And Then You Dance (Crested Butte Cowboys Series Book 2) (5 page)

“I was drunk. Still, not a reason for you to refuse to talk to me.”

More silence.

“Look, you gotta give me somethin’ here. Are you mad at me because you didn’t want me to kiss you, or are you mad at me because you did?”

She hesitated. “I’m not sure.”

“What are you doin’ right now?”

“Billy—”

“Just answer me. What are you doin’ right now?”

“Trying to study.”

“Is it workin’?”

“No, not very well.”

“You think if we hang up right now, it’ll get better?”

“No.”

“I’m comin’ to your place.”

“No, don’t do that.”

“We gotta resolve this Renie. These have been the two worst days of my life.”

“Why?”

“I’ll tell you when I get there.”

“Have you talked to her?” Billy asked his mom.

“Livvie, or Renie?” Dottie talked to Liv at least once a week. Billy knew that much.

“Either.”

“I talked to Liv a couple of days ago.”

“How’s she doin’?”

“Which one?”

He gave her exasperated look. “As if my life isn’t hard enough Mama, come on.”

“Liv is concerned about her. Renie asked Ben about workin’ at the Goat for the season.” Dottie shook her head.

Willow started babbling through the monitor. She rarely ever cried when she first woke. She babbled. He’d go in to get her, and she’d be standing up in her crib, watching the door, waiting for him. As soon as he walked in she’d babble even more, and reach out for him to pick her up.

“Well, there’s my pretty girl,” he kissed her forehead, and held her close. “Grandma’s here. Let’s go see Grandma.”

Willow kicked her legs and continued with her unintelligible stream of conversation. He couldn’t wait until he understood all that she had to tell him. She was such a chatterbox. Just as Renie used to be. He’d watch her out in the pasture, talking to Pooh a mile a minute. God he missed her.

He held Willow closer, and she opened her mouth on his cheek. A Willow kiss. He loved them.

— • —

It had been a roll of the dice. Billy was pretty sure he’d kissed Renie, but not one hundred percent. It did explain her behavior, which is why he’d decided he hadn’t dreamt it.

He hadn’t ever visited her at school, but Fort Collins was close to Greeley and he’d competed there enough to know about where he had to get off the highway.

He called Sookie from the road and told him his parents had a house key for him to use until Billy had time to get one made for him.

“You can stay up at the house tonight if you want to. There’s a guest room on the main floor, to the left of the kitchen. That’ll be yours, and you can stay there as much or as little as you want to.”

“Can’t tell you how much I appreciate this,” Sookie said, and then told him how grateful he was to get out of the bunkhouse. “Whatever you need help with, I’m happy to do it.”

As long as Sookie stayed away from Renie, he didn’t care what the man did. There was a bigger bedroom downstairs, but it was next to the one she stayed in. Billy didn’t want him down there.

***

Billy would be there in about an hour and a half if he left when she thought he did. She looked around her one bedroom apartment, trying to decide if she should try to tidy up, or text him and suggest they meet somewhere.

It would be better to meet somewhere. She wasn’t ready to have Billy here, in her space.

Meet me at the hideout,
she texted.

No,
he answered.

You aren’t supposed to be texting and driving.

Not.

How was that even possible?

For a smart girl, you don’t know much about technology, do ya?

Meet me at the hideout,
she texted again.

No,
he answered. Again.

Shit. She really didn’t want him here.

An hour later she heard a knock at the door. How had he gotten here so fast?

“Hi,” Renie answered.
Damn,
he looked good. He hadn’t shaved all day, so the dark stubble was even longer. She wanted to reach out and run her hand over it. He wore his dark blue, plaid True Grit shirt. His Cinch jeans were just the right amount of tight.

“You gonna invite me in to do that or are you gonna feast me with your eyes out here in the hallway?”

She smiled, stepped back, and waved him in.

Her place was small, but it looked like her. The dining room table was stacked high with books and papers, but the kitchen was spotless. The living room, which the dining room infringed on, looked less lived in.

He longed to go and explore the rest of it, see her bedroom. He would’ve done whatever he wanted to a couple days ago, but now things were different between them.

He looked at her. She studied him, a little smirk on her face, as if she dared him to do it.

“Ah hell,” he said and stalked down the hall, opening the first door he came to. Bathroom. He closed the door. There was one other door; it had to be her bedroom. It was, and it wasn’t at all what he expected.

It was the only room that looked as though she decorated it in a purposeful way. The rest of her apartment looked like a typical twenty-something’s place, a mishmash of randomly- gathered furniture.
This was a different story. It looked as though it belonged in Greece. Everything in the room was white, except the bright turquoise and red pillows scattered here and there. The mattress sat on a white platform with a molded headboard that looked as though it was made of clay or stone. On the ledge it formed naturally, was a single vase with three fresh roses, and one picture frame. He walked over and picked up a photo of her and Pooh; she had to have been about eleven or twelve. The man standing next to them, holding the horse’s reins, was none other than yours truly.

Renie stood in the doorway, watching him. He set the photo back down and looked around.

“Where do you keep your clothes?”

“In the closet.”

Still with the smirk, he wanted to wipe it off her face, but the way he wanted to do it…it might be too soon for him to think about that.

He walked back to her. She didn’t move, so he got as close to her as he could, without touching her. He stood in front of her and looked, up and down, the way she had done to him when he got there.

She had on jeans, the same 501s she always wore, and a pink, striped, button-down shirt, with enough buttons undone that from where he stood, he could see the lace on her white bra, and the swell of her breasts. One hand was on her hip; the other hung at her side. Her feet were bare, and her toenails were the lightest shade of pink. Her long blond hair was up off her neck, he preferred it down. Tiny pearl earrings adorned her ears, and her blue eyes didn’t blink.

He reached up and took the clip out of her hair, and dropped it on the floor. She started to reach down to pick it up, and he grabbed her arm, stopping her.

He brushed his lips across her cheek, to her ear. “Either let me out of your bedroom Renie, or be prepared to stay in here the rest of the night. With me.”

She didn’t move, so he took her hand, to pull her into the room with him. She let go, turned, and walked back down the hallway to her living room.

Billy walked into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. As though he owned the place.

“Whatcha’ lookin’ for?” she asked.

“Somethin’ to eat.”

“I told you to meet me at the Hideout.”

“Why would I do that? You’re a great cook Renie.” He pulled out a container, and put it in the microwave.

Was there a more confident man on the planet? If so, she hadn’t met him. And she’d been looking. First at Dartmouth, and now here in Fort Collins. She looked and looked for a man to help her forget about Billy Patterson. She hadn’t found one yet.

Wherever he was, Billy owned the air. It belonged to him, and he took it. He used as much as he wanted, and figured if you needed any, you’d take it too.

He opened drawers until he found a fork.

“Did you eat?” he asked, as though he suddenly remembered she stood near him.

“It’s almost eleven o’clock at night Billy. I ate hours ago.”

“I didn’t.” He set the dish and fork down on the counter. “Wanna know why not?”

No, she didn’t. So she shrugged.

“’Cause you had me all wound up Renie.”

“You sure you weren’t just hung over?”

His eyes flared open wider, and in one long stride he stood in front of her. He pushed her back against the counter.

“No. I wasn’t,” he said, getting his mouth close to hers, without their lips touching.

She couldn’t move; he had her surrounded with his body. If he got any closer, every inch of him would be touching every inch of her.

He shook his head, stepped back, and picked up his food.

“Would you like to sit down while you eat?”

He motioned to her table. “Doesn’t look as though there’s much room at your table sugar.”

Dish still in hand, he looked at the books. “Intense.”

“Stuff you’d know in your sleep.”

He raised an eyebrow.

“Horses. You know more about them than I do Billy.”

“Not all this kinda stuff I don’t.” He picked up a textbook on anatomy.

“You may not know all the scientific terminology, but everything else?” She sat down on the couch. “I’ve never met anybody who understands them the way you do. It’s because you listen.”

He put the dish in the sink. “We gotta talk about the other night.”

“You were drunk Billy. I get that.”

“And you think that’s why I kissed you?”

She shrugged.

He sat down next to her. “Not drunk now.” He pulled her into him, and kissed her. At first gentle, probing, his lips brushing back and forth over hers as his tongue gently pushed its way in. His other hand came up and stroked her face, then moved to the back of her neck. His kiss deepened, harder, as his hand slid down to the buttons on her shirt.

She grabbed his wrist, stopping him.

“Let me in,” he murmured.

Renie twisted away from him and stood. “I can’t do this Billy.” She wiped her hand across her mouth.

Billy leaned forward and put his head in his hands. He took a few deep breaths. “Okay. We won’t do this, but we have to talk. Have to. You’re too important to me not to.”

Renie went into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. Then closed it. She opened up a cupboard and closed it too. She leaned up against the counter.

“Whatever answers you’re looking for aren’t in there. Come back out here and talk to me.”

Renie turned the corner and leaned up against the wall.

“Tell me what you’re thinkin’,” he pleaded.

“You know me better than that Billy.”

“Pretend I’m Pooh.”

“There we go,” she laughed. “You know me too well,”

“You think I never noticed your little motor mouth runnin’ when you were out in the pasture with your horse? I would’ve given anything to hear what you were talkin’ to her
about.”

You, always you Billy. I’ve been in love with you forever. And you’ve never thought of me as anything other than a little sister, or a pest. She closed her eyes at the hurt that pounded in her chest. As much joy as she felt when she saw him, it was always coupled with the pain, the yearning for him. It throbbed in every part of her body. She’d gotten so used to the feeling, it was a part of her being. Yearning for Billy, it’s what her body did naturally.

Her eyes stayed closed, she focused on the ache of it. She didn’t realize he stood in front of her.

He tucked her hair behind her ear; his hand lingered there. “I wish I could read your mind. I’ve always wished so.”

Thank God he couldn’t, she’d never be able to look him in the face again.

“You want me to tell you how I’m feelin’ about all this? About you and me…”

Her eyes riveted to his; her brow furrowed. She bit her upper lip. He doubted she realized she did it. She looked terrified.

“Renie, please.” His fingers caressed her face.

She leaned her head into his hand. Her eyes closed again.

“Go ahead,” he said. “Take a chance, tell me.”

She nodded her head back and forth. “I can’t,” she whispered.

He took her hand. “Come, sit with me.”

Renie let him pull her to the couch. Her back was to the arm and she put her feet up, so her legs formed a wall of knee between the two of them. Billy rested his elbow on them.

“Some say, in fact, I’ve heard you say it yourself, that I’ve been pitched off one too many broncs,” he shook his head and laughed. “And I suppose I act like it often enough. I’m thirty-three years old, and this is the first time I’ve lived in my own place. I’ve lived with my parents my whole life.”

She nodded.

“Out on the road all the time…let’s say there have been women in my life. You know what I’m sayin’?”

She did, or at least she nodded again.

Billy took her feet and pulled them, so her legs stretched over his. He put his arm on top of them.

“The other day, when you touched my arm, you felt it too, didn’t you?”

Now, she wouldn’t even look at him. She looked across the room.

“Look at me, dammit.”

Her head snapped back; her eyes met his.

“Renie, I swear to God, this is the most important conversation I’ll ever have with you. You gotta pay attention to me. You’re killin’ me. Do you even realize it?”