An Indecent Longing (9 page)

“Damn, man. You must’ve had a shit-ton of aggression to work out. Guess I shouldn’t complain. I hate to fucking sand.”

Ian turned with a start. He hadn’t heard Ben come in. No one had snuck up on him in years.

He’d worked black ops so long, he’d developed eyes in the back of his head and superhuman hearing. It’d been the other, less-desirable side effects that had finally convinced him to get out.

“Had time on my hands.” Ian stood and stretched his stiff back. “Was getting ready to clean this up. You get to do the staining and sealing.”

Ben nodded as Ian gathered his tools and started down the stairs.

“I don’t have a problem with that. It’s not gonna be tonight, though. I’m going out.”

Ian nodded, not surprised. Ben still went out with friends from the old neighborhood occasionally.

“See you tomorrow then.”

“What are you doing tonight?”

Ian shrugged but didn’t stop as he walked past Ben. “Probably have a few beers and call it a night.”

“Ian.” Ben turned toward him. “I’m going out with Dorrie tonight.”

The silence that followed wasn’t unexpected.

Ian paused for a few heartbeats before he continued to head out to the kitchen.

“Have a good time.”

Ben’s eyes rolled and he sighed. “Ian. Goddammit. Wait.”

Surprisingly, his cousin stopped at the door to the basement in the tiny hall between the kitchen and the dining room. But he didn’t turn to face him.

“That’s really all you’re going to say?”

Ian huffed out a sigh and his hand tightened around the doorknob. But he still didn’t turn. “That’s all there is to say.”

Ben crossed his arms, more so he didn’t close the space between them and smack Ian on the back of the head. “And the fact that you slept with her last night…that doesn’t matter to you at all?”

“Nothing. Happened.”

“So she was just some warm body in your bed?”

Ian huffed out a sigh, and Ben could tell his cousin was fast losing his cool. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“How about you tell me what the fuck is your issue with this woman.”

When Ian remained silent, Ben’s frustration continued to grow until his temper finally got the better of him.

“So you’re gonna be okay if I end up in her bed tonight?”

Ian’s jaw clenched for a brief second, barely long enough for Ben to see it. Still, Ian just shook his head.

“It’s your life. Might as well take what you want.”

“And you don’t want her?”

Now Ian turned to look at him and the glacier blue of his eyes burned Ben. “I’m not having this conversation again.”

Ben smirked at him, knew it would piss Ian off even more. “We haven’t had this conversation before.”

“And we’re not fucking having it
now
.”

And there was Ian the soldier.

Maybe he’d pushed too far.

And maybe you’re never going to be able to push Ian far enough.

“You’re right.” Ben uncrossed his arms and turned toward the stairs. But as he mounted the first step, he couldn’t resist one more dig. “I gotta get ready. And if you weren’t such a prick, I’d tell you to come with us.”

Ian’s jaw looked ready to crack. “That’s never going to happen.”

Then Ian opened the door to the basement and disappeared.

Leaving Ben staring after him, trying to breathe through the anger.

* * * * *

By the time he’d parked up the block from her apartment, Ben had been able to shake some of the frustration eating at his gut. But not all of it.

He wasn’t sure why Ian’s refusal to do something about his desire for Dorrie pissed him off so much.

He should be happy. Ian’s refusal meant Ben had a clear path.

If Ian had decided to make a move on her, Ben probably would be dateless on a Saturday night.

So why the hell are you pissed off?

There was no way in hell he and Ian would be able to handle an relationship like the one Adam and Tristan maintained with Kat. Or like Mary Alice’s with Jesse and Max. They weren’t built that way.

So why did he keep coming back to it?

Fuck it.

Shoving the thought out of his head, he walked through the doors to the security desk and gave his name to the guard.

And once again had the fact that Dorrie had money shoved in his face. Like, she had to have serious bucks to be able to afford to live in this place.

Yeah, she was a doctor but she was only twenty-seven. And yes, she had her own practice, but she couldn’t have had enough time to build it up enough to make serious dough yet, could she?

Family money, she’d said.

So what the hell kind of name was Haverstick? It didn’t exactly scream Main Line or Society Hill.

But he’d been born and raised in South Philly and hadn’t exactly mingled with the money crowd so maybe—

The elevator doors opened, drawing his attention.

Then she stepped out into the lobby and Ben nearly swallowed his tongue.

Holy fuck. Thank you, Ian, for passing.

Christ almighty, she was pretty.

Yeah, he’d noticed last night, but those hours had been frantic and filled with adrenaline. Tonight… Damn, tonight she made his heart beat like a fucking bass drum. Made him want to beat his fists on his chest and punch any man who looked at her.

Since he was the only person in the lobby, other than the guard, she picked him out right away, and her smile when she looked into his eyes made his dick twitch and harden. Her lips curved just enough to be enticing, but it was like she didn’t want to appear too excited.

He’d noticed last night she didn’t talk much but, when she did, she spoke thoughtfully, as if she were picking each word with care. Like she didn’t want to say something stupid.

Too many of the women he’d dated lately—not that there’d been a lot of them—seemed to talk just to fill the silence and didn’t care what they said.

Ben knew if he got on a tear, he could talk for hours. It occasionally drove Ian crazy but Ian tended to be too quiet, a casualty of his previous life. Ben had hoped—

“Hi.”

That one word from her lips made Ben’s smile widen even more.

“Well, I hit the jackpot tonight. You look beautiful.”

Her gaze dipped as she looked down. Her maroon dress hung by two thin straps on her shoulders, which she’d covered with a little gray sweater. Simple, yeah. It skimmed her slight curves but didn’t cling. It wasn’t overtly sexy but it still managed to make him hot.

A blush colored her cheeks as he reached for her hands. She hadn’t held them out to him but he wanted to touch her. Needed to touch her, and he figured her hands were safe. Didn’t want to scare her off. He had a feeling she’d jackrabbit given the chance and any provocation.

She didn’t pull away and she didn’t cut eye contact so he figured that was a win.

“Thank you. I wasn’t sure what you had planned so I wasn’t sure what to wear.”

“Trust me, whatever you wear will be fine with me. Just so long as you stay with me. I have a feeling I’m going to have to beat other guys off with sticks. You look amazing.”

He wasn’t kidding but her mouth lost a little of that smile and he made a note about how far he could push her.

Tonight, he wanted to discover as many of her boundaries as he could. Then he’d know how far he could step over that line.

Now she gave him a look that made him think maybe she was going to be a tougher case than he’d thought.

Usually a little flattery worked like a charm to get women to open up. This woman…not so much. That’s okay, though. He had all night to figure her out.

“You’re pretty fast with words, aren’t you? You know what to say and how to say it.” Her gaze slipped away to look down at her purse, as if checking for something though he knew she wasn’t. “I’m not good with words.”

“You don’t have to be. I’d be happy if you just sit across from me all night and let me look at you.”

Offering her his arm, he walked her through the front door to his car.

“I made reservations at Fork. Hope that’s okay.”

And there was that smile again, the one that made him want to take her picture and text it to Ian with the note, “You’re an ass.”

And that, he decided, was the last time he was going to think about his cousin tonight.

“I haven’t eaten there,” she said. “I’ve heard it’s wonderful, though.”

“The food’s amazing. I’m no food snob. I’ll eat pretty much anything you put in front of me, and if it’s burgers or pizza, all the better. But this place is amazing. Adam and Tristan took us one night after we joined the firm.”

“We?”

Shit, he really had to stop thinking in terms of “we.” But he’d gotten so used to it now that he was living and working with Ian, it’d become habit.

Unlocking his car with the remote, he opened the passenger door for her and helped her in before heading around to the driver’s side. It gave him a few extra seconds to think about how to answer that. It gave him the perfect opening to divulge the fact that Ian was his cousin.

But as he slid into the driver’s seat, he decided against it.

“Ian and I.”

“You two must spend a lot of time together.”

Since it wasn’t a question, he didn’t feel the need to respond. And since he really didn’t want to talk about Ian right now, he changed the subject.

“I handle threat assessment. I’m the guy who figures out if you need a bodyguard or just need someone to go talk to the creepy guy at work and tell him to back off. Or I figure out if the threatening texts you’re getting from an unknown number are something to worry about or just some dude with a grudge who lives in his mom’s basement and thinks it’s fun to screw with people’s minds. And sometimes I have to watch some guy’s back and make sure he doesn’t take a bullet because he’s a greedy asshole.”

“Sounds like you hate your job.”

“I don’t, actually. Most days I enjoy the hell out of it. It’s different every day so I never get bored, but it can suck the soul out of you if you’re not careful. But everyone’s got something they don’t like about their job. What’s yours?”

She didn’t answer right away, but he could see she was thinking. He wanted to know about what, because he’d bet that what came out of her mouth wasn’t what was going through her head.

“I enjoy being able to help people but…sometimes there’s nothing you can do for them. Sometimes you don’t win. And when that happens, someone ends up dying.”

She said the words so matter-of-factly that he could almost believe she didn’t have any feelings at all about it. But as he shot her a quick glance—he was driving along tight Philly streets, after all—he
knew
she felt every one of those deaths.

“Have you lost many people?”

Dorrie had no idea how they’d gotten to such a personal level of questioning in such a short amount of time.

But Ben had managed to get past her shields with very little effort and that was…exhilarating.

And dangerous.

And it made her question, for the hundredth time, her decision to come out with him tonight. Especially after Blank had inadvertently told her how Ben and Ian were related.

But she found she
wanted
to talk to him.

“I don’t know how many that means. Some days one is too many. Some die of old age and those are sad, but it’s a fact of life. Others are here one second and gone the next. They get hit by a car or have an aneurysm or a stroke or a heart attack. Babies die of cancer. Teenagers are shot. These are still facts of life but I don’t have to like them.”

She’d been watching him navigate downtown Saturday night traffic, safe in the fact that he had to keep his gaze on the road. But now he pulled to a stop at a red light and turned to her, snagging her gaze and keeping her eye contact.

His copper eyes were so sharp, they seemed to see inside her. And that would be a disaster. She had secrets he couldn’t discover. But apparently, he had secrets of his own.

“You’re right. That all sucks.”

His quiet tone made her grimace. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“Hey, you never need to apologize to me for anything. I want to hear whatever you have to say. I don’t want you to filter anything.”

And wouldn’t that be amazing? For a man to actually mean that? In her experience, men wanted women to look nice at their sides and keep their mouths shut. To play the part of the smart doctor and the pretty socialite, something she couldn’t pull off even on a good day.

Even her dad, to some degree, wanted her to play a role.

As those thoughts wound through her head, she realized Ben had started to smile right before he had to turn away so he could drive.

“I filter everything,” she finally said. “I can’t help myself. Habit of the profession.”

“Guess that makes sense. But you don’t have to filter your personality for me, okay?”

“You’ll regret that.”

“No, I don’t think I will, but I’d love to know why you think that.”

Well, she’d dug the hole herself. Typical of her. She gave a deep sigh and decided to take him up on his offer. To give him a dose of her unfiltered personality because she’d rather know now than three weeks down the line if he could handle her. She hadn’t met a man yet who could.

She sighed. “Because I’m not exactly sure how to do this.”

“Do what?”

“Date.”

He didn’t answer right away, as if he was having trouble figuring out what to say.

“Obviously you weren’t dating the right guys.”

She shook her head, a bemused smile curving her lips. “Do you have an answer for everything?”

He smiled, and her heart pounded against her ribs in a crazy rhythm.

“Usually, yeah. Drives my cousin crazy. But in my business, it’s a good trait to have. If I question everything, I’m usually never surprised when shit goes sideways.”

His mention of his cousin made her thoughts start to spiral, but she made a conscious effort to keep her focus steady. “And does that happen a lot?”

“More than you might think. Sometimes it’s just something simple, like a missing piece of equipment. Sometimes it’s an ambush you never saw coming.”

“Has that happened?”