Annie Burrows (21 page)

Rose grinned at her, acknowledging the hit.

‘And I feel I ought to prevent him from discovering what a ruthless baggage you are, just until after the wedding ceremony.’

‘Oh, then you are on my side after all? You mean to help me?’

‘Yes. I can see that you have your heart set on him. And I understand,’ she said slowly, ‘that when you fall in love, it grows very hard to hang on to your principles, especially when you fear losing the object of your affection.’

What was more, she’d learned that when you did hang on to your principles, and did the right thing, it felt as though you were going to die from grief. She’d only survived those first months of marriage because the Colonel had been so patient with her and so good with Cissy.

Rose had no reason to suffer, the way she’d done.

So why should she?

Chapter Fourteen

S
omewhat to Lydia’s surprise, Robert drew her aside, just before dinner, to talk about Rose and Lieutenant Smollet.

‘I gave him my blessing,’ he said with a frown. ‘And then I wondered whether I’d done the right thing.’

Naturally, he hadn’t asked her opinion
before
he’d made his decision, but then he was Rose’s legal guardian, after all. It was for him to say whom she could marry.

‘Given the scene he described in the grotto, I felt I had no choice,’ he said. ‘And if Rose didn’t want to marry him, she would have come flying into my study after him, vowing nothing could make her do so.’

He looked at her searchingly.

‘Have you not worked out yet that she arranged the whole thing?’

Robert looked relieved. ‘I had wondered...it all sounded so far-fetched. And I’d always thought of him as a man of integrity, not the sort to lure innocent girls into secluded nooks and make free with them.’

‘Secluded nooks that nobody outside our family, and the gardeners, know anything about,’ she said drily.

‘Good lord,’ he said. ‘Do you think he really is the man for her, if she’s managed to run rings round him like this?’

‘Well, according to Rose, he loves her to distraction. And the only thing that stopped him from proposing off his own bat was the fear that she was too good for him.’

Robert let out a shocked bark of laughter. ‘Quite. And although I am a little concerned by the haste with which she has fixed upon him, he does appear to genuinely care for her, rather than her wealth. Which was what we wanted for her in a husband, was it not?

‘And...’ Robert tugged at his earlobe thoughtfully ‘...he is used to maintaining discipline on board ship. Perhaps he will be able to keep Rose in line.’

The trouble with that train of thought was that Lieutenant Smollet probably wouldn’t give tuppence for any of the crew he had to discipline, whereas he loved Rose.

But Rose had sworn she would be a good wife to him. She wouldn’t want to forfeit his good opinion.
That
would be what kept her in check.

* * *

Robert announced the engagement during dinner, though anyone with eyes in their head could already tell that something momentous had happened to Lieutenant Smollet. And it wasn’t just the enormous bump on his forehead and the bruise which was already discolouring his skin that brought the dazed look to his eyes. It was Rose. He kept looking at her as if he couldn’t believe his luck.

None of his rivals could possibly harbour any ill feeling towards a man who was so clearly besotted. Lieutenant Tancred even went so far as to shake his hand and declare that the best man had won.

The atmosphere in the music room after dinner was positively festive. Which probably had something to do with the copious amounts of champagne with which Robert had toasted his sister and her intended.

Lord Rothersthorpe took advantage of the rather noisy gathering to lean and speak right into her ear.

‘Will Robert be making another announcement before this house party breaks up?’

She tensed. She could not give him her answer here. A simple no would not suffice and the explanation he deserved was one she could not risk anyone else overhearing. But she’d already decided it was far too dangerous to go to his room again, even though it would give them the necessary privacy.

‘Come and meet me in the pavilion,’ she said, ‘when things begin to quieten down. You will find some lanterns by the garden door of the orangery, which will help to light your way.’

* * *

When the ladies began to yawn, Lydia sent Rothersthorpe a look before quitting the music room. He gave an imperceptible nod. It wouldn’t be very difficult for him to break away from the other men when they started making for the billiard room.

She arrived at the pavilion first, and sat down on the bench where earlier that day Lord Abergele’s sister had granted audience to Lieutenant Tancred and the Prince of Pickles. She set her lantern on the ground at her feet. The pavilion could not be seen from the house, but the light might attract attention if anyone decided to take a stroll through the grounds which looked almost magical on moonlit nights like this. And were bound to tempt the newly engaged couple outside, for one last kiss...if Rose had her way.

She had not long to muse on exactly what her enterprising stepdaughter might not attempt to entice her besotted Toby into doing, when she saw a lantern bobbing along the path. Seconds later, she made out the unmistakable form of Lord Rothersthorpe, striding along so swiftly he was making his lantern swing wildly.

He would not be in such a hurry to get here if he had any idea what she was about to say.

Nerves sent her leaping to her feet as he mounted the steps. She couldn’t quite see his face, but, immediately after putting his own lantern on the floor just inside the doorway, he strode across and caught her in his arms.

Before she could manage to utter a protest, he was kissing her passionately.

And, oh, but she couldn’t deny herself the sheer bliss of being in his arms, this one last time. Flinging her arms round his neck, she kissed him back with all the desperation that had been building in her ever since he’d asked her to do the impossible: to marry him.

He was the one to draw back and break the kiss to ask a question.

‘What do you have in mind for me tonight?’

He looked eager, excited, just as though he expected her to have some sexual treat for him. As though she’d asked him out here to indulge in a little alfresco lovemaking.

Why should she be surprised? It was what he’d suggested the very first day he’d arrived, when he’d treated her as though she was the kind of woman he’d only consider good enough to be his mistress.

Though if he now assumed she was sexually adventurous, she supposed she should take some share of the blame. She’d been utterly brazen with him in the bedroom.

No wonder he was so sure of her that he couldn’t imagine her saying anything but ‘yes’ to his proposal, even though he’d treated her shabbily.

Something about the look on her face as she thought about where to start explaining why she couldn’t marry him must have got through to him, because his smile faded.

‘What is it? Tell me. Is it Rose?’

He plunged on without giving her a chance to say a word.

‘The timing of her betrothal is a bit awkward for us, is that what you think? I know you wouldn’t want to do anything to spoil her wedding plans, or take the attention away from her. We can put off making an announcement until after she’s married, if you like. I have already waited eight years for you. A few more weeks won’t kill me. Though my preference would be to marry as soon as we can. By special licence, if needs be, so that nothing need part us again. Now that we’ve found each other...’

‘No. You don’t understand. It isn’t Rose. It’s...it’s Cissy.’

‘Lydia.’ He shook his head. ‘I can see that you have grown to love those girls dearly. But...’

‘Please, let me explain...’

‘It doesn’t matter what it is,’ he said fervently, ‘we can work it out. Marrying me won’t mean you have to cut any of them out of your life completely. And I have already told you, I would be only too pleased if Michael could come to look upon me as a father.’

She gave him a hard look.

‘Yes, but what would you arrange for Cissy?’

‘Arrange? What do you mean? She will either stay here, or go and live with Rose, won’t she? That’s the beauty of her picking Smollet. The man is so solid he makes her feel safe. She adores him. She’ll be fine, Lydia, you’ll see.’

‘No, she won’t, she—’

‘Lydia, listen to me.’ He took her by the shoulders, his expression becoming serious.

‘Your first husband should never have let her grow so dependent on you that you cannot have any life of your own. I suppose I should have foreseen it would upset you to think of hurting that poor creature, but I am thinking of you. Of us. She is not your responsibility. She is Robert’s.’

‘That’s just where you’re wrong,’ she said, pulling out of his grasp. ‘She is not Robert’s responsibility at all. She is mine. She is
my
sister. Mine. I brought her into this family when I married Colonel Morgan.’

A frown flickered across his face. ‘But I thought...’

‘Yes.’ She flung up her chin and glared at him. ‘I let you think it, so you would show your true colours. And you did. You said it would be better to palm her off into the so-called care of some professional person!’

‘Only because I thought you were being used by the Morgans. I did not think it was fair of them to expect you to be a full-time nursemaid, on top of running their household and so forth. Had I known from the first she was your sister...’

‘You might never have had anything to do with me at all,’ she said vehemently. ‘You might have feared that kind of weakness runs in the family and shunned me altogether.’

He glanced at her stomach.

‘Yes, now you are worried about what I might be carrying in my womb, too, are you not?’

‘No, I—’

‘Well, you need not worry. For one thing, Cissy was perfectly normal when she was born. And for another, the Colonel taught me how to take measures to prevent a further pregnancy after I bore him Michael. He did not want to take any risks with my health.’

‘You took...precautions...to avoid having my child?’

‘Yes. For I have no intention of bringing an illegitimate child into the world.’

He reeled back as though she had struck him.

‘You...you have been using me,’ he gasped. ‘You thought I was good enough for a fling, but not to become the father of your child.’

Mounting anger turned him into another man, right before her eyes.

‘You
never
had any intention of marrying me, did you? All these years, I’ve been right!’

The shadows cast by the lanterns on the floor made gave his face an almost demonic cast.

‘It’s all falling into place now. You were just as secretive when we first knew each other, weren’t you? You could have told me all about your sister and how you needed to get married to provide her with a home—I take it that was the pressing reason you sought security?’

She nodded.

‘But I could not have spoken to you about such things then.’

‘You said you thought of me as a
friend.
Friends don’t deliberately hide things from each other.’

‘You are not being fair,’ she protested. ‘A single lady cannot really think of a single gentleman in that way...’

‘You didn’t trust me one bit. You never really opened your mind or your heart to me. Did you?’ He seized her by the upper arms. ‘Did you? You never gave me a chance. Not back then.’

‘I could not! I—’

‘Not then and not now, either. You knew I thought Cissy was Robert’s sister. Instead of telling me the truth, you led me on a merry dance. Setting me tests I didn’t even know I was failing. Inventing reasons not to trust me!’

‘It wasn’t like that...’

‘Have you ever trusted anyone, Lydia? Ever given anyone the benefit of the doubt?’

He flung her from him and gave her a cold look.

‘You have to do it all on your own, don’t you? You won’t share responsibility for Cissy with me, or anyone. We could have carried the burden together. I could have helped you. Instead you have deliberately shut me out of your life. Just like last time, you’ve written me off as useless without even giving me a chance to prove myself. I suppose I should consider myself lucky you at least deigned to give me any sort of answer this time. You didn’t think it worth bothering with before. I had to find out I’d been rejected from your newly acquired stepson. I should have known how you really felt about me from the way you came into my room and helped yourself to my body that first night. No sharing. No giving. You just took what you wanted from me and then left.’

‘No. I didn’t! I mean, I didn’t mean to...’

‘Don’t try to make me feel sorry for you by putting on that woebegone look,’ he said with disgust. ‘It won’t work on me any more. You are responsible for your own actions, Lydia. You, and nobody else. You made your own choices. Nobody made you do any of it. Nobody made you marry your colonel. Knowing you as I do now,’ he said with a look of utter contempt, ‘I dare say you preferred the cold, business-like arrangement you had with him. An arrangement that allowed you to keep your heart intact. You will never risk it, will you? You...you share out tiny portions of yourself, but you keep most of it back. You are incapable of trusting, or sharing, or seeing the best in others. You always look for the worst and so you find it.’

He spun round and stalked away. But just as he reached the doorway, he turned back and sneered, ‘I cannot believe that I allowed you to dupe me all over again. All day, I’ve been thinking about the future I thought I would have with you. I pictured you at my side, helping me care for my tenants, travelling up to the manufactories I will inherit one day and working out ways we can improve the lot of the workers. And you know, even though I believed Cissy was Robert’s sister, I was already wondering if I would have to make a place for her in our home so that you would not be distressed at the prospect of abandoning her.’

He would have what? No. He could not mean that. He was just saying it to hurt her.

Once again, he must have read from her face what she was thinking, because he said, ‘I would have done it for you, Lydia. But what do you care for all of that now? Why am I even telling you? You’ve already made up your mind.’

He bent down and picked up his lantern. Then he stood quite still for a moment, holding it high as he stared at her coldly.

‘I cannot believe that, even now, I find you beautiful. Just look at you,’ he sneered. ‘You look so frail, still, as though you are made of clouds and moonlight, and the slightest breeze could waft you away. And in a way,’ he laughed bitterly, ‘that is true. You have no substance. No heart. You look like a lovely woman, but you are not. You are just an empty shell, Lydia. Perhaps I should be grateful I found out in time that you are incapable of really loving a man.’