Anchor of Hope (18 page)

Her makeup was equally flawless—neutral smoky tones of brown with a dusty nude-pink lipstick. It was drawing nearer to the time to finally see the dress—and hopefully find out what the big deal was all about. For some reason she kept picturing the dress being ugly—really ugly. Layers and layers of taffeta ruffles and big puffy sleeves.

Jane mother came into the bedroom looking radiant. She had managed to remain patient and graceful all day, on a day where most women would be panicking and anxious—Ashley had done enough of that for the both of them, not that she let on, of course. Jane’s hair was styled simply—hanging down to her shoulders with soft curls. Her make-up was similar to Ashley’s, natural and understated. She already had her dress on—it was white, sleeveless and slim–fitting, with a modest neckline which flowed up and over her shoulders hanging low down her back. It was ankle length,  and simply chic. Just like her mother.

“Wow, Mom. You look amazing.”

“Thank you, honey.”

Grace walked in holding a large cardboard box. Ashley’s  dress. Grace was dressed in a classy dusty rose dress with a cream-colored cardigan. She wore several rows of pearls and had also had her hair and makeup done.

“This is for you.” She handed Ashley the box.

“Thanks, Gran. Is Grandpa here?”

“Yes, he’s downstairs. He’s fine, back to his usual self.” Grace smiled.

“We’ll leave you to get dressed.” Jane said as they both moved towards the door. “Call us in when you’ve put it on.”

They closed the door and Ashley sat down on the bed, resting the box on her lap.

Here goes. If I hate it I’m going to have to spend the day pretending I love it seeing as they’ve put so much effort into getting it ready.

She had spent so much time already ‘pretending’ everything was OK. One more thing wouldn’t matter too much.

She took a deep breath, readying herself. She took the lid off and placed it beside her.

First impressions were good, really good. The dress was an ivory color and had a romantic vintage feel to it. She lifted it out of the box and held it up to get a better view.

The soft fabric fell and moved easily and the entire length from knee to the top had a thin layer of lace fabric covering intricate beadwork, patterned with diamantes and miniature pearls. The thin straps contained layers and layers of strands of tiny pearls and diamantes. It was incredible.

She undressed and slipped the dress on, careful not to pull on the beadwork. The layers of fine lace and silk fit snug round her waist, cascading to the floor. She couldn’t have picked a more perfect dress.

There was a knock at the door.

“Come in,” she said.

Just as she suspected, it was Jane and Grace. Their faces lit up when they saw her dressed.

“Well, what do you think?” Jane asked.

“This is stunning.” Ashley turned back to the full length mirror and moved from side to side to see the material swish loosely around her legs. “Are you sure it isn’t too extravagant for me to be wearing? It is
your
wedding, after all.”

“It’s your grandmothers dress.” Jane smiled.

Grace smiled, “It was my wedding dress, I couldn't stand to see it gathering dust in the wardrobe so I asked your mother if we could find some way to use it. She kindly agreed and so we took it to Gina’s and asked her to help us find a way to give it a new life.”

Ashley was overwhelmed.

“I love it. I think it may be the most beautiful dress I have ever worn.”

Grace dabbed at her eyes with a tissue and gave Ashley a kiss on the cheek.

“See,” Grace cradled Ashley’s face in her hands. “Even old things can be made new again. I’ll be downstairs if you need me.”

Grace closed the door as she left, and Ashley felt as though something else was coming.

“I wanted you to wear this,” Jane said and she handed Ashley a long box. Ashley opened it to reveal a necklace.

It was a silver chain, thin and plain, but the large teardrop pendant caught her eye. It was surrounded by a cluster of crystals running around the edge. It matched the dress perfectly.

“Your father gave this to me on our first date.” Jane took it out of the box and opened the clasp. Ashley turned around so Jane could put it on her. “I wanted to hang onto it until your wedding, but if you and Steven don’t want to get married, I thought now would be a good time.” She fastened the necklace and Ashley raised her hand to touch the cool stone.

“Your father would be proud of you,” Jane said, admiring the necklace in the reflection of the mirror.

“I’m not sure he would be.” Ashley felt tears sting the back of her eyes. She blinked them away, fearing that once they started they would never stop. She sat down on the bed.

“What makes you say that?” Jane sat down on the bed beside her.

“I’m so confused. I thought I knew what I wanted, but now I’m not so sure.” Ashley was surprised at the words coming out of her mouth. She wasn't one to open up about the deeper issues, but for some reason the words kept coming.

“I don’t know what to do. I thought the only way I could be happy after Dad died was if I got as far away from this place as I could. He wouldn’t want me to waste another moment of my life, and I’d already wasted too much.” She choked on the words, recalling his final days. “He would want me to be successful and happy. To make the most of my life.”

“Oh, honey. Life was never meant to be easy. It’s full of ups and downs. But I think you may have misunderstood the true meaning of success and happiness. They are not always connected. Not in the way the world sees them anyway. Success—from a worldly point of view—doesn’t always bring happiness. You could own all the money in the world and still not be happy. What good is it for man to gain the world, but lose his soul? We were created for a higher purpose. It’s up to us to
find
our purpose in life. That’s where our true treasure is.” She closed her eyes as if recalling a quote. ‘
Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.
’”

Ashley sniffed and fanned her eyes with her hands. “That’s good. Is that from Pinterest?”

“Pinterest?” Jane laughed. Honey, that’s from the Bible.”

Ashley laughed, then stopped, uncertain. “But what if my heart is in one place, but my mind is in another?”

“Well, that is a tough one. One that only
you
can work out. But I like to look at it this way. You can change your mind, but you can’t change your heart. You’ll make the right decisions. Just have a little faith.”

There she
went
with the
‘
faith
’
word.
Here was the God talk Ashley had been expecting
. Well
,
she
’d
had faith before. Faith that her father would get better
,
and look how that ended up.

“How can you believe in God, after everything Dad went through?” Ashley asked. “I don’t understand.”

Jane sighed. “I know because I know.”T
hat made perfect sense.
Not.
No one in this town ever said anything that made sense.

“
I never told you this, Ashley. I don’t know why. I suppose I didn't want to upset you further, but in the moments before your father passed I witnessed what I believe to be a miracle. I sat by your father’s bed, holding his hand like I had done every night, watching the clock tick. You know I prayed for him to be healed and whole again, and I thought God hadn't answered my prayer. But I know now he heard me, and he answered my prayer, just not in the way I had wanted.”

Ashley sniffed and dabbed beneath her eyes, trying to prevent her makeup from running.

“We knew the end was near. Your father hadn't been able to move or speak for quite some time, but something amazing happened. He opened his eyes and focused on something. It was as though he was looking at something at the end of his bed. I don't know how to describe it. At first I was terrified and was about to call the nurse in, but then he raised his hand as if reaching out to someone. He smiled—he shouldn’t have been able to do that, but he did. Then, just, like that—” Jane clicked her fingers—“He was gone. It was unexplainable and I know it doesn’t make any sense, but that's how I know that God answered my prayers. Thomas was healed and made whole, but not in this world—in heaven.”

Ashley's chin trembled as her mother continued speaking.

“Our time on earth is temporary, but that doesn’t mean our lives are temporary. God has set eternity in our hearts. Ashley, I don't know why your father had to die, and there are some things I don't think we will ever fully be able to understand until that day when we meet our Maker. But I can tell you this, your father was ready to go and I
know
, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I’ll see him again in heaven. I’m certain.”

Ashley struggled to comprehend her mother’s words. It was a lot to take in and although she couldn’t believe in God, she wrestled with the story about her father regaining muscle control before passing. It was not possible. She had goose bumps.

“I’m sorry to drop this on you now, of all days. But you’re leaving tomorrow and I wanted to tell you face to face.” Jane wrapped her arm around Ashley’s shoulders.

“It’s OK. Thank you for telling me. I’m sorry, I’m emotional today and I don’t know why.” Ashley smiled, sniffing again. She did know why. Steven.

“It’s a big day, and I know it must be hard on you and Bryan to see your mother marrying another man. He will never replace your father, Ashley.”

Ashley’s heart ached. She would have given anything to have her father back, to see him again. “I know.” Ashley forced a smile. “Martin is great. I’m happy for you. I really am.”

Jane kissed her on the temple and stood up. “You coming downstairs?”

“I’ll be down in a minute.” She smiled and Jane walked out of the room.

Ashley stood and looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were red, but that would soon dissipate. She appeared beautiful and composed on the outside but inside she was crumbling like a house built on sand.

Focus, Ashley. Do not let your emotions get the better of you. You know better than to rely on feelings. Fact over feelings. Every day.

She took a deep breath, steadying herself. Ready to go downstairs and make it through the rest of the day. One more day, then she could go home. To her
new
home. With Steven, if he was prepared to take her back. Then she could return to work and keep herself busy—so long as Stephanie hadn’t taken her position. So many
what
-
ifs
. She felt unstable and uncertain and wished desperately she had something—
anything
—solid to keep her anchored and secure.

There was an eruption of noise as Bryan, Jess, and their entourage of children burst in through the door. The ceremony was due to begin in less than fifteen minutes, and although Jane and Martin didn’t appear nervous, Ashley certainly was. She downed a glass of champagne in the hopes that it might ease her nerves.

The family were all in the living room, tightening ties, straightening flowers and smoothing hair. Meika and Coco looked cute in matching dresses. Harley wore a suit and was throwing a tantrum on the floor trying to pull the bow tie off. Jess wore a floor-length dress with layers of pink, purple, and dark blue in a lightweight flowing fabric.

Bryan wore a tan colored suit to complement Ashley’s dress. They were going to walk their mother down the aisle to Martin, who wore a suit in the same color, and appeared to be struggling with the heat. Jane had reassured him that he could take off the suit jacket after the ceremony, but not a moment before.             

Henry and Grace were also present. Henry looked perfectly normal, as if nothing had happened, which was a relief.

The guests made their way out to the back garden, leaving Ashley, Brya,n and Jane inside. Ashley peered out through the windows as people wandered past, all heading towards the ceremony area. She picked up a glass of champagne and drank quickly.

“You OK?” Bryan asked.

She nodded.

“You sure? Because you look like you’re about to have a nervous breakdown.” He smirked as he started putting his jacket on.

“I don’t know what's wrong with me. I feel all jittery,” she said, shaking her free hand in an effort to get it to stop trembling.

“Stop drinking so much champagne then. Now I know why Coco calls you AA.” He took the glass out of her hands and set it on the table. “For what it’s worth, you look beautiful—which is surprising considering you were such an ugly kid.” Bryan smiled and straightened his tie.

Ashley gasped and whacked him on the shoulder, then laughed.

“See, that’s better, isn’t it?”

She was glad he was here to help ease the anxiety.

The music started outside, a beautiful string orchestral piece
,
Canon in D.

“You ready, Mom?” Bryan asked.

“Let’s do this.” Jane smiled and took his arm.

Ashley linked arms with Jane on the other side, holding her bouquet of fresh cut white roses in her spare hand. Henry and Uncle Richard opened the glass doors and the three of them stepped outside together. The music grew louder and the bright sun reflected off all the white, the timber chairs, flowers and carpet runner. Ashley wished her mother had chosen a different color for the decorations as she would probably end up blinded from all the glare before they reached the gazebo where Martin stood waiting, hands folded together in front of him.

Ashley recognised a few of the faces, but many were unfamiliar. She looked around discreetly, trying to spot Jay’s telltale beard but he was nowhere to be seen. She continued to smile although she couldn’t help but feel a tinge of disappointment that he wasn’t there. Maybe he was standing somewhere off to the side.

As they reached the gazebo, Ashley and Bryan released Jane’s arms and she took the final few steps towards Martin, taking his hands beneath the beautiful new gazebo. It had been decorated with lengths of long billowing white chiffon, which gently billowed in the gentle afternoon breeze. White rose petals were strewn all across the ground, and bunches of roses adorned the sides of the gazebo.

Pastor Barry began the service, with his back to the guests so that the bridal party faced the guests. He had always performed ceremonies this way, allowing the bridal couple to look out at the faces of their much loved friends and families.
Ashley and Bryan stood on either side of Martin and Jane.

It was then that Ashley spotted him. Sitting towards the back, on the left hand side. It was no wonder she hadn’t recognised him—his beard was gone. The strong angular jaw that had been hidden by his beard was now visible, making his features seem even more perfect. His hair had been cut as well, not short, just shorter and neater. He wore grey suit pants and suspenders with a simple powder blue shirt which brought out the blue in his eyes. No tie or bow tie. His top button was undone and his sleeves were rolled up almost to his elbows. Perfect for a summery outdoors wedding.

Ashley found it hard to swallow. Her mouth felt dry and she became aware of her breathing. The temperature seemed to jump twenty degrees.

He smiled and nodded as he caught her eye, and it was if she had only now realized how attractive he was. Not just attractive, but strikingly handsome.

She found it difficult to concentrate as Jane and Martin read out their handwritten vows. She cleared her throat and turned to face them. They stood beneath the gazebo and she was glad for the shade overhead, otherwise she would be sweating off her makeup.

Ashley held her mother’s flowers as they exchanged rings. Both had a simple plain gold wedding band.

“. . . so with God as my witness, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss your bride,” Pastor Barry said.

Martin leaned in and planted a soft kiss on Jane’s lips, then dipped her back. 

The guests clapped and cheered at the spectacle.

Ashley spent most of the afternoon catching up with relatives she hadn’t seen in years, and old family friends she’d grown up with in Sweet Home. She could predict the conversations before they had even begun speaking: “Wow, haven’t you grown,” “Aren’t Bryan’s children adorable,” “Your mother’s done a wonderful job with the garden” and, of course, her all-time favorite, “Perfect weather for a wedding.” So cliché she couldn't help but giggle inside. 

She still hadn’t spoken with Jay, and several times she noticed him standing on the outer edges of the garden, laughing and conversing with other guests, one hand tucked into the pocket of his suit pants. He was a sight to behold, as though he'd stepped straight out of a fashion catalogue.

She caught his eye more than once causing her smile to broaden unconsciously and she couldn't help but wonder if he had noticed the effect he was having on her.

The wait staff continuously floated through the gardens offering flutes of champagne and carrying silver platters decorated with an assortment of tasty hors d’oeuvres.

A string quartet played to one side of the garden. The band consisted of some of Martins friends from his old home back in California. A small group of admiring guests stood around watching with pleasure. Bryan and Jess had their hands full constantly chasing after Harley. Coco and Meika were keeping themselves and their great-grandparents entertained singing, dancing, and showing off their limited gymnastics skills.

As Ashley returned from a quick trip to the bathroom, she felt a presence draw near behind her. It was Jay. He had been reclining against the exterior wall, evidently awaiting her return.

“Hey,” he said.

“Oh, you scared me.” Ashley smiled as they continued to walk side by side.

“Not an uncommon reaction when I try to talk to girls.” He grinned. She found that hard to believe.

“You look beautiful,” he said, and she felt her heart skip a beat.

“It’s amazing what a bit of makeup and hair styling can do.”

“It’s not your makeup, or your hair. Even if you were still wearing those fluffy pink slippers, you’d still be beautiful.”

She laughed. “Well, thank you. So do you. I mean, so are you. Not beautiful, but handsome—uh, you know what I mean.”

Why am I rambling so much?

“What happened to your beard?” She raised a hand to his newly shaven jaw. She expected it to be a casual gesture, but as her fingers touched his face she felt an electrifying jolt. She could see in his eyes he had felt it too.

He cleared his throat. “I decided it was time for a change.”

“Well, it looks good. You look good with a beard too though, just so you know.”

She felt as though she were gawking at his face. Time to change the subject.

“Your dad looks well,” Ashley nodded towards where Sam was standing on the opposite side of the garden. There were three women eagerly holding on to every word he said, all laughing.

“Quite the ladies’ man, isn’t he?”

Ashley laughed. “I can’t understand why he’s never remarried. It’s not like there’s never been a shortage of women throwing themselves at him.” She took a new glass of champagne from the waiter as he held out the tray of drinks towards her.

Jay shrugged. “He says it’s because no other woman could ever have compared to my mother.”

“She must have been something special to have had such a lasting effect on him.” Ashley smiled as she sipped the champagne.

“I guess there are some women you never really get over,” Jay said, gazing down into Ashley’s eyes. She felt pinned there, unable to move, and suddenly light-headed. From the champagne, or from the electricity she felt standing this close to Jay?

He leaned in close so that no one would hear. “You know, you’re quite a distraction in that dress,” he whispered, then walked away with his hands in his pockets to talk to some other guests, as though nothing had happened.

She stood there, stunned. It was inconceivable that those few single words had had such an overwhelming effect on her.

Martin tapped the microphone, breaking the moment.

“If everyone could make their way to their seats, please. The first course will be served shortly.”

Ashley looked around. While everyone had been chatting, the staff had packed away the ceremony chairs and set tables and chairs throughout the garden. Each table seated six, and was covered with a simple white tablecloth, adorned with a lavish centrepiece of white roses, and several unlit white candles of varying sizes.

The bridal table was to the left of the gazebo. It was a rectangular table, with Martin and Jane seated in the centre and Bryan and Ashley on either side. The string quartet had moved into the gazebo and continued to play their romantic melodies. Jay was seated with his father, Sam. Jess, Meika, Coco and Harley also sat at the same table.

The first course was a simple yet tasty salad with fresh prawns and a zesty lemon aioli.

Ashley watched on with contentment as Coco sat on Jay’s lap. He joked and played with the girls, keeping them entertained and laughing while Jess concentrated on Harley, who was visibly tired and getting irritable. It was evident that Jay had been a big part of their lives, and that made Ashley grateful but also deeply regretful that she had been so absent. He wasn’t even their real uncle, yet he knew so much more about them and they loved him for it. She noticed Bryan had left his half-eaten meal to attend to Harley. Jess looked relieved as Bryan picked him up and carried him inside.

“Looks like someone needs a nap.” Jane smiled, watching.

“No, I’m all right,” Martin said.

Ashley laughed. “Already starting with the dad jokes?”

Martin laughed. “I thought that was pretty good, actually.” He returned to eating his meal, still smiling at himself.

Jane shook her head and laughed.

As the light gradually began to fade, the garden lit up.

Literally. Ashley hadn’t noticed before now, but there were strings of fairy lights too numerous to count hanging from the trees, interspersed with small white paper lanterns. The wait staff lit the candles on the tables and the whole garden began to glow. It was awe-inspiring. Bryan still hadn’t returned to his seat at the main bridal table when the main meal was served. She scanned through the faces of the guests and spotted him sitting beside Jess, one arm draped around her shoulders, and whispering in her ear. She was laughing. There was a baby monitor on the table and she assumed Harley was asleep in the spare bedroom. Meika and Coco were coloring in a picture and Coco had her tongue poking out of her mouth in deep concentration.

She caught a quick glimpse of Jay leaning forward in his chair, one arm resting on the table in front of him and the other elbow on the table while he ran his thumb across his lips. He was watching Ashley and she blushed.  How long he had been staring? His expression was blank, and she wished she could read his mind.

He was interrupted by the waitress as she placed his plate in front of him.

“You can sit at one of the other tables if you want,” Jane said, leaning across to Ashley.

Ashley smiled. “No, it's OK. I’m happy here.”

She was referring to her seat at the bridal table, but that single, uncomplicated sentence carried so much more weight. She
was
happy here.

In this town.

With the people she loved. Right now there was nowhere else she would rather be.