Amplified (8 page)

“But?”

“You better be ready to ‘handle it,’ as you say. Now is a real good time to come clean if you have any doubts.”

I hugged myself tighter, aching to admit the truth. That I was terrified, but I was determined to make this work. At least then I’d be free of this knot in my stomach.

“Music is my life,” I said. “Walking away isn’t an option.”

“Wanting to make music and being able to hack it in a band are two different things.”

I hated the all-knowing glint in his eyes. Showing weakness would never earn me respect. Not from him. “Can I go back to the studio now?”

“Go ahead.”

I walked past him, keeping my eyes forward. Sean could discourage me all he wanted. He wasn’t getting rid of me that easily.

Veta stood outside, smoking a cigarette and talking to Felix. Dave carried his amp out of the studio, his eyes meeting mine for a brief second. Wow, he practically snarled. Where was a camera when I needed one?

“There’s our new guitarist.” Felix gave my shoulder a squeeze.

“Hey, girl!” Veta snatched me up in a hug, burying my face in her strawberry-scented hair. “Sean told you, right?”

I pulled back, squirming out of her embrace. “Yeah, but I would rather have heard it from you.”

“And miss out on bursting Dave’s bubble? No way.” She glanced back at the house. “Besides, I want you and Sean to get to know each other better. He played nice, didn’t he?”

“If condescending is nice for him, sure.”

She sighed, giving Felix a knowing look. “I’ll talk to him.”

“No—don’t,” I said. “I’m fine. Like you said—he’s having a tough time.” Sitting on an ice cube sounded cozier than another forced one-on-one with Sean.

“Thanks for coming out, man.” Bryn stood in the studio doorway, handing Dave his guitar cord. The last of his equipment, I hoped.

Dave draped the cord over his shoulder. “Sure.” He shot me another dirty look and turned back to Bryn. “Hope that works out for you.”

That? I was a
that
now?

“Better luck next time,” I said as he walked away.

Dave flipped me off before fading into the darkness of the driveway.

“Loser!” a girl’s voice called behind me.

I turned to see Zoe sitting on the lawn, sneering in Dave’s direction. A flashlight and a gigantic book sat on her lap. If I were into hugs, I totally would’ve hugged her at that moment.

Felix put his hand on my arm. “That guy needs anger-management lessons.”

“I know,” Veta said. “And I wasn’t even harsh when I broke it to him. I was just, like, sorry, but we think Jasmine is a better fit, yada yada—”

“He turned bright red!” Felix jumped in.

Bryn approached us, quirking an eyebrow. “When you
ladies
are done, I need to talk to Jasmine inside.” He gave me a light slap on the back. “Good job tonight.”

“I’m not in trouble already, am I?” I asked after Bryn went inside.

“No.” Felix laughed. “Unless you don’t have the rent.”

God, I hope he didn’t want a huge deposit. Trying to hold Sean off with the car was going to be hard enough.

“So, anyway,” Veta continued, “Dave basically told us we were idiots and then he was, like—”

“
I’ve got another offer anyway
.” Felix deepened his voice and flared his nostrils to mock Dave.

Veta yanked on one of his pigtails. “Let
me
finish the story.”

“Why?” Felix poked her. “You rarely let anyone finish a sentence.”

She waved her fist at him in response. “You wanna go? I’ll take you down like the teddy bear you are.”

I laughed and shook my head. These two made it easy to forget my problems. “So
then
what happened?”

“Bryn asked what band offered him a spot,” Veta continued. “And Dave said Newton’s Whore, Amy Castellano’s band—which we didn’t even know existed.”

“Sean’s ex, Amy?” I asked. “I didn’t know she was a musician.”

Veta nodded. “She plays bass and thinks she can sing. But really, all she can do is screech and look pissed off.”

Felix made a claw with his hand. “
Mrowr
.”

“Well, it’s true,” she responded.

“Newton’s
Whore
—isn’t that a little degrading?” I asked.

Veta shrugged. “That’s Amy. She’s a physics major and has this twisted obsession with Isaac Newton. I’m sure she thinks it’s cute. But get this—Teddy is going to be her drummer.”

“I thought he was your last guitarist,” I said.

“He plays drums too,” she said.

I jammed my hands into my pockets. “Are you going to tell Sean?”

Felix and Veta exchanged a glance. “Yeah, we need to. Dave mentioned they were trying to get a gig at the Roach,” Veta said.

“I’ll do it,” Zoe said, a persnickety grin on her face.

Veta narrowed her eyes at her little sister. “Better not.” She shifted her gaze to me. “Zoe isn’t into icky love stuff yet. She doesn’t get heartbreak.”

“Dating is stupid,” Zoe said. “All people do is kiss and fight.”

Veta smirked. “I bet you wouldn’t feel that way if Nick Slater asked you out.”

“Gross.” Zoe lifted her book closer to her face.

“Who’s that?” I whispered.

“Bryn’s little brother,” Felix answered. “Zoe has a huge crush on him.”

“Do not.”

“I should get her home,” Veta said, ruffling my hair. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Nine o’clock sharp.”

“I’ll be there.” Long, hot shower and change of clothes, here I come. After I talked to Bryn of course. Fun.

After what felt like the best shower of my life, I went out on my balcony and took in the salty breeze. Sea lions argued against the white noise of the ocean, and muffled music could be heard from the cars parked along the cliffs. Pure heaven, minus a bed and $845.

Bryn wasn’t too keen on letting me wait until July 1 to give him July’s rent. Nope. He wanted the rest of June and next month’s rent up front. That left me $45 short of what I owed for my car and no money for food or bills. In other words, I was screwed. At least he’d been generous enough to scrounge up a sleeping bag and pillow.

I pulled my hoodie tighter and focused on the moon sliver hovering over the water. It seemed so placid and sure of itself, even with shadows hiding most of its glory. The moon always made me a little hungry too, but I had my dad to thank for that. He’d told me it was made out of Swiss cheese when I was five.
Best cheese in the universe
, he’d said. I’d actually believed him. Just like I bought everything he said the year after Mom left.

Tears won’t bring her back. They’ll only slow you down.

I hadn’t been able to cry since. Even after I’d made Jason pinch my arm until it bled in the second grade. I’d convinced myself that I couldn’t cry like other kids because I was immune to pain. I wasn’t.

I pulled my cell from my pocket, checking for missed calls. None. Dad used to bombard my phone if I stayed at Jason’s past eleven. Now that I was gone, I could be lying in a ditch somewhere, for all he knew. Did he even care where I was? Part of me wanted to know,
had
to know. The other part knew I’d just be disappointed.

I highlighted Dad’s name and hit
SEND
anyway.

“Hello?” he answered on the second ring, sounding gravelly. Tired. “Jasmine?”

“Dad.” The word came out in barely a whisper.

“How are you?”

“How do you think?”

“Hang on. Which way?” A woman spoke in the background, telling him to take a left. It sounded like Tammy, his latest girlfriend. Or maybe “dinner date” would be the more accurate term.

“I guess you’re driving,” I said.

“We’re on our way back from…” His voice broke up, muffling his explanation. “…on 84 right now. The reception isn’t good. Can I call …tomorrow?”

“Sure.” I mumbled bye and flipped my phone shut, letting out a shaky breath. What did I expect? He was Dad, the man with the winning poker face.

I’d just set the alarm on my cell and nuzzled into the red sleeping bag when I heard the noise. At first I thought it was the naughty channel on someone’s TV—
prayed
it was someone’s TV. But the vibrating wall told me otherwise. And then there was the giggling and the occasional grunt. A female voice calling out Bryn’s name completely sealed the deal for me.

Disgusted and wondering what the hell I’d gotten myself into, I got up and planned to watch TV downstairs until the escapade ended.

When I opened my door, my eyes met Sean’s. He was coming out of the bathroom, looking annoyingly cute with disheveled hair and blue-plaid pajama bottoms. I looked away when I realized the ensemble didn’t include a shirt.

“I didn’t know you were still up,” he said, sounding almost apologetic.

“Well, I can’t really sleep, because, um…” I nodded at Bryn’s bedroom.

He chuckled. “Get used to it.”

I figured we were done until he started walking toward me.
Don’t stare, don’t stare
, my mind screamed. But my eyes didn’t listen. They focused on the tattoo encircling his left arm. Quarter notes and barbed wire.

He reached into his pocket and handed me something rectangular. “I’m assuming you don’t have one, or you’d be using it.”

My fingers brushed his as I took the iPod from him. I’d had an iPod, but it broke right before graduation. “You’re loaning this to me?”

“You need it more than I do.” Sean ran his fingers through his hair, and I tried not to let my eyes wander below his neck. “I don’t know what kind of music you like, but I’ve got a ton on there.”

“Thanks. Um…” Maybe he’d taken his happy meds. “Do you want me to slip it under your door in the morning?”

“That works.”

We stared at each other for a few seconds. His eyes seemed more intense in the dim lighting of the loft. My mouth opened, but no words came out.

Just say something. Don’t let him think his naked torso has left you speechless.

He shifted his weight. “Okay, well…good night?”

“’Night. And, you know, thanks.” I fumbled for my doorknob. “Again.”

He nodded and walked away, but I could’ve sworn I saw the flicker of a smile.

Real smooth, Jasmine.

As I drifted off to one of Sean’s playlists, I made an interesting discovery: We had almost identical music collections.

Veta shot me
a dirty look when I pushed open the door of Seaside Psychic at 9:10 a.m. “Sorry,” I said, panting, “Felix was t—”

“Taking an hour-long shower—I know. You’re still late, and it’s only a ten-minute walk.” She resumed counting a drawer full of cash.

“I really am sorry, Veta. I ran all the way here.” Things were bad when a cheap sleeping bag felt like silk on my skin.
Just five more minutes
, I’d kept telling myself.

A giggle erupted from the white couch. Zoe sat there clutching another book, studying me. Sprite, their
psychic kitty
, was curled up on her lap.

“Sleep well?” Veta wore a knowing smile.

“Yeah, thanks for the warning.” I glanced at Zoe again. “Bryn has a real…exercise addiction.”

“I’m almost thirteen, not five,” Zoe said. “It’s not like I can’t figure out what you’re talking about.”

“Oh.” I looked at Veta for help, but she just shook her head and laughed.

“You don’t like our brother much, huh?” Zoe asked.

“Well, I don’t really know him.”

She smirked. “He’s only a jerk to the girls he likes.”

“Good to know.” I tried to make my laugh casual, but it sounded more like something was stuck in my throat. “Where’s Tina?”

Veta rolled her eyes. “She’s on the phone with Regina Price—that woman never shuts up.” She tied her long hair into a ponytail, allowing a few bright red locks to escape. “Lucky for you, though. She probably doesn’t know you were late.”

“She won’t fire me, will she?”

“Not the first time,” Zoe said. “But if it happens again…” She grinned and made a slicing motion across her throat.

“It was only a few minutes,” I mumbled.

“More like
ten
. And don’t get too comfy.” Veta walked toward me, narrowing her eyes. “I’m not going to cover your butt next time.”

I held up my hands in surrender. “What should I be doing right now?”

“Make sure the shop looks presentable before we open. Wipe down the front counter, the display case, and reading tables and straighten the clothes and waiting area.” She jabbed her thumb over her shoulder. “Cleaning stuff is in the closet.”

I nodded and headed for the back, reminding myself that I was lucky just to have this job. Cleaning wasn’t exactly my specialty. I’d never really done it, outside of tidying up during my after-school shift at the café. When business was slow, I’d make a beeline for the broom. I mean, really, who could screw up sweeping? My coworkers didn’t like me much.

The shelves in the closet were lined with several natural cleaners. All purpose seemed like a safe bet, so I grabbed the bottle and attacked the front counter first. Spray and wipe. How hard could it be?

Veta sat on the couch, flipping through a magazine. “Do you believe in ghosts?” she asked.

“Take a wild guess.”

“I’ll go with no.” She grinned, shaking her head. “How can you play like you do and have such a closed mind?”

Zoe snorted and muttered something like “Here we go.”

“Hey, show me concrete proof and my mind will open right up,” I said.

“Maybe I can.”

I stopped wiping and faced her. “Please don’t tell me you talk to ghosts.”

“Not like I’m talking to you. It’s mostly intuition. Sometimes images will pop in my head or I’ll get strong feelings.”

“That’s called daydreaming.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“I’m pretty sure I control the thoughts in my head,” I said.

“Pretty sure isn’t sure.” Veta got up and walked behind the counter, running her finger along the top. “It’s amazing how much plain water can help with cleaning.” She reached underneath and tossed me a spray bottle. It slammed right into my chest. “And one more thing?”

“Yes?”

“Use the glass cleaner for the glass next time.” She winked and began rearranging the oils on the shelves.

The shop was either chaotic or dead for the bulk of the morning. I preferred the quiet to the sheer insanity that walked through the door. “Garden-variety crazies” didn’t begin to describe some of these people.

The shop emptied around 11:30. I hung out behind the counter while Veta and Tina traded stories about wacky regulars. As if they expected people who frequently came in for psychic love readings to be sane.

“Jasmine is giving us that skeptical look again,” Veta said, raising her eyebrows at me.

“It’s just…never mind.” I busied myself with wiping the array of fingerprints off the glass counter (with glass cleaner).

“Jasmine,” Tina said. “I’m going upstairs to make some tea. Why don’t you join me?”

“Um, alone?”

Tina cracked a smile. “Well, I think Zoe is in her room drawing, if that makes you feel better.”

I glanced at Veta, who crinkled her brow like I was the silliest person on the planet. “It’s not that—I’m—am I in trouble?”

“No, honey. We just haven’t had much time to talk since you started,” Tina said.

This couldn’t be good. “Sure. Okay.”

I followed her up narrow wooden stairs that creaked under my feet. She opened a white door with a deadbolt and waved me inside.

Their apartment was small but charming. Hardwood floors, sunny yellow walls, and the musky smell of incense were the first things I noticed. The entryway led to a tiny kitchen with older appliances, a blue refrigerator, and a white-tiled table surrounded by four chairs.

“Have a seat.” Tina grabbed a red teakettle and filled it with water. “I usually have chamomile after a busy morning. Helps calm the nerves. Would you like some?”

I sat on one of the chairs, folding my arms in my lap. “That’s okay. Thanks.”

She settled across from me. “Sure I can’t twist your arm? It’s great for relaxation.”

I gave her the most sincere smile I could manage. “Okay, I’ll try a little.”

Tina’s hazel eyes combed my face, more than likely trying to see inside my mind. I focused on the blue and white vase in the middle of the table. The kaleidoscopic patterns looked like a swarm of tiny butterflies itching to come to life.

“Beautiful vase,” I said.

A soft smile spread across her lips. “
Mi abuelita
—my grandmother—made it right after I was born.”

My right leg jiggled. “I love your apartment. It’s…cozy.”

“Thanks. The rent kills me, and three kids sharing one room was never a picnic. But it means a lot to us being so close to the water.”

I couldn’t imagine sharing my room with anyone, much less two people. Having my own space kept me sane. “Where did they all sleep?” I covered my mouth. “Sorry…”

Tina chuckled. “No, it’s a very reasonable question, actually. Once Zoe decided she wanted her
own
bed, she stole Sean’s. He slept on the couch.”

“Oh—that was nice of him.”

“I think he preferred it, and I can’t say I blamed him. My sister and I shared a room growing up. Our fights were brutal.” She looked at my clasped hands. “Anyway, I wanted to tell you not to be afraid to ask any questions about what we do. We learn to develop a thick skin in this business.”

I exhaled, trying to think of the best way to word my thoughts. “I know you believe in what you do—and I respect that. But I don’t understand how it’s possible to see inside someone else’s head, much less predict their future.”

“Fair enough. Let me ask you this—do you know why we dream?”

“Well, there are, like, a million theories on that…”

She nodded. “What’s
your
theory?”

“I once heard that dreams are conscious and subconscious thoughts from our day all jumbled up. And, I don’t know—that makes the most sense to me.”

“Have you considered that perhaps none of us knows the answer yet—at least not in its entirety?”

“Well, yeah. There’s never been a consensus.”

The kettle whistled through the kitchen, and Tina got up. “My belief is that dreams are messages from ourselves, from those around us—and even from the spirit world. And if you’re open to them, they’re gifts. They can give you new insight.” She got out two yellow mugs. “
Mija
?” she called toward the hallway. “You want some tea?”

“No.” Zoe’s voice sounded behind a closed door.

Tina dropped bags into the mugs and poured the hot water. “Watch—she’ll change her mind in about five minutes.”

I felt like I was back at Jason’s house. His mom knew everything he’d do before he did it. I always wondered what it would be like to have a parent understand me so well. Or even one who cared enough to try.

“Have you ever dreamed of a specific event right before it happened?” Tina plopped a mug in front of me and sat back down.

“Thanks,” I said, breathing in the earthy steam. “I had a dream about a pop quiz in English once—should’ve listened to that one. And…that’s about it.” But it wasn’t. Two days before my mom left, I dreamed of watching her pack. I kept tugging on her and screaming her name, but she couldn’t hear me. Her face was so docile, almost like a statue’s.

“How do you explain something like that?” Tina asked.

I leaned back and shrugged. “Coincidence, I guess.”

“It’s possible. But I used to have psychic dreams all the time—enough that I couldn’t chalk them up to coincidence. I had to learn how to control them. Now I choose what I want to see—most of the time.”

I took a small sip of the tea, hoping the mug would hide the doubt probably on my face. The perfumelike taste made me crinkle my nose.

She grabbed a bottle of honey from a cabinet and pushed it in front of me. “Try that.”

“So you believe that you can actually control your dreams?”

“It’s no easy feat, but it’s something anyone can learn to do. I’m not special.” She took a sip and closed her eyes, like it was a scrumptious brownie. “There is so much science can’t explain. We don’t even fully understand our own brains. But I’ve found truth in what I do. I’ve helped people improve their lives, and I’ve improved my own. That’s what matters to me.”

I squirted a healthy amount of honey into my mug. “It must be a good feeling—to be so sure.”

Zoe’s door swung open and she appeared in the kitchen with charcoal smudges on her cheeks. She gave her mom a timid smile. “Did you save any water?”

Tina rolled her eyes at me and smirked. “What’d I tell you? It’s on the stove.” After Zoe retreated downstairs with her tea and a book, Tina continued. “I know how crazy I sound to a scientific mind—Sean and Zoe remind me all the time. But I thought it would make you feel more comfortable to understand where Veta and I are coming from. And, if you’re up for it, I’d like to give you a reading. A small one—nothing heavy.”

I gulped down a glob of honey. What was I so afraid of? That Tina could close her eyes and know my every thought? See my life like a movie? That would be impossible. But I had to admit, she made me a little curious. Maybe a lot curious. “Okay. When?” I asked.

“Well, Veta hasn’t hollered for us to get our butts down there yet. How about now?”

I sat up a little straighter. “What do I need to do?”

“Think of a question—anything. Just make sure it’s something you’re comfortable with me answering. Otherwise, I’ll be dealing with some major firewalls.”

“Do you need to hold my hands or anything?”

She cocked her head, her lips twitching the same way Sean’s did. “Do you
want
me to hold your hands?”

“Not really. No.”

She laughed. “Okay, then. All I need you to do is focus on relaxing. If you need to close your eyes and picture yourself on a beach, go for it. If a rock concert is more your speed, imagine that. Whatever makes you feel at home.”

I took a few minutes to think of a question. It had to be vague enough to make inferring anything from it difficult. “Did I make the right choice?”

Tina’s eyebrows rose. “Ooh, that’s one I get every day.” She closed her eyes, her chest rising. Then she exhaled slowly, like a blood pressure cuff deflating. “Now is a good time to go to your happy place.”

I shut my eyes and imagined myself in Jason’s garage. That was the closest place to home for me.

“I’m going to describe a variety of images I’m seeing, and then I’ll interpret them,” Tina said. “If you’ve got any questions or need clarification, let me know.”

“Okay.” I bit my tongue to avoid laughing, mostly because I felt silly.

“I see you running down a highway, but you keep looking back. Which tells me you made your decision in haste and you’re not entirely sure of yourself.”

“That’s true…” Basic psychology said I wasn’t certain of my decision. Why else would I ask?

“Bear with me, Jasmine. I’m just dipping my feet in the pool, so to speak.” Several seconds passed. With the constant hum of the refrigerator, the pause felt like ten years. “There’s a strong male energy around you. It’s almost stifling—a lot of guilt. Your father?”

I opened my eyes. “What exactly are you seeing?”