An Accidental Affair (23 page)

He leaned in and paused a moment before he brushed a light kiss across her lips. “Did you sleep well?”

When he drew back, Arabella was blushing. “I did, thank you. Could you please tell me the time?”

“Almost nine.”

She sat up suddenly, glancing around the room. “Oh no.”

Merrick sat back with a satisfied smile. The siren was adorable when she was uncertain. “Did you not factor the morning into your plans before you came to seduce me?”

She held the sheet tightly against her breasts, depriving Merrick of the perfect view. “I did not imagine I’d fall asleep. Usually I have trouble sleeping anywhere else but in my own bed.”

He smiled. “It can happen if one is properly sated. I can happily accept that I exhausted you.”

Another blush swept her cheeks and she glanced down. “You did that very well.”

Merrick slipped his finger under her chin and lifted her gaze. “You were untouched before you came to my bed. You should have been honest with me.”

Her eyes widened in panic and he tightened his grip so he was holding her chin firmly. He wanted nothing less than her complete honesty.

She quickly nodded. “I was, and I’d be grateful if you could keep the embarrassing discovery to yourself. I’m in your debt.”

“My debt.” Merrick stood, suddenly irritated by her attitude. The gift she’d granted him was beyond price. “I should be the one to be grateful.”

“I don’t understand. You seduce women every day.”

A bitter laugh slipped past his control. “Not respectable women like you. An honorable man would offer to marry you after such a night and the discovery he’d taken something so precious, but you don’t want that, do you?” He strode to the tall windows and threw the drapes wide, unnerved by how easily his own truths tumbled from his lips when in her company. If this continued, he’d be confessing the secret of his first boyhood fantasy.

The bedsheets rustled. “Last night doesn’t necessarily need to change things between us.”

He glanced over his shoulder and immediately wished he hadn’t. Arabella sat in a puddle of bedsheets, legs crossed and her shoulders bared to his gaze. Long strands of pale hair tumbled over her limbs, tempting him to wrap his hands in the strands and never let go.

“How many times have I wanted you and thought you disinterested? But you were not the woman of experience I imagined you to be. You were as innocent as any new bride come to her husband’s bed,” he said quietly.

A rush of color swept her cheeks at his observation. “Those days are behind me. I was a virgin. But that was yesterday.”

Merrick could understand her willingness to throw propriety aside to experience passion, but what did that mean for him? Did she view him as a passing fancy? He had to know. “And what will you do now that your virginity has been taken? Bat your lashes at gentleman and invite them to your bed while expecting me to ignore your trysts without a word of protest?”

“No.” She fought to free herself from the bed and scrambled into his discarded banyan. “I’ll go on as I always have. I thought we were friends. You’re still friends with your previous lovers, are you not?”

“I am, but everything is different now. There is the slightest chance you could be carrying a child at this very moment. Did you think of that?” He was satisfied when her hand touched her belly. She appeared startled but not unduly alarmed that she could be carrying his babe. “I do not usually make mistakes in such matters, but with you I am utterly reckless. With all the half brothers and sisters I have, I can ill afford to continue that family tradition.” He set his hands to his hips. “What if I cannot forget last night? What if I cannot ignore the fact that I had you in my bed? I want you back there already.”

Her brow creased in a frown. “I…I’m sorry. It was my problem I sought to remedy, and I thought this wouldn’t change anything for you.”

He moved close to her. He needed to be near her again. In his arms would be better. “I cannot forget last night as easily as you will forget me.”

Her eyes widened. “I never said I would forget you. You’ve been so kind to me.”

“I’m not kind, Arabella. I’m in love with you.” At her silence, Merrick spun on his heel and headed for the door. “I’ll see your breakfast is brought to your bedchamber so we might say good-bye in proper surroundings.”

Merrick slammed the door behind him, appalled that he’d blurted out the state of his heart and received nothing in return.
Devil take it
. Pleasing Arabella last night had not been in his best interests. He couldn’t let her go. The idea was impossible.

He made arrangements for a breakfast tray to be prepared and then sat down on the staircase steps to await its delivery, pondering his next actions. He still had to order his carriage and gain Arabella’s agreement to visit with Grayling for the day before he could attend to family matters and then return to plead his case. In all he had at most an hour without interruption to get her agreement that marriage was the next logical step, or at least as something to consider.

Holland appeared before him, a deeply disapproving expression on his face. “Do you want the carriage brought up now?”

Merrick stared at Holland. “In an hour.”

Holland’s brows pinched together. “What troubles you?”

“Oh, everything. Go away, brother. I have no need of your counsel right now.”

“Suit yourself.” Holland’s eyes turned pitying.

“Wait. Be a good fellow and hurry that breakfast tray along.”

Holland rushed off and, a few minutes later, returned with the tray in his hands. “It goes without saying there are no secrets in a country house. I assume you would prefer to deliver her tray yourself?”

Merrick held out his hands and took the tray. This was what came of giving in to his yearnings for Arabella. He’d ruined a very proper lady. He plodded up the stairs, stopping when Arabella’s bedchamber door was before him. He juggled the tray and knocked, half expecting to be kept waiting a very long time. She bid him enter immediately, though it was with a voice so quiet he grew afraid he’d ruined everything between them.

Merrick slipped inside, making sure to lock the door behind him. Arabella had taken refuge on a crimson settee, still wrapped snugly in his silken banyan. He set the tray on the small side table and uncovered the dishes.

She leaned over immediately and took a warm fruit scone. “These are my favorites. Thank you.”

“You have your cook to thank, not me.”

He took one himself and moved to the very end of the settee. He might want to sit nearer and touch her body again, but he wasn’t sure of his reception after his sudden confession that he’d fallen in love with her. They ate in silence.

“No one has ever loved me before,” she said softly.

She’d been untouched for certain. The blood on his previously pristine bedsheets attested to that fact. A small wave of guilt swept over him. He could have been gentler. “I promise you will feel no further discomfort from now on.”

Her brow creased and she clenched her hands together. “You misunderstand. No one has ever told me they loved me. I’m not certain what you want from me.”

Her eyes were twin pools of confusion and he slid along the settee until they sat side by side. He took her hand in his. “There is nothing you need do if you don’t wish to. ’Tis the state of my heart, and I doubt it will deviate from its chosen path.”

“Surely there’s hope your feelings will pass. We’ve known each other for so short a time.”

He winced. “I’m told you cannot choose who you fall in love with, and I have discovered it’s impossible to fight it. You were happily married when we first met, and then I thought you might make a match with Grayling. I never dreamed I’d get a chance to know you better.”

“Oh?” Her hand landed on his thigh and the touch seared through his trousers.

He picked up her hand and pressed his lips to her knuckles. “I am so glad you came to my door.”

She leaned her head against his shoulder. “I was never happily married, you know.”

Merrick drew her into his arms and held her. Such a sad statement and one he’d certainly heard from other women in society. But Arabella had hidden her misery better than most. If he’d had the smallest inkling, he’d probably have acted long before this. He rocked her in his arms, so grateful for the chance to be alone with her.

But he did not want her to dwell on the past. He wanted to make her happy now. He kissed her lips gently, and then deeper when she held on to him. “I have to go soon.”

“Back to London?”

“No. There is nothing I want in London now. I have to visit my half sister and decide what to do about another of my father’s illegitimate sons.”

“What’s happened?”

“His mother died and he’s been living with another half sibling, but she’s overwhelmed. We promised to take the boy away this trip and lighten her burdens.”

“Oh.” She sat up and grabbed his hand. “May I help in any way?”

He shook his head. He couldn’t take her to meet other members of his family and have her become more involved in his life. There was no need if she didn’t love him in return. “I’d like to take you to visit Grayling for the day before I go, and when I come back I was wondering if we might talk again.”

Her thumb caressed the back of his hand. “I should like that. I can be ready to go in an hour.”

He raised her hand to her lips one last time and kissed it. “Thank you, Arabella. I hate to go, but I have obligations that I cannot avoid no matter how much I wish to.”

She smiled suddenly. “That is actually one of your best features, Merrick. You never turn your back on your family or your friends.”

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

Visiting Lord Grayling’s neighboring estate and sipping tea on the lawn was a beautiful respite for a troubled mind. Arabella smiled as Grayling’s children cavorted on the lawn with hoops and brightly colored leather balls in the company of their new mother and doting father. The happy scene made her heart lighter, but she was aware she was feeling out of place. Matching Grayling with his lover, while scandalous and not without risk, had been the right thing to do. They were all so happy together.

Yet part of Arabella’s mind was as restless as a stormy night. She’d had a hard time conversing with her friends while she grappled with the concept of Merrick in love. And with her, no less. She’d never imagined him besotted with anyone, and she didn’t know what to say to him when he returned from his errand.

Grayling sank into the chair beside her. “You’re quiet today.”

“It’s been a troubling week or so.”

“So Rothwell mentioned.” Grayling took her half-full cup from her fingers and set it on the bench beside him. “He was a trifle vague about it all though. I trust he’s been on his best behavior?”

“Yes. He’s been a great friend to me.”

“Well, then. I am glad to know he’s lived up to your expectations,” Grayling said slowly. “He is a good man. Society doesn’t know the half of his character.”

But Arabella did and that’s what troubled her. Merrick had told her so much about his life, about his troubles with his family, and about his concerns for his half siblings’ welfare that her feelings were torn. She was drowning in instances of his good deeds, yet she couldn’t answer truthfully if she loved him in return. “I have seen enough instances of his kindness and generosity to believe you.”

Grayling sat forward, elbows resting on his knees as he watched his young family at play. “I worry for him some days. When we were young, he flitted from woman to woman without ever looking back or leaving hard feelings in his wake. When passions cooled, he could move on to a new lover without regret.”

“Some people are like that. They don’t feel deeply.”

“But he does.” Grayling shook his head. “I simply think he hasn’t found the woman who is meant for him yet while I’ve been blessed with love twice.”

Tightness closed Arabella’s throat. She had to clear it several times before she felt sure her words would not betray her. “Perhaps he’ll marry this season.”

“I hope so.” He glanced over his shoulder. “Now, while my delightful wife is distracted by the children, will you please tell me what you asked her advice on last winter? It’s driving me insane.”

She grimaced. She’d hoped he might have forgotten that business. When she’d met Rosemary during the previous winter, she’d seized the chance to ask some frank questions she couldn’t ask of anyone else. Grayling would never approve. “A personal matter.”

“You were
my
friend first.” He scowled. “At least I can be certain I’ll learn what it is before Rothwell does.”

Arabella faced the garden too. Merrick had been instrumental in seeing Lady Grayling’s advice put into practice. With Rosemary’s help, she’d been as well prepared as any new bride for what had happened in Merrick’s bed, and it still hadn’t been enough. She caught herself many times dwelling on what they’d done together. She’d been completely unprepared for how the experience had changed her. She could not stop thinking of Merrick today.

“Don’t tell me
he
knows too?”

When she winced, Grayling stood and walked a few steps away. “For goodness sake, why on earth would you tell Rothwell?”