Another Me (13 page)

I
t was lonely in my home without my papa. I sat all by myself, remembering the good times he and I had—Papa feeding the hearth with logs and telling me scary stories that made me seek the safety of his arms; Papa singing loudly and clapping his hands as I danced around the maypole with other maids; and Papa telling me how proud he was of me and how much he loved me, over and over again. Most of all, I missed his laughter. The house was a dreary place without him.

A sudden noise made me jump, but it was just a little mouse scurrying across the rushes on the floor. I wished for the comfort of Vera's embrace, but she still hadn't returned from her sister's house. At least I could go and see Natan now, and help him and Rabbi Weltner nurse the Jewish plague victims.

As I set out for Judenstrasse, I was startled to realize that whenever I thought of Natan, it was the homely face of Hans that swam before my eyes and not the handsome countenance of the boy I had loved and lost.

I lined up behind an old Jewish man waiting to be allowed to enter the Street of the Jews by the sentries guarding the gate. One of the watchmen walked up to the man and spat in his face. He wiped his cheek with the back of his hand, but he didn't object. He kept his eyes fixed on the ground.

“Tell me, you Jewish devil, what were you up to today? How many Christians did you poison in our fair town?”

“I had some business to attend to, master, but I did nothing wrong,” the old man muttered. “Please, master, I just want to go home.”

“How
much
do you want to go home?” the older sentry asked.

The man stared at him for a long moment until comprehension finally flooded his face. I saw the quick exchange of a coin from the old man's palm into the guard's paw. The guard stepped aside and the old man scurried past, moving as fast as his bent legs would allow.

I reached into the pouch hanging around my neck and extracted one of the few coins I had left. I held it out toward the younger sentry, who snatched it from my hand. His gaze traveled down my body.

“Why is a fine maid like you heading to Judenstrasse?” he slurred.

His breath reeked so strongly of spirits that I had to force myself not to turn my head away. I couldn't think of a reply, so I batted my eyes flirtatiously to distract him. He came even closer and grabbed my wrist.

“Well, then, it seems that you're up for some fun and games. You won't regret it!”

I pushed him away playfully. “I wish I could stay, but Kaspar, the new Ammeister, is a special friend of mine…if you know what I mean. He would be upset if I stayed too long in Judenstrasse.”

He dropped my hand as if it belonged to a leper.

“You're Kaspar's wench? Why didn't you say so?” he muttered, stepping out of my way.

I forced myself to stroll down the street as if I didn't have a care in the world. Only when out of sight did I break into a run as if the devil himself were chasing me.

Like my own street, Judenstrasse was devoid of life and all the shops were shuttered. I saw some houses with red crosses painted on their doors, but there were far fewer of these plague houses than on my own street.

I passed three little boys with long sidelocks playing marbles on the frozen cobblestones. They reminded me of Natan's brother, Shmuli.

Eventually, I arrived at Rabbi Weltner's house behind the synagogue. I knocked on the front door. It opened
a crack and an old woman with a cast in her eye stuck out her head.

“What you want?”

“I'm here to see Hans, the journeyman draper. I heard that he is staying with you.”

“Maybe he is, maybe he isn't,” she muttered. “Who are you?”

“I'm—”

Before I could finish, the door opened wider and Natan appeared. I pushed the woman aside and ran into his arms. For an instant, his homely face was beautiful in my eyes. The woman started toward me.

“It's all right, Agnes,” he said. “She's a friend of mine.”

With curses under her breath, the woman shut the front door and disappeared.

“Don't mind her,” Natan said. “She seems rough, but her heart is in the right place. She is most loyal to Rabbi Weltner.” His face darkened. “But why are you here? Your father…?”

“I had nowhere else to go.” I began to sob. “My papa has joined the angels. I came to help you nurse the sick.”

“I'm so sorry for your loss. Wilhelm was such a kind man. A good man.” His voice broke. “I will miss him too.” He rubbed his eyes. “I'm certain the rabbi will welcome you with open arms once you explain your situation to him.” He squeezed my fingers reassuringly.

It felt so safe being with him that I moved even closer and put my head on his shoulder. He leaned back to look into my eyes.

“Why, Elena—”

Suddenly, there was a loud knock. I stepped away from him in haste.

“A day for unexpected arrivals,” he said, opening the door.

A tall man, his features obscured by the hood of his cloak, stood on the threshold. He pushed his hood back to reveal his face—it was Peter Schwarber. His eyes scanned the street behind him and he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that nobody else was in sight. Despite being a big man, he seemed somehow diminished. Was it the pallor of his complexion? The nervous twitch of his lips? I couldn't tell, but I knew for sure that I wasn't looking at the same person I had seen at the town hall.

Natan bowed low in front of him and I bobbed a deep curtsy.

“Welcome, Ammeister,” he said. “What can I do for you?”

“I must see Rabbi Weltner,” he replied, stepping into the house.

I
could still feel her breath fanning my neck as I led Peter Schwarber to Rabbi Weltner's door and knocked.

“Come in!”

I ushered the Ammeister into the room and motioned for Elena to follow. The rabbi was sitting at the table, rolls of parchment piled up in front of him. When he saw Schwarber, he stood up and extended his hand.

“Ammeister, what a welcome surprise! I was told you were in prison. I'm glad to see you a free man.”

“Ammeister no longer,” Schwarber said sadly, sitting down across from the rabbi. “I was released from jail this morning.”

Elena and I sat down beside him. The rabbi kept on staring at Schwarber thoughtfully and made no
comment on Elena's presence. He filled four silver goblets with ale and gave them to us.

“How can I be of assistance to you, Ammeister?”

“I am the one who wants to be of assistance to you and your people, Rabbi,” Schwarber said. He cleared his throat. “I've heard some terrible rumors. Kaspar and the remaining councilors are making plans against the Jews of Strasbourg.” He sighed heavily. “They're planning to destroy you. To kill every last one of you.”

A sudden intake of breath was the only sound in the room.

“Are you certain about this?” the rabbi asked.

“Yes, I am. They're planning to have you dig your own graves in your cemetery and then they'll bury you in them.”

“T-that's…unbelievable,” the rabbi stuttered.

Elena was crying and my own heart was hammering so loudly that I could barely hear Schwarber's response.

“I'm telling you the truth, Rabbi. I overheard Kaspar plotting with his friends. I couldn't live with myself if I allowed them to kill you.”

He spoke calmly and forcefully, his fingers intertwined so tightly that his knuckles had turned white.

Rabbi Weltner wiped his forehead with a snowy handkerchief. “How can you help us?”

“I've a plan,” Schwarber said. “Tell your neighbors that they're to go to the Jewish cemetery tomorrow
morn when the sun rises. My men will accompany them, to convince Kaspar and his henchmen that you're in my power.”

“That can be arranged,” Rabbi Weltner said.

“I'll have horse-drawn carts waiting for the old and the sick at the cemetery. They'll be driven to the Black Forest. The rest of you can walk there. It's a long walk—it'll take you the best part of two days—but it can be done. By the time Kaspar realizes that you've left the cemetery, you'll be hidden in the forest.”

The rabbi shook Schwarber's hand fiercely. “Thank you, Ammeister!”

Elena had stopped crying and was grinning from ear to ear. But something about Schwarber's demeanor disturbed me. The Ammeister's eyes kept shifting from the rabbi to Elena to me and then back to the rabbi, as if he was gauging our reactions to his story.

“What will we do in the forest?” I asked him.

“Ah! I wondered when you'd ask. I've hired guides to lead you through the woods. When you reach the other side, you should plan to travel to lands far away in the east and begin new lives.”

“New lives? Nobody wants us!” I spluttered. “Why would they allow us to settle among them?”

“You worry too much,” Schwarber said, waving off my concerns. “Everything will work out for you.”
He stood and picked up his hat. “I must go now, for I have much to do. Tomorrow, when the sun begins her climb to the top of the sky, I'll return with my men. Spread the word among your friends and neighbors. By the time Kaspar and his councilors figure out what's happened, you'll be on your way to freedom in the Black Forest.”

Rabbi Weltner grabbed Schwarber's hand and did something I'd never seen him do before—he bent low over it and kissed it.

“My dear Ammeister, how can we ever repay you?”

Schwarber's face turned red and a look of shame spread across his features. It was gone so quickly that I thought I had imagined it.

“No need to thank me,” he said. “You've paid enough for my protection over the years. That's all I'm doing—protecting you.”

Then, with a deep bow, he was gone.

“What a great man!” the rabbi cried. “May Hashem bless him!”

Elena fell to her knees. “Thank thee, Lord Jesus, for keeping Natan and his people safe!” she said.

“Let's knock on our neighbors' doors and ask them to spread the word,” Rabbi Weltner suggested. He ran his fingers through his beard and turned to me. “Natan, you go with Elena to the houses on the right and I'll speak to the rest of our people. Unfortunately,
several members of our community are fighting the plague and must be left behind.”

I weighed my words carefully before speaking. “Are you certain we're doing the right thing? I don't trust Peter Schwarber.”

His eyes opened wide. “Whyever not? Schwarber is a man of his word. He has always protected us in the past.”

“He was just released from prison. Why would he risk losing his freedom again by helping us?”

“You worry too much, Natan,” the rabbi said. “If we follow the Ammeister's plan, all will be well.”

“I agree with Rabbi Weltner,” Elena said. “My papa always said that Schwarber was an honorable man.”

“I don't know. There was something about the way he was looking at us. What if he just wants to save his own skin by delivering us into Kaspar's hands?”

“He is our friend,” the rabbi insisted. “He has our best interests at heart.”

When we went to our neighbors' doors to warn them, relief greeted us at every turn. Not a single person doubted Schwarber's plan. I tried to convince myself that I was wrong. I told myself that here was my opportunity to save my people, to lead them through the Black Forest to freedom. Finally, I would be able to
do what Hashem expected of me. But then I recalled Schwarber's unease, and all my doubts came galloping back.

My breath caught in my throat when I saw the dreaded red cross painted on Meyer the moneylender's dwelling, two doors away from my parents'. I began to breathe again only when I saw that their door didn't bear the same macabre decoration.

Shmuli answered my knock. His eyes became saucers at the sight of me and his thumb returned to his mouth.

“Call Mama to the door,” I whispered.

I told my mother about Schwarber's plan.

“Thank God, we're saved!” she cried. She pushed me away and began to shut the door. “Go now, before your father sees you! He'd be furious if he knew that you'd been here!”

The door shut in my face before I could share my doubts about Schwarber.

“Time to go home,” I told Elena. “I'll walk you back.”

We'd barely reached the corner of Judenstrasse when we were pushed to the side of the street by a large group of half-naked men. We squashed ourselves against the front of a building. I put my arm around Elena and turned her face into my shoulder. I didn't want her to see the men thrashing themselves with
leather whips with iron spikes. Blood was running down their faces and their bodies.

“Death to the Jews! Death to the poisoners of the wells!” they roared.

“They brought the Great Pestilence upon us! Kill them!” cried a man from the middle of the crowd, his eyes fierce in his bloodied face.

“We must go back and warn your family,” Elena said.

“Let's stay close to the wall.”

We linked hands and began to retrace our steps, but it was no use. The rabid horde blocked our way. Finally, we gave up and returned to Elena's home.

“Your parents and Shmuli will be fine as long as they stay indoors,” she said, calming my fears while I lit a fire in the hearth.

We sat by the fire and talked until the logs became cinders and the chamber grew icy. I repeated my doubts about Schwarber to her, but she told me not to be foolish. I fell silent, but I couldn't still the niggling doubt in the pit of my stomach.

I was glad of the darkness surrounding us, for it hid my ugly face. I was too cowardly to share my feelings with her.

By the time I returned to the rabbi's house, the flagellants had left. The street was full of debris and broken furniture. Many residents of Judenstrasse were beaten
up and injured. Fortunately, Rabbi Weltner and my family were not among them.

I had another dream that night:

When I woke up, I was drenched to the skin and trembling with fear.