An Indecent Longing (28 page)

“How do you deal with that? How do you love him knowing your dad hates him? And how does Granddad still love me?”

“Honey, what’s going on? Did something happen? Do you want me to come over? Let me call a taxi—”

“No, Mom. I’m sorry. I’m fine. Honestly. I just… Well, I met these men and I thought, maybe, we might have something more than just an affair.”

Another pause, longer this time. “Did you say men? As in two?”

“Yes.” No sense in beating around the bush. Even though a relationship wasn’t going to happen, she had the undeniable urge to tell her mom everything.

For the first eight years of her life, she’d only had her mom. They’d been inseparable and their bond had never weakened, not even when Dorrie had found out about her dad.

Her mom let out a little huff of a laugh. “Well, damn. And I thought falling for a Russian mobster was living on the edge. Are you seriously telling me you’re having a…relationship with two men? At the same time?”

“No. Well, I was but…it’s complicated.”

“Are they bisexual?”

Trust her mom to ask the one question Dorrie hadn’t considered. “No. They’re cousins.”

A pause. “And you have sex with
both
of them?”

Dorrie sucked in a deep breath. “Yes.”

A longer pause then her mom laughed, which made Dorrie smile. “Well, your granddad might need to take more heart medication when he finds out about this.”

“I don’t think that’ll be a problem now. I don’t think I’ll be seeing them again.”

“Why?”

“Because Ian thinks my dad is the devil.”

“Ah. Okay, now it’s making sense. So you think since your grandfather never got over his hatred of your dad, there’s no way this man is going to get over his hatred of your dad. What’d your dad do to him?”

“Ian thinks he’s responsible for his dad’s murder.”

“Oh.” Her mom’s muted response made Dorrie wince. “Okay. Wasn’t expecting that.”

Sighing, Dorrie felt hopelessness rise again. Maybe this had been a bad idea. Her mom didn’t need this shit dumped on her. Her mom loved her dad. She didn’t—

“Honey, you don’t need me to tell you who your dad is. You know him. You and your sister probably know him better than anyone in the world, and that might include me.”

“But what if he had Ian’s dad killed?”

“Have you asked your dad about this?”

“No.”

“What about the other man? What’s his name?”

“Ben.” She smiled. “He’s pretty much the normal one between the three of us.”

“And do you care as much about him as you do for Ian?”

Dorrie opened and closed her mouth several times.

“Honey? You still there?”

“Yeah, I’m still here. I think I do, yes. Everything happened so fast. There was no time to process everything.”

“And you love to process, don’t you?”

Dorrie stuck out her tongue at the humor in her mom’s voice, even though she knew her mom couldn’t see her. “That’s who I am.”

“I know, honey. But…do these guys know that about you? Sweetheart, one man is all sorts of trouble just on his own. Two men… You really need to ask yourself if a three-way relationship—and I can’t believe I just said that to my daughter—is worth the hassle.”

“Is that why you and Dad don’t date publicly? Because it’s not worth the hassle?”

“No. We don’t date publicly because your father is a stubborn sonuvabitch who thinks he knows what’s right for everyone.”

“Wouldn’t you care what people said about you?”

“Honestly, I think I’m past caring what people think. I would rather spend my days being with him and shunned by everyone else than spend every day without him spending time with people I don’t love as much as I love him. But…”

“But what?”

“But,” she sighed, “we have to think about what’s best for you. And our relationship could adversely affect your career.”

“And if I date two men, that could adversely affect your career, too.”

“But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t enjoy— Well, damn. I should’ve realized when you went to medical school you would graduate smarter than me.”

“I don’t feel smart now. I feel stupid because I don’t know what to do.”

Her mom’s short huff of laughter made Dorrie smile. “Oh honey, if I knew the perfect answer here, I’d be making millions telling parents how to raise their kids right. I guess…what you really need to ask yourself is, if you never see them again, is the regret more painful than the possible heartache?”

Good question. “I love you, Mom.”

“Oh honey, I love you too. But the next time we need to have a conversation like this, could you please come to the house and bring a bottle of wine? I think this would’ve gone much better with a nice white Zin.”

They were both still laughing when Dorrie hung up a few minutes later.

* * * * *

Tuesday, Mary Alice walked into Ben’s office, an open box in her hand.

“Since it’s addressed to the office, I opened it but there’s a note inside addressed to you and Ian so I wasn’t sure where I should put it. Since you’re here…”

Frustration almost made him snap at Mary Alice but he reined it in, his attention still on the screen in front of him.

He’d been attempting to download surveillance footage from a recent robbery. The shop owners had hired them to find the thieves and there was a bonus if they found them before the cops solved the case and returned the merchandise. Apparently the thieves had gotten away with a few pieces they hadn’t wanted to declare.

“What is it?”

“A soccer ball. A beat-up soccer ball.”

His head snapped up, his full attention on their office manager. “What?”

Mary Alice’s grin was slightly bemused. “See for yourself.”

She held out the box, which he grabbed out of her hands.

“Guess I won’t ask if I should send it out to the bomb squad.” Mary Alice laughed. “Can I assume that’s from a certain doctor?”

Ben frowned. “How— Never mind. Stupid question. Adam has a big mouth.”

“Actually, I didn’t hear it from Adam. I heard it from Kat.”

“Same difference.”

“Hey, we’re kind of a small community.”

Pulling the ball out of the box, he held it in one hand and gave it a little toss into the air. “What community?”

“You know. The trio brigade.”

A laugh surprised him. “What the fuck is that?”

Mary Alice rolled her eyes at him. “You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I guess I do.” He paused. “I just don’t know if we’re joining the club. There are…complications.”

Like the fact that he didn’t know why the hell she’d sent him—them—the damn ball. But he hoped like hell he knew what it meant.

“Oh please.” There went her eyes again. “There’re always complications. So what? She works for a drug lord? So did my guys. You either learn to live with it or you don’t.”

“Actually, I’m not the one with the problem with her, ah, employer.” Damn, he’d almost said her dad.

“Then what’s the problem?”

Mary Alice sat on the edge of his desk, bright red hair hanging over her shoulders, green eyes inquisitive.

Pushing his chair away from his desk, he leaned and thought about his response. “I’m not sure I’m anything more than a bonus.”

Mary Alice’s gaze narrowed. “Has she made you feel like that?”

He took a few seconds to think about his answer. “No. But I can’t shake the feeling. And I’m not sure she’d care if I was there as long as she had Ian.”

Her brows rose. “Sounds like someone has a low-self-esteem problem. Never expected that from you.”

Ben grimaced and gave the ball another toss. “Yeah. Amazing how women are able to do that to a guy.”

Mary Alice laughed and he had to smile. No one could be depressed when she laughed.

“We’re awesome like that.” Then she shook her head. “Ben, do you want her?”

He didn’t have to think about his answer. “Yeah, I do.”

“Then the three of you need to talk this out. If she’s smart, she’ll keep you both. Best damn thing I ever did.”

Ben only hoped Dorrie felt the same. And that the ball literally meant she wanted to play.

* * * * *

Ian had spent most of the day in the field, doing a blind security check on a recently installed system.

It’d passed his inspection, but he had to admit he’d been distracted and would need to go back another day to do it again, just to be sure he hadn’t missed anything.

He’d tried to keep focused but his mind had been on Dorrie.

When Ben had suggested wooing her, Ian had had his doubts. But when the flowers hadn’t elicited a response, he’d suggested the lollipops and the bandages. Ben had shaken his head and said they were perfect.

Guess they weren’t perfect enough to get a response.

By the time he walked back into their offices, he’d thought of a few other things they could send her and headed straight for Ben’s office to talk about it.

He found Ben sitting at his desk tossing a soccer ball in the air. It immediately made him think of Dorrie.

“Where’d you get that?”

“Take a guess.” Ben threw the ball at him. “Guess the bandages pushed her over the edge. Good call.”

Holy shit.
“Lucky guess. We make a good team.”

Ben nodded but he didn’t look happy and he didn’t respond.

“What’s wrong?”

“I think you should go see her.”

Ian thought about his response for a few seconds. “You want me to go without you.”

It took a second but Ben finally nodded. “Yeah.”

“Why?”

Ben’s sigh made Ian shake his head.

“No.” Ian tossed the ball back to Ben, a little harder than Ben was expecting. “That’s not how this is going to work.”

“Ian—”

“Fuck that, Ben. Just don’t even bother. After all this pushing, the one thing I absolutely know is this… She needs both of us.”

“Goddammit—”

“You made me realize that. And you know why?
Because
she’s Antonoff’s daughter. She’ll be safer with both of us watching her back. She
needs
both of us to watch her back. Between the two of us, we’ll be able to handle her. Hell, we’re gonna need to have each other’s backs because she’s more than capable of kicking both of our asses. You do realize that, don’t you?”

“And what if that’s not what she wants?”

“Then we’ll just have to show her the error of her ways.” Ian put both hands on Ben’s desk and leaned over. “All those fucking medals on your uniform. You didn’t get those for giving up.”

“Fuck you.” Ben’s gaze narrowed and his hands clenched around the ball. “I’m not giving up. I’m stepping aside. There’s a difference.”

“Did she send the ball only to me? Is that what set you off?”

His jaw clenched. “No. It’s addressed to both of us.”

“Then you get your ass out of that chair and come with me because she’s expecting both of us and I don’t want to disappoint her. I think I’ve done enough of that already. Don’t you start.”

“And if I’m the one disappointed?”

Ian shrugged, knowing it would piss Ben off. “Then you’ll just have to change her mind. No pain, no gain, cuz.”

Ben rolled his eyes. “You’re an ass. I don’t know what that smart woman sees in you.”

“My sparkling personality.”

Ben stared at him for several long seconds before he huffed out a laugh. “At least you haven’t lost your sense of humor. You’re sure this is what you want?”

“I’m sure that I’ve never wanted any woman as much as I want her. Knowing you’re going to have her back, that you’re going to be there to take care of her, too… That’s a bonus. I trust you with my life, Ben. I always have. We’re just making that circle a little larger so she fits inside.”

“Damn, when did you become a philosophizer?”

Ian’s turn to roll his eyes. “Come on, asshole. Let’s go before I decide to take you out myself.”

Ben’s smile made a reappearance and the rest of Ian’s nerves calmed.

“Never happen, old man.” Ben pushed out of his chair, ball under his arm. “Let’s go before you lose your nerve.”

* * * * *

She hadn’t heard from either Ian or Ben and she knew the ball had been delivered.

Maybe they hadn’t been in the office to get it? Maybe she should’ve sent it to their home, but then they wouldn’t have gotten it until they’d gotten home and that might’ve been late.

Maybe she shouldn’t have sent them a dirty old soccer ball. Maybe they wouldn’t get it.

Oh hell, maybe she should just call.

Damn, she really hated being so bad at this relationship stuff but it was too late now. She’d just have to wait until they called to find out their reaction.

She’d just changed into her jammies when the intercom rang.

And her heart started to race.

“Mr. Shaw and Mr. Keller to see you.”

“Send them up. Thank you.”

Okay, they were here. She wanted to jump for joy but was afraid she’d puke. She wanted to text her sister and ask for last-minute advice.

And even though they’d shown up at her door, she couldn’t be sure they were here to accept her olive branch.

But she could hope.

The minutes it took between the time she’d gotten the call from downstairs to the knock on her door were excruciating. And turning the knob was possibly the bravest thing she’d ever done.

All of that evaporated when she saw them standing outside her door.

Heat suffused her entire body and she had to swallow before she could speak.

But Ben beat her to it.

“We have something of yours.”

“I know. I sent it.”

God, how stupid could she be? Of course they knew she sent it.

She could just imagine what they thought—

“And we’re glad you did.” Ben’s smile made it both easier and harder for her to breathe. “We just want to be sure you know—”

“That you’re getting both of us.”

Ian’s voice was steady, as if he was telling her something she didn’t know.

She wrinkled her nose at him. “I wouldn’t have addressed the package to both of you if that wasn’t what I wanted.”

She wasn’t sure but she thought Ian stifled a smile. And she wanted to see him smile.

“And what exactly do you want from us?” Ian asked.

“Why don’t you come in and find out?”