Angelfire (33 page)

“You can't love me,” he said, his voice pained. “And I can't love you either. You're not mine to love.”

“I
am
yours—”

“Ellie—”

“No!”
I shouted, tears stinging my eyes. “You can't get this close to me and then push me away.”

“I have to.” His wings unfolded, moonlight gleaming off their feathers, and he jumped in the air. As I stared up at him, he flew away and disappeared into the woods behind my house, letting me know how different we truly
were with that last image of him.

Anger rushed through me. I wanted to follow him and smack him harder than I'd ever hit anything before in my life. But I was too tired and too emotional to do anything. And I didn't want to fall off my roof. I stared straight after him and let out a long breath, so my next word had no trace of rage. “Coward.”

ON TUESDAY MY MOM CALLED ME INTO HER OFFICE as soon as I walked in the door after school. I prepared for a lecture over a progress report one of my teachers might have sent home, but something in her face when I entered told me she was way more pissed than she should have been over a bad grade.

“Come sit down, Ellie,” she said coolly. Her calm voice was too wrong coming from such an angry face. It petrified me.

I sat down in the chair across from her desk. I was pretty sure I was about to die. “What's up, Mom?”

“You'll never guess who I ran into while I was grocery shopping today.”

Names spun through my head, but I tried to make it look like I wasn't thinking too hard. My body locked up with fear.

“Kate's mom,” she said. “How could you do it, Ellie?
How could you lie like that?”

“I…” I didn't know what to say. To save the world? To save my soul? I had to do what I had to do, but I could never explain it to her. She could never understand.

She folded her arms over her chest. “That was one hell of an extravagant lie. And getting poor Kate to lie
for
you? Not to mention you made a fool out of me when I thanked her mom for taking you up north with them. It was very embarrassing when she had no idea what I was talking about.”

It was almost impossible to get my lips moving enough to form words. “I'm sorry.”

“Yeah, I don't think that cuts it, Ellie,” she said with a dark edge to her voice. “Where'd you actually go? Were you with a boy? Landon?”

I closed my eyes tiredly. “No. I was with Will.”

She didn't respond at first. “That boy in college? Your tutor?”

I felt so heavy in my seat, so heavy I just wanted to lie down. “Yes.”

My mom stood and leaned over the desk. “You're
seventeen
! What were you thinking? I don't even know how to react to this. I honestly don't know what to say to you.”

“I'm so sorry,” I said, even though I knew she didn't want to hear it. “There's just a lot going on in my life right now and I don't really know how to deal with it all. I've made a lot of mistakes.”

“Come to
me
,” she said. “It's my job to help you when you
need it. Most of the things you're going through right now I've survived. School, boys, friends, mean girls. You tell me that you're fine and that I should trust you, but how can I when you've lied to me like this, Elisabeth? I can't be your mother if you won't let me into your life.”

I stayed silent, knowing that anything I could say wouldn't justify how much I'd hurt my mom. She might never have had to deal with fighting soul-eating monsters, but I was facing all those other things too in one way or another.

She collapsed back into her chair and pressed a hand to her forehead. “Are you two intimate? Did you sleep with him?”

“No, Mom,” I said. “No, we didn't, I swear. But would it be so terrible if we had?”

When her eyes met mine, the moment was intense and I refused to look away first. “I know you're at the age where you're going to start experimenting and there's nothing I can say or do to prevent it. Just, please, for the love of God, when you do, be safe.”

“I will.”

“You're grounded,” she said exhaustedly. “I don't want you going anywhere with Will. I can't prevent you from seeing him, because I think it's wrong to try to control you and prevent you from finding your own way through life. But you have to understand that he is, technically, an adult, Ellie. If you're going to be seeing him, it'll be under my roof and under my supervision.”

I wanted to protest, but I knew how lenient her restrictions were. She could have banned me from seeing him altogether and she had every right to. I wasn't a bad kid. I wasn't wild. I wasn't into drugs; nor was I promiscuous. I just had a terrible responsibility and I didn't know how to balance that with a normal life. I didn't know if that was even possible.

My mom dropped her hand and looked at me finally. “I'm not going to tell your father that you lied, because, frankly, I'm quite sure he'd kill you. You need to be punished, not murdered, so we'll handle this, you and I. No parties, no Movie Night, no car, no phone, no hanging out with your friends for a month.
At least.
I'm taking your keys, and I'll be driving you anywhere you absolutely have to go. As soon as school is out, you're to be inside this house until you leave for class the next morning. God, I don't know what's with you lately. The drinking, the lying, the poor grades…How do you expect to get into Michigan State with grades like that? And I want to talk to Will. I want to get to know him if he's your first serious boyfriend. You have to clue me in on your life, Ellie. Help me out here.”

I nodded slowly, clutching the winged pendant around my neck for courage. I wished I could tell her everything, and I wanted to cry because I couldn't. Bastian's words burned through my heart. Was I really gambling with my family's and friends' lives by keeping them so close to me? Were they targets? Did I put them in danger? Could I give them up if I had to? I'd completely forgotten that my mom and I could
really talk. Considering how many times I'd almost lost my life in the last few months, I wanted to feel close to her again. I didn't want anything to happen to her because of me. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, baby,” she said. “I really do. I want you to be okay. The rest of your choices are up to you. I hope to God you make the right ones.”

“This probably won't make you feel any better,” I began, “but—I'm in love with him. I am.” It felt right saying it, knowing that I'd felt this way for centuries but had been too much of a damn fool to see it.

She stared at me for what seemed like hours. “Does he love you back?”

“Yes,” I said without hesitation, and held my mom's gaze confidently. “I don't expect you to understand how far he's gone to demonstrate it, but I promise you there's no limit to what he'd do for me—he's shown that again and again. I know I've made some terrible mistakes and hidden things from you, but this is something you have to really trust me on. It's the only thing I'm sure about in the mess my life has turned into.”

Her gaze fell to my winged necklace between my fingers. “Is he the one who gave you that?”

“Yes.”

She stared at the pendent for too long before she spoke. “If you say you're in love with him, then I believe you. Please understand, however, that at your age very few loves ever
last. You don't know if he'll just decide to leave you one day. Keep that in mind, okay?”

I maintained an iron resolve, because I knew in my bones Will wasn't that type of guy. If he had stuck by my side for five hundred years, risked his life and his soul for me, then it would take a lot for him to just walk away. He was my Guardian, my guardian angel.

 

When the first snow fell a few nights later just before midnight, I sat on the roof of an office building with Will by my side. I conceded that I'd lose fun nights with my friends as part of my punishment, but hunting was something I couldn't give up. I pulled the neck of my sweater higher to my chin when the chill of winter bit at my skin. Not even the Grim could keep the freezing temperature away.

“I hate snow,” I grumbled. “It's so pretty, but why does it have to be
cold
?”

Will laughed softly. “It's a necessary evil.”

I frowned. “So where is our
un
necessary evil?” I asked, referring to the reaper we had been following.

His eyes scanned the dimly lit and nearly empty parking lot below us. Grayish orange streetlamps dotted the lot in a grid, but they revealed no monster.

“This is where he killed last night. He should be here again.”

Reapers were truly creatures of habit. Will was no exception, although his habits were: fight reapers, drive me crazy,
sit on my roof, eat when I'm not looking, fight reapers, drive me crazy…

A man dressed in a black pea coat exited the building, jangling his keys as he walked to his vehicle. He whistled a tune, happy to be heading home after working so late. As if on cue, a dark shape the size of a minivan lumbered out of the darkness. The man was completely oblivious to the reaper's hidden presence.

Will and I hopped off the building, landing two stories below with little more than the bend of our knees. I eased toward the man and stood between him and the gigantic ursid reaper. The monster's black eyes found me, and he licked his lips. When he noticed that I was staring right at him, he tilted his head curiously as if he didn't know me. That was a shocker.

The businessman noticed me. He dropped his keys in a fright. “What the—?”

“Just drive home,” I said coolly. I tightened my grip on my swords.

The man's gaze fell to my blades and his mouth opened dumbly at the same time.

I glared at him. “Get. In. Your. Car.”

He scrambled, ducking for his keys and darting to the driver's-side door, muttering something under his breath that sounded a lot like “Crazy…”

As he drove away, the reaper growled. He stepped toward me, his talons scraping the delicate layer of snow on the
pavement. Flakes stuck on his muzzle and caught the tips of the thick, inky black hair on his back. The reaper backed away from me in a circle, creeping toward the darkness he thought would conceal his body. Since I had scared off his intended victim, he must have decided I'd make a tasty replacement. Idiot.

He launched himself at me, springing a dozen feet in the air, claws outstretched. I blurred by him, igniting my swords with angelfire, as he landed on the cold pavement. I twisted and plunged a sword into his ribcage. The flames died as I released the helve and jumped back. He roared, rocking my brain, and staggered on his feet until he collapsed, wheezing painfully. He looked shocked that I had seen him coming.

He curled his back and used his mouth to yank my blade out from his side. He spat it out and growled. He vanished for a heartbeat, and I stepped back on my heel, waiting for him to reappear. His face flashed in front of mine, and I shoved my hand onto his muzzle, grabbing his nose as his jaws gnashed at my head. I forced him back as he thrashed his head, and I lifted my remaining sword and thrust upward. The ursid twisted to one side and my sword plunged into his shoulder instead of his neck. He wrenched his muzzle out of my grip and roared furiously into my face. I yanked my sword back and kicked him in the chest, sending him flying. He hit the pavement and slid in the fine layer of snow until he came to a stop and climbed to his feet. He gave his shaggy coat a shake, sending snowflakes falling to the ground.

I summoned my power, and it swallowed me in white light. The ground thrummed beneath my feet and my power rolled through the air, melting the snowflakes before they hit the pavement. The streetlamp behind me let out a low, metallic groan, creaked, and bent to one side, shaking free a dusting of glittering white flakes. My skin felt as if it were stretching as more energy leaked from me in controlled waves.

The reaper hissed and turned his face away from the bright light, baring his massive canines. He lifted his dark gaze to mine. “You're no vir. How do you have such power? Who are you?”

I stepped up to him, my power swirling around me, and I straightened my other sword, poising the flaming blade at his skull. I stared intensely at him, my gaze colder than the winter air. “I'm the Preliator.”

Mom, you're more amazing than you'll ever know. I would be lost without you. Dad, Tara, and Ashley, I love you guys. Danielle, Mike, Janet, and Tom Pulliam for being a wonderful second family and always giving me a home away from home. My agent, Elizabeth Jote, for being the first person to love this book and really believe in how far it could go. Thank you for helping me make my lifelong dream come true and for working your butt off to make me a better writer. My editor, Sarah Shumway, for your faith and patience, and for knowing just what to do every time. A special thank-you to Katherine Tegen and the rest of the Katherine Tegen Books crew for all your support and hard work. Thank you to my horseback riding trainers, Kim Carey, Sheila Tobaczka, Melissa Hirt, Nancy Whitehead, and Julia Houle, who have taught me discipline, patience, and above all to love what I do and have fun doing it. Leah Clifford, a.k.a. “the other reaper girl.” What can I say? You kept me sane through the summer of 2009 and beyond. Thank you for being such an amazing friend and all-around badass. Kody Keplinger, you rock. Write Nights, good music, stupid jokes, cute boys…I am so glad I randomly asked you one day if you liked chicken pot pies. Even though you said no (and I forgive you),
it was one of the best questions I ever asked. Sarah J. Maas, Amy Lukavics, and Kaitlin Ward for being great friends and such talented writers. Love you guys. Eleanor Boyall and Robert Truppe, you were my incredible first beta readers. This book would still be a first draft without your guidance. I'll carry what I learned from both of you forever. My friends in Purgatory on AbsoluteWrite, thank you for many hours of great laughs and for your support. My English teachers throughout middle school and high school for reading my weird stories always encouraging me. Everyone on deviant ART and PI who supported my writing and art. I've made some awesome friends. Another special thank-you to Yue Wang, who created such brilliant artwork for this book. Your talent astounds me. This is a long shot, but here's a shout-out to the girls of BTRS and PTSRS, wherever in the world you are, especially Alyssa and Becka. I miss staying up past five
A.M
. writing with you. If by some twist of fate you happen to pick this book up and recognize those acronyms and your names, look me up. Lisa, Mattie, and Teagen, you're the most amazing group of girls I've ever known. The boys of the Sigma Kappa chapter of ΔKE, thank you for a million wild times and for being (mostly) good to Smiles. Kyle, you're my greatest inspiration. I love you. PS: I'm not sorry that I whomped your ass at MarioKart the day we met. PPS: I think I officially just got the last word.