An Autumn to Remember: A Novel (Elmtown Series Book 1) (14 page)

   He took the empty containers they used for the hibiscus and other ingredients into the kitchen and started washing them in the sink. Helen started rearranging the part of the shelf where she kept her dried food stuff.

   “Do you think they liked the drink?” Jamie asked.

   “Yup,” she said with a straight face.

   “Is there something wrong? You aren’t saying much,” he probed.

   “Nope,” Helen said, not looking at him. She passed by him and wiped the kitchen table with paper towel.

   Evidently, all was not well but Jamie didn’t ask further, he knew she had good reason to be upset.

   After less than five minutes Helen stood with her arms folded and looked straight at him. “I just have one thing to say to you,” she said. “Next time you plan to make me look like a fool in front of everyone like that, could you just warn me beforehand?” she asked, bobbing her head.

   “I wasn’t trying to make you look like a fool.”

   “Oh, you didn’t have to try, it was very easily done,” she snapped, rolling her eyes.

   “Mom chill. Are you going to even listen to what I have to say about it or you already have your mind made up? Let’s just have a conversation about it...hear me out first will ya?”

   “I see. Now you have something to say right? That’s just perfect timing. You didn’t have anything to say this morning? You didn’t have anything to say yesterday or last week or since I’ve been asking if any important letter came in?”

   “Look I know how you feel and I admit it wasn’t the best way to hear it. I’m sorry about that, but I’m not going to be sorry about trying to follow my dreams. This is what I think will make me happy in life. I just don’t see myself as that investment banker you think I should be. I just don’t Mom.”

   “You are seriously really standing there and telling me everything we’ve worked for all these years counts for nothing? Why the heck did you have to go through college then?”

   “This is exactly why I was hesitant to tell you. I knew you weren’t going to understand. I still would have gone to college regardless of what I intended to do. There are many advantages to the experience besides getting a job. I don’t think I would have been clear on what I wanted to do without my music classes at MVU. It’s not a wasted experience Mom.”

   “You’re right, I don’t understand. May I remind you that we lost the mortgage because of your tuition Jamie? Because of your tuition. We would have been fine if we hadn’t used the savings for it and now you turn around and do this? Do you want to throw your whole life away?” she asked. She used up her savings to pay his tuition fees after being assured by a friend that she was going to get that job. It was one of her major goals to help her son graduate without debt. Since it was his last year, she took the risk based on a job she had not yet been given. Unfortunately, none of the factories or warehouses in Elmtown were hiring part-time workers because of the bad economy.

   She didn’t even try to hold back her tears. She let it all out and broke down in front of him. She felt like tearing his hair out and shoving it in his nose. Why was he doing this now? she wondered. “You should have done this after high school,” she said. “Or after your first year at Malcolm Vale. Or even when you stopped getting full funding. We worked hard to get to this point and now that we are about to get rewarded, you decide to reject a seventy thousand dollar offer from one of the most prestigious firms in the country.”

   “I’m sorry you feel that way. I didn’t know I was going to choose this path Mom.”

   “I remember once, when you said you didn’t want to take a loan for college,” she continued, not listening to what he said, “and would just go find something else to do with your life because you didn’t want to start your life in debt. I should have agreed. I should have let you go into carpentry like you suggested, or whatever else you were thinking about.”

   He remembered that conversation. He was going to find an apprenticeship and according to his research would have been making good money in three years but Helen didn’t agree because she wanted him to go to college. She wanted him to graduate with excellent grades and land a well-paying job in finance. It was going to be their way out of the rut they had been in for years, but now she realized she made a horrible mistake.

   “Mom, you know I appreciate everything you’ve done. Everything you’ve sacrificed for me. You know me. Don’t even talk like that at all. You know it’s not like that. Besides, I always have something to fall back on if things don’t work out,” he said.

   Helen walked away from him. She now understood clearly that she should never have gotten that second job that almost killed her in his second year when they were both overworked from trying get the money he needed. She was working two jobs, sleeping for only five hours every day and getting home at half past eleven every night including Saturdays and Sundays.

She should never have put their mortgage at risk and now her credit rating was dead and buried with nothing to show for it. She thought about how she was willing to risk everything as long as she saw him graduate and land a big job. She saw how that Jewish single mother Elizabeth Stein’s life changed as soon as her children graduated and secured lucrative employment in Allen City. One was a surgeon and the other was an oil and gas engineer. They even bought her a house in Elmtown and all her sacrifices had been worth it.

   She regretted that her situation didn’t turn out as she expected. Her Jamie was screwing everything up with his music fantasy that had suddenly taken over his mind like a parasite. She reasoned that even if he didn’t think about the sacrifices she made for him, at least he had to be logical for his own self, for his own life. Why did he inherit this overactive imagination from his father? she wondered.

   She was worried that she was going to watch her only son, her only child continue the burdensome life they had been leading all these years? Nothing is ever going to change
,
she thought. Then suddenly she walked back to where he was standing, fuming.

   “Something to fall back on? Did you say something to fall back on?” she asked. “Do you realize any gap on your resume will come back and bite you? And then there will be nothing to fall back on? OK, let’s say you try this music career you’re going on about for two years and it doesn’t work. How would you fill that gap if you have to apply for a job?”

   “I’m graduating with a 4.0 GPA. That should be enough.”

  Helen chuckled, closed her eyes, then sighed. She looked at her son, shaking her head, and said, “By that time, your mates would have developed skills worth two years more than whatever you have. Then there’ll be new graduates whose brains would be fresh from college for analyst positions–why would anyone want to hire you? You know how much I researched before you got into college and even when you were at Malcolm Vale. I know what I’m saying. Wall Street is highly competitive. Do not throw this away,” she warned.

   “I’ll figure it out,” Jamie said sounding unsure of himself. He knew she had a point. He knew she loved him more than anyone in this world and she would always tell him the truth. But he made up his mind; he wasn’t going to make himself unhappy to satisfy anyone, not even his beloved mother.

***

   Chelsea packed the leftover cookies in small containers, threw out the remaining bits of salad and loaded the dishwasher as Maria the housekeeper vacuumed the living room after the guests had gone. Tyler was fast asleep in his bedroom.

   Teresa went into the library to file her bank statement in the yellow cabinet where they kept official files. Each one of them had their own section for keeping important documents. As she closed the cabinet, she wondered if she was ready for a serious discussion that evening. She felt a bit tired, sat down and reclined the brown leather office chair. She decided she still had to talk some sense into her daughter before things became irredeemable.
Jamie? Helen’s son? What the heck was she thinking?
She thought.
To crown it all, the boy didn’t even seem like he knew what he wanted to do with his life.

   She wasn’t going to let her daughter get caught with someone who wasn’t going to have a future. From what she saw, he didn’t even recognize a good opportunity. Life finally presented him with a way out but no, he’d rather throw that opportunity back in life’s face and be a bum all his life.

   She pitied Helen for having such an unwise son because the offer he was rejecting would have been their way into some semblance of a comfortable life. But that’s life
, s
he thought. Some people just don’t get it. That’s why the strong will always eat the weak. Wasn’t that what Einstein or whoever said? Anyway he is definitely not the one for my daughter. Just when I thought we were done with the stage experimenting with low-life guys as boyfriends. She decided Chelsea needed a wake up call and to be delivered from her delusion.

   As she continued thinking about how and when to begin dealing with this potentially catastrophic mess, Chelsea walked past, on her way to the stairs.

   “Chelsea,” Teresa called.

   “Yes Mom.”

   She stood by the entrance and said, “What's up? You look tired.”

   “Yes it’s been a long day. I’m fine. Can I talk to you for a minute?”

   “Sure,” she said and sat in the other chair closer to the bookshelf.

   “So when did this thing with Jamie start?”

   “Finally, I was wondering why you hadn’t said anything yet. Anyway, just a few weeks. I’m still surprised myself and I didn’t really see that one coming but he’s actually everything I’ve ever wanted in a man and much more. I can’t believe I never really saw it Mom. You know what I mean?” Chelsea asked.

   Helen cleared her throat and looked straight at her daughter. “I’m going to be honest with you as always and I need you to hear me out. You’re just setting yourself up for disappointment.”

   Chelsea sat up straight and folded her arms. “What do you mean?”

   “Jamie is not right for you. That’s not the kind of guy you need. You are not compatible enough. It’s probably just a silly rebound crush.”

   “Hold on, hold on Mom. What do you mean he’s not right for me? I don’t get what you’re driving at exactly so you’ll have to really elaborate.”

   She was disappointed, hurt and angry all at the same time but she wanted to hear the explanation. She wanted to know what her dear mother had to say about her love life this time. The fact that she knew Teresa was capable of saying things like this didn’t make it any easier to swallow. John was the only boyfriend Teresa fully accepted. She was aware of the difference between John and the others and it made her sad that her mother had a materialistic mindset.

   “First, you just came out of a serious relationship. It’s too early to be jumping into another relationship with someone else.”

   “Well, you may be right that it’s too early but I’ve known Jamie almost all my life and I think being with the right person is the most important thing. Anyways Mom that’s beside the point. You said ‘Jamie is not right for you.’ What did you mean?”

   “You are too different from him. You are ambitious. He is not. And that’s only one out of many differences. He’s not a practical person. I don’t want you to end up with a dreamer who isn’t man enough to face the realities of real life.”

   “You have no idea, and you know nothing about Jamie. He is the most ambitious man I’ve ever met. Just because he doesn’t fit into your idea of what an ambitious man looks doesn’t mean he isn’t one.”

   “Chelsea, you’re just being naive. The boy has no future. I don’t want you to end up with someone who will be a parasite. You are smart girl with lots of potential. You don’t have to settle.”

   “Settle? Parasite? No future? Mom, you honestly don’t know how mean you sound when you talk like that. I can’t do this right now...I just can’t.” She shook her head in disgust, pushed herself out of the chair and stormed out of the room.

19

  There was no doubt in Jamie’s mind that it was Chelsea’s text that night that did it. It was that text which jolted him into deciding that it was time to tell her the unsaid dark secret of his life.

  She sent him a random text just after they said goodnight to each other over the phone.

   -No matter what or whomever comes between us. I will always stand by you. I’ll never leave you. I love you Jamie Collins.

On one hand, he wondered if someone was trying to come between them. His guess was that she told her mother more about them and it didn’t go well. On the other hand, what he felt when he read the words “I love you” was the kind of feeling that people often find impossible to explain. It was the type of feeling that could only be understood by personal experience.

   That night Jamie came to know just how serious their romance had become. He dated occasionally earlier in college but this was his first exclusive relationship. The first time he could confidently say that he was truly in love with someone. He always knew it was neither crush nor mere lust. This was far above the fleeting ways of a shallow physical attraction with no roots or foundation. This was the real thing.

   She was also not any random girl but his dream girl and he couldn’t imagine allowing his past to jeopardize what they had. He knew he still had his work cut out for him with regards to his mother. Even she needed to know what he was about to tell his girlfriend, but first he had to see Chelsea in the morning and get the load off his chest.

   When he woke up the next morning, he went for a run at the park because he needed to clear his head and get himself ready for the task at hand. It wasn’t going to be easy especially not knowing what Chelsea’s reaction would be but it had to be done.

   The woods smelled of earth and dead leaves made moist from the morning dew. Branches rustled, a few gray bushy-tailed squirrels ran up and down the trees. The morning breeze blew against Jamie’s face as he jogged along Sauga's Freedom Path, a common destination for early morning runners who lived close to Jefferson Park. The jogging path was named after a Native American historical figure who led his people in a battle against the tyranny of a chief, long before the arrival of Europeans in the New World. People believed that the battle occurred near the Freedom Path, now a place for battling calories and fat.

   The history of the path was the type of random information Jamie liked to read about for hours on the internet. He loved running there because the backdrop of trees and whistling birds helped him to meditate and clear his mind. It was like his own personal quiet time.

   So there he was on a historic battleground, fighting his own personal battle, an inward one.

   Should he tell Chelsea his secret or not? Could it mean losing her?

   There were times his mind tried to convince him it never happened but there was no way he could forget with the type of heart he had.

   The greatest lie is lying to oneself. It happened and I must deal with it, he thought.

   He wondered why he was always so afraid of disappointing his mother. Maybe it was because she regarded him as the most perfect of sons and he never wanted that image to change.

Isn't it too late too late now? Maybe this is one of those things one could keep as a secret to protect people you love, he thought. But he loved Chelsea so much he knew it would hurt every day of his life knowing he was keeping secrets from her. He tried to picture how he would feel if he found out Chelsea was hiding something from him. “Not good. Not good at all,” he said to himself. He would prefer her honesty and would be able to deal with any mistakes she made in her past.

   Everyone makes mistakes so she would understand, he reasoned. She would, just like I would.

   The fact that Chelsea understood him, that she got him, made him bolder about the situation. He didn't think she would see him as a despicable human being just because of a mistake in his past.

   He would tell her how he thought about Ji-Min every single day of his life but was too ashamed to go back.

   I find it hard to forgive people when they betray my trust.
Chelsea’s words reverberated in his head.

   When he ran half way into the ten-mile path, he turned around and headed back home. Now walking briskly, he felt his soaked shirt cling to his skin but the sweat made the wind feel even cooler. He passed by a plump woman who was trying to catch her breath. It looked like she was bent on losing her excess weight but the way she gasped made Jamie think she could pass out any minute.

   He looked back to catch a glance of her. She moved to the side under a tree, panting, then she sat on the ground.

   Jamie felt an urge to go ahead and check that she was OK but immediately a picture of Ji-Min entered his mind and he stopped. He remembered how he met her in South Korea when he went there to teach English for a year. It was the year between high school and college. A gap year. He learned that term from Ji-Min and many more things he shouldn’t have been learning from a married woman.

   If he could rewind time, he would make different choices. So desperate to save a lot of money, he took an extra job. If only he hadn't taken that weekend job as a fitness instructor, everything could have been avoided. He felt that if he hadn’t accepted to work extra hours, the probability of them meeting would have been very low?

This is not time to ruminate on probabilities, he thought. He screwed up and that was the reality.

   He only wanted to help Ji-Min and had no ulterior motives when he approached her. She was a new customer at the gym and he was only doing his job.

   He saw her struggling on the new cardio equipment and despite her slim figure, he could tell right away from her excessive panting that she wasn't physically fit. One of his colleagues, Jung, was in charge of that particular equipment. He even remembered the name. The Super XT Cardio-Cyclo. But Jung had gone for his toilet break so Jamie covered for him.

   He walked up to Ji-Min and communicated in the very little Korean he knew but was taken aback when she asked in crisp English accent, “Do you speak English? Your Korean is killing me.”

   After they finished laughing together at his hopeless Korean, he asked a few questions and designed a fitness regime for her. That was how it all started, their frequent discussions at the gym, dates and their illicit relationship.