Amish White Christmas Pie (23 page)

“But you didn’t hit Carrie. You stopped yourself before you lost control of your temper. That counts for something.”

He sat up straight, slowly shaking his head.

Megan’s heart filled with compassion for Frank. She knew from the things he’d told her that his dad had been abusive and had a drinking problem, but until this moment, she hadn’t realized how much it had affected Frank.

“I hated my dad when I was a boy, and I hate him now for making me question my ability to be a good father to our girls.” Deep lines etched Frank’s forehead, and his clenched jaw revealed the extent of his anger and resentment.

Megan took hold of his hand. “You’ve got to stop hating your father. You need to find forgiveness in your heart for what he did to you.”

“I can’t.”

“Yes, you can.”

He shook his head. “I can’t forgive my dad, because I’m no better than he was.”

“You mean because you were tempted to hit Carrie tonight?”

“That’s only part of it.” Frank’s hand trembled as he reached up to rub his forehead. “I was a lousy father to Will, too. If I live to be one hundred, I’ll never forgive myself for leaving him with that Amish couple.”

Megan reached for her Bible on the coffee table. “I want to read something to you.” She opened the Bible to Romans 3:23.

“‘For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God,’” she read. “Not one of us is without sin, Frank.”

“I—I suppose you’re right about that.”

“But there’s a way we can be released from the oppression of our sins.” Megan flipped over to 1 John 1:9. “‘If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.’”

“If I could only find my son, I might feel released from my guilt and sin.”

“No, Frank. You need to ask the Lord to forgive your sins, and He will release you from your guilty feelings. Then you need to forgive your father and forgive yourself, regardless of whether you ever find Will or not. It’s the only way you’ll find peace in your heart. It’s the only way you’ll be able to be the kind of father our girls need you to be.”

Tears pooled in Frank’s eyes. “I—I don’t know how to pray, Megan. Would you help me say what needs to be said?”

She nodded and motioned him to join her on the floor. Kneeling in front of the sofa together, Megan led her husband in a prayer of repentance and forgiveness.

A
s Frank sat at the kitchen table two weeks later, he picked up his Bible to read a few verses of scripture before it was time to eat supper. The girls were in the living room playing with their dolls, and Megan had gone to the basement to check on the clothes in the dryer.

Frank picked up his coffee mug and took a drink; then he opened the Bible and turned to the passage he’d been studying, John 8:32: “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

The truth of God’s Word and His plan of salvation: That’s what made me free
, Frank mused. Ever since he’d given his heart to the Lord and confessed his sins, he’d felt a sense of peace that went beyond all understanding. He was a new creature in Christ—saved by the blood of the Lamb. The hate he had felt for his father was gone. The self-recrimination he’d been living with for the past sixteen years had been replaced with a sense of peace. The future was God’s. Will, wherever he might be, was in God’s hands. If it was meant for Frank to see his son again, then it would happen in God’s time, in God’s way.

I need to keep my focus on Megan and the girls and try to be the best husband and father I can be
. Frank took another drink of coffee.
When I’m not working, we need to do more things together as a family—and that includes going to church
.

“I put the last load of clothes in the dryer, so I’m ready to start supper now,” Megan said as she stepped into the room.

“No hurry. I’m not really hungry yet anyway.” Frank looked at her and smiled. “I’ve been thinking about some things we can do with the girls this coming year.”

“Such as?”

“Maybe a trip to see Niagara Falls this summer.”

“That would be fun.”

“I also thought it would be good for us to take them camping—maybe do a little fishing, too.”

Megan nodded. “When I was a girl, my folks used to take me and my sister camping every summer.” She moved across the room and picked up the pieces of mail that had been stacked on the counter. “I’ve been so busy today I haven’t had a chance to go through the mail. Since you’re not in a hurry to eat, maybe I’ll go through it now.” Megan pulled out the chair across from him and took a seat.

As Frank continued to read his Bible, Megan thumbed through the mail. Suddenly she let out a squeal.

Startled, he jumped. “What’s wrong? Did you see a mouse or something?”

“It’s here, Frank! The copy of
The Budget
with your ad in it is here.” She leaned across the table and handed the newspaper to him.

Frank scanned the paper until he found the notice section. His heartbeat picked up speed as he read the notice aloud: “‘I’m looking for my son, Will, whom I left with an Amish couple, Mark and Regina Stoltzfus, 16 years ago. The Stoltzfuses lived in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, but have since moved. Anyone having knowledge of their whereabouts, please contact Frank Henderson, 555-230-9110.’ ”

He let the paper fall to the table and looked over at Megan. “Do you think it’s possible that one of the Stoltzfuses or even Will might read this notice and contact me?”

Megan smiled. “With God, all things are possible.”

“Will, could you find me a pitchfork?” Papa Mark asked as he entered one of the horses’ stalls. “There doesn’t seem to be one in here.”

“Jah, sure.” Will found a pitchfork leaning against a bale of hay not far from the horse he was feeding and handed it to Papa Mark.

“Danki, son.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Sure does feel good to be back working again. I missed getting dirty and sweaty every day.”

Will chuckled. He was glad Papa Mark was doing better and could do most of his chores again. Besides the fact that Papa Mark was happier when he was busy, having him working again meant Will had a little more free time. He’d been so busy these past few weeks that it had been difficult to find time to be with Karen. She’d only helped at the health food store a couple of days, just until Mary Jane had returned to work and Papa Mark had convinced Mama Regina that he didn’t need her hovering over him all day.

When Karen and I get married, I’ll want to spend every free moment with her
, Will thought.
And if she hovers, I think it’ll make me feel loved
. He smiled to himself as he opened a fresh bale of hay.
I’ll bet that’s how Papa Mark felt when he and Mama Regina were first married
.

“It was nice of your friend Nathan to help out while I was recuperating,” Papa Mark said.

Will nodded. “He’s been a big help to his uncle since he came back to Indiana, too.”

“You think he’ll stick around?”

“Jah. Now that he’s working at the trailer factory, he has an even better reason to stay permanently.”

“I’m sure his aunt and uncle are happy about that.”

“From what I understand, Mary Jane is, as well.”

Papa Mark forked another bunch of hay. “Mind if ask you a question, Will?”

“Don’t mind at all.”

“I’m wondering if you’re happy, son. I mean, you don’t have any regrets about joining the Amish faith, do you?”

Will’s forehead wrinkled. “Of course not. I like being Amish.”

“Me and your mamm are glad you came to live with us.”

“I’m glad, too. I just wish…” Will’s voice trailed off.

“What do you wish?”

“Oh nothing.” Will pulled the bale of hay apart and headed for the next stall. He wasn’t about to admit, not even to himself, that he wished he at least knew if Pop was still alive.

Regina reached for her cup of coffee as she read the latest issue of
The Budget
. It was interesting to read about the things that went on in other Amish communities around the country—trips people had taken, visitors who had come to their house, accidents that had occurred, sicknesses in the family, weddings they’d attended, and the births of children and grandchildren.

She read several articles that had been written by various scribes in Ohio, Pennsylvania, Illinois, and Indiana; then she turned to the ad and notice pages. Skipping the ones that held no interest, her gaze came to rest on one particular notice printed in bold type with a box around it.
“I’m looking for my son, Will, whom I left with an Amish couple, Mark and Regina Stoltzfus, 16 years ago. The Stoltzfuses lived in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, but have since moved. Anyone having knowledge of their whereabouts, please contact Frank Henderson, 555-230-9110.”

Regina gasped, and fear closed in on her like a vise. After all these years, Will’s father was trying to contact him!

Her hands shook as she let the paper fall to the table.
Should I show this to Will?
It would be the right thing to do, but what if Will contacted his father and then decided to leave the Amish faith and go English? If Frank came back into Will’s life now, they might lose Will forever. And what of Will’s plans to marry Karen? Would news of Frank’s father disrupt Will and Karen’s wedding?

Regina sat still for several minutes, staring into her cup, trying to decide what to do. Finally she rose from her chair, picked up the newspaper, and placed it inside one of the kitchen drawers. She would wait and talk to Mark before she said anything to Will.