And Nothing But the Truth (18 page)

Polly got up and looked out the window. A tall hedge enclosed the yard. Eight girls with big bellies were lounging on the grass on chairs and blankets. Some of the girls were reading, some were knitting, and some were chatting. Where was Maud?

Then she appeared at the door. “It
is
you,” she said quietly. “Captain Osler said it was, but I couldn’t believe her. Oh, Polly … why did you tell?”

She just stood there, looking her most Maudish: fierce and proud. Polly hadn’t expected this. She’d thought Maud would throw herself into their arms and be grateful for being rescued. But she was so aloof they didn’t dare touch her.

“Come and sit down, Maudie,” said Daddy gently.

Maud waddled into the room and lowered herself into a chair. Polly couldn’t stop staring. Maud was
huge
! Her belly and her belly button stuck way out, like a pumpkin with a stalk.
Danny’s in there
, thought Polly.

“Don’t blame Polly,” said Daddy. “It was right that she told me. You shouldn’t suffer through this alone, my darling. You should have told me. I’m not angry at you. I’m sorry you got yourself into this predicament, but these things happen. And I’m very sorry that Robert has let you down. I’m glad you’re not with him anymore, though—he doesn’t deserve you.” He gazed at Maud, his eyes welling with tears. “Darling Maud … won’t you come home to Kelowna and have your baby there? Esther and I will be happy to take care of you.”

Maud shook her head, her brown eyes so full of sadness that Polly longed to hug her. “No, Daddy. I would just embarrass you. What would your boarders say? And your neighbours? They’d all find out your daughter is having an illegitimate child,” she added bitterly.

“I couldn’t care less what anyone says,” said Daddy fiercely. “Neither could Esther! She and I have discussed this thoroughly, Maud. We want you with us.”

Maud’s face softened. “Really?” she whispered. “You’re not angry?”

Daddy got up and took her in his arms. “Oh, Boss, of course I’m not angry! Of course we want you! And I understand what you’re going through, believe me.”

Maud released herself and wiped her eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I’ll tell you later,” said Daddy. “Now, why don’t you get your things and we can escape from this joint.”

Maud stood. Her mouth smiled, but her eyes remained sad. She kissed Polly and said, “All right. I’ll come home with you. I have to say goodbye to the other girls, though, so I might be a while.”

“Take your time,” said Daddy. “And be careful on the stairs!” he called as Maud started up them.

Half an hour later, the three of them stood at the front door.

“Goodbye, Captain Osler,” said Maud. “Thank you for everything.”

“Goodbye, Maud. I still think you’re making a mistake, but of course I can’t stop you. Could you mail back your maternity clothes when you’re finished with them? And thank you for cheering up the girls so much while you were here.”

“Please keep an eye on Evie,” said Maud. “Can you give me her address so I can write to her?”

“You know I can’t,” said the woman. “Everyone is anonymous here. You’ll miss that, Maud. As soon as you step out that door, you’ll become a pariah.”

But Maud was already down the steps, Polly and Daddy supporting her on each side.

People stared at them as they slowly made their way along the street. Daddy was carrying his small bag and Maud’s larger one, while Polly carried her own suitcase and Maud’s coat. Maud just carried the baby inside her.

“We have about four hours before we take Polly to the harbour,” said Daddy. “Let’s have lunch in that restaurant across the street, and then we can sit on the beach until it’s time to go.”

In the restaurant, a woman peered deliberately at Maud’s left hand, then glared at her.

Maud met her eyes until she looked away. “Old bat!” said Maud. “I should have taken one of the rings the home has.”

“I thought of that,” said Daddy. He put his hand in his pocket and handed Maud a thin gold band. “It was your mother’s,” he said quietly. “Esther will wear it later, but you can borrow it for now.”

“Oh, Daddy …” Maud’s eyes brimmed as she slipped on the ring. “What would Mother think of me like this!”

“She would be in complete sympathy,” said Daddy. He examined the menu. “Order your meal, girls. Then I have a story to tell you.”

“I’m going to buy lunch,” Polly told them. “Noni sent me some money to spend and I’ve hardly used it.”

At first Daddy protested, then he smiled and said he’d be honoured if Polly treated them to lunch. Polly was relieved. Daddy would have to pay for both him and Maud to go back to Kelowna.

She ordered a roast-beef sandwich. Maud dug into half a chicken and vegetables. “Don’t laugh,” she told them. “After all, I’m eating for two. The trouble is, I get so hungry and then I get heartburn.”

Daddy put down his fork. “Listen carefully, Maud and Polly. I want to talk to you about your mother.”

He ran his hand over his face. “You know that Una and I got married very young. She was seventeen and I was eighteen. Younger than you, Maud. My mother wanted us to wait until we were older, but we
couldn’t
wait. Can you guess why?”

“Oh!” said Maud. She stopped eating. “Daddy, are you saying that my mother … I can’t believe it!”

“It’s true.” Daddy smiled. “Your mother was expecting a baby.”

“I don’t understand,” said Polly. “What baby?”

Maud crowed with nervous laughter. “
Me
, of course!”

“
You
?”

“Yes, Polly,” said Daddy. “We were careless—as you were, Maud. But we were luckier than you, because we loved each other deeply and planned to get married anyway one day. So when Una found out she was pregnant, we had the wedding as soon as possible so people wouldn’t talk.”

“Did Noni know?” asked Polly.

“She knew,” said Daddy grimly. “She didn’t want Una to marry me at all. As I’ve told you before, she and Rand and Jean didn’t approve of me. But now they had to allow it, although they weren’t at all happy about it. The day before the wedding, your grandmother said such terrible things to Una that she never spoke to her mother again.”

So that was it
, thought Polly. That was the quarrel the family sometimes hinted at. That was why Aunt Jean had once said she had never trusted Daddy after “what he did to our Una.”

“So you see, Maudie,” said Daddy, “I completely understand the predicament you’re in. I don’t want you to feel disgraced as your mother and I did. Even at our wedding people gave us strange looks—I’m sure they guessed why we were marrying in such a hurry. I refuse to let you be a ‘pariah,’ as that awful woman called you.”

“They were always saying that,” said Maud. “They were nice enough, but they made us feel so ashamed.”

“Don’t feel ashamed! You and Robert made a mistake, just as Una and I did. But it’s not a crime. I’m so glad we got you out of that place.”

“So am I,” said Maud. She wiped her eyes. “Thanks for telling me this, Daddy. It makes me feel better to know Mother was in the same situation.”

Now what?
wondered Polly. When would Daddy and
Maud start talking about what would happen to Danny? She only had a few hours to find out before she had to leave them and go back to the island.

Instead, Maud changed the subject. “How was your last term, Poll? Are you looking forward to going back?”

Polly nodded quickly, avoiding her sister’s pointed expression. This was certainly not the right time to tell Maud she wasn’t returning. She told them about meeting Emily Carr, making them laugh when she described Woo clutching Jane’s leg.

“What a lucky girl you are to meet such a famous artist!” said Daddy. “Maybe you’ll see her again.”

“Maybe,” said Polly. Her eyes prickled; she would
never
meet Miss Carr again, and it was her own fault.

Daddy looked out the window. “Shall we go across the street and sit on that beach?”

Polly proudly paid the bill, then they found a spot on the sand. They leaned back against some logs, gazing at the dark forest across the bay and the huge mountains that stood like cut-outs against the sky. Even though it was cloudy, a few people were sitting on towels in their bathing suits, and some children were wading.

A group of laughing young people walked close to them, and Maud ducked her head. “I’m afraid I’m going to meet someone from U.B.C.,” she explained.

“What a beautiful city this is,” said Daddy. “You’re lucky
to be living here, Maud. Are you still planning to take law?”

That was exactly the right thing to say. Maud’s eyes lost their sadness while she eagerly told Daddy what courses she was going to take next year. Daddy asked about her sorority, and laughed when she sang a funny Delta Gamma song.

“You sound very happy there,” he said. “I hope that when all this is over, you can go back to being carefree again.”

Now they’ll talk about Danny
, thought Polly.

But Daddy went on to warn Polly not to say anything to Noni. “I don’t imagine your grandmother will be any more tolerant than she was with Una and me, and I don’t want her love for Maud to be altered in any way.”

“Of course I won’t tell Noni,” said Polly. “I’ve kept it a secret all this time and I still will. But …”

“What?” Daddy asked.

“Won’t Noni
ever
be allowed to know?”

“Never!” said Maud firmly.

So if Maud keeps Danny, Noni won’t know he exists
, thought Polly. That seemed unbearably sad.

She leaned against the log and breathed in its tarry smell. Gulls quarrelled, and small boats putted by. If she closed her eyes, she could almost be on the island, except for the traffic going by on the street behind the beach.

“This is all so … odd,” said Maud. “Here we are, the three of us again, the way we used to be. It’s exactly the same,
yet it’s completely different.” Then she sat up abruptly and rubbed her stomach.

“What wrong?” said Daddy. “Are you all right?”

Maud smiled. “I’m fine. He’s just kicking, that’s all. He does that so much now—I think he’s going to be a football player!”

Daddy looked worried. “I hope you’re going to make it through the train journey, Maud!”

“I will,” said Maud. “Captain Osler told me he hasn’t come down yet, so he’s not ready to be born.”

Polly stared at Maud’s tummy. “Do you want to feel, Poll?” Maud asked. She lifted up her smock and, once again, held Polly’s hand to her hard belly. This time Polly felt a strong kick, as if the baby was trying to escape.

“Oh, Maud …
Danny’s
in there!”

Maud frowned. “Don’t call him that, Polly. They told us at the home we shouldn’t give our babies names.”

“But Maud … what are you going to
do
with him?”

“I don’t want to upset Maud with worrying about that right now, Polly,” said Daddy. “She and I and Esther can discuss it when we get to Kelowna.”

Polly didn’t want to upset Maud, either, but she was too desperate to stop. “We need to talk about it
now
!” she told them. “I won’t be there later.
Please
tell me, Maud—are you going to keep him? Daddy and Esther can take care of him. They even said they would adopt him.”

“What do you mean?” Maud glowered at them. “Why are you making all these arrangements behind my back?”

Daddy frowned at Polly. “I wish you hadn’t opened this up, Doodle, but since you have, we may as well continue. Polly means exactly what she said, Maudie. If you decide to keep the baby, Esther and I will pretend he’s ours. We’ll look after him while you’re at U.B.C., and you can be with him in the holidays. We could even officially adopt him. We’d also totally accept it if you wanted to put the baby up for adoption by someone else. Please don’t be angry, Boss. We’re just trying to do what’s best for you, but of course it’s your decision, not ours.”

Maud sighed. “I’m not angry. It’s kind of you to offer to take the baby. But I couldn’t bear that! Don’t you understand? I want to be
free
, as I was before. If you had the baby, I’d see him every time I came home. He’d always
be
there.”

“He’d be real,” said Daddy gently. “The baby
is
real, Maud. You’ll realize that the moment he’s born. But you don’t have to keep him, and we don’t, either. Babies should be
wanted
. Una and I wanted you, so it was right that we kept you. But you shouldn’t keep your baby if you don’t want it. I’m sure there are many fine couples who are longing for a child and will give it a good home.”

“That’s exactly what I’m going to do,” said Maud firmly. “I’m glad you’ve taken me away from that dreary place. I’m glad you’ll be with me when he’s born. But nothing else has
changed. I’ll give the baby up for adoption, and then everything will be the same as it was before.”

“If that’s your decision, Maud, then we’ll fully support it,” said Daddy. “Right, Polly?”

No!
cried Polly inside. But all she could do was nod.

For the rest of the afternoon she could hardly speak she was so afraid of breaking down. They had rescued Maud … but they hadn’t rescued Danny.

“W
HAT IS
WRONG
WITH HER
?”
ASKED
A
UNT
J
EAN
. “S
HE
’
S
not our Polly anymore!”

“She’s certainly troubled by something,” said Uncle Rand.

“I’ve asked and asked, but she won’t tell me anything,” said Noni.

Polly had been reading in bed when she heard her name, and had crept to the head of the stairs. Tonight, as on every night since she’d come home, she had excused herself early, given each of her family an obligatory kiss, taken out Tarka, visited the privy, then fled to her room.

“Girls can be difficult at her age,” said Aunt Jean. “Do you remember how trying Una was at thirteen?”

“Una was
always
difficult,” said Noni. “Polly has never
been like her. But now she’s so sulky and unresponsive I don’t know what to do with her.”

“Would you like me to speak to her?” asked Uncle Rand. “Tomorrow I’m starting to prepare Polly and Biddy for confirmation. I could ask her if anything’s wrong.”

“Thank you, Rand. Perhaps that would help.”

Why can’t they leave me alone?
thought Polly angrily as she got back into bed. She used to enjoy peaceful evenings with the adults. Now she couldn’t bear to be with them. Their warm concern made her want to blurt out everything: mostly about Maud, of course, but also about her own decision not to go back to school.

Her two secrets weighed her down so much that she felt like a puppet: going through the motions of each day, but feeling mechanical and unreal.

The next morning, Uncle Rand spent half an hour introducing the catechism to Polly and Biddy. After Biddy left, he asked Polly to stay. She waited for him to work up the nerve to speak, wishing she could escape, as well.

At least the familiar space was comforting. It was littered with Uncle Rand’s books and papers. Polly had once spent hours in here while he tutored her in arithmetic.

“How’s your math going?” he asked.

Polly shrugged. “Not too bad. I got a C+.”

Uncle Rand smiled gently at her. “That’s a good mark for someone who doesn’t like arithmetic. Are you enjoying the rest of your subjects?”

“They’re okay. I like literature and piano, and especially art.”

“You have an excellent teacher, am I correct? What’s her name? Miss Hawk?”

Polly had to smile; she knew he’d said it on purpose. “Miss Falconer!” Then she squirmed, remembering she’d never take special art again.

Uncle Rand examined her kindly. “Polly, dear, you seem so morose these days. Is something the matter? Your grandmother and your aunt are very worried about you.”

“I’m fine!” said Polly quickly. “None of you need to worry about me at all.”

“You don’t
seem
fine. You’ve lost your sparkle, and you’re almost as quiet as when you first came to the island. If there
is
something wrong, you can always pray about it, my dear. You can ask God for help and he will send it. Why don’t you go and sit in the church and try that?”

“All right,” said Polly, because she could never bear to disappoint Uncle Rand.

She trudged over to the little church and slid into one of its hard pews. As usual, it was freezing in here. Polly clutched her bare arms and shivered, staring into the familiar space of wood and glass.

Why should she have to sit in church when it wasn’t
Sunday? She didn’t especially want to be confirmed, either; memorizing the catechism was as boring as Scripture lessons in school. She didn’t want to do anything—except to be unburdened of her secrets.

Since she was in here, however, she might as well try to pray. “
Please
, God, make Maud keep Danny!” she whispered. “And please make me brave enough to tell Noni I’m not going back to school.”

Polly waited, gazing out her favourite window, the clear glass one that framed an arbutus tree. The church smelled like cedar and wax. Its arched wooden interior had always reminded Polly of the inside of a ship. Once, she had told Uncle Rand that, and he had turned it into a sermon: how the church was a boat ploughing through rough seas towards the harbour.

How proud Polly had been, listening to him use her idea for a sermon. She’d been about eleven then, so light-hearted and secure. That was before Daddy came back, before she went away to school … and before Maud’s momentous news.

She didn’t feel any answer to her prayers. Why should there be? Why would God be interested in
her
problems? He probably had far more important matters to deal with.

Daddy had written Polly that he and Esther had got married right away. “Our only witness was Maud,” he said. “How I wish you could have been there!” He told Polly that Maud had been fine on the train journey and seemed glad to be in Kelowna. “Esther is now wearing your mother’s ring,” he wrote. “We bought Maud a cheap one, so she can go out with us without people gossiping. We’ve told the boarders that her husband is studying overseas and that Maud will join him after the birth. I’m sure they don’t believe that, since they saw her here before without a ring, but they seem to have decided not to ask questions.”

Polly wept with frustration when she read Daddy’s letter. She’d been left out of his wedding and she was going to be excluded from Danny’s birth. It was as if she didn’t matter.

“What’s wrong with you, Polly?” asked Biddy. “You act as if you’re not really here.”

They were walking Tarka and Bramble to the lighthouse. “Nothing’s wrong,” said Polly, trying to pay attention. As usual, Biddy was going on and on about George, wondering if he liked her.

Polly hated to admit it, but Biddy was beginning to bore her. And now she was stuck with her for years. She had told Biddy her decision, swearing her to secrecy.

Biddy was thrilled, of course. “Oh, Polly, I don’t know what I would have done with just Dorothy as a friend! We’ll be exactly the way we were before.”

But nothing could be the way it was before. Now Polly felt much older than Biddy. She imagined how shocked her friend would be if she knew about Maud.

Biddy picked up a stick to throw to the dogs. “Have you told your grandmother yet that you’re not going back?” she asked.

“Not yet,” said Polly.

“But you have to tell her!”

Polly grimaced. “She’ll be so upset.”

“She’ll get over it. She’s always been nice to you. Tell her tomorrow!”

“All right.”

Tomorrow came, and Polly took Noni’s breakfast up to her as usual. “Won’t you stay and chat?” Noni asked as Polly hovered at the door.

“I have to walk Tarka,” said Polly.

She just couldn’t tell her. Every time she imagined the conversation, she was so overcome with dread that she felt sick.

That afternoon Polly ran into Chester at the store. They walked on the wharf and sat on the end, dangling their legs.

Polly tried not to stare at Chester too obviously. He seemed more like a man than a boy, with his broad
shoulders and hint of stubble on his face. His brown hair flopped on his tanned forehead, and his hands were so strong-looking. Polly longed to stroke them.

Chester was telling her about a huge salmon he’d caught. Then he hesitated. “Polly … do you remember when we saw the whales last summer?”

“Of course!”

“Well, you said then that you were only going to St. Winifred’s for a year. Is that still true?”

Polly nodded. “I’m not going back. I can’t stand Miss Guppy—or anything else about the school. It’s like a prison.”

Chester laughed. “Mine is, too, but the other fellows and I have a good time. Isn’t there anything you
like
about St. Winnie’s? Don’t you have friends there?”

“Yes,” admitted Polly. “I have two friends, and I love my art classes. But I’m not going back.”

“Your grandmother must be really upset. How did you talk her into it?”

“I haven’t told her yet,” said Polly, “but I’m planning to very soon.”

“I
wish
you’d go back, Polly. Then when you’re older and I’m at Victoria College, maybe we could go to a dance. Do you think the Gorgon would let you?”

Polly giggled. “‘The Guppy’—not ‘the Gorgon’! She might. Millicent, one of the prefects, was allowed to go to a dance after she got permission from her parents.” Polly
sighed. “But I won’t be there, Chester. I don’t want to talk about it anymore, okay? And don’t tell anyone I’m not going back. I don’t want my grandmother to know yet.”

Chester agreed, but he looked so disappointed that Polly mumbled a goodbye and left.

Gregor and Sadie arrived for a week’s visit. Polly decided not to tell Noni her decision until after they left.

Polly and Sadie embarked on a project of cleaning out Aunt Jean’s pantry. They removed all the food and scrubbed down each shelf. Sadie was as jolly as ever; her constant cheerfulness lightened Polly’s mood.

The only problem was, she kept talking about Maud. “How I miss her! We asked her to come and stay with us, but she said she was going to take this course in Oregon. I suppose she and Ann are better friends than she and I are now,” she added wistfully.

Gregor had finished his curacy, and the parish liked him so much they had given him a job as an associate rector. Aunt Jean was over the moon. “Just imagine—he has a full-time job when work is so scarce!” she crowed to anyone on the island who would listen.

Sadie loved being a rector’s wife. “It’s just like a novel, kiddo,” she said. “The ladies often come to me with their
woes, and you wouldn’t believe their stories. And the feuds! I’m the head of the altar guild, and I have to be so careful about whom I let polish the important silver. At first they wouldn’t listen to me at all because I’m so young, but now I think I amuse them.”

Aunt Jean cooked a special dinner for them on their last night. At the end of it, Gregor cleared his throat. “Listen, everyone. Sadie and I have something to tell you. We—she—” Then, to everyone’s astonishment, he began to weep.

“What a silly boy!” Sadie put her arm around his shoulder. “I’ll tell them,” she said calmly. “We’re going to have a baby.”

“Oh, my goodness!” Aunt Jean’s chair fell backwards as she ran over to Gregor and Sadie and showered them with kisses. “Oh, chickies, I can’t believe it!”

“What wonderful news, my dears,” said Uncle Rand, his voice breaking.

“Congratulations,” said Noni. “I’m so happy for you both.”

At first Polly couldn’t speak. After everyone had settled down, she looked at Gregor and Sadie and whispered, “That’s swell.”

Then she sat silently as excited questions and answers buzzed around her. When was the baby due? December. How did Sadie feel? Fine now, although she’d been sick in the beginning. Where were they going to live? They’d found
a tiny house to rent instead of the apartment they were in now.

“Just think, Rand—we’ll be grandparents!” Aunt Jean said.

“And I’ll be a great-aunt,” said Noni.

“You’ll be a
great
aunt,” said Gregor fondly, “just as you’ve always been to me.”

“What will
I
be?” asked Polly weakly. She had to say
something
.

“Let’s see,” said Aunt Jean. “Gregor is your first cousin once removed, so the baby will be your first cousin
twice
removed?”

“No, her
second
cousin,” said Noni, “because she’s the same generation.”

“That’s good,” said Sadie. “We don’t want our child to be at all removed from you, Polly. We hope you can visit us often, and become his or her good friend.”

She smiled so warmly that Polly felt a bit better. At least there’d be one baby who was staying in the family.

But it wouldn’t be the same as Danny. She wouldn’t see their baby very often, and being a second cousin wasn’t nearly as important as being an aunt.

What if Sadie knew that her best friend had a new life inside her, just as she did? If Maud decided to keep Danny, would the family be as excited about him as they were about Gregor and Sadie’s baby?

Of course they wouldn’t. They would be ashamed and embarrassed, just because Maud wasn’t married. It was so unfair. “I’m going to bed,” Polly told them, escaping from the happy gathering.

The next morning Noni asked Polly to stay after she’d brought up her breakfast.

“I need to clean the henhouse,” muttered Polly.

“That can wait,” said Noni.

“But you’ve been asking me to do it all week.”

Noni chuckled. “You aren’t exactly fond of cleaning the henhouse, Polly. You can do it later. Come and sit down.”

Polly sighed. Noni was either going to ask her what was wrong, or ask why Maud was avoiding them.

But as Polly climbed onto the bed and leaned against a pillow, Noni said, “That was such welcome news last night. Gregor and Sadie will be excellent parents. Polly, hen …” Noni sounded embarrassed. “Do you know … are you aware of how a man and a woman create a baby?”

Polly blushed. “Someone at school told me. So did Maud.”

“I hoped she had. That’s all right, then. I just thought that, now that you’re almost fourteen, you should know.” Noni took a deep gulp of tea and put her cup on the table. “Polly …”

Noni’s lips quivered, as if she were afraid of what words would emerge from them. Polly braced herself. Was Noni going to tell her at last about why she and Una had quarrelled? Would she be angry that Daddy had already told Polly?

Then Noni seemed to swallow what she was going to say. Instead, she sighed. “I’m so worried about Maud. Are you
sure
there’s nothing she isn’t telling us? Has she got some secret she’s asked you not to tell, the way she did when you both pretended your father was dead? I know it’s important to be loyal to your sister, but if something is wrong, it’s more important to tell
me
. Then I could help.”

Polly tried to still her breathing. Surely Noni couldn’t have guessed!

“As far as I know, nothing’s wrong,” she said as steadily as she could. “She just wanted to take this course—that’s all.”

“Is there another young man in her life? Does Ann have an older brother?”