An Affair to Remember (25 page)

She shivered and he increased his efforts, breathing across her smooth, white skin. “Greyley,” she said, her hands flat against his chest, though she made no move to push him away. “You must stop this at once. Someone might come…”

“We can go to the library if you’d like—”

“No,” she said quickly, her breath ragged in his ear. “I cannot be alone with you.”

He trailed a kiss from her ear to the corner of her mouth. “I must have you.”

A deep, shuddering sigh wracked her before she pushed her hands lightly against his chest. He stopped immediately and smiled down at her. “We cannot ignore what is between us, Anna.”

“There can never be anything between us. I’ve already told you that.”

“You are wrong. I will have you—”

“As what? Your mistress?” She laughed and the bitterness of it wrung his heart. “I will not be made a laughingstock and that is what would happen. I’ve been mocked enough, thank you.”

He tilted her face toward his, admiring the proud way she met his gaze. “No one would dare mock you if you were under my protection. I will take care of you and your grandfather if you’d only let me.”

Her hands clasped his wrists and he saw tears glistening in her eyes. “You know better than that,” she whispered.

God, but it was bittersweet to see the longing in her eyes. “Since when do you or I care what other people think?”

Anna didn’t answer for the longest time, her hands warm on his wrists. Finally, she said, “You don’t know what it is like being a governess. I’ve lost everything; my friends, my position in society, my future. But I still have Grandpapa, and I still have my pride. I will not give up either.”

“I didn’t ask you to. I just offered—”

“You offered an exchange—security and a home for my virtue and honor.” A slow, wracking sigh shook her. “Anthony, I cannot. Please do not ask me again.”

“I
will
ask you again,” he said fiercely, holding her once more, feeling her slender body firm against his. “And again and again, until you agree. Anna, I want you with me.”

“But not as your wife.”

He closed his eyes, his jaw aching with the hollowness that seemed to grow by the moment. “I can’t. I gave my word and I cannot renege. Anna, please. If you would just listen to what I have to offer—”

“I don’t want what you offer. I’ve taken care of myself and Grandpapa for over a year now, without any help, too.” Her chin firmed and he marveled at the strength that shone in her eyes. “I don’t need you, Greyley. Go and marry Charlotte.”

“Damn it, Anna! I’ve already explained the nature of my relationship with Charlotte and it has nothing to do with us.” He reached out and captured a tendril of hair that had escaped her pins. “We will be together, Anna.”

“No, we won’t. I can’t allow it to happen.”

“We can’t stop it. It was meant to be.” He wrapped the strand of her hair about his fingers and pulled her face to his. He placed a soft, light kiss at the corner of her mouth.

The touch was so tender, so soft that if Anna closed her
eyes, she would have wondered if it had been real or just the remnants of a heated wish.

His eyes glinted darkly. “We were ordained by the stars. Foretold in days of old.” He kissed her, his lips brushing softly across hers, this time sending tremors through her.

Anna had to clench her hands into fists to keep from leaning into him. Waves of heat seemed to rise about her, obscuring her vision, making her shift restlessly. She already knew the delight that was held in his hands.

It was sad to realize that once she left Greyley House, she would never again have the opportunity to know those pleasures. For there was only one man she’d ever allow this close to her—and he belonged to another woman.

“Anna, please,” he whispered against her cheek. “I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. I need you with me.” He nipped at her ear, his breath sending delighted shivers through her.

She forced herself to remain still. “If you have trouble sleeping, then try a glass of warm milk.”

He lifted his head and looked into her eyes, a sardonic quirk on his lips. “Is that what you do each night? Drink glasses and glasses of warm milk?”

“Heavens, no. I never dream of anything more disturbing than falling out of my window. But then, my conscience is fairly clear.” Except for the fact that she lusted after her host and employer.

“I suppose I deserve that,” he said. “I should never have allowed our passion to go as far as it did in the library.”

In his own way, Anna realized that Anthony was apologizing. It wasn’t what she wanted, but it was something. “Especially since you are engaged.”

“I’ve told you that Charlotte would not care. In fact, I daresay she’d be relieved to know that I had made arrangements to take my pleasure somewhere else.”

Now that she knew Charlotte, Anna had to agree. The girl’s visions of love did not include hot, passionate kisses that left one feeling as if all her bones had been seared to ashes. Young and less earthy than Anna, Charlotte believed in courtly love, in poetry and flowers, in soft words and meaningful glances—none of which had to do with base passions.

Anna closed her eyes. It was a pity she was not to wed Greyley; she would have been able to deal with his passions
and
his ill-tempered moods, both of which were sure to put the innocent Miss Melton into a tizzy of fear. If only—She stopped. No. She would not think of the “what ifs.” She couldn’t afford to. Blinking away a sudden tear, Anna tried to free herself from Greyley’s grasp.

“I have to go.” Quickly, before she made a fool of herself.

“Anna, don’t. Perhaps I can—”

Her tenuous control broke, and suddenly the unfairness of it all poured across her until she stood drenched in outrage. “You can do what? Explain the reasons why you cannot marry a lowly governess?”

His hands fell free of her arms. “Lowly? I have never considered you thus. I spent the last eighteen years of my life trying to convince everyone, including myself, that the Elliot name is worth honoring. I have given everything I possess to make it so, and I cannot walk away from that. I gave my word to marry Charlotte. A man is only worth as much as his word, Anna. You wouldn’t want it any other way.”

Anna took a shuddering breath. He was right—she wouldn’t have him be any less honorable, any less true to his St. John heritage than he was. “Do what you must, Anthony. And so will I.”

She stepped around him, then walked slowly down the stairs. Her heart lurched with each step but she didn’t falter. She stopped to pick up her hat, and then she walked out of the house, too numb to feel anything other than the roar of emptiness.

T
he next week was an agony for Anna. Though Greyley did as she asked and stayed away, she was aware of his dark gaze on her. And she yearned for him, longed for him, even as she knew it was impossible. Lady Putney seemed aware that something was amiss and she made no secret of her disapproval.

Once Anna came upon Anthony in the morning room and they had stood transfixed, not speaking, but neither of them making an effort to leave. It was as if a secret thread tied them together. Thin, but as strong as steel, it bound them even as it separated them one from the other.

To protect herself from the yearnings in her heart, Anna’d taken to keeping the children near and, when they were not, she found someone else to serve as impromptu chaperone.

Fortunately for her, Greyley’s cousin, Rupert, seemed more than willing to be her constant companion. Anna
found him an unexpectedly merry cohort, willing to assist her with all manner of projects. She even took him to visit Charlotte, though she made him wait in a copse of trees a small distance from the house. As much as she enjoyed Rupert Elliot’s company, he was not the type of young man she would introduce to an impressionable girl like Charlotte.

Anna also did what she could to stay busy, though all the while she lusted for Greyley, dreamed of his hands on her, imagined his body against hers until she knew that she could not remain at Greyley House much longer. As soon as the children were more established with Lily, and Charlotte was more confident, then Anna would leave.

The thought made her teary-eyed. Why did this tension have to exist between her and Greyley? “I have the self-control of a pat of butter,” she muttered to herself as she sat in the nursery, working with the children on their Latin.

“What’s that, miss?” Mrs. Stibbons asked. She was sitting in one corner of the room, assisting Lily in hemming a cape for Richard’s part in the play.

“Nothing,” Anna said, returning to her work, her face red.

Selena leaned toward Mrs. Stibbons. “She said she had the butt of a sheep herd.”

“I did not,” Anna said, casting a harried glance at the housekeeper.

“Did, too. I heard you.” Selena peered at Anna’s behind, her brow crinkled in thought. “It’s not that big.”

Anna narrowed her gaze. “That’s enough from you.”

Selena grinned and returned to her work while Mrs. Stibbons chuckled. “That child is a merriment unto herself.”

“Indeed she is.” Anna caught sight of Rupert in the doorway. “Ah! Have you come to visit?”

The children immediately clamored out of their chairs and swarmed the young man.

He laughed, holding out his hands to fend them off. “Back, you little fiends!”

“Uncle Rupert!” Elizabeth cried, her cheeks red with pleasure. “Did you bring us anything?”

“You said you’d bring us candy,” Marian said eagerly.

“I want some candy, too,” Elizabeth interrupted.

Rupert laughed and held out his hand. Five sparkling candies lay in his palm. “Selena first. She’s the youngest.”

“Ohhh,” Selena said, staring at the candies with great concentration. “I like red candies.”

She started to take it, but then hesitated. “I like yellow ones, too.”

“Oh for heaven’s sake,” Marian said, hopping up and down. “Just pick one.”

Selena acted as if she hadn’t heard her sister. She touched the orange candy with a grubby finger. “I’ve never had an orange candy before.”

“Then take the orange one,” Desford said, frowning.

“But I might not like it.” Selena’s brow cleared. “I know. I’ll take the yellow one. It’s a sunny day and this candy looks like the sun.”

“Good,” Elizabeth said, elbowing Richard aside so she could see the candies better. “Now it’s Marian’s turn to—”

“But perhaps,” Selena said thoughtfully, sucking on one of her fingers, “perhaps I should get the red one because I do have a red dress and it is my favorite.”

The children groaned while Rupert laughed. “I’ll tell you what, princess. You take the red one and I’ll bring you an orange one tomorrow.”

Sighing reluctantly, Selena took the red candy. The rest was distributed without mishap and Anna soon had everyone settled back into their seats and doing their work, the candy making them all pleasantly quiet.

She turned to Rupert. “That was very nice of you.”

He shrugged. “They are my family. Some of the few I can stand.” His gaze flickered to Anna and he smiled. “You certainly have a way with them. I don’t think I’ve ever seen them this orderly.”

“They are good children.” Better than good children—they were wonderful. Her throat grew tight and she had to clear it before she could speak. “They are creative, too. You should see the play they have planned.”

“I’m sure it’s delightful.” He leaned forward and took her hand in his. “As are you.”

When Greyley took her hand, her whole body tingled as if afire. When Rupert took her hand, it was all she could do to keep from snapping at him. She freed her fingers. “That’s enough of that, Rupert.”

“Not for me, it isn’t,” he said, his voice low. “Anna, I feel—”

“Indigestion, most likely,” she answered easily. “The roast was not well cooked last night and it has made even me uneasy.” Why was it so simple to turn aside this perfectly charming and handsome man, yet she could not make herself walk away from an arrogant, domineering ass like Greyley?

Rupert sighed. “You are making this very difficult for me, aren’t you?”

“As much as possible.”

A reluctant smile touched his lips. “Anna, I hope you don’t think I’m too forward, but I couldn’t help but notice that my cousin seems rather taken with you.”

“Oh, he’s quite decided that I’m to be his mistress,” Anna said without thinking.

Rupert barely managed to keep his mouth from dropping open. For some reason, such openness was disturbing in a woman. Of course, Anna Thraxton wasn’t an ordinary
woman. In the past two weeks, Rupert had come to realize exactly what it was that had Anthony in an uproar.

He felt a momentary twinge of guilt. It was quite unlike Greyley to pursue an honest woman, and Rupert had little doubt that Miss Thraxton was every bit as virtuous as she seemed. That left only one possibility—that there was a genuine attraction between the two.

His mother had been right after all. “I hope my cousin hasn’t made things awkward for you.”

“Heavens, no! Greyley is rude, perhaps, but never awkward. I’ve told him I’ll have none of him.”

“He doesn’t seem to have heard you.”

“Yes, well, he’s a wretched listener. Quite impossible.”

Rupert had to smile. “I’ve never heard it said quite like that, but yes, he is a wretched listener.”

Anna glanced at the children. “Yet he has done a great deal for your family.”

Indeed he had. More than Anna could guess. Rupert’s twinge of guilt grew. “I don’t know if you are familiar with the particulars of the Elliot family, but suffice it to say that we are singularly lacking in decorum, grace, and quality.”

“That’s rather harsh.”

“But true. Before Anthony took the family in hand, we were on the brink of ruin, both financially and socially. My uncle owed money to almost every peer in the realm, even the prince. And as you know, that is not an enviable position for anyone.”

“I should say not. But Greyley seems to have prospered despite it all.”

Rupert leaned a shoulder against a wall. “I don’t know about that. He was only seventeen when he took the family reins. He’s more somber now. He doesn’t laugh as he used to.”

A shadow darkened her eyes. “He takes on a lot, doesn’t he?” she said softly.

“As he was taught. He was a St. John, you know.”

“Where he learned his principles.”

“And no one is quite so stubborn as a St. John.”

“Except an Elliot?”

“We aren’t nearly as stubborn as we are selfish, disloyal, and spendthrift.”

“Lovely qualities for an entire family.”

“You cannot change the way you were born,” Rupert said with a shrug.

“Nonsense,” she said briskly. “You are what you decide to become, Rupert.”

“So Anthony tells me. He’s becoming impossibly dictatorial.”

Anna sighed. “I know. I’ve done what I can. But it’s going to be up to Charlotte—” She broke off.

“Charlotte?” Rupert asked. “Ah, yes. Charlotte Melton. I’ve been escorting you to her house every morning.”

“I was hoping you wouldn’t know her.”

“I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting her, but I’d heard—” He shrugged. “I know far more than you realize.”

“I didn’t realize you knew of the engagement. I would have introduced you, but—” She looked at him.

Rupert gave a rueful grin. “I’m not a proper man for a Miss Melton, eh?”

“She’s a very gentle creature, almost half his age, and painfully shy. Makes me positively ill to think of what living with a man like Greyley could do to a gently raised child like that.”

“I see,” Rupert said. He watched Anna for a moment, noting the way the sunlight lit the deep auburn lights of her hair to the richest red. She was a beautiful woman, he realized
with some surprise. Even with that bold nose. Strange he’d never noticed it before, but something about her manner made one shy away from really looking at her.

But perhaps it was no wonder. Any normal man would cringe from the directness of her opinions, the forthright way she had of speaking, and the annoying way she had of looking at one as if she could see right through you. All told, she was a formidable package. To everyone but a man like Greyley.

And perhaps to a man like Rupert. He leaned forward and smiled. “You have lovely hair.”

She sent him a flat look. “Pray do not start that nonsense with me. I have a very low tolerance for drivel.”

Rupert’s pride was piqued. No wonder Greyley was so determined to have her. “Are you ready to go for a ride?”

“Only if you will promise not to make a cake of yourself. I’m quite immune, you know. And I rather like you—I’d hate to have to avoid you for the rest of your stay.”

“Oh, very well, wretch,” he said, feeling unaccountably cheered. He offered her his arm. “Shall we go?”

“I need to change. Can you meet me in front of the house in ten minutes?”

“No woman can change her clothes in ten minutes.”

“I can,” she said. “Lily, will you and Mrs. Stibbons watch the children? I’m going for a ride.”

Lily beamed her agreement and Rupert watched as Anna walked from the room. He made his farewells to the children and went downstairs to wait. A scant ten minutes passed before she sailed down the steps, her habit neatly buttoned as she pinned her hat to her curls.

They were up on their horses and riding through the woods before Anna smiled at him. “I hope you don’t mind, but I promised Charlotte I’d stop by.” She shot him a hesitant
glance. “I hope you won’t tell Greyley that I’ve become acquainted with his betrothed. I don’t think he’d like it.”

Rupert flashed a boyish grin. “Oh, I’ll keep your secrets, if for no other reason than to discomfit Anthony.”

“Excellent! I’ve been lending Charlotte some books.”

“What books?”

“Wollstonecraft, Byron, and some others.”

“Good God,” Rupert said, awe dripping from his words. “Anna, what are you doing?”

“Protecting an innocent girl from future unhappiness.”

“And creating unhappiness for Greyley.”

“Anthony needs a woman who understands her own value. With a few improvements, Charlotte will be perfect.”

Rupert’s grin widened. “Greyley will be furious.”

“Oh, he’s always upset about something.”

“Good God, what I would give to see the first time she opens her mouth to refute him. He’ll be livid.”

Anna sniffed. “No man knows what’s good for him. Look at Greyley—with all the capable, competent women out there, he chooses the most unsuitable child for his bride. Why, one week with your family and she would be torn to shreds and—” She glanced at him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to malign your relatives.”

“If she’s an innocent, I daresay you’re right.” He glanced at her curiously. “Why do you care so much about Greyley’s intended?”

“Because Charlotte has no one to help her.”

“You are a kind person, did you know that?” His lips twisted into a self-derisive smile. “The opposite of me.”

“You are what you want to be. And you want to be naughty.”

He grinned but made no further comment, and they rode for a short time without talking.

“Here we are,” Anna said as they pulled up to the garden gate at Melton House. She easily dropped to the ground without waiting for Rupert to dismount. “I’m a bit late. Charlotte will be worried something happened.”

He lightly leaped down from the saddle and came to stand beside her. “Worried? About an Amazon like you?”

“Charlotte doesn’t have my hearty constitution. I daresay a ride in the sun would quite exhaust her.”

“She sounds like a paltry woman.”

“Oh no. Just delicate.” A mischievous grin crossed Anna’s face. “And very pretty.”

Pretty? “Is she?” Rupert managed to say without too much inflection.

“Just wait until you meet her.” Anna looped the reins over the fence and opened the narrow iron gate.

Rupert followed, closing the gate and looking about him with interest. The garden was beautiful—lush and heavily grown, with splashes of color that almost hurt the eye. The lazy sun warmed everything and sent the heavy scent of flowers spilling into the air.

Anna frowned. “Charlotte is usually waiting. Rupert, stay here. I’m going to see if she’s on the other path.” She disappeared down a narrow stone walk.

It was quiet in the little clearing, the heavy drone of a bee the only sound. A faint breeze stirred his hair. The minutes stretched and he sighed, feeling a little sleepy in the heat. He wandered to the rose garden and plucked a large, pink blossom. A sound behind him made him turn.

Expecting Anna, he was already smiling, a quip ready. But the words died on his lips. Before him stood a tiny, exquisite creature who looked like a nymph. Her skin was perfect cream, her cheek smooth and round. Her mouth, naturally red, parted as she gasped in surprise. She took an
uncertain step back and the sunlight gilded her golden hair to silver.