And Nothing But the Truth (21 page)

“I can’t thank you enough,” said Maud. Now she was close to tears. “If it wasn’t for you, I’d never be able to keep her.”

“She’s part of our family,” said Daddy. “Of course we’ll take care of her.”

Esther looked nervous. “I’d better start learning how to change diapers!”

Maud smiled. “Don’t worry—I’ll teach you,” she said.

As the three of them talked excitedly about Una, Polly wondered how they would manage. Daddy and Esther both had to work hard all day. When would they have time to take care of a baby?

Then she remembered … she would be here, too! They didn’t know yet that she had run away from Noni, but she would tell them soon.

I
can look after Una
, thought Polly. She’d have to go to
school, but as soon as she got home, she could take over from Esther.

Una was so tiny and delicate, however. Polly felt terrified at such a huge responsibility.

The next morning Mrs. Janders, the nurse, arrived to check on Maud and Una. She was a brisk older woman with a broad English accent.

First she dressed Una’s belly button, then she weighed her on a scale as if she were a small roast. “Seven and a half pounds,” she pronounced. “Any trouble feeding?”

Maud shook her head. “She sucks really well,” she said proudly.

“Your real milk should be coming down any moment. If you’re not going to breastfeed her, you should start her on a bottle tomorrow.”

Maud sighed. “I hate to do that so soon. What if I wait until I go back to university?”

“But I thought you said you were leaving Baby on August 9.”

“I am,” said Maud. “I have to visit my grandmother.”

“Why can’t you take Baby with you?”

“Because my grandmother doesn’t know about her,” muttered Maud. “She doesn’t approve of my—my husband, so I never told her we got married.”

Mrs. Janders looked suspicious. Did she guess that Maud was lying? “Well, Missy, you’ve got yourself into a right pickle, haven’t you? It seems to me it would be far better to tell the truth—but that’s your business, not mine. If you’re going to leave Baby, you’re going to have to start her on evaporated milk. I’ll come back tomorrow and show you how to mix it. In the meantime you can lay in supplies.” She turned to Polly. “You can make yourself useful and get them for your sister. Baby bottles, extra teats, evaporated milk, and corn syrup. Can you remember all that?”

Polly gulped and nodded.

“But is canned milk good for Una?” asked Maud.

“Not as good as breast milk. That’s nature’s perfect food. I don’t hold with this modern trend of bottle feeding, but don’t worry—plenty of babies have thrived on it. Goodbye, Maud. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Mrs. Janders breezed out.

“Oh, Poll,” said Maud tearfully. “I don’t
want
to stop breastfeeding Una. I want the best for her!” She bent over Una protectively, then raised her head. “Doodle, it’s just not possible for me to come back with you. I know we planned that, but I didn’t know I was going to keep Una. You’re going to have to tell Noni I can’t come. Say I’m sick or something—say anything!”

This would be the perfect moment for Polly to tell Maud that she wasn’t going back, either … and that Noni didn’t
want Maud. But she couldn’t bear to hurt her. “All right,” she murmured.

Polly tried not to think about Noni, or about how she would tell Daddy and Esther that she was going to live with them. She existed in a bubble of time, a bubble that contained only Una.

She was an easy baby, either sleeping or eating, and simply giving a few squeals when she was hungry. If there were an exam in looking after babies, the way there was in history or geography, Polly would have received an A. She knew the three best ways to hold her: in the crook of her arm, against her shoulder, or on her knees with a careful hand behind her neck. She could always get a burp out of Una. She changed her diapers and she even helped Maud bathe her in the sink lined with a towel. Best of all was gazing at her perfect features while she rocked her to sleep.

One day
I
could have a baby!
thought Polly. She didn’t want to do it the way Maud had; she wanted a husband to share the baby with. It would be named Danny … or Clara.
Oh, Noni, Noni
… would she have forgiven Maud by then?

Polly told Maud about Sadie.

“I’m so happy for them,” said Maud. Then she looked sad. “I guess I can never tell Sadie about Una. This isn’t
going to be easy, Poll. How can I keep such a big secret? I want to tell everyone in the whole world!”

Maud was holding Una against her shoulder while Polly tied her flannel nightie at the back. Then Polly carefully swaddled her in a blanket, the way Maud had taught her. “I don’t understand why it’s such a disgrace,” said Polly. “It’s so unfair—Una is just a baby!”

“She’s an illegitimate baby,” said Maud bitterly. “She’ll bear that stigma all her life if people know. It’s not her fault, but it’s just the way it is.”

Polly made several sketches of Una sleeping in her basket. They were the best she had ever done. If only she could show them to Miss Falconer! But she would never see Miss Falconer again.

“Why, Doodle, you’re getting so good!” marvelled Daddy. “I’m thrilled you’re receiving such excellent instruction.”

Not anymore
, thought Polly.
When am I going to tell them
that? When Maud praised Polly for her decision to go back to school, Polly couldn’t look at her.

Sometimes Polly took a break from the baby and wandered through town. She had bought herself a few clothes and snuck them into the house before Maud could notice that she didn’t have any from the island with her. She also bought Una the largest teddy bear she could find. “She’s bigger than Una!” laughed Maud.

Each time Polly walked back to the boarding house, she passed the local high school. She gazed at its brick exterior and shuddered. What would it be like to go there? She would have to make new friends all over again.

Four days passed—enough time for a letter from Noni to reach Kelowna. Polly woke up on the fifth day with a sinking heart. Noni must be sticking to what she had said. She must not be able to bring herself to forgive Maud. That meant Polly had to stick to what
she
had said. She couldn’t go back to Noni, and she couldn’t go back to St. Winifred’s. So she had to stay here.

She soothed herself by imagining how much she could help with Una after Maud had gone to Vancouver. But she’d never be able to take care of her as well as Maud did. It would be wonderful to have Daddy in her life again, and she was growing fonder of Esther every day. But how could she bear to be away from the island or from her friends at school? And what would she do about art?

Worst of all, how could she carry on without Noni?

“Are you all right, Poll?” asked Maud after breakfast. “You look as if you’re drowning in your thoughts.”

“I’m all right,” lied Polly.

She had to tell them everything. That she wasn’t going back to St. Winifred’s
or
the island, that Noni had disowned Maud. She would do it tomorrow evening.

Polly tossed in bed that night, rehearsing what she
would say. Daddy would be thrilled she was going to live with them, but Maud would be upset that she was leaving school. She would be even more hurt about what Noni had said. Polly would have to soften her grandmother’s words as much as she could.

“Aren’t you feeling well, Polly?” Esther asked when Polly barely touched her porridge. Rain and wind were raging outside, but the weather wasn’t as agitated as the storm inside her.

Daddy didn’t have a bricklaying job that day. He stayed home and spent all morning fixing a broken stair. Polly helped him in between helping with Una, glad of so much to occupy her mind. In mid-morning they all gathered in the kitchen for cocoa and cookies. Maud now insisted on spending much of the day out of bed. She sat at the table drinking beer instead of cocoa; Mrs. Janders had told her it would increase her milk flow.

Then there was a knock at the kitchen door. “Who could that be in such weather?” said Esther.

Daddy got up to open the door. A thin, angular woman stood outside, dripping with rain.

“I’ve come to see Una,” said Noni.

U
NA WAS ASLEEP IN HER BASKET IN THE LIVING ROOM
. When Noni bent over and picked her up, her dark-blue eyes opened and stared into her great-grandmother’s grey ones. Noni murmured, “Una. I have my Una back.” Then the baby closed her eyes again as Noni collapsed in a chair and rocked her.

No one knew what to say or do. Maud watched Noni with shocked eyes, and Daddy looked defiant. But none of that mattered. All that mattered was an old woman gazing with love at a newborn baby; such strong, true love that it radiated like a fire.

Eventually, they moved. Daddy took Noni’s wet coat. Maud draped a blanket around her, pulled off her soaking shoes, removed her stockings, and dried her feet. Esther made tea.

Noni ignored them. She only looked at the baby, crooning and murmuring to her.

Polly sat at the side of the room, holding back Tarka, who longed to rush over and greet Noni. “Leave her alone,” Polly whispered to him. “She’s busy.” She got him a bone from the kitchen to keep him quiet.

Finally, Noni lifted her head from Una. She handed her to Maud, and reached for the cup of tea Esther had placed beside her. Her eyes were brimming as they searched the room.

They found Polly. Noni put down her cup. “Oh, hen,” she said.

Polly flew across the room and into Noni’s arms. “I’m deeply sorry,” said Noni, hugging her so hard that Polly gasped. “Can you forgive me for what I said? I don’t know what possessed me. After I found your note, I woke up and came to my senses. Then I did a lot of thinking, and then I knew I had to come here.”

Maud was next. “Can you give your foolish grandmother a kiss, Maud?” she asked.

Maud approached her slowly, Una in her arms.
She’s frightened!
Polly realized.

“How did you know about the baby?” Maud whispered.

“I overheard Polly telling Tarka she was an aunt.”

When he heard his name, Tarka jumped into Noni’s lap. “Get off, you rascal!” she laughed. Polly pulled him away, then curled on the carpet at Noni’s feet, stroking them.

“Are you angry with me?” asked Maud.

“I was,” said Noni, “but I’m not anymore. I’m just sorry you had to go through this for so long by yourself. You can tell me all about it later. I’m so glad you’re all right, and that you have such a beautiful child.”

Maud leaned down and kissed her. Noni kissed her and the baby back.

“Are you hungry, Mrs. Whitfield?” asked Esther shyly. She seemed totally in awe of Noni.

“I ate breakfast on the train, thank you,” said Noni. She was looking at Daddy. “Daniel, I want to apologize to you, as well.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for, Clara,” said Daddy stiffly. He was standing by the door with his arms folded.

“Yes, there is,” said Noni. “I’ve had a lot of time for remorse in the last few days. I’m so very sorry for all the pain I caused you and Una.”

“That’s all over with now,” said Daddy, “but I greatly appreciate your saying it.” He smiled at her for the first time.

“Polly has told me that you and Esther might take care of the baby,” said Noni. “Is this right?”

“Yes,” said Esther. “We got married last month. Maud doesn’t want us to officially adopt Una, but we’ll pretend we have. If anyone wonders about it, that’s their concern, not ours.”

To Polly’s relief, Noni smiled warmly at Esther. “That’s very generous of you,” she said. “Babies are a lot of work, and I’m sure you already have a lot to do. I do hope you will let me contribute to Una’s upbringing.”

Daddy said simply, “Thank you, Clara.”

“What will Maud do?” asked Noni.

“She’ll go back to U.B.C. in September,” answered Daddy. “During the holidays she’ll live with us and be with her child.”

“That’s the right thing for you to do, Maud,” said Noni. “You are welcome on the island anytime, but of course you belong with Una when you’re not at university.”

Maud put Una in her basket and cleared her throat. “Listen, everyone. I have something to tell you. I’m not going back.”

“You’re not? But Maud, what about your education?” said Daddy.

“I’ll go back in a few years,” said Maud, “but I can’t leave Una yet. She needs me right now. She needs my milk and she needs her real mother.” She smiled at Esther. “It’s not that you wouldn’t have taken good care of her. But I would miss her too much!”

They absorbed this news in silence. “I think that’s a wise decision, Maud,” said Noni finally. “Those first few years are so important. I hope you’ll return to university later, though.”

“I will,” said Maud firmly. “I still want to be a lawyer.”

Noni smiled at her. “How I’ll miss you, hen. I hope you’ll allow me to visit you and Una often. And perhaps you can tear yourself away from her sometimes to come to the island.”

“I’ll come a lot,” said Maud. “Una will, too,” she added calmly.

“Oh, but …” Noni hesitated. “What will we tell people?”

Maud lifted up Una again. She nuzzled her fondly and said, “We’ll tell them the truth! I’m not keeping her a secret. Una is my child. That’s all there is to it.”

“Maud, does that mean you’re going to be open about her here, as well?” asked Daddy. “You don’t want us to pretend she’s ours?”

Maud had never been so Maudish. “No, I don’t. I’m so tired of all the secrets in this family! I’m not going to tell any more lies, only the truth,” she repeated.

Daddy gulped. “All right, Boss. If that’s your decision, we’ll support you—right, Esther?”

Esther nodded, but Noni looked worried. “Maud, I understand why you want to do that, but you simply can’t! Especially on the island. You know what it’s like. As soon as they see you with the baby, every person there will hear of it. People will shun you. And when Una gets older, they’ll shun her, as well.”

“I don’t care how they treat
me
,” said Maud. “It will
be hard for Una … very hard. But I’ll help her not to care, either. It won’t be easy, but no one’s life is easy. Una will have me to protect her. We’ll have each other—that’s the most important thing. Anyway, they won’t shun us if
you
don’t, Noni. Everyone on the island respects you. If you accept Una, then eventually they will, too.” She smiled at Daddy and Esther. “And the two of you
already
accept her, so we can all stick together, no matter what people here say.”

Noni shook her head. “Maud, you simply cannot do this! You don’t know how nasty people can be. It’s best to pretend your father and Esther are Una’s parents. When you visit the island, you’ll have to come without her.”

“I’m sorry, Noni,” said Maud. “But you either get both of us or neither of us. If you can’t accept that, I don’t even want you visiting us here.”

They stared at each other. Then Noni took the baby and held her close. She gave a long sigh. “All right, Maud. You win. I can’t
not
see Una, so you leave me no choice. We’ll tell everyone the truth, and let the chips fall where they may.” She gave a faltering smile at Daddy. “What a strong-minded daughter you have!”

Daddy grinned. “I wonder who she takes after …”

Noni reached down and stroked Polly’s hair. “And what about you, my bonny wee Polly? Do you still want to live here? Or are you going to come back to the island?”

“Polly, were you thinking of living
here
?” Daddy said.
His face was so lit up that Polly had to avert her eyes. “We would
adore
that, wouldn’t we, Esther?”

“Of course we would!” said Esther, smiling warmly at Polly. “You already feel like a daughter to me.”

“We would have suggested it before, but it wouldn’t have been suitable when we weren’t married,” said Daddy. “But now we are. Oh, Doodle, would you stay with us when you’re not at school?”

“I would accept it if you wanted to do that, Polly,” said Noni. “I understand that you would want to be back with your father after all this time away from him. And of course you’d want to be with your sister and the baby. I hope you would visit me occasionally. But I haven’t turned out to be a very good grandmother. Perhaps you’ve had enough of me.”

“This is an awfully hard decision for Polly to make right now,” protested Maud. “Let her think about it for a while.”

“I don’t have to think about it,” said Polly, getting up from the floor.

She looked around at her family. She loved them all: Daddy, Maud, Noni, Esther, and Baby Una. Not to be with Una every moment, to miss her first smile or her first steps, would be especially hard.

But Polly knew whom she belonged to: the person who had sheltered her, and healed her, and loved her when she had been lost and afraid. The person in the room who needed her the most.

Polly kissed her grandmother. “I can
never
get enough of you.”

Then she turned to the others. “I’m sorry, Daddy and Esther and Maud. It would be wonderful to live with you, but I belong with Noni.”

Daddy opened his arms and Polly ran into them. “It’s all right,” he whispered. “I’ve always known that. I gave you up to your grandmother a long time ago. But you’re still my Polly-Wolly-Doodle, right?”

“Right,” choked Polly through her tears.

Esther stood up, wiping her own eyes. “I’m going to make up our room for you, Mrs. Whitfield. Daniel and I can sleep on cots in the living room.”

“That’s very kind of you, Esther,” said Noni. “I must say—I need a nap. I think we all do!”

Noni told them she would stay until Monday. Then Maud and Una would be strong enough to go to the island with her and Polly. It amazed Polly how natural it was to have her here. She and Mr. McMillan talked about places they knew in Scotland. When Noni wasn’t cuddling Una, she weeded the entire front garden of the boarding house. Polly showed her around the town, and they went for walks along the shore.

“Do Aunt Jean and Uncle Rand know you’re here?” Polly asked her.

“They do now. They were still away when I left, but I wrote them a note saying when I’d be back.” She grimaced. “Won’t they be shocked when they see Una! It’s not going to be easy, hen.” Then she smiled. “But we must try to have as much gumption as your sister has. Maud is right—no more secrets.”

Polly could hardly believe that Noni was being so accepting. “What made you change your mind?” she asked shyly.

“It was your note, hen. After I read it, I burst into tears and I couldn’t stop crying for hours. You were so right, Polly! I had lost Una through my own stubbornness, I was about to lose Maud, and now you had run away from me. But then you told me the baby’s name. All my love for your mother flooded back and cancelled out those past sorrows. Then I simply had to see Una.”

On another walk Noni lamented that Maud was only coming home for a visit, not for good. “Now that we’re being open about Una, Maud may as well continue to live on the island.”

“Oh, Noni, that would be wonderful! Have you asked her?”

“I asked her last night. She was glad that I did—that I wanted them both. But she said she belonged with your
father and Esther now, that it wouldn’t be fair to take their grandchild away from them. I suppose she’s right … but how I wish that we didn’t all have to be separated!” She sighed. “We’ll just have to work it out so that we see one another as much as possible. Maud and Una can come to the island for long visits, and you can still spend part of your school holidays in Kelowna, as you’ve been doing.”

She gave Polly a sharp look. Polly skipped a pebble across the water to keep from answering. Noni seemed to be assuming that Polly had decided to go back to St. Winifred’s. In all the turmoil, Polly had almost forgotten that she wasn’t.

That evening, after the boarders had left the supper table, Polly pushed back her plate. “I have something to tell you,” she said.

“Surely there’s nothing
left
to tell!” teased Daddy.

“There is,” said Polly solemnly. “I’ve decided …”

Noni looked worried.

“Out with it, Poll!” laughed Maud.

“I—”

Then the truth rose up in Polly so fast she almost choked. “I was just wondering …” She grinned at Noni, then she turned to Maud. “When I go back to St. Winifred’s … what should I say about Una? Do you want me to keep her a secret?”

“No, Polly! I don’t want her to be a secret from
anyone
. Tell whoever you want.” Maud paused. “Well, maybe not the Guppy. I wouldn’t ask that of you—she’d have a conniption!
I’ll
tell her. I’ll write to her before you go back, and I’ll say she’s not to talk to you about it, all right?”

“Thanks,” said Polly.

“Are you eager to get back to school?” Esther asked her.

Polly nodded slowly. “I’m looking forward to seeing my friends, and I’ll be really glad to start special art again.”

Beside her, Noni squeezed her hand. “What a brave lass!” she whispered as Esther and Maud cleared the table. “I’m so proud of you!”

Polly couldn’t believe she had changed her mind. It was as if another self—a more grown-up, better self—had taken over. But maybe she hadn’t really changed. Maybe she had just realized that the decision she had made in the infirmary after she had talked to Alice was the right one after all.

I’m going to be an artist!
Polly thought gleefully. She
had
to go back to St. Winifred’s, therefore, to learn how to become the best artist she could. Miss Guppy’s unfairness had sidetracked her for a while, but now she was back on course. She would have to be really brave to stomach all the things about school she didn’t like, but that didn’t seem so hard anymore. Look how brave Maud was being.

And wait until she told her friends about Una!

Polly, Maud, Una, Noni, and Tarka stood on the deck of the steamer as it approached Kingfisher Island. Maud arranged Una’s blanket partway over her face to protect her from the sun. Polly squinted as the familiar landscape came into focus: the lighthouse, the dark firs pointing their tips towards the bright sky, and Noni’s white house. What a long time it had been since she had first seen the island—what a lot had happened since then!

But now there were no more secrets left. As the boat grew closer, Polly saw Aunt Jean and Uncle Rand waiting on the wharf. Aunt Jean’s archrival, Mrs. Cunningham, was standing beside them.