking. She couldn
’t tear her eyes away from Menno. She hoped he would look up, smile or even wink at her. Nothing.

Oh, she had expected many things from Menno, but a continuation of the silent treatment was not one of them. With a heavy heart, Mary Ruth bowed her head to pray when Menno lowered his own. Keeping to God
’s instruction was going to be more difficult than she imagined.

Mimi woke up in her bed, alone and, for the briefest of moments, confused. She glanced over to where she had imagined Steve would be lying but he wasn
’t there. Had she dreamt the wedding? Had she made up the memory of their first night together? She sat up and looked around the room. Everything looked so familiar: her dress hanging on the wall, her prayer
kapp
on top of her dresser. But then she saw it: man’s clothing that was folded neatly on the chair by the window.

And she smiled, sinking back into the pillows.

There were footsteps outside of the door and the doorknob turned. In the dim light of dawn, Mimi saw the door open and Steve poked his head into the room. His eyes were bright and his hair messy from having already been working outside with his hat on, creating a soft ring around his head.