An Idol for Others (35 page)

They lay together, their heads close on the pillows, and looked into each other’s eyes.

“If that’s what married men are like, I’m all for them,” Mark said dreamily.

“You’re fairly inspiring.”

“Nobody’s ever made love to me like that before.”

“I’m glad. It’s just a beginning. I seem to’ve been saving up all sorts of fancy tricks for you.”

“Mmm. I’ll say. It’s the first time coming was almost an anticlimax. I had an idea I shouldn’t go too far at first. I was afraid I might shock you. That lasted about two seconds. You don’t mind my cock anymore, do you?”

“No. Why should I?”

Mark smiled. “It’s a bit strange doing all these things with a guy who’s straight.”

“I don’t think we need to worry about that.” Walter sat up and dropped his legs over the side of the bed. He pulled Mark up with him and put an arm around him and ran his fingers over his tousled hair. “That’s given me an appetite. Shall we go have some lunch before we get started again?”

Mark lifted both hands and gripped Walter’s hair and looked deep into this eyes. “You puzzle me, to say the least.” His grip tightened, and he pulled Walter’s head roughly to him and thrust his tongue deep into his mouth. Walter felt a sudden male drive in him that threatened his domination. To retain the upper hand in the situation was essential to him. It was a guarantee that it wouldn’t get out of control. Briefly there was a yielding in himself he had known to his sorrow with Harry. Mark pulled his head back but kept his fingers tangled in his hair. “I’m yours, but you’re mine too, kid. I wonder how long that will last.” He released Walter and rose and went to the bureau. Walter immediately wanted him back. They had been on the verge of some discovery about each other that he felt as a threat. Fair warning. He was prepared. Mark picked up his watch. “Good God. Do you have any idea what time it is?”

“About noon?”

“Almost 1. We’ve been at it for an hour and a half.”

“Bliss takes time.”

“What’re you wearing?”

“Jacket and slacks.”

“Fine. Same for me. I’ll just be a second.” He went on into the bathroom. Walter rose and began to dress, aware that he was getting in deeper and that he felt no need yet to pull back.

He knew a restaurant in a garden nearby, and they went to it. Walter didn’t think there would be anybody he knew for lunch on a weekday, and he was right. He began to find out something about Mark. He was the youngest of five sons of a working widow and had been brought up in Queens. He had gone through high school and had been working ever since in all sorts of odd jobs, after a brief stint in the Army, which had ended with a prison term and a dishonorable discharge because of being caught in compromising circumstances with a fellow GI. He had read a great deal and given himself an education of sorts. The theater was a major interest.

“Jack and I really loved each other,” he said, referring to the GI. “We weren’t doing anybody any harm. If it hadn’t been for that, I probably would’ve gone to college on the GI bill. Anyway, I decided I’d better go straight. I even almost got married at one point. Then it happened again, and I gave up. Why fight it when it’s so much fun?”

“But never more than that? You never meet anybody you want to stay with?”

“No. I’ve never wanted to get involved. What’s the point?”

“That’s what I’ve always wondered about guys together. What about modeling? Do you plan to go on with that?”

“I wondered when you were going to ask that. It’s a dumb sort of thing to do, isn’t it?”

“Not necessarily, I just don’t see that it leads to anything either.”

“Exactly, a faggot model. It’s about on a level with a whore,” he said with no trace of self-pity. “A dishonorable discharge doesn’t help when you’re applying for a job. It’s a problem, Walter. Modeling pays well. I should be able to keep at it for another ten or 15 years. I could be a lot worse off.”

“I’ll think about it. We’ll talk more about it. You know what I think of your looks. It went way beyond that the minute I touched you. Maybe we can figure something out.”

Mark looked at him with a faint smile. “Do you honestly think we’ll be seeing each other a week from now?”

“I know it,” Walter said with conviction. Their eyes met and held until it became an agony for Walter to keep his hands quiet on the table in front of him. He wanted to reach out for him and hold him.

Mark was the first to speak. The habitual gravity of his expression was more pronounced. “I know I’m dreaming. I just hope nobody wakes me up. I think we’d better go home, don’t you?” He insisted on paying. “It’s the first time we’ve been out together. I know it doesn’t mean much, but I’m sure you can understand my wanting to make a small gesture.”

“You’re sweet, Mark. Thank you.”

They walked home staying close beside each other, both of them finding excuses to put their hands on each other, a corner to turn, a street to cross. As soon as the door was closed behind them they put their arms out to each other and kissed, less hungrily, more tenderly than before.

Mark drew back. “You can’t even guess what this means to me.” He offered Walter the sweetness of his smile. “Maybe after we’ve made love for another few hours I’ll be able to talk to you.”

They stood together and undressed. They used the bathroom together and put their arms around each other to walk to the bed. They stretched out side by side contentedly.

“We’re getting to know each other, Mark.”

“I know. At least that’s what’s happening in my dreams.” Their mouths met playfully but didn’t stay very playful for long. Mark’s rejection of any big commitment made Walter feel safer than ever. They both knew that the limits of involvement needn’t limit their pleasure. He stretched Mark out on his stomach and knelt over him and stroked his buttocks and watched them quiver under his caress and lift to him. He entered him and felt the rapture in the body he had joined to his. He drove into him and heard him cry out for more. He gripped him and felt him yielding to his will. He was making all of his beauty his.

When they had showered together and returned to bed, Mark lay out, his body cradled in Walter’s arms, and arched his back and stretched and made a writhing, sinuous display of his body. He pulled up a leg, bent at the knee, and rolled his pelvis toward Walter and flung out an arm and offered himself with wanton surrender. Walter bent over to kiss his throat, and Mark dropped his hands lightly on his head and toyed with his hair.

“Oh, darling,” he murmured. “I swore I wouldn’t call you things like that, but how can I help it? I can’t call you Walter after this. You’ve taken me. I’ve had guys. I’ve never been had. I’ve thought of having you, but I don’t want to, after all, and I know you wouldn’t let me anyway. You’re not mine. I’m yours. Beloved darling. Does it sound silly?”

“It sounds wonderful. You can call me anything you like.”

“Are you sure? You make it awfully easy for a faggot to make a fool of herself.”

Walter’s head shot up. “Don’t say things like that.”

“You hate it? So do I. Still, I
am
a faggot. And you’re a married man. I don’t think either of us better forget it.”

Mark’s thick lids were lowered. Walter saw a glitter of eyes in a face that had become smolderingly seductive. “Please, Mark,” Walter protested, feeling something calculated in the look.

“What’s the matter? Don’t you want a whore? You’re crazy about my body. You’re not the first, but I’ve never let myself be had before. I’d do anything to make you go on wanting me. That’s whoring. I want to be your whore.”

“I don’t understand. Haven’t you wanted me to take you?”

“Yes, darling. I’ve never wanted anything so much. You inside me–it’s the most thrilling thing I’ve ever known. Now that you have me, do you want me?”

For answer, Walter lowered his head to the body that lay out in his arms, indolent with pleasure. He felt a need to restore equality in desire. Mark kept his hands on Walter’s head and guided his mouth over him, encouraging him to linger where he wanted his lips on him. Walter moved down over the deep hollows along the rib cage and pelvis. He encountered his upthrusting cock and ran his tongue around it.

“Don’t try to–” Mark warned. “I want to feel your teeth on it. Yes, like that.” He dropped his hands to his sides. Walter kept his lips and tongue on stout flesh. “Oh, darling. If you go on, I’ll come in your mouth. Don’t do it unless you like it.”

Much later they sat side by side on the bed, the sheet covering them to their waists, hugging their knees in their arms. “I know what I want to do,” Walter said. “I want to get dressed to the nines and go the grandest restaurant in town. How about it?”

“You mean, where everybody will see us?”

“Exactly.” Walter laughed merrily. Mark was his. He wanted to parade him around in front of the whole world. “Are you very well-known around town?”

“I’m one of the top models in the business, but that’s a small world. No, not really.”

“I guess I was thinking mostly of your love life. I should think everybody would be after you. Have you had affairs with lots of famous and important people?”

“Only you. You mean, will people say, ‘There goes Walter Makin with that notorious Mark Travere?’ No, darling. Your reputation’s safe. I’ve always liked ’em young. You’re the only Boy Wonder.”

“We won’t make a scandal? Never mind. We can still have a good dinner. What do you say?”

“Getting dressed up might make an interesting change.”

“Wonderful. I’ll go around to Tenth Street and pick out something fancy. You come along as soon as you’re ready. We’ll stun each other.” Walter kicked at the sheet; Mark helped him get rid of it, and they put their arms around each other and leaned their heads together. They shared a quiet moment.

“It’s good, Mark.”

“It’s good, darling.”

“You know something ridiculous? I don’t want to leave you long enough to change. Get dressed and come with me. You can have a drink while I get dolled up.”

Mark was silent. Walter moved his head and looked at him. His head was slightly bowed, his expression calm. Tears were streaming down his cheeks.

“Hey, darling, what is it?” He hugged him closer and kissed his tears. “Oh, my sweet baby. Don’t What’s the matter, darling? Tell me.”

“I’ve always been alone.” He spoke easily, without choking or gasping. “It’s the way I’ve always wanted it, but it can be damn lonely. Now all of a sudden you’re here.”

“Yes, darling. I’m here. You’re not alone.” His heart went out to him. He took a deep breath and put his hand under his chin and turned his face to him.

“I’m so afraid of making too much of it,” Mark said. Tears continued to roll peaceably down his cheeks.

“Don’t be afraid, sweet darling. You can trust me.”

“How can you say that when you don’t even know what it’s about? I feel closer to you than I ever have to anybody.”

“That’s good, isn’t it?”

“Yes, no matter what happens.” Mark suddenly gave his big smile. “So what’s there to cry about? Do you realize the things you’ve been saying?”

“How do you mean?”

“If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you.”

“Now, come on, dar … oh!” The endearments had come so naturally to his lips that he realized only now that he had been saying them. He felt a small shock of self-consciousness and then threw his head back and laughed. “Well, why not? Sweet darling adorable baby. My own beautiful lover. You’re right. It feels wonderful saying it, doesn’t it?” He licked Mark’s tears away.

“Darling,” Mark said gravely.

“Beautiful, adorable darling,” Walter said, laughing into his face. “I raise you.”

“OK. You win.” They fell back onto the bed, laughing. Walter rolled up onto him so that he was stretched out full-length on top of him. “I wonder if we’ll ever manage to get inside each other’s skin,” Mark said with their noses and lips touching. “That’s what we want, isn’t it.”

“Yes, then I’ll be as beautiful as you are. You’re getting a hard-on again.”

“So are you.”

“Get dressed, my beautiful man. I want everybody in town to see how lucky I am.”

Mark slid down him, then sprang up and headed for the bathroom. Walter wondered if he would ever be able to look at his back without wanting him.

Mark was very handsome in a dark suit. Walter kept his arm around Mark’s shoulders in the dark when they went around the corner to Tenth Street.

Home seemed empty and alien to him. He felt that they were both interlopers as he poured them drinks. He called Le Pavilion and reserved a table. Clara would hear that he had dined with a handsome unknown. He had plenty of time to decide what he would tell her.

“This is a marvelous room,” Mark said when Walter had put down the phone. “I was in no state to notice it the other day. It seems a hundred years ago.”

“I blush. I’ll never know how I dared to do it.”

“What were you thinking–that you’d have me and then send me on my way?”

“I’m not sure I was thinking at all, except that you were the most magnificent creature I’d ever laid eyes on. Then I began to want you, and I’ve been wanting you more and more ever since.”

“Still?”

They came together in the middle of the room and put their hands on each other. “That’s probably the most idiotic question you’ve ever asked, and you know it.”

“Can I come with you while you dress? I want to revisit the scene of the crime.” They laughed and nuzzled each other.

“You have your clothes made for you, don’t you?” Mark asked when Walter had changed. “It shows. I’m trying to love you for yourself, but you’re still awfully glamorous. Walter Makin. The things I know now about Walter Makin.”

Walter went to him and held his elbows. “I hope you know one of the important things. I like you, darling, as much as anybody I’ve ever known. We’re going to be friends.”

“I don’t think we’d better start making declarations,” Mark said, looking at him gravely. “You may get more than you bargained for. Just call me darling every now and then, and I’ll be perfectly happy.”

“Remind me not to do that in front of the waiters,” Walter said. “Now let’s go.”

Walter knew people at four of the five tables they had to pass to get to his own, and he stopped at each and introduced Mark with a hand on his arm.