An Unfinished Life (2 page)

But I knew better than anyone not to believe in and cling onto moments like the one we shared last night. It was just sex, very hot sex between two consenting adults, a hook-up after the wedding of a mutual friend.

Nevertheless, a small part of me continued to romanticize what happened last night. What is it with weddings that give people hope? Last night was only all about sex, right? Nothing more?
Whatever!
I couldn’t spend any more time pondering the what ifs.

I had something real once, but she was taken from me in a senseless tragedy. She took a bullet for me and died in my arms, but not before telling me one last time how much she loved me. It didn’t get more real than that.

I covered my eyes with my palms to hold back the tears that would surely fall. As I closed my eyes, there she was…
Minela, my beautiful girl. Her big, bright, brown eyes were glazed over with tears as she accepted my marriage proposal. I slid the ring on her finger, and I knew then that she would be mine forever.

Fate had other plans for us, though. I never saw it coming. The moment I heard the firing of the gun and felt the wetness of her blood on my hands, I knew Minela was dying in my arms. The happily ever after we dreamed of was never going to be a reality.

“Why did you leave me!?” I screamed out into thin air in my empty hotel room.

Parts of my heart had closed off after I witnessed her coffin lower down into the ground. Her father, a police captain for the Boston Police Department, along with her four brothers—all Boston police officers—were dressed in their finest blues. All the LaRocha men were standing tall with no signs of falling apart. They were being strong for Julia, Minela’s mother, who had to be repeatedly held back from throwing herself on the coffin.

The loud shrieking cries from Julia resonated throughout the cemetery. She was inconsolable and screaming at God to take her too. Her husband, Captain Joseph LaRocha, wrapped his arms around his wife protectively. She finally settled down and fell against his chest, and they grieved together.

I had my own share of support rallying around me. My parents, all three of my brothers, Andrew, Cameron, and Simon, along with his wife, Nicolette, were my lifeline. I wanted to scream like Minela’s mother was doing, but I held my tongue and remained numb. I was as still as a statue, and my heart felt like it had turned to stone.

My family took it all for me: my cries, my anger, and my grief. They vowed to get me through the darkest time of my life. Although my heart was completely broken, the Paulson Family was close and would never allow me to shut them out.

“Why do you torture yourself!?” I once again screamed out for no one to hear me. Fuck!
This is what happens when I allowed myself to feel. Why now, after all this time, was this even happening?

Minela was my sun. Her shimmering rays of light made me see everything so clearly. I wanted a life with her. We talked every night about our hopes and dreams. How many kids we would have. We argued constantly over paint samples and china patterns. She frustrated me to no end, but I always gave in just to see her smile and claim another victory over me. She used to call it “foreplay,” a warm-up to the great sex that always followed. I wanted it, all of it…with her.

Now, after all this time mourning her loss, feeling the dull ache pounding in my heart, I’ve come up for air for the first time in over two years. Again, I asked myself:
How is this possible?

It’s not possible, that’s why. Nothing will become of this one-night stand. I can never allow myself to get that close to anyone again. This was a hook-up…nothing more.

I was done with memory lane and dragged my hungover ass out of bed. I stepped out of the bathroom freshly showered with the cobwebs of memory lane now gone. I’d decided that I’m never drinking Tequila again. My eyes scanned the room, and that’s when I saw the Starbucks coffee cup sitting on the side table, along with two Advil, a bottle of water, and a note:

Wow! That girl Zoey was something unexpected and certainly not a figment of my imagination. She was real and very unforgettable. My head was still spinning at the fact that a few stolen moments with a stranger and the night we shared—oh, what a night, spent wrapped around her—could make me feel again. I truly didn’t think it was possible.

I saw how happy my brother Simon was with Nicolette. Their love story was magical. I was jealous of my kid brother. I wanted what they had. I had it once, and then it was taken from me without warning.

And after getting dressed, my memory from last night was becoming clearer. I remembered my friend and colleague Tenley, who was Zoey’s best friend, tell me all about her. She described Zoey as a bolt of lightning, a human force of sparkle that can’t be denied. She was sexy as hell. Her intelligence was off the charts, and she was one of the finest New York attorneys around. But Zoey also spent a night in my bed and showed me her wild side. I remember every curve of her body as it connected with mine. She clawed my chest as I made her come, and she screamed out my name from the pleasure I was giving her.

A hook-up…that’s all this was…two consenting adults letting go and having a great time. My brain is rationalizing what my heart will not believe.

My heart?
Oh my God! It actually was racing. My heart was telling me to take a chance. Zoey could be the game changer for me: the one that would allow me to feel again, to welcome human touch without wanting to punch something.

Was this what my father meant when he told me that when I was ready, I would find love again? I couldn’t entertain that thought back then, but why now for some reason? This girl made me want to.

I was never drinking Tequila again! The joke was on me, because my head didn’t hurt from my hangover; it was from overanalyzing my night with Zoey.

My phone beeped with an incoming alert. My car was here to take me to the airport. Saved by the bell. No point thinking about this any longer. It wouldn’t work anyway to entertain such thoughts about Zoey. Her life was here in New York, and the case that brought me here was now closed. Our mutual friend Tenley was off living her happily ever after with her cowboy, and I needed to get to California for my next assignment.

I grabbed my bags and took one last look at the bed, with its tangled sheets that Zoey and I had wrapped ourselves in.

Enough, Paulson!
I needed to remember that it was just a hook-up and nothing more.
Now walk out of that door and forget about the very enchanting Zoey Steele.
I placed my forehead against the door and took in some deep breaths to calm my racing heart and overactive mind.

It was no use.

All I thought was:
Yeah right! Good luck with that.

E
ven with nearly a six-hour flight to Los Angeles, my thoughts were still running uncontrollably through my mind. My past and present were fighting against each other, and all I wanted was to find some peace before meeting with my boss to discuss the case that has brought me to California.

A car was waiting to bring me to the FBI Field Office in downtown Los Angeles. I caught up on the dozens of e-mails I missed while working the Bornarelli case with Tenley. I hadn’t had the opportunity to call my family to tell them I was in town yet, so maybe I’d just surprise them.

“Sir, we should be there in twenty minutes. We seem to be caught up in some late morning traffic.”

“Thank you, Adam. I have plenty of work to keep me busy until then,” I replied and then raised the privacy screen.

My headache wasn’t getting any better, and I had a long day to still get through. Any time spent with Captain Duffy was sure to be a very long day. I closed my eyes for a few minutes until my cell phone was ringing. I smiled when I saw who was calling me.

“Hey, you! Aren’t you supposed to be on your honeymoon? You don’t want to make your new husband jealous and make him think you should have married me instead,” I joked with my friend.

“No worries there, Jacob. I married the right guy. I am on my honeymoon. And if there was any doubt in your mind, my cowboy is a very jealous one.”

“Thank you for the reminder. So? Why the call then?”

“My husband is out for a run, and I had a few minutes to talk. I wanted to check in with you.”

“What about? I believe we said all we had to say at your wedding.”

“Jacob Paulson! Why are you being so crass with me? This is just a friendly call from one friend to another.”

I could hear the hurt in Tenley’s voice. I was being a jerk and taking it out on her. I already regretted my harsh tone with her.

“I’m sorry, Tenley. I had a rough night with hardly any sleep and a horrendous flight today. I’m kind of beat. Forgive me?”

“You’re forgiven, but I think you might be tired for another reason, right? Come on, Jake…give me all the naughty details.”

“Um…I think you’ve been misinformed, counselor. I’m just tired.”

“Oh, you jerk! I saw you leave the wedding with Zoey! I can’t believe you are making me work this hard for information. And, before you ask, she’s not saying too much either.”

“Maybe that’s for the best.”

“No, it’s not. You two looked great together. She’s my best friend, and obviously, you know that I trust you with my life, so I want this to happen! If you have some sparks between you two, then I say…go for it.”

“I appreciate the support, but my work comes first and my life has no room for romance right now.”

“Are you sure about that, Jacob?”

“I’m sure. Now, please…leave it alone.”

“Oh, Paulson, you are the cliché onion. Every time we talk, layer by layer, I still don’t know you completely.”

“There was a time I could say the same thing about you, Ms. Fairchild. Kettle meet black.”

“Fair point taken. And it’s
Mrs. Parrish
now. I guess I’m just high on love right now, and I want my friends to be just as happy. Sorry for being so intrusive. Forgive me?”

“You’re forgiven, but I don’t believe you’re really sorry, counselor. Still, I appreciate the apology just the same. Hang up with me, and go back to your honeymoon.”

“Okay, I will, but Jacob, can I ask a favor first?”
“Of course, anything.”

“Try to let people in, into your heart, my friend. Take it from one who lived life behind a wall of loneliness for far too long.”

Loneliness? If she only knew how much I lived my life in the dark! I couldn’t go back there. I knew Tenley was trying to help me, but she had no idea what I’d been through, and it was not a subject I could easily talk about.

“I’ll take it under advisement. I have to go, Tenley. I’m just about to pull up to my office.”

“Okay, partner. Keep in touch?”

“I will. Goodbye, my friend.”

Oh, the tenacious Tenley Fairchild. She can go twelve rounds with me and not break a sweat. She was digging for info about Zoey and me, but I wasn’t sure what to say because I didn’t know myself. I was going with the conclusion that my time with Zoey Steele was a hook-up and nothing more.

“Mr. Paulson, we’re here.”

“Thank you, Adam.”

I closed my laptop and gathered my things. I was here for work and nothing more. No more re-visiting the past or last night’s encounter with Zoey. I took in a few deep breaths and entered the building, where I was greeted by staff to bring me upstairs for my briefing.

“Sir, here are your credentials while you’re here in LA. Use both forms of ID when entering the building. You will have to go through several more security checks upstairs before meeting with Director Wade.”

“Fine. Lead the way,” I said.

The very efficient agent practically escorted me right to the door.

“Has my captain arrived yet? Captain Duffy? I was told he would be joining me here.”

“He called, Mr. Paulson, sir, but unfortunately he has been delayed back in New York.”

“I see. I guess I’m on my own then.”

“Agent Paulson, you can wait for the director in the conference room. Shall I get you anything? Coffee?”

“No, thank you.”

My head was pounding. I was in no shape for this meeting today. I just wanted to crawl under a rock and remain there until my mood changed, but work always comes first. My phone beeped with an incoming voicemail. I hit the button and listened to the message.