An Unplanned Life (Unplanned Series) (19 page)

Chapter 43

Nicole

I crawled into bed and tried my best to fall asleep. I was scared of what was happening. I couldn’t believe that he had left. I didn’t want to be alone. I tossed and turned and finally gave up after about twenty minutes. I walked into Ella’s room to check on her. I ran my hand over her forehead. Thankfully, she was nice and cool.

I
sneaked into Ryan’s room and picked up his blanket, which had fallen on the floor, and covered him back up. I bent down and kissed him softly on the cheek. I was just about to walk out of his room when he spoke.

“Do you hate my Uncle D?” Ryan asked.

I turned around and sat down on his bed. “No, Ryan, I don’t. I love him very much.”

“Then why did he leave? Why are you guys always so mad at each other all of time?”

“Because adults act silly sometimes, but I still love him very much. He just needs time to concentrate on work right now.” I couldn’t believe that I was justifying Dailan’s actions, when I didn’t even understand them myself.

“And then everything will be back to normal?” he asked. I closed my eyes and nodded. I took his hand and kissed it. “Do you love me as much as you love Ella?” he asked, taking me totally by
surprise.

“Of course I do! Ryan, why would you even ask such a thing
?”

“I don’t know. It’s just that you’ve known Ella her whole life.”

I lay down next to him and pulled him closer. “Ryan, I have known you your whole life too.”

“How?”

“You lived inside my heart from the day you were born. I thought about you every day, wondered what you were doing, and what you looked like.”

“You did?” I could see a smile appear on his face, even though the darkness.

I nodded. “Ryan, I was really young when I had you. I wanted to keep you more than anything, but I knew that wouldn’t have been fair to you. You deserved the best life ever and I knew that your mommy and daddy in Heaven could give that to you. But you and me - we went through a lot together.”

“We did?
How?”

“Well, when you were in my belly, you help
ed get me through some really hard times. You would give me a good hard kick every time I needed cheering up.”

“I did?”
He giggled.

“
Yup, you did.”

“Do you remember the day that I was born?”

“Like it was yesterday. And I truly believe that your mommy in Heaven is an angel who led me to you.”

“And if it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have met my
Uncle D.”

“Nope, I wouldn’t have
. I loved you from the very first day that you were born, Ryan O’Maley, and I have loved you every day since.” I kissed him on the forehead and whispered in his ear, “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living –”

“My baby you
’ll be,” Ryan chimed in, much to my surprise.

“How do you know
how that goes, Ryan?”

“My other mom used to read that book to me all of the time.”

“She did?” He nodded. I smiled and hugged him tightly. Yes, his mother in Heaven was definitely an angel; one for which I would be eternally grateful.

Chapter 44

Nicole

The past…

“Push, Nicole! Close your eyes and push as hard as you can, baby,” Tisha said.

I leaned forward as Tisha held my hand and braced my elbow with her other hand. I was crying from the extreme pain. I just wanted to die, it hurt so
bad.

“Come on and breathe, Nicole. Just one more push and this baby will be born,” my doctor said.

I closed my eyes and pushed with everything I had. Tears immediately began to roll down my face as I heard my baby’s cries for the first time. I wanted to hold him so badly. My body was yearning for him. I
needed
to hold him. I watched as the nurse took his vitals and cleaned him off, trying my best to catch a tiny glimpse of him. My heart sank as I watched her walk out of the room with him. “No,” I whispered.

Tisha rubbed my back. “
It’s okay, Nicole. Everything is going to be okay.” She hugged me tightly. I was sobbing and my entire body was shivering. I had never felt so empty and alone as I did at that particular moment. A piece of my heart was ripped from my body and taken away. I knew from that moment exactly what my mother had meant when she said that I hadn’t faced the hardest part yet. I felt like I wanted to curl up and die.

“I-I don’t know if I
can do this, Tisha”

“It’s up to you
, baby girl. But I’m telling you right now, if you hold that little boy, be prepared to raise him because you’re not going to be able to give him up.”

I had so many thoughts
racing through my mind. It would be hard, but I knew that I could do it if I really wanted to. My mother said that she would help me. I could put college on hold and get a full time job. I wanted to feel his skin, smell his baby scent, and kiss him for the very first time. I wanted him to know that I was his mother. I was the voice that he had been hearing for the past nine months. I was the one that went through hell and back for him.

“Do you want me to tell them to bring him in?” Tisha asked.

I took a deep breath, contemplating my decision. I closed my eyes to try and fight another round of tears. “Tisha, could you hand me my bag, please.”

She looked at me strangely and grabbed my bag off the table. I opened it up and took Ralphie out. “Can you give this to his mother? Ask her if she could please find
it in her heart to let him have this so he will always have a little piece of me?”

Tisha looked at me sadly. “I sure will
, baby girl.”

I had made my decision and even though it hurt like hell
, I knew that my baby was going to have the best life possible. I loved that faceless little boy more than I had ever loved anything in my entire life and because of that - I knew I had to let him go.

I was so out of it
when my mother finally arrived. I lay there with my eyes closed. They had given me something in my IV to calm my nerves. “I think she’s finally asleep,” Tisha said.

“She went so quickly
. I was stuck in traffic, two hours away. I wanted to be here for her,” my mother said. “Was she okay, when they took the baby?”

“She had a little bit of a hard time with it, but she did it. We have her all set up for counseling too
, once she gets out. It will help her a lot.” I could hear my mother sit down in the chair next to me. “Your daughter proved what a very strong woman she is today,” Tisha said.

“She is,” my mother said.

“Well, I’m going to get going, now that you’re here. Tell Nicole I’ll talk to her tomorrow.”

“
I will. Thank you, Tisha, for everything. Nicole really looks up to you,” my mother said.

I fought with everything I had to open my eyes when I felt my mother’s lips on
my forehead. “How are you feeling?” she asked.

“Tired and sore.”

“Yeah, well that won’t last for long.” She gently pushed my hair from my face and caressed my cheek. I could see the tears filling up in her eyes. “I love you so much, Nicole.”

“I love you too.” She took my hand in hers and held it
tightly. I closed my eyes and fell into a much needed, deep sleep.

I awoke to total darkness. I didn’t know where I was. I rubbed my belly
like I always would when I had woken up in the middle of the night for these past nine months. There was nothing there.
My baby was gone. Who took my baby?
I sat up and felt an aching pain between my legs. My eyes began to adjust to the darkness and I was able to make things out. Once I had awoken a little bit more, I realized I was in my hospital bed. My baby was really gone. It wasn’t some horrible nightmare. I slid back down in my bed and began to sob, rubbing my belly once again, hoping to feel a little kick to let me know that everything was going to be okay. I was alone. Empty. Never again would I feel the fluttering of him moving around inside of me. I buried my face in my pillow to muffle the sounds of my cries. I lifted my head when I saw the light from the hallway shining into my room. One of the nurses came walking in my room. “How are you feeling, honey?” she asked as she checked my IV.

“I’m okay,” I said
, wiping the tears from my eyes.

“Are you sure
? Can I get you anything? Do you need to use the bathroom?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“Well, if you need anything just hit the call button.”

I nodded. She was almost out the door. “Is he okay?” I asked.

“Who?” She seemed confused.

“My baby.”

She looked at me sympathetically. “Yes, he’s fine,” she said in a very gentle tone.

“Thanks,” I whispered as I watched her walk out the door. I buried my head into the pillow once again. He was no longer
my
baby; he belonged to someone else now. I knew that wherever life took me and if I ever did have another child one day, he would always be
my firstborn
that would live on in my mind, heart, and soul for the rest of my life.

Chapter 45

Dailan

I didn’t sleep for shit. I was too busy thinking about Nicole and the way we had left things last night. I was on my fourth cup of coffee and still feeling like I could fall asleep at any second as I finished preparing all the documents.

“Good
morning, Dailan. Did you need me to do anything?” Rachel asked while poking her head into my office.

“No,
but come in here for a minute.” I waited for her to sit down before I laid into her. “If you ever do what you did the other night when Nicole called, your ass will be fired.”

“What are you talking about?”
she asked, trying to play innocent.

“Don’t play dumb with me, because it’s not going to work. My daughter was in the hospital and I had no clue because you decided that you wanted to play you
r stupid little games with Nicole.”

“I’
m sorry. I was so drunk that I don’t even remember doing that.”

“Yeah,
well then maybe you should think twice about drinking, especially when you’re away on business. I told you before, you and I don’t have to like one another on a personal level. As long as you do your job, I won’t have a problem with you. But fuck with my family and then we’re going to start having a major problem.”

Her jaw dropped and I saw her eyes begin to fill with tears. “I’m sorry. Is your daughter okay?”

“You don’t need to know anything about my daughter; she’s not your concern. Just start working on the deposition that I left on your desk.”

“Yeah, sure,” she said as she walked out the door.

I stayed in my office for the entire morning with the door closed. I kept getting distracted every time I would look at Nicole’s and my wedding picture on my desk. It hadn’t even been twenty-four hours and I missed her so much. I was broken from my trance when I heard a knock on my door.

I looked up to find Debbie. “Hey
, you got a minute?” she asked.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

She closed the door behind her. “Nothing; I need to escape from Mr. Allan. I want to come back and work for you. He is a major pain in the ass!”

I la
ughed. “Yeah, well right now Rachel will probably trade with you.”

“Oh
, are you the reason that she was crying?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Don’t know and I really don’t care.
”

“Yeah, well
, Paul is comforting her.” I rolled my eyes. “What’s going on with that?” she asked.

“What do you think?” I asked.

Debbie shook her head. “That’s just wrong on both their parts. There is something about that girl that I just do not like.”

“Yeah
, well, call Nicole she could probably give you a million reasons why you shouldn’t like her.”

“Yeah, I noticed that Nicole isn’t the same when Rachel’s around.”

No, she is not.
“They went to high school together.”

“Oh
, Rachel is a bitch
now
. I could only imagine what she must have been like in high school!” Debbie took a deep breath and stood up. “Well, let me get back to Hell.” I shook my head and laughed. She turned around when she reached the door. “Dailan?”

“Yeah?”

“Just be careful with Rachel. I don’t know, but something is telling me not to trust her.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Debbie gave me a quick smile before walking out the door.

I looked down at my phone
. It was already one o’clock. I sent Nicole a text, asking her how Ella was feeling today.
Fine
, she immediately texted back. I started to dial her number. I wanted to hear her voice, but I didn’t want to chance getting into another argument with her. So instead, I decided to bury myself back into my work, my whole reason for missing the people I loved so much in the first place.