Andy Squared (23 page)

Their bedroom door flew open, and Andrea came nose to nose with him. “You, talking about respect? I've never kept anything from you!” she screamed. “I'm not just one of the kids at school. I'm your sister!” Andrew flicked a glance toward the stairs. He knew his parents were down there, listening. Over the phone before he'd come, his parents had said they tried talking to her, but she was being as stubborn as usual when things were out of her control. Andrew hoped that's all it was.

“Why is my being gay so hard for you to accept?” he asked, softly.

“Because it's just not right! I-it's wrong!” she stammered, face getting red.

“Why do you think it's wrong?” he asked. Maybe the gentle approach would work? Desperation filled him at this point. Half an hour of listening to her scream at him through a door had gotten them nowhere. “I don't understand, Andy. You're my sister, like you said. My twin.”

“Because all this time you've dated girls and told me all these things. You've
lied
to me all along!”

“I didn't lie! I didn't even know, okay? Yeah, I dated girls. I just thought I got bored quickly. I didn't know why until—”

“Until Ryder showed up and ruined everything. I wish he'd go back to Texas. Better yet, I wish he had never come. Suddenly you don't even want to go to college together anymore? And you don't want to play soccer? It's his fault—”

“No, it isn't.” Andrew stepped closer to her. “Don't blame this on him. Yes, he helped me figure things out about myself, but not about soccer.”

Andrea growled in frustration and paced back and forth in the hall.

Andrew spread his arms wide. “Whether you believe it or not, this would have happened sooner or later. Maybe not this year, maybe not next, but I would have figured it out eventually.” He softened his tone. “I'm gay, Andrea. Nothing's going to change that. I can't help it if it's part of who I am.” He paused. Swallowed. “And being gay, meeting Ryder…none of that had anything to do with my decision on choosing Utica over UConn.”

Her eyes narrowed, hands in fists by her legs. “How did you get so comfortable saying that so fast? ‘I'm gay,' like it's just…nothing.”

“It's not nothing, but I'm not ashamed of it.”

“How long have you known?”

“Two months.”

“Two
months
?” she spat. “You've been dating girls for years and you suddenly change and say you're different because of two
months
? How do you know this isn't just an experiment and you'll go back to liking girls?”

He lowered his tone to a whisper. “Who are you, Mom? This isn't an experiment, Andrea.”

“But how do you know?”

“How do
you
know you like guys?”

She pressed her lips together, searched his eyes.

“I'm sorry if you don't like it, if you can't find it within you to understand.” A pause. “You don't have to. But this is who I am. I'm your brother, and I'm gay.”

Emotion reddened Andrea's face. “You're going to have to face the consequences of your choice, Andrew.”

He was just tired. “This isn't a choice. And what are you going to do? Tell the whole school?”

“Maybe.”

“Go right ahead then, Andrea, but think about it. What is that going to accomplish, huh? Soccer is over. School gets out in less than six months. I'll deal with whatever gets thrown at me until then.” He sounded confident to his own ears, but inside he felt his stomach start to churn.

“Are you really ready to do that? You really think you can handle going from Mr. Popular to the one everyone talks about because he's sleeping with a guy?”

Andrew's stomach clenched, but he kept his chin lifted.

“You think you can handle being another Joshua Grayson?” Andrea asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I think I'd rather handle being myself than pretending I'm something I'm not. There's nothing wrong with Joshua Grayson.”

“Whatever you say,” she said, in a skeptical tone.

“You know what? I'm not talking to you when you're like this. I've said my piece, you've said yours. I'm leaving. If you want to talk like a rational person, like the sister I thought you were, you know where you can reach me.”

“Fine, leave. Walk away—”

“I will, and I'll only say one last thing: Don't do something that you're going to regret in the end. There are some things you can say and do that you'll never be able to take back, no matter how sorry you are later.”

Andrew left without another word. He shook his head toward his parents before leaving the house and getting in the truck to drive back to the Kensington farm. Ryder had wanted to come along this time, to try to help talk to her, but Andrew had said no; he thought it would only exacerbate the situation. After this meeting, he thought the only way it could have been worse was if she had decided to throw a punch.

So much for a twin bond.

While he drove back, he thought about everything that had happened in the last two, almost three months. He'd broken up with not one, but two girlfriends, found out he liked guys—no, not any guy, Ryder—and started dating again. He'd gotten into fights with friends he'd never fought with before, but made a new one and strengthened other friendships. He'd also learned he knew very little about his sister.

The sister he thought he knew was open and accepting and sweet despite her headstrong and driven ways. The headstrong part still existed, that was for sure. But she also appeared to be vicious, controlling, and more close-minded than she let others believe. She'd gone behind his back and applied for UConn for the both of them. She refused to let him make his own decisions about his life and wanted to control every aspect of his. Now this.

Sure, there were things about him that had changed. But as far as he was concerned, they were all good things. They made him a better person.
Ryder
made him a better person. If Andrea couldn't see that, it was her loss.

Andrew kept telling himself that when he pulled into the driveway and climbed out of the truck. He heard voices from the barn and went to check it out.

Most of the horses were out in one of the cleared fields, running through the light covering of snow that remained on the ground. The only one left in his stall was Dante.

“How'd it go?” Mr. Kensington asked.

Andrew shrugged.

“That bad, huh?” Ryder asked.

He wanted to focus on horses now, not on Andrea. He lifted his chin toward Dante. “He looks particularly mean today.” Andrew looked meaningfully at Ryder, who sat on the stall door, trying to coax the horse forward with a carrot. The horse refused to budge.

“He doesn't want to go out. I don't think he likes the snow,” Ryder said, letting the conversation about Andrea go.

“So, can't he stay inside?”

“He needs exercise. And we should be working with him every day,” Mr. Kensington said. “I'm sorry about your sister, son.”

Ryder nodded.

“I'm surprised she didn't punch me,” Andrew muttered ruefully. “It got really loud for a while, but my parents didn't step in.”

“Believe me, it's better they didn't. From the sound of it, your sister would have forced them to pick sides. That would be messy for everyone. It's best they let the two of you have it out,” Mr. Kensington said.

“God, this is such a mess. I told her before I left not to do anything she'd regret, you know? Because there are some things that I wouldn't be able to forgive if she said.”

Mr. Kensington leaned back against the wall and tilted his head. “She's your sister. Don't you think you'd forgive her eventually?”

“I don't know. Maybe. But at the same time, if she says anything really bad against me, it's always going to be there.”

“What is it she could say that would get you that upset?” he asked, curious.

“Spread rumors about me, lies. Tell everyone every detail they don't need to know. The really embarrassing things.”

“Well, keep in mind she is your sister, like it or not at the moment. She might be hurting right now, but I'm sure she still loves you. And if she says anything, she's probably just lashing out. It'll pass. Things always do.” He gave Andrew a squeeze on his shoulder, before stepping past them to head to his office.

Andrew leaned up against the wall where Ryder sat, and soon felt fingers playing in his hair. He glanced up. “It really sucked,” he said.

“No matter what, we'll get through this,” Ryder said softly, reassuringly.

Andrew wanted to believe him, but his heart and mind were conflicted. Sure, they'd get through it. But would they get through it intact?

Andrew wasn't sure what he had expected at school that Thursday morning classes resumed, but it wasn't this. He had pulled into the parking lot with Ryder and gotten out of the car. He didn't know if Andrea had arrived yet, though he suspected she had. She would have wanted to get a head start on her schemes.

Expecting to be cornered and questioned mercilessly by friends and teammates, Andrew felt surprised yet relieved when he made it first to the school door unscathed, and then to his locker. And after that, first-period class.

With a sigh he sat down, thinking perhaps he'd been too dramatic, making everything seem worse than it really was.

Ryder joined him a short time later and gave him a small smile. He leaned over and put his hand on the back of his seat like he did nearly every morning since he'd arrived. “Anything?”

“Nothing. I guess I overreacted. It's going to be fine,” Andrew said with a sigh of relief.

“That's great,” Ryder agreed.

More of the class started to file in and a few greeted them and smiled. With every person who set foot in the room, though, Andrew couldn't help but feel like the bomb was about to drop any second, and he could do nothing but wait. Most of the students, though, looked tired or disappointed to be back—worried about their own lives, not his. One or two asked how his and Ryder's vacations went. Typical post-vacation chatter.

Until Sarah walked in.

Sarah walked into the room with Nathaniel, laughing at something he said. When she turned down the row to take her seat in front of Andrew she paused and gave Nathaniel a knowing look. The expression on his face was a mixture of amusement and disgust, and Andrew's stomach lurched.

Andrea really had told.

“So,” Sarah said as she sat down. “Have a good vacation? We didn't get to talk much on New Year's, and you all but disappeared after that party.”

“Yeah,” Andrew replied, swallowing hard and smiling. “Just great. A little busy, that's all. You?”

“It was fine. I'm sure not as interesting as yours, from what Andrea says.”

“Oh yeah? What uh, did Andrea say?”

“She said you had a very eventful New Year and that you're now living with Ryder.”

“Just until my room is finished,” Andrew clarified. He felt a bead of sweat begin to form at his hairline.

“So that's why you never wanted to go out with me, Ryder? Because you were more into guys?” Sarah asked. Her voice sounded sweet, but a hint of acid tinted it.

Ryder looked over at her and shrugged languidly, his face blank.

Some of the students in front of her heard what she said and turned to each other, whispering excitedly. They looked back at Ryder, trying to figure out what Sarah was talking about.

“That's why you kept rejecting me, isn't it? Because you wanted Andrew and not me, huh?”

“Yeah, Sarah. That's it. Is that what you want me to say? Now just drop it.”

Andrew felt his face flame and he hung his head as an excited storm of whispers moved around the room. The second bell rang and Mrs. Appleby walked in. She called the class to order, and when she didn't get it, she slammed a book down on her desk.

“Excuse me. Now, I am well aware that this is the first class on the first day back from vacation. However, we have work to do. In three short weeks, not including this one, you have your midterm.” The class erupted in disgruntled noises. “Yes, groan all you want,” she added. “But you're still responsible for learning the information. Now take out your texts and notebooks.”

The whispers behind her caught Mrs. Appleby's attention. She turned to look, her eyes narrowed in annoyance, assessing the situation. Some of the students were talking in small groups of two or three, though most had listened. Andrew and Ryder sat in stony, uneasy silence, ignoring the whispers and stares. Andrew's pencil rolled off his desk. He leaned down to pick it up.

“Fag,” someone murmured.

Mrs. Appleby's hand dropped noisily to her desk. “One more thing,” she said keeping her voice low. The students stopped to listen, waiting for something important. “Like you, I still want to be on vacation, and as such, I am not in the mood to tolerate any nonsense today. If I hear one derogatory comment directed toward anyone, for any reason, you are out of here. I don't care if it's a joke, and I don't care if it's ‘not meant that way.' I hear it and you have a detention after school tomorrow and a trip to the principal's office immediately. Yes?”

The class nodded, subdued for the moment, and she went back to her teaching. Andrew had never been more grateful for history class in his life. As the rest of the class shuffled about getting their books and notebooks out, he realized Karina's seat was still empty. He had hoped she would be there that morning. She had been so accepting of his relationship with Ryder, he hadn't realized he relied on her support today. Maybe she would turn up before the period ended.

*

Class ended and Ryder and Andrew had to part for the rest of their classes. Karina didn't make it to class at all, so Andrew was left alone as he waved to Ryder on his way to second period. Each class proceeded like history had, except without Ryder, things seemed a little quieter. No one specifically asked him anything, but he heard the whispers and saw the looks. He avoided them as best he could, but Nathaniel blocked his entrance to fourth-period English.