An Accidental Affair (19 page)

She was nervous though, and he suspected he knew the reason.

Farnsworth’s behavior still preyed on her mind.

Unfortunately, it preyed on his too. That Farnsworth had come to Wiltshire from London in search of Arabella was no small matter. He might have used the excuse of trespass to trounce the man, but there was always the possibility that he might return once he was gone. When she was easy again he’d return to London and make sure Farnsworth understood that he was not to contact Arabella except to discuss her pension, and then only through her solicitor. She was to be free of him or Merrick would finish their fight.

As the last building inspection was concluded, Arabella scanned the horizon. Ahead, he thought he detected what looked to be a small stream, and across from there a ruin of some sort. He could see nowhere to cross without getting wet, so he concluded his inspection might be over for the day.

Arabella noticed the direction of his gaze. “The ruins were once an old manor house, fallen into disuse long ago. There is a road, barely more than a deer track now, I suppose, leading to another roadway to the south. My late husband told me the house was quite unsafe and forbid anyone to go venturing there.”

“Well, if it’s forbidden, we will stay away.” He grinned. “Are there fish to be caught on the property?”

Arabella smiled too. “Why, yes. I believe there are. Do you enjoy the sport?”

“Not since I was a boy.” He smiled to himself. It was nice his company was wanted so badly that a woman seized on any topic of conversation to keep his interest. “Will you show me?”

Her blush returned. “Of course.”

Merrick could get used to seeing blushes every hour. Arabella wore them so charmingly. The grass was thick and clumped in this part of the property and he caught Arabella’s elbow to steady her as they walked to the stream. In closer proximity, he couldn’t help but notice that the exertion of the inspection was taking a toll on her stamina. The light sheen of perspiration on her forehead reminded him that a pause in their meanderings might be warranted. When the stream came into view, he directed her to the shade of a large tree near the water’s edge and settled her there.

He took a place himself a short distance away. “What is it you want, my dear, and do not say I must be acquainted with every blade of grass I have purchased.”

Instead of answering immediately, she hugged her knees to her chest. The posture reminded him that just a few nights ago she’d been frightened out of her wits by a man she trusted as a brother. She had placed her security in his lap and he would do well not to rush her to the confession he’d already guessed.

She was still afraid. Perhaps mortally. She might always have this fear. It might be that only when she was distracted did she not imagine Farnsworth’s assault.

Merrick plucked a blade of grass and ran it though his fingertips. “He has no right to come back. I made that very plain to him.”

“I believe you, but what if he guesses I was with you the entire time? He might make trouble for you. Tarnish your reputation. It would be very easy to have one of your servants confirm that you lied to him about my location these past days.”

She was worried about his reputation? Merrick had not thought it possible to admire her more, but he did. She was remarkable. “None of my servants would dare.”

“How can you be so sure?”

Holland would dismiss them immediately if they said one word that implicated him in scandal. His half brother had adopted the Ford motto of family first for his own. He’d rather not explain the real reasons for Holland’s loyalty or the others as yet. She’d be rather shocked that she’d been in the company of several bastard brothers these past days. “Because I can.”

“And if Farnsworth deduced on his own and makes trouble for us both?”

He shifted on the ground to face her. “Grayling should have the truth told to him so he is not surprised and can support you. Grayling will understand and ensure your reputation remains unblemished. The worst Farnsworth can say against me is nothing I haven’t heard before. I’ll survive it.”

She laid her head on her knees and stared into space. “I want to be here, but I fear what Farnsworth might do if he comes again.”

Merrick did not want to leave her in such a state, but it was the right thing to do. Every moment he spent alone in her company, regardless of their distance, put her reputation as a respectable lady in jeopardy. Arabella appeared largely unconcerned about that, he noticed. Yet Merrick couldn’t be. He had always held Arabella in the highest esteem, the model for all other women’s behavior. To imagine her brought low by false accusations pained him. Perhaps she was too caught up in her own concerns to notice the implied impropriety of them being together.

He’d have to watch out for both of them. “Speaking of Grayling, have you considered moving to Stanton Harold Hall as a guest until the matter is behind you? You may feel more secure there. His daughters and wife could be a welcome distraction to you and he could ensure Farnsworth stays away. I promise you the house will remain yours for as long as you wish, despite any absence.”

“I don’t wish to impose.”

Merrick pursed his lips. “You say that quite often. Why? I would not offer if I had any hesitations about such a suggestion.”

“Habit, I suppose.” She sighed softly and stretched out her legs before her. “When I was a little girl, my parents impressed on me the need to be compliant, and my husband was of the same mind. I never argued with any of their decisions and that made them happier.”

Merrick frowned at her words. Such a repression of her desires was unnatural. One of the Ford rules came to mind: always repay in kind. From Grayling, he knew she had brought the man’s wife into his orbit and sought to make a match of them. Surely they should not begrudge her aid now? “Friends expect to be imposed upon or they are not really friends at all, are they? It is a balance. Something given, something gained.”

A curious expression crossed her face and she peered at him. “You do not follow your own rules it seems.”

“How so?”

“I cannot imagine what you gain by your assistance to me. You have gone above and beyond the bounds of friendship to aid me. We were not very well acquainted in the beginning, were we?”

“I suppose I imagine I know you better than I actually do. Grayling speaks of you a great deal. I always thought you two would make a match, but you had paired him with someone else. That surprised me.” He grinned. “As for what I gained, my legs have gained the exercise of a walking hither and yon today, and I had the pleasure of throwing Farnsworth out on his backside. Both very pleasant activities, I assure you.”

“That is not at all the same, and you know it. You brought me into your home, concealed my whereabouts from everyone, including your family and mine, and returned me to the property you’d purchased just because you cannot imagine me not living here. You give too much.”

Damn. She would not let the matter drop. He drew in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Now was not the time for a glib answer to appease her conscience. He could tell her some of what influenced him and see how she might view his ideals. “Women are largely at a disadvantage in our society. It is a circumstance that has disappointed me many times in the past. They are expected to be silent when mistreated and have no grounds to complain or receive compensation for cruel use. It is wrong, Arabella.”

“I don’t understand.” She inched closer to him. “What wrongs have you witnessed?”

“Far too many and too close to home.” He scrubbed a hand through his hair. He wanted to tell her the truth. To explain why her suffering affected him so strongly and yet still not tell her every secret. He could tell her of his father, though. What that man had done likely still circulated as gossip about his family, so she might have heard the whispers. It would be a small thing to confirm what she possibly knew already. “My father was not one to deny himself life’s pleasures. He never once counted the cost of his actions, and many lives were ruined as a result of his demands.”

Her brow furrowed. Perhaps not all of his father’s misdeeds were widely circulated and in this case had not reached her ears.

“Go on.”

He swallowed the lump that formed at the base of his throat. He’d started down this path, to explain a bit of himself, so by rights he ought to keep to his decision and hope he didn’t shock her completely. “To be blunt, my father sired a number of children outside marriage, most to servants in his employ or in the great houses he visited. My mother knew and the humiliation was more than she could bear. My last memory of them together is my father backhanding my mother for speaking against him and his many disgraces.”

Her skin paled and she shivered. “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head. “’Tis nothing to be done about it now. They are alive in the world and made poorer by his choices.”

“They?”

Merrick smiled grimly, staring out at the slow-moving water. “My half brothers and sisters. I am sorry to say there are rather a lot of them.”

Her gasp struck him like a blow. “Holland?”

Merrick nodded slowly, glancing at her for the signs of shock he expected. When none appeared on her face, he pressed on. “He was the first I grew aware of when I was a young man and suffering through an education I didn’t want at Newberry Park. Holland worked at a tavern I frequented and often he was the one to put me on my horse and send me home when I was too deep in my cups and growing quarrelsome. I liked him very much then. He did not bow and scrape as many men did to those of Newberry. One day I came upon him surrounded and outnumbered, bloody and beaten but still not cowed. I offered my fists and then offered him a better position as my valet. My grandfather and particularly my aunt were furious when I brought Holland home to Newberry and it was only then I discovered exactly who he was to me. My disagreements with the Fords began then.”

“What of Holland’s mother?”

“You know, I’ve never heard Holland speak her name, but she lives, I’m sure of it. I have pieced together what I think happened. She lived in a great house, probably a servant. But she couldn’t keep him with her and had to give him up. It is a situation that has occurred many times over.”

“It is kind of you to employ him as you do.”

“Holland enjoys managing me and ensures our siblings are fed, employed usefully, and have a roof over their heads.”

“How many?”

“A dozen or more. Holland keeps track of them.” He sighed at the folly of revealing this side of his personal life. “Almost every servant in my London home is a relation, every man on the carriage that brought you here also. I take care of them and they take care of me. They will say not one word of this excursion to anyone for fear of Holland’s wrath. My half brother will brook no disobedience from them. He knows their situation is tenuous.”

He continued, knowing revealing so much would likely ruin everything but feeling lighter for the unburdening. He tossed aside the blade of grass he’d been running through his fingers while he talked. “My point is that not everyone has someone to watch out for their welfare and not every debt needs to be repaid immediately. I have had the pleasure of your company, a situation that would never have presented itself at any other time. So you see, without knowing it, you have already held up your side of our tentative friendship.”

“It is very good what you do. Most lords would not do so much.” Arabella plucked a blade of grass and handed it to him to replace the one he’d mangled. “Why do they believe their situation is tenuous?”

“Because it is true. My father sired only one legitimate son, and I have not married as yet to produce the required heir. The next in line is a cousin, a pious prig who would sooner brand them all vile creatures to be cast out onto the street than spend the shillings required to feed even one.”

Her eyes widened. “You would marry just for them?”

“Not just for them. I did have other hopes when I wed.”

A rosy blush spread over her cheeks and her neck too, yet relief filled him. She did not appear too shocked. He’d always intended to be honest with his wife about his half brothers and sisters, so gaining Arabella’s understanding went a long way to proving he’d made the right decision to tell the woman he married too.

“You’re fond on your siblings, despite their origins?”

Merrick supposed she was right. “Family first.”

“That is not at all a bad thing.” She shifted closer, tucking her knees beneath her and giving him all her attention. “Having none I care for now means I’m made more aware of my lack.”

Merrick glanced across the stream to hide the sadness that filled him. It was not easy to ignore that Farnsworth’s actions had revealed just how alone Arabella was in the world. Leaving would be difficult. He lifted his eyes to the horizon with a heavy heart. Storm clouds had gathered to the west of the estate. His brothers were going to get wet on their way home. Yet if he didn’t go now, he feared he might never walk away from her. His hopes for his life would go unfulfilled if he stayed.

He stood and dusted off his trousers, then held his hand out to Arabella. “We’d best be on our way.”

He helped her up and brought her back into the field, holding her arm as they walked over difficult terrain, releasing her when their way was free of impediment. They had not traveled very far when he spotted Holland and his coachman, Jimmy, in the distance, striding toward them in a hurry. “Ah, a family reunion. I wonder what the fuss is about now.”