An Unexpected Hunger (15 page)

“I need to get out of here,” I told Mia.
“I already asked Casey if I could leave early.”

“You want me to take you?”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll call Nick.”

I just about made it out of the door unnoticed when Ricky came barreling through.

“Where are you going?” he asked me out of breath.

“Home.”

“Let me take you.”

“I’ll walk.” I would call Nick on the way.

“Walk? You can’t walk. It’s too far and it’s late…and dark!”

“I’m aware of the time and distance
, thanks. I need the fresh air.”

He kept following me until I gave up
and sat on the sidewalk. I called Nick and told him where I was.

He sat down next to me.
“I can’t believe this is happening.”

“Believe it,” I replied.

“I miss you.”

I wanted to tell him that I mis
sed him too, because I did. But I said nothing.

“Can you talk to me please?”
he said.

“What’s there to say? I
hoped this would work. I even believed it for a while. But this…this is too much to handle right now. She’s having your BABY. Our relationship has barely even started and already it’s…failing.”

“Is that what you think?”
he asked.

“It’s what I know.”

Nick pulled up. I stood, and walked to the car in silence.

“
Ricky,” I said as he walked back in the direction of the bar. “I quit.”

THE WEEK DRAGGED on. I had no job but managed to save most of my money I had earned. Ricky called me at least once a day. Mia came over often to check on me, and Nick even called a few times to make sure I was okay. I appreciated the concern, but assured them that I had been through worse.

Being in a relationship again
was
an exciting thought, especially since a relationship with Ricky didn’t need to be a secret. I could kiss him and hug him whenever I wanted to, without ever worrying about what other people suspected. I knew that once the initial shock wore off that I would be fine. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself.

I strolled around the house in my p
ajamas all day, my mother eyeing me suspiciously as she made her carrot and blueberry blend.

“Why haven’t you been at work?” she finally asked.

“I quit.”

“Oh? And why is that? Ready for bigger and better things?”

“No,” I exhaled. “I slept with my boss.”

She inhaled sharply. “Alexa Marie Stanton!”

I took a sip of my coffee and headed back to my room, smiling for the first time in days.

* * *

Just about two weeks had past since I quit waitressing at the Mug. Two weeks of moping around the house, and eating to my heart’s content. I actually got so desperate to do something the other day that I had mom drive me to the grocery store so I could cook us both dinner. I couldn’t remember the last time she had something I made.

We sat at the kitchen table together, each qu
ietly eating the sea bass I made with sour cream and chive mashed potatoes. I wish I had taken a picture of her face when she took the first bite. I don’t think I had ever seen her happier.

“Honey…this is excellent!”

“Why do you sound so surprised?” I laughed. “I only went to one of the best culinary schools on the west coast.”

“I know,” she said, taking another bite. “It’s just…” Her eyes started to
reddened and twitch. I was worried she was having some kind of spasm when I realized…

Holy shit, she was crying
.

“Mom,” I said. “It’s okay.” I’ve seen m
y mom lose it before, but it was usually over something Nick did. I got up from my chair, and rubbed her back. “Don’t cry.”

She grabbed the napkin and dabbed under her eyes. “I’m just so proud of you,” she said. “And I don’t think I ever told you that.”

I sat back in my chair, almost falling over in shock.

“Thanks
, mom,” I said. “It really means a lot to me. Especially since I’m such an epic failure right now.”

“Oh
, Alexa! You are not a
failure
. We all fuck up in life every now and then. What’s important is that you pick up the pieces and move on.”

I sat in my chair, stunned, holding my fork in mid air with a piece of sea bass barely holding on. Hearing my mother say fuck was like seeing a leprechaun prance around the house with a pot of gold…perplexing yet completely amusing.

“Take your father and me for instance.”

“Y
ou and dad hated each other. You were divorced before I even realized you were married.”

“We didn’t
hate
each other. We just didn’t pick the pieces up and move on.” She hesitated. “It’s something I’ve always regretted.” She casted her eyes downward, new tears welling around her lashes.

“So why didn’t you?”

“Well…because your father made a mistake and I could never forgive him for it.”

I sat at th
e edge of my seat. “What did he do?”

Mom
let out a sigh. “Things had really gotten bad between your father and me and…he had an affair.”

I dropped my fork to my plate, my mouth hanging open. “What?” I whispered. “With who?”

My mother looked away. “With someone he worked with...at the restaurant. He said it was only a one time thing, and I could tell he felt so guilty about it. I was devastated. He begged for my forgiveness, but I was too upset.” She fiddled with her hair. “I just wish…we could have had a second chance. It might have made all the difference. Don’t ever miss out on giving yourself a second chance.”

We finished
the rest of the meal in silence, while I thought about how I had more in common with my mom than I ever imagined.

* * *

Six o’clock on a Saturday night, and there I was, polishing my toenails with nowhere to go. I applied for a job at some stores in the mall but still hadn’t heard anything. Without a car, I wasn’t even sure how I would get to and from work. The fall semester started last week and Nick hadn’t been home since.

After my mom’s startling admission over dinner last night, she offered to take me shopping.
It was nice spending time with her, even when she decided to become the Simon Cowell of shopping. I just played along and let her take over. Thank God her taste in clothes was pretty good.

Mia
called late last night to see if I wanted to get together next week. She moved back on campus for the new semester and didn’t mention Ricky at all. We decided to do dinner on her next day off, and I was looking forward to getting out of the house.

Just as I put a
dot of polish on my pinky toe, my phone rang from somewhere under the bed. I hobbled over and felt on the floor, trying not to smudge the wet paint.

It was Ethan.

“Hello?”

“Hey Lex!”

“Ethan, how’s it going?”

Since I declined a second date, I didn’t think I’d hear from him again.

“Wanna get something to eat?”

I looked around my room. “Sure.”

“Ok, great! See you in twenty minutes?”

“Ok.”

I hung up the phone. “Well, that was random.”

But I didn’t care. I needed to get out of the house and carry on a conversation with someone other than
the cat.

Ethan pulled in the driveway just as I made it down the last step. I threw on a pair of jeans and a
snug fitting top. It wasn’t fancy, but I thought it was the right blend of comfortable yet sexy with the low scooped neckline just grazing around my collarbone.

“Where are you off to?” m
om asked. She sat on the living room sofa, both her and the cat staring down my ensemble.

“Getting a bite to eat
…with a friend.”

Ethan knocked on the door.

“Gotta’ go! Love you!” I turned to escape when I heard my name.

“Alex
a! Don’t I get to meet your friend?” She looked up at me from her reading glasses perched just at the tip of her nose.

I huffed. “Sure.”

Knowing my mother, she would be referring to Ethan as my boyfriend by the end of the conversation.

I swung open the door. Ethan was dressed do
wn in jeans and a graphic tee. His usually combed back hair was loosely pushed back.

“Ethan! It’s great to see you. Come in!”

He smiled, stepping in the foyer. My mother had already made her way off the couch and by my side. Poor Ethan didn’t stand a chance against my mother’s life mission of finding me a suitable husband.

“Mom,”
I said, gesturing with my hands. “This is Ethan. Ethan, this is my mom, Reagan Stanton.” I always found it funny that my mom never changed her married name.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Ethan said, offering his hand.

“Ethan.” Mom said his name as if she were thinking how it would sound with mine. “I’m afraid Alexa’s never mentioned you.”

I rolled my eyes. Leave it to my mother to make an already awkward situation even more so.

Ethan laughed. “Well, that doesn’t surprise me.” His eyes flickered to mine. “We haven’t really seen much of each other since she moved back. I’ve been a bit busy.”

“Oh?” Mom said. “Doing what?”

“Mom-”

“No, it’s okay,” Ethan chuckled. “I’m in law school.”

And there was the clincher. My mother’s eyes looked liked a slot machine…jackpot.

“Really?” she said, her voice raising a few octaves. In the kitchen, the teapot whistled. “Would you like a cup of tea?”

“Sure!” Ethan replied. Mom hooked her arm around his, and led him down the hall. I stayed behind, perplexed by what just happened. My mom stole my date.

* * *

After about an hour of sucking down disgusting herbal lemon tea and hearing my mom go on about her juicer to Ethan, I had about enough. I tried to discreetly make faces at my mom to get her to shut up, but she completely ignored me, too engrossed in listening to Ethan talk about his wealthy father in Texas and lush of a mother here. Mom listened intently, inserting all the necessary emotional quips when appropriate. Every once in a while, Ethan would look at me with a smug look on his face, knowing he had my mother eating out of the palm of his hand.

It was around seven thirty when Mia called. I excused myself
, and ran out on the porch to take the call, leaving the lovebirds to carry on their conversation without me…like it mattered.

“Lex? I need a huge favor!” She sounded out of breath
, and by the background noise I could tell she was at the bar.

“What is it? Is everything okay?”

“Joe QUIT!”

“What?” I yelled. “When?”

She yelled something away from the phone before continuing. “Just now. He just walked out! He and Ricky got into some huge fight, and Joe threw off his apron and walked out the door. I’m freaking out here!”

“Okay,” I said. “What can I do to help?”

“Can you work the kitchen tonight?

“WHAT?”

“I wouldn’t even of asked if I wasn’t so desperate,” she said. “Mike’s not picking up his phone, and Cesar is in the back running around like a mad man.”

“I don’t think-”

“Please! Please! I’ll do-”

“Fine!” I said, cutting her off. I took a deep breath. “But for just this one night.”

“Thank you!” she shouted. “You are the most awesome person I know!”

I smiled, feeling my heartbeat quicken with each second. “Yeah...you’re right.”

She laughed, and I could hear another voice talking behind her.

“Do you need a ride?” she said.

“No. Tell your brother I’m fine. See you in fifteen minutes.” I hung up the phone and walked inside, ready to face the thing I was avoiding for six months. I was going back in the kitchen.

ETHAN RELUCTANTLY AGREED to drive me to the Mug. I ran upstairs and rummaged through my closet. Hidden in the back under the sheath of dry cleaning plastic wrap was the last respectable work uniform I owned: my crisp, white, chef jacket. I peeled off the plastic, hearing the paper of the wire hanger crinkle as I pulled it away.

I held it out in front of me for a few seconds before slipping it on.
I managed to find a pair of chef pants, my favorite ones with black and white checks with cargo pockets on each side. Looking at myself in the mirror, I felt like I did my first day in culinary school. It had been too long since my reflection looked like this. I had to admit…I looked good.

I
pulled my hair back as I hopped down the stairs.