Anne Mather (13 page)

'Not yet.'

'But he will, no doubt,' groaned Amanda. 'And what will you say? Yes?'

Caroline applied a coral lipstick to her mouth. 'I might,' she shrugged, voicing for the first time a thought which had been on her mind for some time. 'After all, I don't want to become an old maid.'

Amanda looked aghast. 'Caroline Sinclair! You're only eighteen years of age. That sort of comment is downright ridiculous and you know it.'

'Oh, all right, Amanda. Don't go on,' exclaimed Caroline with feeling.

'But I must,' exclaimed Amanda. 'Don't you see?

You're letting this infatuation for Adam Steinbeck drive you to doing things you wouldn't normally contemplate.'

'It's not infatuation,' cried Caroline angrily.

'Very well. But you've just become an heiress. Don't throw your life away now. You've everything to live for. Every dream you've ever had can come true.'

'Except one,' said Caroline harshly. 'Amanda, I love Adam. I will never; love anyone else and it's driving me crazy. Can't you see?' She twisted her hands. 'Nothing has any meaning without him. I need him, Amanda, but he just doesn't want to know.' She bit her lip. 'And so I have John. At least part of John is Adam. He can talk about him and I enjoy his company. Why is it wrong to do that?'

'Because you're torturing yourself,' cried Amanda. 'Caroline, we've been like sisters. Please, give this boy up. Give yourself a chance to forget them both. Go away.'

'No.' Caroline shook her head. 'I'm afraid I'm too much of a coward to do that.'

Suddenly a horn sounded in the mews below. Caroline hurried through to look out of the window, pulling on her red coat.

'It's John,' she said. 'I've got to go, Mandy.'

Amanda sighed. 'All right. See you later.'

Caroline hurried down the stairs, pushing the last few minutes out of her mind. Her conversation with Amanda was over. What she had said had to be. She needed John, and it was good to know he loved her.

She reached the entrance to the flats just as John was coming in and they almost collided with one another.

'Caro,' he exclaimed softly, surveying her flushed cheeks. 'Oh, come here. ..' and he pulled her to him, his mouth seeking hers.

She clung to him momentarily and then released herself breathlessly.

'Hello, John,' she whispered. 'It's good to see you again.'

'Likewise, I'm sure,' he grinned down at her. 'You must have missed me. Come on, let's go.'

He put her into the sports car and slid in beside her. 'I love you,' he murmured, and then started the engine.

They had dinner at a quiet restaurant in Soho where they could talk. Afterwards they sat for hours over drinks, companionably discussing Caroline's future.

John was quite effusive to begin with and then for a while there was silence between them, each busy with their own thoughts. Then with a muffled groan, John said:

It's no good, Caroline. I've got to ask you now. Will you marry me?'

Caroline, after her conversation with Amanda, was not surprised. She had sensed something like this was about to happen.

'I'll be down from the university next year,' he continued when she did not reply. 'I wanted to wait until then, but after this sudden windfall you've had I was afraid you might go off and meet someone else in the meantime. I know we haven't known each other very long and that you say you don't love me, but I love and need you. This affair has precipitated things and I know we could have a good life together.'

Caroline drew on her cigarette and looked thoughtfully at him. How could she agree to marry him? She would only hurt him in the end.

'You're very sweet, John,' she began slowly. 'I'm really quite fond of you, but there's something you ought to know about your father and me.'

John looked steadily at her. 'I think I already know,' he said softly. 'You were in love with him, weren't you?'

'Yes.'

'I guessed as much, the way you liked me to talk about him. I'd have been blind not to have guessed.'

Caroline flushed. 'I didn't know I was so transparent.'

'You weren't to anyone else,' he replied, sighing, 'but I'm in love with you, Caroline, and I think I know you pretty well.'

'I wonder if you do.' Caroline frowned. 'If you do, you must surely see that I can bring you nothing but unhappiness.'

'Nonsense.' John was angry now. 'If I'm prepared to take the risk, why can't you?'

'You don't understand,' she cried achingly. 'Do you know why we split up?'

'I suppose Dad didn't want to get in too deep,' remarked John quietly. 'I'm sorry if that sounds crude.'

'No, perhaps you're right,' admitted Caroline reflectively. 'He told me I was too young for him, and he was too old for me.'

'Oh.' John looked down at his cigarette. 'Was that the only reason?'

'No. He thought I was going out with another boy while he was in America in November.'

'And were you?'

'Not in the way he thinks. It's a long story. I haven't the heart to explain it all to you. He wouldn't let me explain it to him.'

'So he was jealous.'

'I suppose so. Oh, John, why am I telling you all this?'

'Because I asked you and because you're getting it out of your system. My father, as you have already learned, is a stubborn man. He is also a fool.'

Caroline flushed. 'I'll take that as a compliment to me,' she said, trying to lighten the conversation.

John sighed. 'And do you still love him?'

'I think so. . .oh, what's the use of lying, I know so.'

'I see.' John looked very thoughtful. 'Doesn't your sudden wealth make any difference?' he asked suddenly.

'Not to my feelings for him, no.' She smiled. 'You see I'm a very poor risk.'

'Not to me,' he replied quietly. 'The way I feel, I'd take you on any terms.'

Caroline shrugged. 'Knowing all this?' she exclaimed in amazement.

'Yes.' John was serious. 'I know you feel very miserable at the moment, but I'm convinced I can change all that. Give me the chance to try.'

Caroline hesitated. She wanted to be fair.

'Give me time to think,' she murmured softly. 'You're going too fast for me.'

'I personally think that you need shaking out of yourself,' he stated firmly. 'I don't believe you feel as deeply for my father as you think you do. He is too old for you. You need a boy of your own age. . .like me.'

Caroline felt immeasurably older than John at that moment. It was obvious from his words that he had

never felt anything so deeply that nothing could dislodge it. Was it like that with his feelings towards herself? Might she not hurt herself more than him in the long run? And that being so, had she the right to take the risk?

'At least become engaged to me,' he pressed her. 'Let's get that settled.'

Looking at his expectant face, she capitulated. 'All right,' she agreed softly, and his fingers gripped hers tightly. 'On one condition,' she continued.

'Which is?' He looked disturbed.

'That either of us may terminate this arrangement if the need arises.'

'Agreed,' he nodded, relieved that it was nothing more. 'You won't be sorry. We'll have some wonderful times. And that week in Paris will serve as a beginning.'

'All right.' Caroline let him carry her along on his stream of enthusiasm. It was good to have the decisions made for her. Perhaps now she could relax.

At John's request, Caroline agreed to an engagement party, but when she found it was to be given at Slayford on Easter Saturday she wished with all her heart she had not. John, however, seemed highly pleased with life and when Caroline expressed her doubts about the affair he just laughed and said that it was natural that Adam should give the party for his own son and that everybody would be suspicious if it was kept a hole- and-corner affair.

Caroline dreaded the party and the inevitable meeting with Adam. She had hoped that she might have had longer to get used to the engagement before flaunting it

before him like this. Would he think it was her idea?

John had taken the measurement of Caroline's finger and had said that she would be able to choose her ring on the night of the party. They were leaving for Paris on Sunday morning and Caroline was taking all her luggage with her and staying overnight at the villa.

Amanda was very worried about the whole thing, but refused to say anything to her friend. It was obvious that Caroline intended to make her own mistakes and Amanda was convinced that this was the biggest so far.

While they were in Paris, an estate agent who was an associate of Adam Steinbeck and who had been contacted by John was going to find Caroline and Amanda another flat and Caroline had told her friend that she would completely furnish it with new furniture.

Amanda's own excitement at the unexpected gift from Caroline was marred by the events taking place around her, but she did her best to appear cheerful and assisted Caroline in choosing a new wardrobe suitable to her acquired wealth.

Amanda of course was attending the party and she too bought a new dress for the occasion. Caroline's dress was a white pleated chiffon with a high roll collar in front and a deep V-neckline at the back. The bodice was close-fitting with long transparent sleeves which ended in cuffs studded with diamante, and the skirt was a swirl of pleats.

Caroline sighed as she realised that Adam's good taste had really chosen the dress for her, because she knew he would hate to see her in a cotton caftan such as John favoured. Thus she was dressing for Adam and not her fiance.

Amanda's dress suited her to perfection; a plain red velvet which somehow did not clash with her vivid hair. Caroline reflected that Amanda seemed much more John's type of girl than she did herself.

John had arranged to collect the girls in his father's Rolls-Royce at seven o'clock and when Caroline awoke on Saturday morning she felt sure she would not survive the ordeal. However, her natural resilience asserted itself and by the evening she had acquired an air of detachment, as though all this was happening to someone else, not Caroline Sinclair.

'I must admit,' remarked Amanda as they waited for the car, 'I'm dying to meet all these rich people. I'm glad you asked me.'

'I need some moral support,' replied Caroline. She knew that Amanda was aware of her earlier trepidation.

'Don't worry,' said Amanda easily, 'you've taken the plunge now, Caroline, and you must think about John. After all, he will be your husband one day. He loves you, and the life you'll lead as his wife won't leave much time for speculation. As for the other...' She sighed. 'Things won't always seem as sharply defined as they do today.'

'Spare me the platitudes,' said Caroline, wrapping a cape about her shoulders, uncaring of its silky textu- tre. 'I think that's the car.'

John was punctual and the two girls went down to meet him. Amanda had not yet been introduced and was very curious. Caroline performed the introductions and watched John's eyebrows ascend at the vivid picture Amanda made. However, after a swift handshake, his eyes were all for Caroline, and Amanda, who had been instantly attracted by his lean good looks, felt rather envious.

John put Caroline in the front of the car and assisted Amanda into the back. Caroline's suitcase was placed in the boot and they were off. Amanda felt quite isolated in the massive rear of the car, but John lowered the glass partition between the seats enabling Amanda to join in their conversation.

The journey to Slayford was soon accomplished, much to Caroline's regret. It was a comparatively warm spring-like evening and the ride had been very pleasant. She moved closer to John as though inviting his support and one of his hands found hers, clasping it in a warm, reassuring grasp. Caroline found herself relaxing. It was wonderful to know John loved her and suddenly the evening lost some of its menace. With John beside her to give her strength she could surely maintain the calm which she had cultivated during the day. After all, what could happen? She would see Adam. So what? He was only a man, after all. And he apparently did not object to their engagement or he would have prevented John from seeing her.

The villa at Slayford sparkled with lights as they turned between the drive gates to find that already the drive was almost filled with parked cars. There were to be twenty guests excluding Adam, Caroline, John and Amanda. Dinner was to be served at eight and it was nearly that already.

The staff had been supplemented for the evening and when they entered the hall a smart young maid took their wraps and directed them to the ladies' powder room.

John went into the lounge to find his father while

Caroline and Amanda retouched their make-up and combed their hair. At John's departure, Caroline found her old nervousness returning and delayed her exit from the cloakroom as long as she dared. Amanda was getting impatient, anxious as she was to see round the place and she urged Caroline to hurry. The other women using the room were all beautifully dressed, jewels sparkling in their ears, and around their throats and wrists. Caroline was glad she had chosen to wear the platinum bracelet. At least it compared favourably with the other jewellery on display, she thought wryly.