Annie's Truth (Touch of Grace) (26 page)

“I wrote to you, Hanna, and Mamm.” She paused for a moment. “Mainly you.”

When she turned toward Otto, John noticed her eyes close, and she took in a breath. “I didn’t send them all. It was more a journal for me, to keep in touch with all of you. It just made you seem closer.”

As much as he wanted to believe in her again, he couldn’t—not yet. But with her here, he felt whole again. “I wish I would have known that.” He reached for the buckle still unattended. They both worked together in silence to ready the horses.

John rubbed his chin in thought, wondering what he’d gotten himself into. His anger toward Annie had caused him to make a commitment he knew now he shouldn’t have. His impulsive words of retaliation would hurt the Beilers, no matter what he decided.

 
Chapter Twenty-Seven
 

J
OHN PULLED
his buggy in behind one belonging to Amos. The long caravan snaked along the dirt roads that led to the cemetery. Each buggy had a number written on it with chalk and a matching number assigned to them at the graveyard. They pulled up to their number in front of the white fence surrounding the burial ground.

Annie was struck by how similar they all were. Even having been away just a short time, the formality of their black dress today was even more pronounced. Each woman wore a black dress and hat. Not even the unwed wore white aprons as they usually did, and married women wore black kapps today instead of the white. The men’s black felt hats varied in brim size, disclosing the wearer’s age and marital status. The number of shoulder straps and whether they crossed designated different church groups. One was of the New Order, which was less restrictive. Annie’s family was associated with the Old Orders, which followed the original ways upon which the community had been founded.

She glanced over the uniform gravestones. Simple, white, rounded stone with basic information, they showed no status or wealth. The older stones were written in German, but newer stones were engraved in English.

Minister Zeke found his place by the grave and opened his Bible. “Marvel not at this: for the hour is coming, in the which all that are in the graves shall hear his voice, and shall come forth, they that have done good, unto the resurrection of life; and they that have done evil, unto the resurrection of damnation.” Zeke stopped to push up his wire-rimmed glasses.

When he began again, Annie whispered the last verse with him. “By myself I can do nothing. I judge only as I hear, and my judgment is just, for I seek not to please myself but him who sent me.”

Those close around Annie set their eyes on her. “Him who sent me,” she repeated. Others turned to listen, knowing what she was referencing. Zeke’s face reddened, and he forced air through his nose as the pine coffin was lowered into the black earth. He cleared his throat and read a hymn as the pallbearers filled the grave.

Everyone said the Lord’s Prayer together and then prayed silently. Mammi’s sobbing ceased as Zeke approached her, offering his condolences. Then he grabbed Annie’s arm and walked down yards of white fences to the gate.

He led her to a large oak tree and shoved his face into hers. “I would appreciate your silence during my homily, Annie.”

Annie watched his nostrils flare and the lump of skin darken around his collar. “I’m sorry. I thought the verse held relevance to my situation, as well as my dawdi’s.”

“We will talk of your situation after there has been proper time to grieve.”

“I believe Gott intends everything to happen for a reason, Minister Zeke. My dawdi’s death happening at the same time I returned home holds great significance to me.”

He took a moment then retorted, “A time of judgment for you both.”

Annie couldn’t help but flinch. Zeke had always been a strict man in the way he conducted his ministry and handled situations that would arise in the community. His treatment of her had always been favorable. Did this one venture change his whole opinion of her?

“I’d like to think that my dawdi now understands my need to leave and accepts me back without judgment now that I’ve returned.” She stopped and took in a breath.

His fists were balled and breathing labored. Zeke being a heavy man, Annie worried for his health as well as his condemnation. It wouldn’t bode well if the minister passed out during their first conversation since her return.

“Gott is the final judge.” He opened his hands and tightened them again.

Annie tilted her head. “I hope that is true in my case, if I’m brought before the elders.”

Zeke raised a hand in frustration. “You have brought this upon yourself, Annie.”

“Is it a sin to want to know the person who birthed me?” Annie knew she was being disrespectful but didn’t feel she had much to lose. She had embarrassed him due to his puffed-up ego, something she’d not witnessed personally until now.

“This is not the Annie I once knew. Surely this attitude comes from the influences of the world you came from. We will speak more about this at the appropriate time. Until then, I advise you to remain silent about—” He was about to go on when John walked by and stopped beside them.

“Sorry to interrupt, but Annie’s family needs her.” He offered his arm, which she gladly took.

Annie walked away without a second glance. She’d never felt more rescued. Although she’d held a firm front, inside she was melting. The change in the way Zeke treated her tore at her heart. She’d never seen this side of him, but then she’d never broken the rules before, either. Now she understood how it felt and what was to come.

John looked over his shoulder to see the bishop approach the minister. They walked together in deep discussion. The look on Annie’s face told John of the hurt and confusion she felt. As angry as he was at her for so many things, he couldn’t stand by and watch her be mistreated.

“Are you okay?” He pulled her arm in closer to him.

He seemed to draw her from her thoughts as Annie’s eyes flashed up to his then back to the cold ground.

“Danke, John.” Annie kept her head down, watching each step she took.

“Annie, there are a lot of things I don’t understand…”

“Then ask me.” She stopped and pulled away.

John looked over at the bishop and Zeke. He didn’t want to see Annie’s sad brown eyes. “I can’t right now.”

“Why? Because of the bann?” She scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest. He’d rarely seen Annie sarcastic and knew she was at her wits end to act in such a way.

“No one has said I can’t talk with you.”

“But most don’t.”

When Annie looked away, John took advantage of the opportunity to stare at her pretty face, one he’d dreamt of for many days to keep her image in his head. With no pictures allowed in his community, he had to rely on his memory to keep her face alive in his mind.

“Zeke will eventually talk to the elders, but with your dawdi’s passing and the Nickel Mines incident, he’s held off with anything formal.” John leaned in closer. “But he will, Annie. So just keep quiet, and let’s pray for the best.”

Annie grunted. “Why? To give me some sort of punishment for finding my family? They won’t let me defend myself when I meet with them, so now might be my only chance.” She pushed her foot down into the grass, her black shoe tip digging into the hard dirt. “The Glicks were banished from the community because their son wanted to stay in school.”

John knew her love for reading and learning. She always had a book in her hand, and when she couldn’t be found, he knew he could find her behind a haystack or in the loft reading.

“I remember them. But I never knew why they were asked to leave.” He studied her face, hardened and rigid. “You don’t agree with the reason why they left?”

“I never really thought about it before. The life we live doesn’t require you to have a higher education, but should one be excommunicated for wanting to expand their mind?” She shook her head.

“You admire him because of his intelligence.”

“Jah, and because he knew of ways to help me.”

“Placing yourself before another creates pride.”

Her stunned expression let him know he’d brought her back to Amish thinking and one reason education was to be kept equal.

“But Rudy has so much potential. It would be a shame for someone like him not to go to college, especially since he wanted to so badly.”

John’s head snapped up before he’d even realized it. “Who’s Rudy?”

“The Glicks’s son. He goes to the Mennonite University in Harrisonburg.”

“They’re Mennonites now?” John said it with cynicism. He didn’t mean to; he just didn’t like the way she’d said Rudy’s name.

“Jah, it seems to suit them. Rudy’s going to be an engineer. He’ll make a good one. I’ve seen his sketches.”

John had never had any real reason to be jealous. He and Annie had always been together, and everyone knew it. But what was flaring up inside his chest at this moment, no doubt, was a flame of jealousy. “Sounds like you spent a lot of time with Rudy.”

“He helped me with my research. I don’t know what I would have done without him.”

“Does he have anything to do with why you were gone so long?” John felt a muscle in his jaw twitch as he tried to hold back from what he really wanted to say. All this time he’d felt guilty about Hanna, and now he was finding out about some guy she’d spent the entire time with.

“He knew how to help me, John.”

John nodded and felt he needed to leave, fast, before he said something he shouldn’t. “I need to go.” He turned and took long, hasty steps away from her.

“If there’s any question, it should be about you and Hanna,” Annie said with an even tone, knowing she had him.

He stopped and almost turned back but decided to let her wonder about them, just as he had wondered about her for weeks while she was gone.

 
Chapter Twenty-Eight