An Unfinished Life (5 page)

The road to revenge was paved with many potholes, and what lies ahead still remained to be seen. I tried with every fiber of my being not to travel down that road, but this case seemed to be pulling me in.

Confucius said it best: “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.”

A
light tap on the door and Claudia walked through.

“Jacob, I just wanted to let you know that your father has arrived and is making his way up here. Do you still intend on surprising him?”

“You can just tell him that his next appointment is waiting in his office, and I’ll take it from there.”

“Very well. Are you okay, Jacob?” Claudia asked me with concerning eyes.

“I’m not and haven’t been for a very long time. This is one of the reasons why I’m here. I need my father.”

“Jacob!?!”

We both turned to see my father standing in the threshold of his office, looking like he’s seen a ghost. I might as well have been considering the length of time I’d been away. He had tears in his eyes but none that fell. He just dropped his briefcase to the floor and made quick strides over to me.

“Is it really you, son? I’m not being punk’d right now by one of your brothers?”

His remark made me laugh, because that is something that Cam or Andrew would do. I didn’t have to say anything. I just took my father into one of our bear hugs, and he knew it was me. Claudia made a discreet exit and closed the door behind her.

“I’m afraid to let you go, son, out of fear that I’m dreaming.”

“Dad, you can lighten the hold you have on me. I can assure you that I’m real, and I’m not going anywhere.”

And with that, he punched me in my arm for safe measure.

“Ow! Old man, me standing in front of you is not proof enough?”

“Watch your mouth and choice of words,” my father retorted. “I am not old—far from it, son. And you deserved that punch and so much more. Do you even know how long it’s been since these eyes have seen yours in the flesh?”

He gestured to his face, and his elation over seeing me had shifted into anger. I couldn’t blame him, it had been a long time.

“Dad, please? I need you.”

“So you’ve said. Excuse me for a moment,” my father said as he walked around his desk and pressed the intercom. “Claudia, please cancel the rest of my day. I do not wish to be interrupted.”

“Yes, sir. Already taken care of, and I’ve ordered lunch for you and Jacob.”

“Thank you, Claudia.”

“My pleasure, sir.”

I watched my father remove his jacket and loosen his tie. He was a fair man, and I knew he would listen to what I had to say, but there was hurt behind his eyes—a hurt I put there with my absence. The Paulson family never minced words with each other, nor turned their backs on one who needed our love, support, or help. And now I’m here, asking for all of those things and so much more.

“Look, dad, I know my sudden arrival has probably left you in a state of shock, but I really need your advice. You may be the only one I can turn to.”

“Jacob, our door has never been closed to you or to your brothers. First off, you need to stop beating the hell out of your conscience and just forgive yourself.”

“That’s not the advice I came here asking for, and that’s easier said than done.”

“It is easy, son. You just have to allow yourself to do it. Put one foot in front of the other, and just forgive. I’m not going to pretend to truly understand what you’ve been through. I don’t think anyone can unless they have faced it themselves. Grief knows no bounds, and if you still feel it, then feel it, but also lean on the people who love you. Minela—oh, that sweet girl—would not want you to be living like you’ve been.”

“And how have I been living, dad? You weren’t there! She died in my arms, and I could do nothing to save her. She took a fucking bullet for me, and I still don’t know who’s responsible for it. Her death is on my hands, because that bullet was meant for me, I know it. I had everything going for me and didn’t have to prove a goddamn thing to anybody. But I took risks, worked the hardest cases, and for what, dad? A better title? A pay grade I don’t need? It all seems so fucking futile now.”

“Jacob, please talk to me. I can’t help you unless you allow me.”

“I’m here, aren’t I?”

“You are, but you still haven’t told me the reason behind your visit. Or is this just a drop-by, where you state your business and skulk out the door without letting anyone else know you’re here? What about your brothers? Your mother!?! Did you think of her when you were working the streets of New York taking out the bad guys? Oh yes, I’ve read the papers. Another notch on the belt, taking down not one, but two Bornarelli’s and dismantling a major New York crime family.”

“Are you finished? Because I’ve already had one reminder today on my career record. I don’t wish to hear it again from my father. Dad, this is my job, and it’s what I have to keep me going. It’s practically all I had when I lost Minela.”

“That’s bullshit, and you damn well know it. You have your family! We are right here; we’ve always been. It was you who shut us out. Why son? Why?”

“I’m sorry, dad. When my football career ended, I didn’t know what was going to become of me. And then you gave me advice and guidance like you always did, and I picked myself up and moved on. When I decided to change course and pursue law enforcement, you supported me one hundred percent and never once questioned my choices. So why ask why now? I never meant to hurt you or mother, but when Minela died, she took a piece of me with her. And believe me dad, I wasn’t the only one who shut down and slowly retreated from the rest of the world.”

I continued, “Minela’s family is no better off. Her father is now retired after taking an extended leave of absence. Her mother had a complete breakdown, then a stroke followed shortly after. Her brothers went about their lives, still fighting the good fight, but they were not the same men anymore. That’s what grief does, dad. Believe me, I wasn’t the only one that checked out, but I’m here now, and if you give me a chance, I will tell you the reason.”

“I’m sorry, Jacob. I certainly did not want our reunion to begin like this. I’m just happy to see you and so damn angry at you all at the same time.”

“I get where the anger is coming from, and I will apologize a thousand times until I can earn your forgiveness and trust again.”

“You never lost it, son. I can assure you of that.”

“I love you, dad.”

“And I you, son. Now, let’s get some food in us and knock back a few cold ones.”

“I think I might need something stronger than beer.”

“No worries, son. I’m fully stocked.”

We ate mammoth-sized steak burgers and chatted about the easier subjects, football always the best subject to drink beers over.

“Okay, son, you’ve had enough time avoiding the reason why you’re here. Spill it!”

I wiped my mouth on the linen napkin and placed it back on the table. Looking at my father with eyes that matched his, I felt like I was about to be scolded for breaking the neighbors window with my baseball. His gaze never broke, and this look told me that he was done with waiting. He wanted answers.
Where do I begin?
I let out a deep breath and just blurted it out.

“Dad, I’m here in California for work. When I received the call that my next assignment was going to be out here, I was excited at the fact that I would have an opportunity to see all of you again. There will never be enough apologies I could say that would erase all the time I’ve shut you out, but I also know that I have an amazing family who will forgive me without question. Is that still true?” I asked my father.

“You know it is, son, and we understand why you needed your space to grieve over Minela and find your way again. I’m not sure if you’ve done that yet, but we’ve always been here. What your brother went through with Nicolette should show you that we Paulsons always stick together, no matter how serious the problem. This is who we are. This is who you are.”

“Thank you, dad. I’m still the son you raised. I’ve just been so lost without her that I didn’t want to pass all the pain I was going through onto you. And before you say that’s bullshit, it’s how I felt and still do. I’m technically your first born, and I’ve always handled my problems on my own, knowing I could come to you if necessary. And today is one of those times. Have you seen today’s paper?”

“As a matter of fact, I haven’t. I was out the door early this morning and haven’t had the opportunity to peruse any of my usual papers.”

“What about the news? Dad, I know you wake up to the morning headlines, so I can’t believe you don’t know what I’m talking about here!” I practically shouted at my father while balling my fists at my side.

This case had me in knots, and it’s hardly begun yet.

“Jacob, why don’t you just tell me what I don’t know, and we will take it from there.”

He sounded irritated with my dancing around it, but I just couldn’t bring myself to say it. I took the newspaper from my messenger bag and handed it to him. He took the paper, and I saw his eyes go from irritation to shock.

“Oh, holy hell! Murdered in prison? I guess this only means one thing…” my father muttered under his breath.

“Excuse me? Why would you say that? It’s now
your
turn to tell me what I don’t know. Talk to me, dad.”

“I say this because his revenge has finally been carried out. I never believed he would allow Michael to just walk away clean and have the opportunity to live his life freely one day, knowing what he did to her.”

“Dad! What the hell? You’re talking in circles. To whom are your referring?”

“Jacob, have you been so far away from your family that you sit here and act like you don’t know to whom I am referring? Wake up, son! If you don’t know, then you damn well should know who I’m talking about. Jack Vanelle, Nicolette’s Uncle, who turns out is really her biological father! Come on, you really didn’t know?”

My father looked beside himself as I was completely stunned, but now the pieces were beginning to fit.

“No, I did not. How do you know all of this?”

“Simon told me. Years ago, after the rape, many truths came out about Nicolette’s family history. She shared it all with Simon after discovering it herself. She was protected from the truth until her parents felt it was the right time to tell her, and then the rape happened. Her Uncle Jack is her biological father, but Mason Vanelle is her father in all the ways that matter.”

“Wait…did her mother have an affair with the brother?”

“No, nothing like that. Mason could not give his wife a child, so Jack helped make their dream come true, and it was agreed that Jack would always be known as her uncle and nothing more. Jack was extremely protective of Nicolette, and when he discovered she had been attacked, he became enraged and immediately flew out to be by her side. She knew none of it, but one day while she was in the hospital, she overheard her parents and Jack arguing, and that’s when the truth of her parentage came out. On top of everything else that sweet girl was going through, learning this information divided her family even more.”

“Simon was there for her throughout it all, and even when he thought he lost her, he never gave up hope on being with Nicolette again. Then you know what happened next. They did reunite, the trial happened, and then Michael St. Clair began his sentence for what he did to her.”

“Tell me more about Jack. Why did you instantly come to the conclusion that he must be responsible for St. Clair’s death?”

“Jacob, I’m sorry I ever mentioned it. I really thought that Simon shared this with you and your brothers.”

“Well, he didn’t, dad, so now you tell me. I would rather hear it from you rather than reading it in a file.”

My father deeply sighed while looking at the newspaper again but continued to tell me the story.

“Jacob, your brother once told me that Jack may have been connected to the mafia back in his younger years in Chicago. The argument that Nicolette heard was about just that: how Jack provided for his family and took care of things his parents could not provide. They were immigrants from Italy with little money to their name. They worked endless hours to provide for their family, but Jack couldn’t bear to see his parents work and work and not have much to show for it. The Vanelli parents lived a simple life, whereas Jack’s life was not, at least not in the beginning. He did some things he wasn’t proud of but justified them as a means to an end, because it was about survival. That was his past. To my knowledge, he runs a legal business in Chicago and lives his life out in the open with his wife, Sara. They run their business and are pillars in their community. But…”

“But what?”

“I also know that Jack had threatened Michael when he was in the hospital, and he vowed to see him dead for what he did to his daughter. His words…not mine. I guess when it was all over, he confided in Nicolette about his anger and what he could have done, but he told her that he didn’t because of promises made to his wife and brother. Ultimately, anything Jack would have done to that boy would inevitably hurt Nicolette, and he would never do that.”