An Ordinary Me (20 page)

“Thank you. You’ve always meant well.” I hugged her and wished I could erase this conversation the night before getting to marry Reese.

“One more thing Garrison….” She wanted to make sure she had my attention.

“Ma’am?”

“Just a thought but maybe you should forgive her for yourself. Not for her, or how it will help her but for yourself. So you can let it go. Anger will eat at you and use energy that would be better used being happy.” She smiled at me and let me be alone to think.

I knew without even discussing it with Reese that she would agree with Ellen and that wasn’t something I was prepared for. I had too much anger that I wasn’t ready to let go of yet when it came to my parents. Maybe one day but today was not one of them.

I pulled out a notebook that Reese still had in my car in the backseat to try and write a letter to take back to her house.

Reese,

I’m sorry for the way I acted tonight. I should have just been honest with you. The problem is and will always be when it comes to my parents I will always struggle. They infuriate me and bring up a part of me that I wished didn’t exist but it does. I treated you unfairly tonight and I wish I could take it back. Obviously I can’t. But I can say that from this day forward I will talk to you about it. I will not shut you out like I was trying to do tonight. I knew you were going to say the words that you naturally say, that you wish you could take my pain away, that you wish I had never went through it and then you get that look in your face of pity and frustration of trying to comprehend what I went through.

God knows, I love you for it. I love you for the way you love me and you accept me for what I am, and foremost for what I am not. I will always be that guy that has issues with trust, with always thinking that you are far better than me and deserve someone much better. In time, I hope I become the man that you deserve because I know without a doubt you are the only one for me.

I wished I was not the man I am from the childhood that I had. I wished I could erase it all so you got the complete me that was whole and didn’t doubt or second guess people. But, I know now, that every minute of pain that I went through was worth it, because you have replaced that with your love.  I understand now I went through it for a reason, so that I would find you and you would heal me. Just like you have.

So the news that has me so flustered is my mom is out of rehab. I knew she was going but didn’t discuss it with you. Why? Because let’s just say this isn’t her first time or her last. I don’t have much hope that she will remain out or remain sober for that matter. Ellen informed me that she wants to come to our wedding. She wants to see our happy day.

I hope you can understand my frustration. I am sorry to hurt you by my words and do not take for granted that you are here for me.

I love you always Reese. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Love,

Your Garrison

I drove up again to Reese’s parent’s house and placed the note under the mat on the front porch. The house had already turned out its lights for the night other than the faint glow of the lamps on the second floor.

I texted her before I drove away and asked her to look at the letter in the morning. I told her I loved her and couldn’t wait to be married to her tomorrow. I didn’t hear anything back and hoped that meant it was just because she was asleep and not going to break my heart tomorrow for the way I treated her today.

****

Garrison

I'd been waiting for this day since the moment I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with Reese. We had everything ready and in less than an hour I would be married to the woman I would do anything for. She was my heart. The very heart that I had swore I would never let anyone in for and now my heart beats for her more than myself.

I walked through the venue making sure everything was exactly how I wanted it to be. Reese’s mom had really helped to make sure everything that I had thought Reese would hope for would be taken care of. I’m so incredibly lucky to get to be a part of this family.

As I turned the corner I see my band director from high school smiling ear to ear with this wife by his side. I had never met her since he had only been married a short while. We had kept in contact mostly through email with him checking in on me. When I invited Mr. Flanagan four years later after graduating, I didn’t honestly think he would come. Yes, he had been an important person in my life for as long as I could remember but still… he did his job and the fact that he still cared always impressed me. He had always said he saw far more in me that I did myself. His extra push helped me through trying times and I didn’t know where I would be without him believing in me, pushing me to believe in myself.

“Hi Mr. Flanagan. So glad you could make it.”  We shook hands just liked we had for years throughout my life.

“Garrison… please call me Bill.”

I smiled every time he said this as it just didn’t seem right. He’d always be someone to me that deserved to be addressed properly.

“This is my wife Annette. We are thrilled that you’re letting us be a part of this day in your life.”

“My pleasure. You know you have always been like family to me, more than family in fact.”  I frowned but was determined to push negative thoughts away. It wouldn’t ruin my happiness.

“I’ve gotta get to the alter but I wanted to say hi and thank you for coming!”

“Pleasure is all mine son. Good to see you Garrison. I’ll see you after the ceremony.”

My nerves were really coming on strong right now. The only saving grace was Reese sneaking to see me this morning. I was proud she was far braver than I was sneaking to see me. I wanted so badly to see her and have her reassure me she would be here today. My asshat moves last night could have screwed everything up. Of all nights, last night was the one that I shut her out.

I had just finished getting a shower and getting my slacks on when I realized I had forgotten my phone in our room. I still hadn’t heard from Reese yet this morning leaving me full of doubt. Dylan had already left to run an errand before the wedding and got sick of me moaning around kicking myself about my mouth last night. I made my way through our bathroom to our connecting master and see my bride sitting on our chair, well her chair. She would be sitting in it at night with Foxy when I got home late at night waiting for me to get home.

“Reese…”

She stood up from the chair already beautifully covered in her makeup and hair up off her neck in some fancy twisty thing.

She put her hand up to stop me from getting close to her. “I’m only going to say this one last time. I want you to hear me so listen good!” She waited to confirm I was listening. “I came here breaking the number one rule before getting married but I had to so that I could clear this up.”

I sat down on the bed and she was standing right in front of me with her hands on her hips. I had a lump in my throat the size of Texas. She was dressed in yoga pants and a t-shirt that said bride across the front. I was positive that only she could pull off this look and look beautiful while doing it.

“I love you Garrison. I love you for all that you are. The things you see as faults are not what I see. I see a man that beat the odds. But… I have to know in my heart that you will talk to me and will face whatever it is together, hand in hand. If we don’t, if you can’t, then we shouldn’t be married. No matter how much we love each other, no matter what we have been through, if you can’t trust me to stand by your side, if you don’t love me enough to…”

I pulled her into me and kissed her sweetly on the lips.

“Reese… I promise you, I will never let this happen again. We are a team, and you are the only one I want.  I don’t know that I will ever be able to accept and move past my childhood and the things I still feel but I’ll try my best. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Please forgive me for being a total asshole. I love you.”

She kissed me again as I pushed her back on our bed.

“EKKKKKKK, Garrison don’t mess up my hair and makeup. I’ve gotta get back to the house before anyone knows I’m missing. I took mom’s car since she was up getting ready. They will kill me!”

I pulled her close one last time and brought her chin up to level her eyes with mine. “The next time I see you’ll officially be mine.”

“I’ve been yours for a long time baby” She smiled.

She pulled herself off the bed and made it to the door just as I hear Dylan’s voice hollering for me in the apartment.

Dylan walked into our room with a look on his face as if he was a mother busting his child. “You can’t stay away from each other for one night?” He rolled his eyes and smiled.

“Love you Garrison.” She blew me a kiss disappearing out our door
.

Dylan finally made his way down the aisle to stand beside me and talk with the minister. He was trying to joke around with him but the minister was finding no humor in the conversation. We stood and waited for our girls to come down the aisle. He was sweating worse in the heat than I was and I couldn’t help to think it was because he was falling for Autumn. Dylan reacted far differently than he used to. He had begun showing his emotions far more than I’d ever seen. Don’t get me wrong he was still a complete douche but he was softening up. That or he was getting sick of the life on the road. Bullet dodged by me. Not that I would have ever settled for that anyhow. We had five minutes until the ceremony was supposed to start and there wasn’t anything that could have kept me from speaking our vows in front of friends and family but foremost, Reese.

Reese

I had slipped out to see Garrison risking being chided like a child arriving back in my room only minutes before Mom and Autumn came busting in. Anxious to get me in my dress they were ready to get the day moving. My mom seemed more nervous than I did not ready to have her oldest daughter marry.

              After being helped into my dress I looked at my reflection in the large stand up mirror that was placed in my room just for this occasion. Every angle I turned I could see the beautiful dress that we had found on one of our trips to the wedding shop boutiques. I was in awe with my dress admiring the way it looked and felt on my skin. I couldn’t wait for the groom to see me in it. I would be able to read what he thought as soon as I saw his eyes.

My dress was so long it slid along the floor exactly how I wanted. It was white strapless with great detail of design on the top with pearls and flowers to perfection. It fit my body like a glove and the minute I tried it on I knew it was the one. The remaining of the dress along with my train was chiffon and felt light as a feather. Small silk buttons secured my back meeting to the chiffon bottom. It made me feel like a princess. I loved it on and walked around in it as the days led up to my special day. I wore a pair of pink converse that had bride written on them special ordered. My veil was the only thing I insisted on having. I had dreamed of having a veil on since I was a little girl. I would walk around with my mom’s slip on my head pretending. It was matching white with my chiffon of my dress and pinned to my head just below my diamond pin holding my hair up in place. Autumn was wearing a black dress that was strapless as well with the chiffon bottom with bright pink Jimmy Chou’s. When we spotted the two dresses we knew they were perfect and would complement each other.

Mom started with the water works after taking a few pictures excusing herself to get dad so he could see me before us leaving. We only had 30 minutes to get where we needed to be and the clock was ticking.

Autumn was securing my veil in my hair with bobby pins and I could tell she was getting emotional. She finished the last pin and stopped in front of my face to admire her handy work.

“Reese I’m so happy for you. I admire you… I hope that one day I can find the love like you and Garrison have. Maybe all you’re waiting, your patience paid off. Look who you’re getting to marry. You make me hopeful that fairy tales can come true, that I can have this one day… ”

She paused wiping at her eyes lightly. “You are beautiful today. This dress couldn’t have been more perfectly shaped for you. I wish you all the happiness Reese. Love you.”