Amish Regrets (Amish Secret Widows' Society #4) (7 page)

Maureen did the best she could to stifle her amusement. “No, I didn’t see that they did, but it was possible I suppose. There were a lot of bedrooms and I didn’t look in closets or bathroom cabinets.”

Silvie added, “According to the lawyer they were separated. Well, living separately, not living as man and wife.”

“That’s interesting,” Detective Crowley said.

Silvie fiddled with the long strings of her prayer
kapp
. “Yes, and even more interesting that the two years were nearly up. Their divorce would have been a formality and it would have made it a lot harder for Mrs. Liante to formally object to it.”

“It’s a little odd that he changed lawyers quickly at the end like that. I’ll talk to his old one again tomorrow and also Mr. Winters,” Detective Crowley said.

Chapter 10.

For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ;

that every one may receive the things done in his body,

according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.

2 Corinthians 5:10

The last thing that Sabrina ever thought she would be doing was going to the bishop’s house to confess her sin. She regretted what she had done, which was to have an affair with a married man, even if he was officially separated. Sabrina would have preferred if Carmello had moved out of the house all together, but he felt he was entitled to stay because he had owned the house before he married Stephanie.

Sabrina shrugged all thoughts of Carmello off and tried to concentrate on
Gott
and the bishop. She knew she needed to get right with
Gott.
The fact that Carmello was separated and the fact that she was in love with him would make no difference to the bishop. Sabrina considered that she had no choice but to go through with the shame and the humiliation of speaking to the bishop.

If Carmello had not died, Sabrina would have most likely left the Amish to be with him. Now, Sabrina had no good reason to leave the Amish. Now that she stood in front of the bishop’s front door about to knock on it, the impact of what she’d done hit her in the stomach. She pressed both hands to her tummy.
Don’t be sick, don’t be sick,
she told herself.

When Sabrina was with Carmello everything seemed good and right. Now that he was gone and she had to tell someone about him and their relationship, it all seemed dirty and sordid. Tears filled Sabrina’s eyes as she lifted her hand and knocked on the door. No one would ever know what they had truly had.

The bishop was expecting her. “Come in, Sabrina.”

Once they sat down the bishop said, “Would you feel more comfortable speaking to your own bishop back in Ohio?”

“
Nee
, I’m thinking of staying on here, with Silvie.”

The bishop nodded. “What have you come to see me about?”

Sabrina liked the bishop from the time of her first gathering that she went to with Silvie. He was an elderly man, but he still had dark hair and a dark
baard.
His eyes were dark brown and filled with kindness and gentleness. Sabrina was comfortable speaking with him. While Sabrina spoke of her ordeal the bishop nodded and seemed sympathetic.

After the bishop heard the whole story, he asked, “Are you truly sorry?”

“
Jah
, I am. I’m truly sorry. I was blinded by love and
Gott
punished me by taking him away.”

“I can’t tell you whether what you say is right or wrong. Sometimes I don’t know how the mind of our
Gott
works. Maybe He did take Carmello away from you and maybe He didn’t. The important thing is that you know what you’ve done wrong and you confess it to Him. Shore up your weaknesses.”

“I will. What punishment will I have?” Sabrina was sure that the kindly and sympathetic bishop would give her no punishment. Maybe he would say that she’d already been through enough hurt and pain.

“You will have to confess to the community what you’ve done.”

Sabrina drew in a sharp breath. She would rather be shunned than speak about what she’d done. “I have to do that? I would be embarrassed.”

“Everything that is done in secret shall be made known, the Scripture says. There is nothing secret with
Gott
.”

Sabrina pulled a face. The bishop was speaking from Scripture, a Scripture that Sabrina had not heard of. “Do I have to do it?”

“If you want to stay in the community you must do it. The community is all one. When one suffers we all suffer.”

Sabrina nodded. “I will then and then I’d like to be baptized.” Sabrina wondered if she should go back to Ohio to be baptized. Maybe if she went back there no one would ever find out what she’d done, but then she figured the bishop would most likely write a letter to the bishop in Ohio if she suddenly disappeared. No, she should be baptized and live life as she was supposed to live.

“This Sunday you’ll stand before the gathering and speak to the congregation,” the bishop said as he scratched his dark
baard.

Sabrina nodded once more. Her good name would be ruined, but she would have to stop being bothered at what people thought of her and start thinking about her relationship with
Gott.
She didn’t much care about being able to find a husband because Carmello was the only man she could ever see herself with. The widows didn’t miss having husbands; they had good lives; she could be like one of them.

The next Sunday came all too quickly for Sabrina. She stood before the community and confessed what she had done. That same afternoon they all gathered at the river to watch Sabrina be baptized clothed in a white over-robe, which all the women wore when they were baptized.

As Sabrina came up from the water to the sound of everyone singing a hymn, she felt as though she had been washed clean. Silvie met her at the river’s edge with a towel. “
Ach,
Silvie. I feel different. I feel clean.”

Silvie smiled. “You’ve been born anew.”

Sabrina rubbed her face in the fluffy towel. “Let’s go home.”

“Sabrina.” The bishop approached Sabrina and took her aside to have a few words. Then she came back to Silvie.

“Can we go now?” Sabrina asked.

On the way home, Sabrina said, “I’m sorry for being so horrible. It’s just that everything seems so hard for me. Everything goes your way all the time. I wish I could be more like you.”

Silvie’s mouth fell open. “I don’t see that things go right for me any more than they do for you. It’s just the way you look at things. If you look for good things then that’s what you’ll see; if you look for bad things then you’ll only see the bad.”

Sabrina pulled the towel tighter around her. “I suppose so. I can’t wait to get into a hot bath.”

It was around the middle of the day that Sabrina and Silvie arrived home. Sabrina had finished her bath and Silvie had tended to the horse and made the midday meal. They were just about to sit down to eat when there was a loud banging on their door.

On her way to the front door, Silvie noticed through the window that a taxi was driving away. She opened her front door to see her mother standing on the doorstep with suitcase in hand. “
Mamm
, what are you doing here?”

“What would you think I’m doing here?” She pushed her way passed Silvie and into the house.

Sabrina came out of the kitchen. “
Mamm
!”

Their mother dumped her small suitcase on the ground. “Well, I’ve heard what you’ve been up to, Sabrina, and I’m absolutely ashamed of you.” Her eyes glistened as they fixed upon Sabrina. “Deeply ashamed. You’ve ruined our
familye’s gut
name. No one in our
familye
has ever done anything like this and now we’re going to be talked about because of you.” She turned to Silvie. “I would’ve expected something like this of you.” She looked back to Sabrina, “But not you, Sabrina.”

“
Mamm
, I’ve just been baptized,” Sabrina said.

Their mother collapsed into the couch. “What does that matter now? Our name is ruined. How could you?”

Silvie sat next to her mother. “
Mamm
, don’t you think it’s a
gut
thing that Sabrina has been baptized? She’s confessed to the gathering and everything.”

Their mother opened her mouth and her bottom lip quivered. “She’s what? That means that everyone knows. My life will never be the same.” She sobbed into her apron.

Silvie and Sabrina looked at each other, helpless to know what to do.

Silvie said, “Does it really matter what other people think?”

“Of course it matters; a
gut
name is everything. People will think that
dat
and I have been bad parents and have set a bad example. The Scripture says that a good name is more prized than great riches.”

“How did you find about it so quickly?” Silvie asked.

“I heard from someone what Sabrina had done, but I didn’t know she had confessed it to the congregation.”

“That’s
gut
though, isn’t it? That’s what the bishop asked her to do,” Silvie said.

Through sobs she said, “Wait ‘til I tell your
dat
. It would be better if she hadn’t done that terrible thing to begin with, then she wouldn’t have brought shame and disgrace on the
familye
.
Dat
and I have done all we can to bring you
kinner
up proper.” Her mother cried bitterly into her apron then brought her head up again. “And then this happens.”

Sabrina crouched down beside her. “Sorry,
mamm
.”

“Too late for sorries.”

“How long are you staying,
mamm
?” Sabrina asked.

“I’m taking you back with me, Sabrina. We leave the day after tomorrow.”

“
Nee
, I’m not going. I’m staying here with Silvie. I’ve got it all worked out. I’m going to get a job here and live with Silvie.”

Their mother glared at Silvie. “How could you have let this happen?”

“How could I stop it? I knew nothing of it.” Silvie wrung her hands.

“You should have kept a better watch on your
schweschder
. I thought I didn’t have to worry about her being away from home because she was with you. Now I know that it was the worst thing ever.”

“I’ll go and make up the bed for you.” Silvie left her
mudder
downstairs while she tended to the spare bedroom upstairs.

After a few moments, Sabrina burst into the spare bedroom. “I fixed
mamm
a cup of tea; that should keep her quiet for a while. Silvie, how did
mamm
find out so soon? I thought it would’ve taken at least a week for word to get to her.”

“They’ve got a phone now, haven’t they?” Silvie asked.

“Yeah,
mamm
and
dat
got a phone installed in the barn before I left.”

“Someone’s called them I’d say. I have no idea who. Maybe the bishop’s
fraa.
She’s a bit of a gossip and a meddler.” Silvie looked up from making the bed. “Don’t worry about it. We’ll most likely never find out who told her. At least now you can get her scolding out of the way. You’d have to face it sooner or later.”

“I guess so,” Sabrina said.

“You’d better go back down and speak to her or she’ll think we’re up here talking about her.”

Sabrina giggled. “We are. Okay, I’ll go down and talk to her we don’t want to upset her anymore than we have to.”

“
Gut.
How long do you think she’ll stay?” Silvie asked.

“I think she’ll try and make me go back with her. She’ll stay until she sees it’s useless.”

Silvie’s shoulders drooped downward. “That might be a while then.”

Sabrina slowly walked the stairs back down to her unhappy
mudder.

Silvie unfolded the spare quilt that she used in the guest room, shook it out and let it fall softly over the bed. Once she was satisfied that her
mudder
would be happy with the room, she sat on the bed wishing she did not have to go downstairs. It was bad enough her
schweschder
staying with her, but it was her worst nightmare that her
mudder
had come to stay.

She had never been close with her mother as her friends were close to theirs. Silvie’s mother
always found things wrong with her; nothing Silvie did was ever right. In her eyes, the single thing that Silvie ever did correctly was to marry John. John had been her choice and Silvie had gone along with her mother’s wishes. Silvie was happy enough to marry John; she had never found another man that she had liked more and she was getting older. She knew that the older she got, the less choice she would have, in regard to choosing a husband. Her mother urged her to accept John’s offer to marry rather than be left ‘on the shelf.’

A storm of angry words coming from her
mudder
and her
schweschder
forced Silvie off the bed. She took a long, slow, deep breath and then made her way downstairs.

When she reached the two of them, she saw that her
mudder
had a bunch of Bailey’s letters in her hand. Silvie froze in horror.

Sabrina looked over to Silvie. “I tried to stop her. I came down here and she was reading your letters.”

Silvie put her hand to her throat and raced toward her
mudder
. “
Mamm,
those letters are mine and they’re private.”