Anne Mather (10 page)

Caroline looked thoughtfully across at Adam.

'Have we shocked her?' she asked, half amused.

'Very probably,' he agreed, lighting another cigar, and not looking at her.

Caroline rose to her feet. 'I suppose I ought to be getting back. Miss Morgan will be wondering whether I've gone home.'

'Yes,' said Adam.

'Is that all?' she whispered, feeling the chill creeping over her again.

'Caro,' he groaned, 'what do you want me to say? I love you? God knows I do. I need you? That too. But I do not intend ruining your life, or alternatively allowing you to ruin mine.' He ran a hand through his short hair. 'Caro, if you ever did anything like that and we were married, I think I'd kill you! Now do you understand?'

'But, Adam—' she exclaimed.

'I'm busy,' he muttered, and turned away.

With a sob, Caroline ran to the door, wrenched it open, fled across Laura's domain and out of the door into the corridor. Once there, the tears would not be denied and she buried her face against the wall, sobbing achingly.

Caroline spent Christmas with Aunt Barbara in Hampstead. Aunt Barbara was a spinster and lived in a large house which stood in its own grounds. Caroline was very fond of her aunt, for she had always been kind to her and allowed her to do most of the things she had wanted to do. There had never been a lot of money, but that hadn't seemed to. matter. They had been great friends and Caroline had learned all she knew about London from the old lady.

When she left to live with Amanda, Aunt Barbara acquired another elderly lady to come and be companion to her in exchange for a small salary. Her name was Miss Beale and she was in similar circumstances to Aunt Barbara except without any relatives at all. They shared the household duties and the situation worked out very well. They spent their time knitting and playing cards or dominoes and always welcomed Caroline when she visited them, bringing youth into the old house.

Caroline had never been made to feel guilty about leaving the menage and she was grateful to be allowed to live her own life. After all, Aunt Barbara was in her seventies and was really her great-aunt, for she had been her father's aunt first of all, and she could have clung to Caroline in her twilight years. But Barbara's own youth had been marred by family ties and she had no intention of allowing Caroline to feel that she was a burden.

So Christmas passed quietly enough. Caroline by now had partly resigned herself to her parting from Adam, but whenever she saw his name in the paper or read anything concerning him, she felt the familiar longing sweep over her and she usually found herself in tears.

In mid-December his yacht
Circe
had sailed for the West Indies and she had felt his departure as painfully as though part of herself was being taken away from her. While he had been in London there had always been that chance that he might be in the lift in the mornings or alternatively she might meet him in the street. With his going there was no interest in anything any more.

And so by Christmas she felt completely drained of all emotion. She was able to laugh and joke with the two old ladies as though everything was fine, while her inner self seemed to sit apart and watch the proceedings with a cynical eye.

When she returned to the flat afterwards she tried to put all thoughts of Adam out of her mind. She became madly gay, going out with Amanda and her friends at every opportunity until Amanda got really worried about her. She realised Caroline was not giving herself time to think about her worries and so she refrained from saying anything.

The winter set in in earnest with heavy falls of snow, and the girls often had to walk to work because the buses were so late and so overcrowded. Caroline usually walked home too and found she enjoyed the unaccustomed exercise.

One evening when she left the Steinbeck Building it was very slippery underfoot and without warning she suddenly found herself on her back. She sat up, dusting the snow from her elbows, feeling quite ridiculous. A young man who was on his way to the Steinbeck Building grinned cheerfully and bending down helped her to her feet. She looked very lovely that evening, wrapped in her dark duffel coat, a scarlet hood almost hiding her silvery hair. With smiling eyes she turned to thank her helper and as she looked at I he young man she started in amazement. 'John!' she exclaimed. 'I'm sorry I didn't recognise you.'

John Steinbeck thrust his hands into the pockets of his coat. 'Nor I you,' he answered,- a smile playing round his mouth. Then with sudden concern, 'Are you all right? No bones broken?'

'I'm afraid not,' she replied provocatively.

John smiled. 'I guess I deserved that from the affair at Slayford,' he said easily. 'Gosh, that sounds like the title of some thriller!'

They both laughed and Caroline relaxed. John was very like Adam, and just being near him brought Adam nearer somehow. They were silent for a moment, looking at each other, and Caroline guessed John was wondering just what had been between herself and his father.

'Have you far to go?' he said at length, without any of the sarcasm he had displayed at their earlier meeting.

'To Gloucester Court, in Chelsea,' replied Caroline, brushing the last particles of snow from her coat.

'Would you care for a coffee?' he asked smilingly, looking down at her.

Caroline gasped. 'I'm sorry,' she said at last, 'but that was so unexpected. I thought I was the villain of the piece.'

John grinned. 'Well, will you come?'

'Yes. . .yes, please,' she agreed, and they began to walk along towards the coffee bar.

They turned into the newly-opened Pandora's Box and Caroline seated herself at one of the gaily coloured tables while John pushed his way to the counter. He came back with two steaming cups of coffee, plus a plate on which were two hamburgers and two Devonshire cream buns.

'I thought you might like a snack,' he said, as he seated himself opposite her. He was dressed in a light grey suit and a charcoal grey overcoat, his dark hair cut longer than his father's. Although it was the middle of January he looked brown and fit.

'Lovely,' said Caroline, smiling and accepting a hamburger. 'Are you on holiday?'

'Yes, until the beginning of February,' he nodded. 'Thank goodness! I've been studying for my exams and I'm enjoying the break.'

'Hm.' Caroline munched thoughtfully. 'Didn't.. .didn't you want to go with your father?' she asked, forcing her voice to sound coolly interested.

John nodded. 'I've just got back,' he replied, looking across at her with his clear blue eyes. 'I was on the yacht for a month. But I came back earlier than necessary to acclimatise myself before returning to college.'

'Oh, I see.' Caroline suddenly lost her appetite. The casual way he mentioned his sojourn on the
Circe
was bringing back memories vividly to her mind.

'Yes, it was great getting away from all this and spending a few weeks in the sun.'

'Did you go alone?' she asked suddenly, remembering Toni Landon and the way she had looked at Adam.

'Yes, just me,' he nodded lazily. 'I only wish it was still ahead of me.'

Caroline sighed. 'You're very lucky,' she commented, not thinking of the yacht or the sun, only of Adam.

John looked down at his coffee. 'Is everything over between you and Dad?'

'As far as he's concerned,' she replied huskily.

'And you?'

'I'd rather not talk about it.'

'Okay. Say, how would you like to take in a movie before I buy you some supper?'

Caroline stared at him. 'Are you serious?' she exclaimed.

'Never more serious in my life,' he replied, smiling. 'I was interested in you from the moment I first saw you. And you knew it, didn't you?'

'But what about Toni?' she asked, frowning.

'Hell, that was over ages ago. You don't know me very well or you wouldn't ask questions like that.'

'All right, thank you.'

They discussed the merits of different films and finally decided on a French film with English subtitles. They came out roaring with laughter at the inadequacy of the subtitles and Caroline found she was enjoying herself much more than she had done for ages.

They had supper at a French restaurant just to round the evening off and ate frogs' legs to be completely cosmopolitan. They drank real continental-flavoured coffee and Caroline heaved a sigh of contentment when it was over.

'That was fabulous,' she breathed, drawing on her cigarette. 'I have enjoyed myself, John. Thank you.'

'It's been my pleasure,' he replied easily. 'When do I see you again?'

Caroline studied the glowing tip of the cigarette. 'Are you sure you want to?' she asked quietly.

'Sure I'm sure,' he answered, leaning towards her across the table. 'I always knew my father had good taste.'

Caroline flushed scarlet and drew back. John inwardly cursed himself for his stupidity and apologised. 'I'm awfully sorry,' he said. 'I didn't mean to sound patronising.'

Caroline shrugged. 'It's all right,' she said quietly. 'Shall we go?'

They took a taxi to Gloucester Court and in the taxi John was still apologetic.

'Look,' he said eagerly, 'my car is at Slayford, how about letting me pick you up tomorrow evening and we'll have dinner? Not at Slayford,' he continued hastily when she stared at him. 'At some restaurant, hm?'

Sure she was being all kinds of a fool, Caroline reluctantly agreed, and John was thankful. She was a charming girl and he urgently wanted to see her again.

The following evening John called for Caroline in his low red sports car at seven o'clock. Amanda, who saw the sports car arrive and only knew of John as a boy whom Caroline had accidentally met the previous day, whistled appreciatively as she turned away from the window.

'How do you do it, Caroline?' she exclaimed with a wry grin. 'You seem to attract the most attractive men, and all with big bank balances. Can't you introduce me to some of them?'

'Lots of boys drive sports cars,' Caroline exclaimed easily. She had no wish to make Amanda suspicious.

'But none of the same calibre as the one that has just arrived,' remarked Amanda, flinging herself into a chair. 'I expect Daddy bought it for him for his birthday or something.'

Caroline's face whitened suddenly and Amanda frowned. 'Are you all right, honey?' she asked quickly. 'Because if you're not I'm quite willing to go down there and offer to take your place.'

Caroline had to smile. 'Yes, I'm all right,' she exclaimed, a shade too brightly. The nausea she felt at the mention of John's father would not be denied. Would she ever be able to hear his name without feeling in a state of collapse?

She was wearing a green trouser suit, and John was wholly appreciative, and his eyes were openly admiring when she removed her coat in the foyer of the restaurant he had taken her to.

The waiter apparently knew John, for he showed them to a secluded alcove where a table for two was set between low velvet couches.

John ordered the meal, and then offered Caroline a cigarette while they waited for it to be served.

'Tell me,' he said, 'how did you come to meet my father?'

Caroline ran a tongue over her suddenly dry lips. She had expected this question and so she ought to be prepared for it. 'I work in the Steinbeck Building,' she replied quietly. 'I'm a shorthand-typist in the typing pool.'

'I see,' John nodded, apparently satisfied with this explanation. She did not have the ignominy of explaining about the lift. 'I'm sorry if I seem to harp on the subject, but having no mother, and being an only child, I tend to be rather possessive about my father.'

Caroline nodded, looking sympathetically at him. She could understand this. He seemed so much younger than herself, if not in age then in manner. She could even understand his resentment displayed at Slayford as it must have been a great shock, sprung upon him suddenly like that, without warning. She wondered now, as he spoke, whether he was really aware of what the situation had been between herself and Adam. Perhaps if he only thought of them as friends it was all to the good. He obviously had changed his early low opinion of her.

Changing the subject, she said: 'Tell me about the West Indies. Did you have an exciting time?'

John sighed, relaxed again. 'Yes, marvellous,' he replied, nodding. 'My father owns a house in Jamaica that stands almost on the beach. It's a private strip of beach, of course, and the sand is really quite white. The sea is very warm and very blue.'

'It sounds wonderful,' commented Caroline, smiling. 'And you're very tanned. Did you bathe a lot?'

'At least once every day,' said John, smiling remi- niscently. 'We spent most of our time in swimming trunks and sweaters.'

Caroline could imagine this. How wonderful it would have been to spend a holiday with Adam! To see him all day and every day. It was a dream, which had little hope of becoming a fact.

The meal John had ordered was delicious and afterwards they went on to a club in Chelsea where most of the members were teenagers and nothing more intoxicating than Coca-Cola was sold.

He drove her home at eleven-thirty and stopped outside the flats, turning towards her with a smile.

'Well,' he said, 'did you enjoy youself, and if so, will you repeat the experience?'

Caroline's eyes twinkled. 'Of course I enjoyed myself,' she replied, 'and I would like to see you again.'

'Good.' John leant on the steering wheel. 'How about going to a show tomorrow, if I can get tickets?'

Caroline bent her head. 'What sort of show?' she asked, remembering the last show she had seen and who she had been with.

'Anything you like. By the way, what do you like? Lowbrow or highbrow stuff? I know very little about you.'

'Well, I like concerts,' confessed Caroline candidly, 'but I like some pop music. It depends how I feel.'

'Right. That's okay by me. Do you want to go somewhere like the Festival Hall tomorrow night?'

Caroline's eyes lit up. 'Oh, yes, please. They're doing Grieg's Piano Concerto, and I adore that.'