Amish Sweethearts (39 page)

Three hours later, after returning from delivering Trudy to school, Lila headed down to the basement to check on Rose.

She was pulling a towel through the wringer. “You can pin the first load on the line.”

Lila almost answered that Rose would need to do it, but if her sister dawdled she’d be outside when Zane came by. Lila had told Rose she had a driver coming to run some errands, and she needed to buy some time. At least Dat had gone to the lumberyard to work so she didn’t need to worry about him, but she didn’t want Rose to see her leave with Zane and call Dat. Lila grabbed the basket and headed up the stairs. She’d packed a small bag last night after Rose and Trudy were asleep and slipped it under her bed. She’d stuffed her nearly finished crazy quilt topper in too—she still had some stitching left to do, and then she’d need to quilt it.

Tears stung her eyes as she pulled her heavy coat from the hook and headed out the back door. Jah, the day was cold, but that wasn’t what was making her cry. She’d walked Trudy to the door of the school and gave her an extra hug, but she’d avoided seeing Beth, afraid of her sensing something was wrong.

She quickly pinned the towels on the line and then hurried back into the house. She only had a few minutes until Zane arrived. She returned the basket to the basement, where Rose was wringing the next load. Guilt and sadness swept over Lila. “You’re doing a good job,” she said to her sister.

Rose didn’t seem surprised by the compliment but simply nodded in agreement.

Lila hurried upstairs, afraid she might cry again, and grabbed her bag. Although her sister annoyed her, she would still miss her.

By the time she made it to the end of the driveway, Zane was waiting. She climbed into his truck and buckled her seat belt.

“Are you okay?” he asked as he accelerated.

She nodded, but she wasn’t. “How about you?”

He glanced at her. “I guess as well as can be expected.”

“Jah,” she said.

Zane turned right onto the highway. “This is harder than I thought it would be.”

“Does your mom work today?”

Zane shook his head.

“Was she home when you left?”

“No. She’s running errands.”

“Won’t she wonder where you are when she gets home?”

“I told her I was hanging out with a friend today.”

They rode along in silence. She suspected they were both troubled. She knew she was. None of this felt right. Staying wouldn’t have. Leaving didn’t. But Zane going back to Afghanistan or prison certainly didn’t either.

Yet she couldn’t help but wonder what he might regret later. And what she might regret too.

Zane turned left on Highway 30 toward Lancaster. As the sunlight grew stronger, the red and orange leaves on the trees glowed against the blue sky. Lila settled back against the seat. The warm air from the heater swirled around her legs. He’d have to sell his truck once they were in Canada. She didn’t know much about the settlements in Ontario except that they drove buggies without tops, which probably meant they were more conservative in other ways too. She might be seen as a spoiled
Pennsylvania Amish girl, and Zane might be considered suspicious. Might? Of course he would. He’d be seen as suspicious in any Amish community, except her own, and that was because Gideon had known Zane since he was a boy.

They chatted some about what they saw along the way. Zane detoured through Harrisburg so she could see the Capitol building, along the Susquehanna River. On any other day, she would have been taken by the architecture and full of questions about when it was built and the history of the building. But today she couldn’t concentrate on anything but the journey ahead of them.

When would Rose and then Dat realize she wasn’t coming home? What would they say to Trudy? She’d leave a message on the machine in the barn once she and Zane were in Canada, but she hated to think of them worrying before then.

They stopped for lunch in Williamsport and then continued on, crossing into New York.

“What’s it like for deserters in Canada?” Lila asked.

“Most are caught in an appeal process to return them to the States,” Zane said. “I’m hoping as part of an Amish community, I’ll fly under the radar. We won’t have to sign up for national health care or any of that, so maybe it won’t be that big of a deal.”

“You’ll have to take classes before you can join the church,” Lila said. “It could take a while.”

He nodded. “Hopefully they’ll accept us though, help us find individual places to live and jobs until we can marry.”

She hadn’t had time to think this through like she should have. They would arrive as an unmarried Amish woman and an Englisch man. A deserter from the U.S. Army. She couldn’t see any way they could marry before Zane joined the church. And after, they might never be in good standing with an Amish community unfamiliar with them, one in which they were strangers.

“As far as the government of Canada, if they go after me, it could be a problem,” Zane said. “I came across an article last night about a Marine who fled to Canada a couple of years ago who is now at risk of being deported. I’ve read before that the prime minister isn’t sympathetic to U.S. soldiers who go AWOL.”

“Does that worry you?” she asked.

“Some. But if I got deported, it’s not like I’d be shot. They haven’t done that since World War II.”

“But you would still go to prison.”

“It’s worth the risk,” Zane said. He glanced toward her, his eyes heavy. “Going back to Afghanistan would be easier than leaving our families—if I knew I wouldn’t have to shoot someone again.”

She nodded. “But there’s no guarantee.”

“I think this is the moral thing to do. But so would be keeping my commitment to the Army.” He sighed.

She could see he was conflicted. He’d slowed down. She glanced at the speedometer. He was going fifty. A semi behind them honked and then passed. Zane slowed even more as they drove past a sign with information about the border crossing—even though they were still a couple hours away.

After a long pause, he asked, “How do we know the right thing to do?”

“I’m not sure,” she answered. Breaking up with Reuben certainly had been full of conflicting feelings, but in the end she’d known it was right.

Zane shook his head. “I feel paralyzed,” he said.

She understood. She felt the same way. The comfort of “Be still, and know that I am God”
running through her head seemed so long ago. Her heart didn’t feel still. And she was certain Zane’s didn’t either.

As he kept driving, she started praying, silently. She had just over two hours to figure out what God would have her do.

When they neared Niagara Falls, Zane pulled into the Visitor Center parking lot and they climbed out. The view was as magnificent as the photos Lila had seen. The cold mist from the spray blew up into her face. Zane stood behind her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close, tucking her head against his chest and under his chin. It felt so right to be with him—but she still felt unsettled. They belonged on Juneberry Lane.

Three years ago, she had convinced him to leave her. Maybe this time she could convince him to go back.

“I’m sorry for getting you into this,” he said, competing with the roar of the falls. It sounded like a whisper, but she knew it wasn’t.

“It’s not your fault,” she said.

“I never should have joined the Army.”

“I never should have told you to leave.” There was no undoing what they’d both done. “It won’t do any good for us to be sorry now.”

She’d been too young then to think about allowing herself to love someone who wasn’t Amish, and he’d been too rash. They’d both learned a lot—and she guessed the learning wasn’t done yet. “I believe it will all work out,” she said. “But I don’t know that going to Canada is what we should do.”

“I was afraid you’d change your mind.” He let go of her, and she turned toward him.

“I haven’t changed my mind about loving you or wanting to be your wife. I just don’t think running away is the right thing to do.” She touched his face. “I think there are things you need to deal with. Like your commitment to the Army. And your relationship with your dad.”

He swallowed hard but didn’t respond.

“And I think there are things I need to take care of too. Like
my issues with my own father. And why I was so eager to come with you, to help you, without thinking it all through.”

“Lila, don’t.”

“No. Whether we marry or not, I need to stand up for what I believe in. I want to be with you, but I don’t want you to get deported from Canada to a military prison. You could lose years of your life when you only have eight months until you’re done with your duty.”

“Three of them in Afghanistan.”

“We should trust God with this. We both have to find our own peace.”

“The Amish girl is telling me to go back to war to find my peace?”

“I’m not going to tell you what to do, Zane. You get to decide. I’ll support you either way.”

He took a step away from her. “I can’t go back to Afghanistan. I’m going to Ontario.”

“All right,” she said.

“What are you going to do?”

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’ll go with you.” She couldn’t bear the thought of him going alone, despite her angst. As they turned back toward the parking lot she said, “You might as well call your parents from here.”

He dug his phone from his pocket, and once they reached the pickup, he placed the call.

Zane said hello and then, “I’m with Lila. We’re at Niagara Falls, headed to Ontario.”

There was a long pause. Then Zane shook his head and said to Lila, “Mom went to get Dad.”

When his dad came on the phone, Zane said hello but that was all. Finally Zane put his phone on speaker.

Joel’s voice was calm, but he was talking a mile a minute. “. . . think all war is wrong? World War II?”

“No,” Zane answered.

“You’re not a pacifist, then. Or a conscientious objector. Soldiers don’t have the luxury of choosing which wars they fight in. You signed up for this on your own. No one forced you.”

“I know, but I can’t go back.”

“Did you talk to your sergeant about a desk job in Afghanistan? About not going into the field.”

“I don’t have a choice. The translator is being sent home, and they need me.”

“Chances are you won’t have to shoot someone again.”

“But there’s the possibility—and there’s more fighting going on even than when I left. I’d be a danger to my team.” And to himself.

Lila put her face in her hands.

Joel kept talking. “I don’t think you could ever be nonresistant. Not really.”

“I could try.”

“What if Lila was attacked? Wouldn’t you defend her? What about a child someday? How could you not defend them?” Joel asked. “That’s what a husband and father does.”

Zane didn’t respond. Of course he’d defend his family.

Shani came back on. “Are you sure this is what you want to do?”

“Yes,” Zane said.

Shani was silent for a long moment and then said, “Lila, do you want me to call your Dat?”

“No,” she answered. “I’ll leave him a message.” The thought of it made her ill. She was going to disappoint him horribly.

“Zane?” Joel had come back on the line. “I’m hoping you’ll change your mind.”

“I won’t,” Zane said. After he said good-bye, he hit End.

He handed the phone to Lila and she called the phone in the
barn, leaving a quick message that she was with Zane, headed to Canada, and she would call soon.

When she hung up, Zane gave her a sly look and said, “Chicken.”

“I know,” she answered. “I just couldn’t spell it all out yet.”

Lila scooted across the bench seat, close to Zane. He put his arm around her, and they sat and watched the water crash down the cliff. “I don’t blame you,” he said. “I know what it’s like to be afraid.”

She rested her head on his shoulder.

“Jaalal told me not to go back to Afghanistan.”

“That was a strange thing for him to say,” Lila said.

Zane shook his head. “He knows it’s a dangerous place to be.”

She leaned her head against his chest and wished she could hear his heartbeat, but all she could hear was the roar of the water and her own blood racing in her ears.

“We should get going,” Zane said. “And get across the border.” He started up the engine and made his way through the parking lot. Once they reached the road, Lila pulled out her crazy quilt, hoping to distract herself. She had enough daylight to work on it as he drove. She began stitching a stump. She was telling their story. But she had no idea how it would end.

Zane started quoting “Splendour in the Grass” as he drove.

“What through the radiance

which was once so bright

Be now for ever taken from my sight,

Though nothing can bring back the hour

Of splendour in the grass,

Of glory in the flower.”