An Unexpected Hunger (11 page)

“I just think it would be good for him,” she shrugged.

“For what?”

“To be with a girl like you. Ever since you stood up for him in the fourth grade, he’s b
een carrying this torch for you. You’re like his holy grail.”

I offered her a nervous smile
. I quickly changed the subject, trying to pretend like I didn’t know what she was talking about. But I remembered well. The memory was etched into my brain like a movie I’ve seen a hundred times. It was shortly after Ricky’s mom was diagnosed for the first time. She had been going through chemotherapy and had loss most of her hair. She had shown up to our winter concert with a beautiful scarf wrapped around her head. Some of the kids starting picking on Ricky, giving him a hard time about his balding mom. I’ll never forget the look in his eyes as he tried to walk away, staring at his mother across the room. I gave those kids a piece of my mind, grabbing Ricky’s hand and storming off with him.

“Thanks,” he said to me, the smile finally returning to his face.

“No problem,” I said.

It wasn’t long after that when his mom’s cancer went into remission
, and her hair grew back.

B
y the time we were at the register, Mia was going on about my brother and his problems with the baseball team. I half listened as I remembered the look on Ricky’s face after I had told him kissing him was a mistake. I had seen that face before, only it came in the form of a ten year boy. Suddenly, I had started to feel so guilty for reacting the way I did.

* * *

I added one more coat of mascara to my lashes when my phone rang. It was Ricky.

“Hi
, Ricky,” I said, sounding as upbeat as possible.

“So…tonight’s the night, huh?”
he said.

“What is it? Don’t tell me someone called out because I just called-”

“No, no one called out,” he replied. “I just wanted to hear your voice and say that I’m sorry for what I said to you in the car that day. You’re right. I
am
an asshole, and I hope you have a good time with what’s his name tonight.”

“What’s his name?”

“Yeah, you know who I mean…chinos.”

I laughed in
a way that only Ricky knew how to make happen. “Ricky, you’re not an asshole…although you can have asshole-ish tendencies,” I teased. “And I’m sorry, too. I didn’t mean to upset you either.”

“So does that mean your going to cancel your date?”

“No!”

I heard the doorbell in the background.

“I gotta’ go. I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”

“Lex?”

“Yes?”

“
Can I pick you up?”

“Sure.”

I hung up the phone, surprised at how much I was looking forward to seeing him.

* * *

Ethan drove for a good forty-five minutes until we finally arrived at the restaurant. He opened the car door, pulled my chair out and in for me, and even ordered us a very nice bottle of wine.

I looked around the restaurant, feeling a little uneasy. It reminded me of Danny’s
restaurant all the way from the linens on the table to the very impressive menu.

“Wow…this place is amazing,” I said, taking a sip from my wine glass.

“I’ve eaten here once before. I had the same waiter. He was really good.”

“Where
I
work they’re called waiters. I’m pretty sure here they’re called servers.”

Ethan laughed. “
How
did
you end up working there? You always loved to cook. I remember you were the best one in Mrs. Stilts Home Ec. Class.”

“Yeah,
those were the good old days.”

“Seriously…why aren’t you working in some fancy restaurant?”

I swirled my glass, watching as the wine dribbled down the side. This wine had good legs, as Danny use to tell me.

“I did…up until about six months ago. But, I had to leave and come home for a bit. Get some things situated.”

I did the counting in my head and calculated that today was the very last day of my chastity promise, as Mia called it.

“Where were you coming from at the airport?” I asked.

The waiter brought us our meal, carefully setting each plate in front of us. We both ordered the same thing: herb roasted lamb chops with a balsamic reduction served with a summer vegetable medley.

“I was visiting my dad in
Texas. He moved there after he and my mom divorced.”

“I’m s
o sorry for not recognizing you. I hate flying and had taken something for the flight. I was a little out of it.”

Ethan smiled, his pale blue eyes sparkling with the light of the candle on the table. His face was
clean-shaven tonight, and the button down shirt and black pants he wore were doing a good job of showing off his toned frame. He was far from the kid that passed me funny notes in class, but I could still make out some semblance of his boyish charm.

Turns
out, he started law school near Philly in just a couple of weeks, and he even volunteered in the hospital once a month. He didn’t have one single tattoo, rarely drank, and his last relationship was a year ago with a girl he dated for three years.

I ate every last bit of my lamb, every bite melting in my mouth
. It felt good to be around that kind of food again. Burgers and fries at the Mug weren’t exactly palate stimulating.

The car ride home seemed to go by a lot quicker
, and I discreetly checked my phone, a little disappointed when I didn’t see a call or text from Ricky.

When we finally made it bac
k to my mom’s, I saw Nick’s car parked in the driveway. The house was completely dark, and I cursed at Nick under my breath for forgetting to leave the porch light on for me.

Ethan got out of the car
and walked me to the foot of the porch steps.

“Thanks for a really great time,” I said, fishing for my key.

“Do it again soon?” he asked.

I nodded my head, watching Ethan as he took slow deliberate steps in my direction, closing the space between us. I closed my eyes as he leaned in
, waiting for our lips to merge, when someone obnoxiously cleared their throat from the porch. Rising up out of the darkness, Ricky stood like a worried father waiting for his daughter to come home from her first date.

“Dammi
t Ricky…you scared the shit out of me!”

Ethan’s eyes darted from Ricky to me. “Ricky? I thoug
ht your brother’s name was Nick.”

“It is,” I said. “This isn’t my brother. He’s my boss.”

“Your boss?” A long awkward pause developed. “Um, it’s nice to meet you.” Ethan extended his hand, but quickly dropped it when it was obvious Ricky wasn’t into the whole act of civilized introductions.

“Okay…well.” Ethan turned to me and opted for a peck on my cheek. “I’ll call you.” He winked and walked back
to his car, just after I mouthed the words I’m sorry.

I stood, frozen
by complete and utter disbelief.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked, throwing my hands into the air.

“I wanted to see how your date went.”

I charged past him on the porch, trying to open the front door.

“Why is this door locked? Where’s Nick?”

He’s at my house with
Mia. I borrowed his car.”

I turned to face Ricky.
“Let me get this straight. You borrowed my brother’s
car
so you could come here…and
spy
on me.”

“Well,
when you put it like that it just sounds creepy.”

“It is creepy! I can’t be
lieve you did that…He probably thinks your some stalker ex-boyfriend now.”

“Good,” he said. He was smiling ear to ear, his hands tucked into the pocket of his jeans. “I can’t believe you were going to let him kiss you,” he said, following me into the house.

I rolled my eyes as I flicked every light switch I passed.

When I turned to face him, his eyes were wide and dark.

“
That’s
what you wore? You’re barely dressed! I’m pretty sure I can see your-”

“Just...please!
Don’t
finish that sentence,” I said, holding up my hand. “You are
wildly
inappropriate, you know that?”

“I consider that a compliment.”

“Ugh…” I stomped past him and headed up the steps; too frustrated to notice he was following me all the way to my bedroom. He stopped just at the threshold, waiting for me to invite him in.

“Go home, Ricky,” I said. “I need to get to bed before I have to wake up to your incessant honking tomorrow morning.

“You never answered my question.” He leaned against the frame of the door, his arms crossed, and his hips cocked to one side.

“What question?”
I asked, rummaging through my drawers for something to change into.

“Did you have a good time?”

I sauntered over to the door, getting as close as possible to his face without actually touching him.

“Like you had with Heidi the other night?” I said in just above a whisper.

Ricky smiled, his eyes sweeping from my eyes to my lips back to my eyes. This close to him, I swear I could see the storm brewing behind his long lashes, the grey in his eyes swirling like incoming clouds.

“
You know that was just for show. I took her straight home.”

“Am I supposed to believe that?” I said, raising my eyebrows.

“No,” he replied, suddenly becoming so serious. “But it’s the truth.”

And it was written all over his face.

At that very moment our lips collided, like two magnets no longer able to resist the pull they felt towards each other. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him into my room. He staggered in, startled by my strength. Kissing him again reminded me just how much I enjoyed it the first time. I reveled in the feeling of his lips on my skin, gently pecking up and down my neck.

“Your skin smells so good,” he moaned. I closed my eyes, inhaling the scent off his shirt. I felt the bed behind me and sat down. Ricky’s lips never broke from mine, his hands cradling my face.

In that moment, I
knew I had to make a decision: stop now or give in to it. Ricky sensed something and stopped, grabbing both of my hands in his.

“We don’t have
to do this tonight,” he said.

I peered up at him, his admission breaking any doubt for me.
Ricky froze in place, only his eyes moved as he watched me get up. Grabbing the hem of his shirt, I pulled it over his head, tossing it on the floor. I ran my fingers from both his shoulders, down his chest, grazing each ripple in his stomach, until pausing at just past his navel. Our eyes were locked, a hypnotic energy buzzing between us.

Ricky
grasped my hand as I reached for the buckle of his belt. “Are you sure?” he asked me.

I unfastened it
, pulling it from his waist in just a few tugs, letting the action speak for me. It had been six long months since I had gone this far, and I was ready to reward myself for good behavior. I peeled off my dress, tossing it on the floor beside the bed. I sat back down, scooting further back towards the headboard.

“Holy shit,” he mumbled in a drawn out breath
.

“What’s the matter?”

He hesitated before answering. “You’re beautiful.”

“Stop
,” I said, blushing. I’ve heard him say it a hundred times to every girl within a five-foot radius. Somehow it felt different this time, like the real meaning of the word had just occurred to him.

“I mean it
, Lex. You’re gorgeous.”

I felt so vulnerable, so exposed, yet
so in control at the same time. I nodded him over to the bed, and he made a slow crawl next to me.

He brushed back my hair and kissed me on my lips. I pulled him on top of me
, and we relinquished any clothing that remained between us. He placed himself in between my legs, and we stilled for a few seconds, forehead to forehead. I grazed his arms, encapsulating me from both sides, feeling every tense muscle.

I closed my eyes the moment I felt him inside of me, the feeling of being so close
, overwhelming. I dug all ten fingers into his back, pressing him closer and deeper.

He thrust his body into mine and a low moan poured out of me. With each movement of his hips, I came closer and closer to spilling over the
edge. I felt every move he made. When we both couldn’t take it anymore, he pushed one more time before collapsing on top of me.

The moment was bittersweet. It was exhilarating to feel so wildly attracted to someone
, but I was also terrified by what it would mean. I was sticking my hand into the fire again. This time I knew exactly what would happen. Wanting a relationship with Ricky was like wishing to take a ride on a unicorn. You could hope all you wanted to, but it was never going to happen. So, I made myself a new promise. I wouldn’t let myself become emotionally attached. I would become the female version of Ricky. It was the only way to survive this.