Animal Angel (7 page)

She snapped out of it when he took her wine glass and set it down on the coffee table. She wanted to snatch it back up and use it as her security object, same as she had with her teddy bear as a child. Mavis's heart raced, and her flight instinct pummeled any reserve valor she had left, telling her to throw in the towel and run.

He moved closer to her, tracing his thumb along her jawline. “Talk to me, Mavis. Why are you so sad?”

“I'm not.” She fought the urge to fan herself, yearning for a cold shower. Her body tingled at the mere sensation of his tender touch, and her brain stopped working, making it difficult to form a sentence.

“Come on,” he said, leaning in. “I've laid the details of my sordid past out for you. I want you to know me, and I want to know everything about you. Please talk to me — trust me.”

His lips brushed her cheek, and she almost fell off the couch as her stomach plummeted into her toes. His touch awakened a part of her she'd put to sleep many years ago; those freed emotions were running rampant like buffalo stampeding inside her. The butterflies had barely settled when he nibbled at a soft place in the hollow of her neck, sending them soaring again.

She leaned her head back, a quiet moan escaping her. She was completely lost as their eyes met, forming a fierce connection. Her breathing came in short gasps. She wrapped her hands around his neck, begging him to come closer, unable to hold back a second longer. The scent of cloves and garlic still lingered on his skin as she outlined his jaw with her nose.

“Please, Mavis. Trust me,” he whispered, right before his mouth took hers.

She was riding the wave fast and hard. No longer in control of her senses, she set her inhibitions free. The years of loneliness, of self-loathing, were poured into a life-altering kiss.

Weston place one hand on the sofa and shifted his frame bringing him closer to Mavis. His other hand slid down to her waist guiding her underneath him, gently pressing her into the cushions. She went without a battle, enjoying the reassurance of his sturdy frame weighing her down. Mavis's fingers slipped down his face, whisper-soft, and he grabbed her hand, kissing the palm and resting it on his chest.

She arched toward him pressing her body even closer and electricity sparked as their lips meshed again. Her whole being screamed with the desire bubbling to the surface by his warm and welcoming embrace. Mavis traced her toes along his leg, hooking her foot behind his knee, as her body responded to every touch he offered.

Weston pulled back and studied her. Their breaths came in short, raspy gasps as heat arced between them. Mavis's intense reaction to Weston sent insecurity careening headlong through her. Her heart wrenched in her chest, being tugged between what she wanted and what she believed she could have.

A tear escaped and rolled down her cheek. His lips brushed it away. Her heart pounded as it fought to free itself from the box she kept it encased in. Never allowing herself to want someone… want this. This man was making her crave a normal life. Making her want to be desired with all her flaws.

“Mavis,” he said between kisses, “why do you hurt so much?” He slid his hand down her side, tracing the curve of her hip. His eyes followed the motion of his hand.

Her pulse began to throb in her temples. He was knocking down the protection system she'd constructed. She now wanted more than she'd convinced herself she could have. A cold sweat broke out all over her body. The spiritual connection flickering between them was unlocking all that pain her heart held.
What am I doing? What was I thinking, coming here?

A tingling raced through her body. Almost no sensation remained in her legs. She was opening up to allow herself to feel again. Her heart hammered irregular beats in her chest. The pain from the shrill ringing in her ears had her panting.
What's happening to me?

Her hands pressed against his chest. His weight was suffocating her.
Can't breathe… need air.
White flashes exploded behind her eyes, virtually blinding her. A whimper escaped her throat.

Tears pooled in the rim of her eyelids. The dam was breaking.

“Get off me… get off me.” She pounded on his chest.

“Mavis. Stop. Please.” He pushed himself upright, releasing her from under him. “Tell me, what's wrong?” His hand reached for her arm, but she drew back, eyes wildly looking in all directions.

She leapt to her feet and snatched her purse and clipboard off the floor, before turning to run for the door.

Weston went after her, grabbing her arm before she could open the door. “Mavis. Please don't leave. Tell me what I did wrong.”

Her dinner rolled in her stomach, and she was fighting to keep it together. “You did nothing wrong. You're perfect.” She shoved him with all her remaining strength. “You're utterly perfect.” A hollowness replaced the warmth that filled her body moments before. She tilted her head to the side, mouth slack. An eerie silence blared in the room as she just stared blankly at Weston. Reaching out, her fingertips trembled as she touched his cheek. “You deserve more than I can ever give you.”

She yanked her arm free and ran out the door.
Why did I come here?
Weston was beautiful inside and out. In a short time, he'd made her feel cherished. “Ha,” she cried, shrill, into the night.
Me, cherished. I'm an idiot to think I could be something anyone cherished.
I am nothing, with nothing to offer.
I'm a broken person… pure disappointment.

She wiped her nose on her sleeve but kept running. She'd worked hard to bury all these emotions, and now they were ripping her apart — all because this wonderful man had made her feel again.
How could he ever love me when I hate myself?

She staggered sideways, black dots swarming her blurry vision. She gasped for air between her sobs. Weston's voice was fading in and out from the distance. Her hand caught hold of the hood of her vehicle. Mavis's skin turned clammy as darkness clouded her eyes.
No… no… no…
Weston's footsteps were coming fast behind her.
Got to move… get away.

“Mavis!” Weston yelled.

She forced herself to slow her breathing, and the dizziness faded. The ringing subsided in her ears. She climbed behind the wheel, turned the key, and left burnout marks in her wake.

Mavis glanced in the rearview mirror and saw Weston standing in the middle of the street, running his hands through his hair.
This is why I don't let myself feel. It hurt
s
too much.

She drove away, struggling to see through the tears she couldn't wipe away.

The shelter door banged behind Weston. Reception was empty. He ran up the stairs, but both offices were unoccupied. Someone had to be here. There were cars in the parking lot.

He came back down and pushed open the swinging door to the animal area. “Hello. Anyone here?” Faint laughter drifted from the back of the building. He walked halfway past the dog kennels and tried again.

Stella came out of one of the training rooms and waved to him. “Sara, you guys take Bandit out to the outdoor play area. Let your kids play with her… see how it goes.”

Weston watched as three kids, and what had to be their parents, went outside with a hyper shepherd-like dog that looked to be a black and bluish-sliver dapple color.

“Good morning, Weston.” Fret was heavy in her voice.

“Hey Stella. Looks like you got a good fit there. Neither the dog nor the kids feet stayed on the ground much. What do you call that dog's color?” His eyes following the group heading out the door.

“Blue merle, and they do look like they're going to be a perfect match. I really hope so. They seem like good people.”

“Is Mavis here?” Weston asked as they walked back to the front lobby.

Stella stepped over the lazy bloodhound, who was curled up on a dog bed behind the counter. The dogs eyes fluttered open long enough to look up sleepy-eyed at Stella. “Sorry Lucy,” she bent over to scratch her head. “Didn't mean to disturb your nap.” Lucy rolled over, and fell back into an easy slumber.

“No, she called in this morning and said she felt sick. She sounded awful.” Her face wore the worry of a parent for a child in pain. “I didn't get the impression that it was the flu getting her down either.” Stella moved further behind the reception counter. “I've never heard her like this. Mavis tends to compartmentalize her emotions, and then forges ahead. This morning she sounded…” Stella waved it off. “It ripped my heart out. I'm not sure what happened or how to help her.”

Weston leaned his arms on top of the counter. “Stella. What happened to Mavis? Was it her parents? I saw a picture of them at her trailer, and she made it sound as though they'd passed away.”

Stella's eyes said more to him than her words could have.

She sat down in her chair, folding her hands in her lap, and he could see the wheels spinning. Blowing out her breath, she said, “Her parents were killed in a car accident. They were driving up to see her at school for her nineteenth birthday when a semi-truck driver fell asleep at the wheel and hit them head-on. The impact killed them instantly. Mavis had to grow up fast.
”
She pressed her lips into a hard line. She picked up a pen and rolled it between her palms.

“I had no idea,” he said, regretting that he'd pried into Mavis's past using Stella.

Stella's eyes shifted down as she squirmed in her seat.

“There's more, isn't there?”

“I haven't told you anything you couldn't find out for yourself if you did a little research, but I'm sorry, anything else must come from her. It's not my place.” Stella paused, tapping her finger to her chin. “I will say this — Mavis lost a great deal in a short period of time.”

“So, yes. There's more,” he said, pushing back from the counter.

“On a positive note, she left this approval of adoption on the desk last night. Dulce's yours.” She gave him a weak smile.

His eyes widened, staring at the application stamped
approved
. After the way she'd torn out of his house, he'd thought… well, that didn't matter. “Is she at home?”

Stella said, “I don't know,” while nodding.

Weston's lips curled up at the corner and mouthed “thank you” as he left.

****

Mavis was sitting on the porch swing as he pulled up to her place. She appeared relaxed, dressed in olive cargo pants and a white tank top, with a lazy Moose stretched out on her lap. Well, her lap and half the swing.

His eyes met Mavis's as he stepped out of his car. Her eyes never faltered as he approached.

The swing swayed as he sat down next to her. Her body stiffened, and she shifted her shoulder away from him.

“I'm sorry, Mavis. I didn't mean to upset you last night.”

She let out a disingenuous laugh. “You didn't upset me. I would have to give a flip about what you thought to get upset.”

He hadn't been sure what to expect when he'd decided to show up unannounced, but this was worse than he'd anticipated. “Mavis. Come on.”

“Leave. Now.”

“No.”

Her eyes were seething. “How dare you? I want you to go.”

“No you don't,” he said, ready to fight for what this relationship could become.

“Yes. I do.”

“For some strange reason, I care about you, and I care that you are hurting. I want to take it away.”

“You can't,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around her middle. He reached to touch her and she jerked away, sending Moose off her lap and into the trailer. “Go away!” Her voice was as cold as ice. “Go away… go away… go away!” Her fists pounded the words out on his chest, tears flowing like rapids down her cheeks.

Grabbing both her arms, he pinned them to her sides. “No,” he whispered. “I'm not going anywhere, so get used to it.” He held her firm and forced a bear hug on her.

Weston let her struggle until she collapsed against him, her hands clenching his shirt. Still cradling her, he waited while she released all the years of pent-up hurt she'd buried. His lips pressed firm against the side of her head.

Eventually, Mavis sniffed, pushing away from his chest to sit up. Weston handed her a tissue from his jeans pocket. “Stella told me about your parents.”

Mavis stared into the distance, seemingly lost in her own mind. She picked at a thread on the hem of her tank until it started to unravel.

“I'm sorry,” he said, wiping at a tear on her cheek.

“They were wonderful parents.” He watched her push her fresh supply of tears away. “I loved them dearly, and they died because they were coming to see me.” Her head angled away, allowing her hair to fall and hide her face. “I asked them to come. I did that.” Her hand smacked her chest. “Selfish Mavis, never thinking about anyone but what she wanted.” She hugged her middle and rocked. “And what did it cost me? Everything… everything that mattered most to me.” An agonizing whimper cut through the air. “I deserve every punishment I received for my self-indulgent behavior.” Her voice was almost soundless. A tear plunged to her knee.

He stroked her hair back from her face. “It wasn't your fault, you know that right?”

Mavis wiped at her nose. “Doesn't make it any easier to know I wasn't driving the semi-truck. In my heart, I know they were on that road because of me. I might not have run them down, but I put them on that path.” She gasped in air over her quivering lower lip. Her eyes focused on her hands clasped in her lap.

“Mavis, as tragic as that obviously was, I don't think that is what sent you running out of my house last night.”

“I just came to my senses.” Her tears ceased. She shook her head and turned her back to Weston.

“Mavis… don't,” he said, taking her back into his arms.

She didn't fight him, but she didn't allow his comfort for long. Taking a deep breath, she sat back up and rested her arms on her knees.

A stillness fell between them, and the only sound he heard was the occasional whisper of a soft breeze ruffling the leaves. Even the birds had lost their joyful voice. It was as though time was stuck in a painful memory. He began to wonder if she was going to be able to pull herself back from the place she'd mentally gone and say anything else.

“A week after I buried my parents, I found out I had cervical cancer. I needed radiation therapy to have any chance at survival.” She wiped at her fresh tears.

His chest constricted. Unconsciously he had clenched his fists. Terror held him in a vice grip that her next words would be
the cancer has returned
. He stayed quiet, afraid she wouldn't finish and yet afraid she would. He'd only just found her — the thought of losing her now turned his gut to ice.

“They saved my uterus, but the therapy damaged too much of my reproductive organs. The treatment left me sterile,” she said, voice hoarse with pain. “I can't have a family.” Her chin dropped to her chest.

The blow must have been devastating — she'd only been a teenager.

Mavis took in a quivering breath, but went on. “I never really thought about having kids and now I think of nothing else.”

He flashed back to the way she spoke of Laney and now understood why she'd shut down. What had sent her running from his house had more to do with the demons she had battled alone for a long time, and not what he had said or done. His heart hurt for her and this solitary existence she had chained herself to.

“I guess I refuse to build relationships or let anyone get close to me, because it hurts too much to lose them.” She shrugged. “Eventually I got used to being alone.”

Weston's breath whooshed out. His gut relaxed and he could breathe again. Infertility he could live with. Not having Mavis in his life… he might as well rip his heart from his chest. The relief he felt at finding out that she was okay was something he couldn't share with her — he didn't want to disvalue the pain she felt.

Instead, he embraced her. “It's okay,” he soothed. “Everything is going to be okay.”

“How can you say that? It will never be okay. There isn't a miracle treatment out there that can make me whole again. Please just go.” She pushed at him.

“Why do you want me to go?”

“Because it's easier to let you go now than after I really start to like you.”

“There is one problem with that,” he said, turning her to look at him. She met his eyes. “I already really like you.” The corner of his mouth curled upward as he touched the side of her face.

“Please don't. I don't want to like you.”

“You don't get to decide for me.” He moved closer to her. “And I am right where I want to be.”

“But I'm only half a woman,” she said, as another tear slid down her cheek. She didn't bother to wipe it away.

“Stop it. I don't ever want to hear you talk like that,” he said, with such vehemence that her mouth dropped open but no sound came out. “You are a wonderful person. Someone I would like to get to know a whole lot better. You have a heart of gold, and I wanted you in my life from the moment I laid eyes on you. Feisty attitude and all.”

“But…”

He stopped her with a kiss. “No buts. I want to see where this goes. I think you're someone I could see myself having a life with, and I'm not going to let you ruin that for me.” His voice cracked with tenderness.

“I've been nothing but rude to you.”

“And yet I still want to be with you. See how well this is working out?”

She laughed, hoarse from crying. “What about down the road?”

“You mean when you finally tell me you love me and can't live without me?”

“Stop it,” she said, sniffing. “You know what I mean.”

“That's the thing about love. There isn't any hurdle it can't overcome. So, stop living in fear and start living your life. Start by letting me know you… okay?”

Their eyes met, and he kissed her. Kissed away her fear… her doubt… her self-hate. He rested his forehead on hers. “Now that that's settled, there is something important we need to do together.” He stood, pulling her to her feet.

“Where are we going?” she asked, hanging back, clutching his hand.

“To get my dog and take her home, so I can spend some quality time with both my girls.” He pulled Mavis, still a step behind, toward the car. “Come on. Keep up,” he ordered, giving her a yank, and tucked her in under his arm.

He opened the car door. “You know this counts as date number two.” He leaned his arm on top of the door and looked in at her. The adorable crooked grin that spread across his face was infectious.

Mavis gave a heart-filled laugh. Maybe this was her first step toward healing her heart, and for once, she was hopeful about her future.