An Honest Love (29 page)

“Said she was feeling better and promised she’d have some lunch. But we took her blood sugar and it was normal, so I’m not sure that’s the reason she fainted. Has this happened to her before?”

He shook his head. “Not that I know of.”

The paramedic nodded. “We can’t force her to go to the hospital, but we’d like for her to see a doctor all the same.” His expression turned sympathetic. “She said today was your wedding day.”

“
Ya
.” The day he’d been looking forward to for so long. Now it had turned into a nightmare. He didn’t understand why Anna was refusing to go to the hospital. It wasn’t normal to pass out like she did. He rubbed the back of his neck, frowning. “Let me talk to her.”

“We have some paperwork to fill out, so take all the time you need.”

Lukas went to Anna and slowly crouched down next to her. She looked up at him. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I don’t know what happened. I just felt dizzy all of a sudden.”

Lukas nodded, maintaining eye contact even as she was trying to break it with him. She was lying. He could tell by the way she flinched underneath his gaze, the way her hands worried her skirt. Her skin was still pale, and the dark circles he’d noticed under her eyes a couple days ago were more pronounced. Why didn’t she tell him the truth?

“I’m sure if I eat something I’ll feel better.” When he didn’t say anything, she looked at him again. “Lukas?”

“Stop lying to me, Anna. I know,” he said in a low voice, not wanting the paramedics to overhear. “I know you went to see the doctor.”

Anna’s movements froze.

“Why didn’t you tell me you had a procedure?” Hurt, compounded by anger and confusion, built inside him. “How could you keep that from me?”

Tears pooled in her eyes. “Lukas,” she said thickly. “I’m so sorry. I was going to tell you—”

Suddenly she clutched at her abdomen, folding her body in half as she groaned.

“Anna?” Lukas leaned closer to her as the paramedics surrounded them and peppered her with questions.

“Where is the pain?”

“How long have you had it?”

“On a scale from one to ten, how would you rate it?”

“Is it subsiding?”

“I . . . can’t . . . breathe . . .” She looked up at Lukas and started to gasp. “Hurts . . .”

“What’s happening to her?” Lukas shouted.

The paramedics didn’t answer. One ran out of the house and, moments later, brought in a stretcher.

“Lukas?” Edna came up behind him. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know.” He looked from the paramedics to Anna, who was still clutching her abdomen. “What’s happening?” he asked the paramedics.

“We’re taking her to the hospital,” one responded. The two paramedics counted to three and lifted her onto the stretcher and started strapping her in. “You can ride with us if you want, or follow behind.”

“I’m coming with you.” He spun around and faced Edna. “Can you get a taxi?”

“I’ll try to call Susan.”

“I’ll meet you there.” The paramedics were already out the door, Lukas following close behind.

“Which hospital?” Lukas asked, then called out the name to Edna.

He watched as they loaded Anna into the ambulance. She wasn’t clutching her side, but her face was contorted with pain. He sat down next to her and held her hand while a paramedic sat on the other side of the stretcher.

Fear consumed him as he watched her suffer. He thought of his sister Moriah, whose first husband had died a few months after they’d married. Would that happen to him? Would God take Anna away? He prayed harder than ever that he wouldn’t. Even though he was still confused and hurt about her deception, Lukas couldn’t bear the thought of life without her.

Chapter 17

P
ain. Aching, burning pain. Anna opened her eyes to see bright fluorescent lights, and she inhaled an antiseptic scent that turned her stomach. She realized where she was. The hospital. She glanced down at her body and saw a white blanket that covered her from chest to toe. Her arms were snug at her sides, and she moved them as she tried to sit up, but cried out from the agony in her belly.

“Don’t try to move.” A nurse came over to her and stood at her beside. “You just got out of surgery; you don’t want to move too much right now. Trust me, they’ll have you up moving soon enough.”

Surgery?
Panic flowed through her. “When?” she said, her mouth dry and sticky.

“About an hour ago.”

“What . . .” she swallowed, afraid to ask the question but needing to know the answer. “What did they do?”

“A cyst burst on your ovary. That’s why you were in such pain.” The young nurse tucked a strand of pale blonde hair behind her ear.

“Did they do anything else?”

“The doctor will give you more details once you’re out of recovery.” She put her hand on Anna’s. “Right now you need to rest.”

But she didn’t want to rest. She needed to know what was going on. “Who gave you permission to do the surgery?”

“Your husband. You must have been in bad shape if you don’t remember that. Then again, I can’t imagine how much pain you were experiencing. That had to be excruciating.” She smiled. “Congratulations, by the way. I heard you just got married.” She patted Anna’s hand. “I have to check on another patient. Do you need anything?”

Anna shook her head. When the nurse left, she closed her eyes, dread filling her heart alongside the pain from her body. Her worst nightmare: Lukas knew. Not only that, but he’d found out on their wedding day, in front of everyone. Slowly she remembered what had happened. She and her mother had been talking when she had been overcome with pain. Then everything went black, and she woke to see Lukas kneeling beside her. She shut her eyes more tightly as she recalled what Lukas had said later.

He knew. Not only had her secret been exposed, but he had to be the one to agree to the surgery, and she still didn’t know everything that they did to her. Did the doctor completely destroy her chances to have children? She fought to stay awake, trying to make sense of everything that had happened. But the heaviness of sleep overcame her.

Later, when she woke up, the nurse appeared again. “We’re moving you into your regular room, Mrs. Byler. Your family will meet you there in a little while. Don’t let any other visitors come in; you still need to rest. If you don’t, you’ll have to be in the hospital longer, and you know how those insurance companies are.”

Anna frowned in confusion but didn’t say anything. Like most Amish, she didn’t have insurance. A new worry hit her. How would she and Lukas pay for the surgery? It had to be expensive. Plus the emergency room and the ambulance . . . she couldn’t imagine what all that would cost.

Despair settled over her, paralyzing her so much that she barely recognized the discomfort from the surgery. As she was wheeled down the hall, she felt the full burden of her choices and the repercussions, and it was crushing her.

Then she saw Lukas. He was standing by the doorway, his hat in his hand, still wearing his white shirt, black vest, and black pants. His wedding suit. She could only see him from the waist up, but she could detect the worry on his face. Worry and betrayal. He lifted his hand as if to touch her, then pulled it back.

She closed her eyes at his rejection. Of course he wouldn’t want to touch her. He’d probably never want to be with her again. She’d lied to him. Ignored her doctor’s advice and landed in the hospital. And what if she couldn’t have children? How would she ever face him again?

Lukas shifted in his chair in the corner of Anna’s room. He’d never been in a hospital, and he hoped he’d never have to be in one again. He looked over at his new
frau
. She had been asleep since they wheeled her in almost two hours ago. He’d tried to nap but couldn’t do it, not with his thoughts and emotions so out of control.

Edna had come and had stayed for the surgery, but afterward Lukas urged her to go home and check on Zeb. She had insisted on staying but had finally relented when the nurse insisted he was the only visitor Anna was allowed to have. If Anna’s condition changed, Lukas assured her, he’d call his father at the shop and Joseph would drive over and tell Edna.

He twisted in the chair and glanced up at the clock. Almost ten o’clock at night. He crossed his feet at the ankles and stared down at his black polished dress shoes, trying to sort through what had happened over the past eight hours. During the surgery, he’d paced the waiting room, feeling at loose ends, like he was about to jump out of his own skin. Only when they had brought her into the recovery room did he allow himself to breathe again.

And now, sitting in the dim quiet of the sterile room, he battled his emotions. Why hadn’t Anna told him about this? He thought back over the past months, remembering the times she’d been pale and tired, blaming it all on work. And he had believed her. Why wouldn’t he? He had never thought she would lie to him before.

But she had. And while all he had cared about for the past several hours was that she would be safe and well, now all he could think about was she had kept something so important from him. He still didn’t understand the kind of surgery she’d had. The doctor had only said the surgery went well, and the nurses said the doctor would return soon. Lukas didn’t want people to think he was stupid, so he didn’t ask questions.

“Mr. Byler?”

Lukas looked up as the slim, gray-haired doctor walked in.
Finally
. He stood.

The doctor held out his hand. “Dr. Caxson. Nice to meet you. I just wish it was under better circumstances.” He plucked a pen out of the pocket of his crisp white coat. “How is she?”

“Sleeping.”

“Good. She needs to rest.” He looked at Lukas. “I didn’t perform the surgery, but I am Anna’s gynecologist. I had hoped the laparoscopy would have solved this problem, but I didn’t realize she had the cyst on her ovary.”

Lukas frowned, trying to follow the doctor’s conversation. “A cyst?”

“Yes. It burst, and that’s what caused her so much pain.” He picked up the chart at the end of her bed and thumbed through it. “Looks like the surgeon resected the ovary.”

“What does that mean?”

“He removed part of the tissue from her ovary.” He scanned the chart further, then frowned. “That’s surprising.”

“What is?”

“The amount of scar tissue and adhesions.”

Lukas ran his hand through his hair, tired of being in the dark. “Doctor, I’m not going to pretend I understand you. Can you tell me in plain words?”

Dr. Caxson put Anna’s chart back in its place. “Mr. Byler, in plain words, Anna has severe endometriosis, which has caused scarring on her reproductive organs.”

“But the surgery solved the problem, right?”

“For now. But it’s possible she’ll need another surgery, especially if the endometriosis is recurring. She needs to have regular check-ups to stay on top of it.”

Lukas ran a hand over his face. “You said this endo-whatever affects her reproductive organs. She’ll still be able to have children, won’t she?”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Byler, but in my experience this type of endometriosis renders the patient infertile. In some cases there’s less than a five percent chance of conception, but I can’t guarantee that will be the case for you. I’m afraid your wife might not be able to have children. I thought she had discussed the possibility with you.”

Numb, Lukas shook his head slowly.

Dr. Caxson put the pen back in his pocket. “I’m sorry you’re finding out about it this way. I’ll be back to check on her in the morning. If she needs anything, the call button is by her bed. If you have any questions, I’ll be happy to answer them tomorrow.”

After the doctor left, Lukas collapsed into the chair, reality slowly sinking in. Anna couldn’t have children. He and Anna would never know the joy of holding their own son or daughter in their arms. He would never experience his children growing up, never know what it was like to teach his own flesh and blood how to sand a block of wood, to learn to cut and shape it into something useful. He would never see his children bear children of their own. He would never pass down his legacy.

At the sound of Anna’s soft groan, he opened his eyes. Leaping from the chair, he went over to her. “Anna?”