An Ex to Grind in Deadwood (Deadwood Humorous Mystery Book 5) Paperback – September 4, 2014 (6 page)

Mona lifted her rhinestone reading glasses, resting them on top of her auburn tresses. “Hold on a minute while I picture Cooper with sweat trickling down his sideburns, guns a’blazin.” She purred in her throat. “It’s too bad he’s a little young for me. What about you?”

“What about me?” I pulled out a compact mirror and tube of lip gloss from my desk drawer, tucking my hair back, freshening up for Doc. Even if he had seen me first thing in the morning a few times now, he hadn’t seen me in all of my frizzy glory.

“I know Detective Cooper is not your favorite person, but you can’t tell me you’ve never thought about hitting that?”

Hitting that?
I paused mid-gloss and shot her an open-mouthed look over the mirror. “You’ve been hanging around Ray too much. His vernacular is rubbing off on you.”

She leaned back, crossing her arms over her chest. “Answer the question, Vi.”

I finished touching up my lips. “Sure, I’ve thought about ‘hitting that’ many times.”

“Ha!” Mona grinned wide. “I knew it.”

I tucked the mirror and gloss back into my desk. “In most of my fantasies, I use my shoe. Sometimes it’s with a wooden spatula or a serving tray. Once I even daydreamed about using a rubber chicken on him until he cried like a baby.” I sighed like a lovesick groupie. “That one really got me all jazzed up.”

She chuckled, lowering her glasses back onto her nose. “You can joke all you want, but he’s one hot cop.”

“That’s true. I’ve seen him spit fire with my very own eyes, and then had to be treated for the burns.”

“You really don’t like him, do you?”

What I felt for Detective Cooper was much more complicated than circling YES or NO on a do-you-like-me note. There were levels of frustration and anger sandwiched with humiliation and fury, yet slices of respect and trust were melded in between it all. However, it would take way more time than I had at the moment to explain it all, so I kept it simple. “Mona, I can’t emphasize enough how much Cooper does not ring my bell.” Except for the one signaling the end of yet another round of fighting between us.

“He’s such an alpha male, all dominant and chest pounding.” She leaned her chin on her palm. “And so big.”

Big? Cooper was long-legged, rip-corded, and lean, built like an old West gunfighter, but not really “big.” I was beginning to wonder if we were still talking about the detective or if Mona had moved on to another alpha male who was messing up my world with his marketing schemes.

“I bet he’s an animal in the sack,” she said.

I stared at Mona, taken aback at our topic of conversation this afternoon. This was the first time she and I had delved into the subject of sex. Until now our friendship had been centered on work and my kids with her sharing only brief snippets of her family and past. What had changed? Jane dying? A camaraderie because we were now outnumbered by men in the office? Maybe she had something she needed to share about a certain man and I was replacing Jane as Mona’s new confidante.

“An animal, huh?” I shrugged, playing along. “He definitely has sharp, pokey parts. Personally, I prefer to be bitten, not clawed.”

“Doc’s a biter, huh?”

I’d filled her in last week on the situation between Doc and me while sipping on lattes at the Tin Cup Café. I’d been afraid she’d shake her head about me getting involved with a previous client, so her smile had been a relief.

“He bites some,” I grinned, “but he licks a lot more.” Enough about Doc. “What about Jerry?”

“Jerry?” She jerked upright, her eyes glancing toward his office. “What do you mean? We’re talking about Cooper.”

“Come on, Mona. I’m not blind. There’s something going on between Jerry and you.” Something that had her wanting to exchange locker room talk about sex and boys with me.

“You’re reading things wrong. He’s my boss and that’s it.” She returned to her keyboard, clacking away, but her cheeks were full of roses.

“Sure, Jerry is your boss right now. What about before?”

“Before, he was Jane’s ex-husband.”

“And?”

“And nothing. That’s all there ever was and all there ever will be.”

She wasn’t going to budge today. Fine. I wasn’t going anywhere and neither was she or Jerry. I’d try again later. “If you say so.” I headed toward the front door. “Speaking of Doc, I need to run over to his office for a few minutes.”

Her eyes remained glued to her screen. “Got it.”

I jangled my keys. “If you need to leave, lock up.”

“Will do. Say ‘hello’ to your biter for me.”

Chuckling, I pushed outside. The cold, damp air chilled my skin, making me wish I’d grabbed my sweater even if it was still soggy. The change in seasons had cooled things down quickly up in the hills, where Old Man Winter always nipped at autumn’s heels right out of the gate. Most years, snowflakes started falling in October and kept flurrying off and on all of the way into May. That reminded me that I needed to dig the kids’ winter coats out of the boxes I had stacked down in Aunt Zoe’s basement and see if they still fit.

I didn’t waste time watching my breath turn to steam and dashed into Doc’s warm office closing the door behind me, shivering in my damp silk blouse.

“It’s ‘bout damned time, girl,” Harvey twisted in his chair opposite Doc’s desk. “We gotta hit the road soon. Coop and I need to figure out what to do with that cow mess.”

Doc rose from his desk chair and shrugged off his tan corduroy jacket. “Here,” he said, coming around and draping it over my shoulders. His dark brown gaze lingered below my chin until I pulled the jacket closed over my chest.

Warmth cocooned me; the scent of his skin and woodsy cologne were exactly what I needed to soothe some of the scrapes left after my brush with Cooper’s scratchy personality.

“Thanks,” I looked up at him, hungry for more of his body heat. His black hair looked finger plowed, his chin and jaw shadowed with stubble.

“You’re welcome, Boots.” Doc’s focus stayed locked on my lips for a heartbeat or five, making me glad I’d taken the time to gloss them up for him. “Is that the cherry flavored stuff or strawberry?”

“Ah, shitfire.” Harvey pushed out of his chair. “Come on you two horny toads, don’t make me get a hose.” He caught my arm and led me to his seat, shoving me down into it.

It wasn’t my fault. Doc did things to me, all kinds of things, sometimes with his fingers, often with his tongue, especially when we were alone. If Harvey looked up the words
hopeless
,
pathetic
, and
lovesick
in the dictionary, my picture would be smack dab in the center, my grin goofy and sappy as hell.

I did my best to keep my heart from popping up into my eyeballs when I stared at Doc. Knowing that he’d dumped his last girlfriend at the mention of marriage, I had to play it iceberg cool. If he knew I’d gone and fallen head-over-boots for him in three short months, he might kick me to the gutter, too. Aunt Zoe kept telling me that Doc wouldn’t do that, claiming I was “special,” which I interpreted as
mental but harmless and means well
. Clearly she was biased due to our shared DNA. When it got down to bedrock, I didn’t want to take any chances with the M-word. I had two kids to take care of, so drowning my broken heart in tequila was not an option.

“I already spread my manure, fillin’ Doc’s ears with what I know and saw.” Harvey lowered into Doc’s desk chair. “It’s your turn now.”

Doc waited for me, one of his dark eyebrows lifted higher than the other. “You doing okay?”

“All things considered,”
reality TV show, dead woman, asshole coworker, lonely nights,
“I’m good.” I cinched his jacket tighter since Harvey wouldn’t let me wrap up in Doc’s arms.

“What’d the lady on the phone say to you?” he pressed.

I repeated what I remembered, mangling her “nine” comment even more. Clouds passed over Doc’s face as he listened to my account, settling on his creased brow. When I finished, he scrubbed his hand down his face, scratching over his five o’clock shadow.

“Christ,” he muttered and walked over to the front window, his back to Harvey and me.

“What do you make of it?” Harvey asked.

“Something that is going to keep me awake all night.”

I picked at lint on my black pants, wishing we were sitting around planning a picnic instead of discussing a dead woman.

Doc’s cell phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket, looked down at it, and then turned to me. “It says you’re calling me.”

“I am?” Had I butt dialed him when I’d sat down? I felt for my phone and came up empty.

“Hello?” he answered, his eyes locked onto me. “Yeah, she’s here.” Another pause. “Sure.” He walked over, his phone held out for me to take, and mouthed the name
Cooper
.

Crap, right. In my haste to escape without having to take a trip to the police station, I’d forgotten he’d pocketed my cell. “You stole my phone, Detective.”

“I confiscated it. There’s a big difference.”

“I call bullshit.”

“What a coincidence, because I called you, and time and again you’re full of it.”

He was turning into a real comedian. “I want my phone back, Cooper.”

“I figured you might. By the way, Natalie called and left a message for you.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose, wishing I could pinch him instead. “Don’t you need a warrant to go through my phone records?”

Harvey snickered, which earned him a glare from me.

“All I did was answer a ringing phone.”

I growled at him. Doc placed his hand on my shoulder, squeezing slightly.

“Are you up on your rabies shots, Parker?”

“What did Nat want?” I cringed in anticipation, wondering if Natalie had had the sense not to let on to Cooper that I’d told her about Ms. Wolff’s creepy call this morning. I imagined having Cooper answer my phone had knocked her back a step.

“She wanted to check in and see if you had called on her mother like you two had discussed earlier.”

Whew!
She’d gone into code mode. Quick thinking on her part. “When can I get my phone back?”

“Did you?” Cooper asked.

“Did I what?”

“Check in on Natalie’s mother?”

I hesitated, trying to figure out if he were seriously concerned or being a nosy detective. “Why do you care? Are you working part-time for a nurse hotline now?”

“Answer the question, Parker.”

“I don’t know that it’s any of your concern.”

“It’s a simple question.”

“Not when it’s coming from you, Detective.”

“Jesus, Violet.” His voice sounded tired this time, not so barky. “Why do you have to make every conversation we have a battle?”

I hated it when he let his human side show through. It was hard to be snappy with him when I knew he’d been working day and night on these unsolved cases and probably needed his binky and a nap. “Maybe if you’d use the words ‘pretty please’ every now and then, I wouldn’t feel the need to come out swinging.”

“You push your luck with me and then bitch when you end up in my jail. You’re so damned hard-headed. How does Nyce put up with your mouth?”

“Doc’s quite fond of my mouth.” That earned me a wink from the man in question. “Funny, Cooper, I didn’t hear a ‘please’ at all in there.”

He sighed through the line, sounding more pained than frustrated. “Would you
please
tell me how many people besides Nyce and your buddy, Natalie, know about this morning’s phone call from Ms. Wolff?”

“To be fair, when I told Nat I didn’t know anyone was dead.”

“I need names, Parker. Not excuses.”

“Natalie, Doc, and Harvey. That’s it.”

“You’re sure this time?”

It was my turn to sigh. “Yes, Detective. I’m positive.”

“Good. Let’s keep it that way then.”

“You actually think you can keep the town of Deadwood from finding out Ms. Wolff was murdered?”

“No, but if I can keep you from being connected to her in the public eye, both of our careers may still have a future.”

Good point. “I’ll be by to get my phone in a few minutes.”

“Don’t bother. I’ll send it by this evening. Your aunt’s place or Nyce’s?”

“Aunt Zoe’s.”

“Before you hang up, I have a couple more questions.”

Harvey waved at me to hurry up. I pointed at the phone and shook my fist. “I’m waiting with bated breath, Detective.”

“Is there anything else I need to know about today’s events? Anything you’ve withheld … by accident, of course?”

I thought about the phone call, the apartment, my conversation with Freesia, all of those clocks.

“Parker?” his voice had the hint of a snarl to it again.

“I’m thinking.” I had recounted everything to him, I was sure. I didn’t want to get pulled into this mess, especially not with shrunken heads involved. “No.”

“You’re absolutely positive.”

“Cooper!”

“Okay, okay. It’s just you don’t have the best record for total honesty in the past.”

That was his fault for being such a frustrating prick. “Will there be anything else, Detective?” Or was he done with his rubber glove?

“Yes. Why is there a picture of a horse’s skull in your phone?”

“You looked at my pictures?!!” My cheeks burned as I remembered a picture I’d taken last week of a weird mole on my back where my bra strap rubs and sent it to Natalie to check out. Thankfully Doc and I kept our phone sex to verbal stimulation, not photos of me in compromising positions.

He chuckled. “Goodnight, Parker.” He hung up on me.

“I’m going to shoot him in the foot with his own gun, I swear.” I handed Doc his cell phone.

“That’s been done before,” Harvey said. “If you want to be original, you’ll need to aim for his knee.”

Doc pocketed his phone. “Violet, tell me again what the lady said to you during the phone call.”

I repeated what I could recall, including the various “nine” lines, which had now morphed into three garbled possibilities.

“Does she have one ‘F’ or two in her last name?”

Harvey and I shrugged as one. “I didn’t ask,” I told Doc.

“The clocks in her house were Black Forest designs?”

“Yep,” Harvey said. “Over one hundred of them.”

“And this Freesia woman who owns the Galena House said the victim made peppernut cookies?”