Another Summer (12 page)

“Are you okay?” Heather asked.  “I’m sorry, what can I say?  I don’t think he can cope with anything like this right now.”

“Some of us will have to cope,” Evie snapped, wondering where her strength had come from.  “I thought it was the right thing to tell him but I don’t need anything from him.”

“Maybe if I try to explain?” 

“Don’t bother,” Vanessa interrupted.  “Spare us the sob story.”

“Look, I can see you’re both upset and I understand why, I really do.  But he’s going to need some time.  Our mother died not long ago.  It hit him really hard.  He was always the blue eyed boy.”

“He’s not twelve!”

“Vanessa, it isn’t Heather’s fault.  Maybe we should go and sit in the shelter, out of the rain?”  What else could she lose just by listening?

They sat in a row on the long seat under the eaves of the boarded up ice cream kiosk, the dripping umbrella at their feet.  Heather took a minute to go on, as if she couldn’t quite make her mind up what to say.

“Joe’s the baby in our family.  He has four older sisters who’ve doted on him all his life.  Our mother was a widow for most of our childhood.  She worshipped the ground he walked on.  He’s used to being indulged, spoilt and pandered to.  He’s never had to stand on his own two feet.  He isn’t even beginning to cope.”

“You obviously care about your brother,” Vanessa put in.  “He’s lucky to have you.  Maybe you can see that I’m just trying to do the right thing for my sister?”

“Yes, of course.  I do love him.  But right now, I genuinely think your sister may be better off without him.”

Heather pulled up the zip of her padded ski jacket.  It was too big for her, probably belonged to her boyfriend.

“He’s in with a strange crowd.  They’re older than him, very arty.  He’s under the thumb, neglecting his studies.  He drinks far too much, takes God knows what else, far too often.  A baby just doesn’t fit into that lifestyle.”

“That’s all very well,” Vanessa snapped.  “But it’s quite a convenient excuse for ducking his responsibilities.”

“That isn’t what I’m saying.  I’m saying I’m worried about him.  He’s in no fit state to look after himself, never mind a family.”  She turned to Evie.  “I’d be worried he dragged you down with him.”

“Come on, Evie.  Let’s go.  We’re wasting our time.”

Vanessa jumped up and Evie felt suddenly torn.  The sensible part of her knew she ought to go home and forget about Joe, to concentrate on building a life for herself and her baby.  But a tiny part of her was still back there in that summer paradise, wondering if she shouldn’t be trying to help Joe.  Maybe he needed her.  How was she meant to know?

“Look, don’t write him off,” Heather pleaded.  “Just give him some time to pull himself together.  And I’d like to help.  After all, I’ll be the baby’s aunt, won’t I?”

“It will already have an aunt.  Me.”

“Of course.  But I’d like to keep in touch anyway. See how things turn out.  Would you give me your number, Evie?  Your address?”

Evie couldn’t think of a reason not to.  Despite her obvious disapproval, Vanessa tore a page from the diary in her bag and scribbled down the details.  The three of them walked back to the car.  It was still pouring.

“I feel like we should hug?”

Heather already had her arms around Evie.  Vanessa just got into the car.

“Bloody nerve!” she hissed as they pulled away.  “Making excuses for him like that.  You don’t need the likes of him.  Or his sister.  He’s nothing but a bastard and probably a junkie to boot.  You’ll be better off without him.”

“You’re probably right,” Evie lied, still torn.

Joe had behaved appallingly.  Why would she want a father like that for her baby?  But what if he really was ill?  Needed help?  How could she explain to their child that she’d turned her back on him?  Her head was pounding.  Maybe she should just get on with making plans and let him come to her if he wanted to?

“I think I should take you to see Mum when she gets back from France.  You’ll have to tell her sometime.”

“Do you think she’ll be shocked?”

“I’m sure she’ll want to help.”

Evie was sceptical but the one reaction neither of them expected was that Maxine, who never cried, would burst into tears.  She fell onto one of the grey velvet sofas with her head buried in her hands.  The girls sat opposite her, not knowing what to say.  It was the first time they’d seen her make-up less than perfect.

“I really believed it was the right time to leave.  I’d waited so long, until you were both grown up.  I thought you were both sensible girls.  What were you thinking?” Maxine sobbed.

“I just thought I loved him.  I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry.  You must think I’m a lousy mother?”

“It isn’t your fault Evie got pregnant.”

“But I left her for a whole summer.”  Maxine dabbed her eyes with a tissue, looking sadly at Evie.  “You must have been lonely stuck down there on your own?  I didn’t even think of that, I’m so sorry.  I can see he must’ve turned your head, taken advantage.  But we can sort things out.”

“It wasn’t like that,” Evie insisted.  She didn’t want to be seen as a victim.  “And I’m not having it adopted.”

“Evie, that’s ridiculous!  You can’t look after a baby at your age.  How would you cope?  You have no idea what it‘s like.”

“I’m sure I’ll find out.  Other people manage.”

“But, your career?”

“What career?  I’ve never wanted to be a teacher but none of you gave me the chance to say so.  Anyway, I can still study.  Won’t be much else to do until the baby’s born.”

“Please think about it,” Maxine begged, rubbing Evie’s hand between her own.  “It’s a decision that will affect the rest of your life.  You’re young.  You’re pretty.  You’re intelligent.  There are so many things you need to do with your life before getting tied down with babies.”

“Mum, I know it’ll be hard.  I’m not stupid.  But it’s my choice.  I’m not giving my baby away.”

“That’s what I thought and look where I ended up.”

“What do you mean?” Vanessa frowned.

Maxine stood up and took a deep shuddering breath. She tugged at the hem of her cashmere sweater, a shade of gold which flattered her tan.

“I’ve never told you this before,” she said.  “But I was pregnant when I married your father.”

Evie gasped before she could stop herself.  Vanessa reached for her arm, stopping her from jumping up as they both stared in alarm at their mother’s tear-streaked face.

“I miscarried at six months.  A little boy.  I was barely nineteen.  You never get over something like that.  It just stops being so raw.  But I’d already missed my golden opportunity.

“How?  What do you mean?”

“Michael was older than me, very charming.  The most intellectual man I ever met.  I thought it would be romantic to get married.  I thought he was rescuing me and I was grateful, quite bowled over.”  Maxine dabbed at the black streaks under her eyes.  “I wanted to be a model, to be on magazine covers and see the world.  I had started to get somewhere.  I was house model for an up-and-coming designer and I had a contact in Paris who was lining up work.  I never planned on giving it all up to be a schoolteacher’s wife.”

“Why couldn’t you do both?” Evie asked.

“Twenty years ago, it wasn’t so easy.  Your father didn’t like the idea of me working and by the time I realised I was missing my chance, you were on the way, Vanessa.”

“I didn’t realise”, Vanessa murmured.

“I’d hate you to think I didn’t love you, either of you.  Or that I resented you.  I didn’t.  You were two gorgeous little girls and we were a happy family.  For a while.  But what I’m trying to say now, Evie, is resentment came later.  The more I tried to swallow it, the more it threatened to engulf me.  It’s taken me over twenty years to snatch back my independence, however badly I timed it.  I don’t want the same thing to happen to you.”

But Evie had already made up her mind.

Jake stopped messing about on the piano and sat beside Evie on the sofa.  As he put a welcome arm around her, she hid her face in his shoulder, embarrassed that she couldn’t stop crying.

“Maybe I’ll just wear this shirt wet in future.”

She tried to laugh but choked on a sob.  The memories were still too raw, no matter how much she’d been pretending.  She was icy cold, shivering against him, almost curled up in a ball now as he wrapped his arms around her, his chin resting on the top of her head.

“You’re going to have to tell me?”

She took a deep breath.  “I lost a baby a couple of months ago.  It was ectopic, when the baby grows in the tube?  It ruptured.  They said I could have died.”

“Sounds gruesome.  Is that what the scar’s all about?  I thought it was your appendix, or something.”  He leaned over her shoulder, pushing her hair back from her face so he could look at her.  “I’m thinking I’ve been a bit rough.  I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“No, you didn’t hurt me.  You’ve been wonderful.”

“Wonderful?  I’m liking that.  But are you going to tell me the rest of it?”

“It’s a long story,” she sighed.  “It was such a horrible time.”

“So give me the short version?”

“The baby wasn’t planned,” she told him, reluctant to bore him with the details, but finding she wanted to talk.  “I was taking the pill but there was a time when I ate something dubious and was violently ill.  I felt so stupid when I realised.  And Joe was so weird about it, we couldn’t really talk.  I’ve felt ever since that losing the baby was my punishment for not wanting it enough.”

“Sounds like a ton of shit to deal with.  Maybe a summer in the Spanish sunshine will help take your mind off it?”

“Jake, don’t!” she pleaded as he manoeuvred his position so he could kiss her.  “That’s a fantasy.  It  isn’t real life.  I’m due back at work in a couple of weeks.”

“I’d take fantasy over real life any day.  Couldn’t you swing more time off?  Say you’re not ready yet, or something?  I get that you don’t want to leave your daughter but I meant what I said about bringing her along.  No strings.  No hassle.  What’s to think about?  You know you want to.”

Of course she wanted to but that didn’t make it any more possible.  She lay back, her head on his chest, watching his hands stroking her arms.  Even through her sweater, he had her skin tingling again.  Already, after only a couple of days, she was wondering what her life would be like without him.

“I bet I’m the first proper fuck you’ve had in years.  How can you resist?”

“You are such a big head!”

She twisted out of his arms and threw a cushion at him.  But she did laugh.  What was it about him, that he could make her feel so different?  When he grabbed her again and kissed her neck, she felt herself beginning to melt.  Would it be so bad just to go with the flow, for the first time in her life?  Maybe he was right and real life could wait.

Needing to be the one in control, she eased him back against the sofa and reached for his fly.  He sprang out eagerly into her hand.  She kissed the length of him, twirling her tongue.  Teasing.  Inciting.  But she couldn’t totally abandon her practical nature.

“You’ve stopped,” he gasped.

“There’s a condition.”

“Anything,” he groaned.  “Name it.”

“We have to do something about the roof.”

“Later,” he promised.  “Just don’t stop now.”

Later, he was as good as his word.  As soon as the rain looked like easing off a little, Jake was bounding up a ladder he’d found in the shed.  It looked more dangerous than she’d imagined.

“Careful!  It’s very old.  The rungs might be a bit rotten.  Maybe we should wait until it’s properly dry?”

“Too late now for second thoughts.  If I break anything, you’ll just have to kiss it better.”

There were a few broken slates and three completely gone, he called down to her, after what seemed like an eternity when she stood at the bottom of the ladder with her heart in her mouth.  Two slates were still on the roof where they’d slipped.  He pointed out the other one smashed in the overgrown vegetable garden. 

“There’s a pile in the shed,” he told her when he was safely down again.

“A pile of roof slates?”

“You townies!  No idea what coal sheds are really for.  I noticed them when I got the ladders.  I can probably do a quick fix.”

“You can do that?  It’s not too wet?”

“You need some serious work up there but I can hammer in a couple of nails in the meantime.  I’m sure the reward will be worth it.”

“You couldn’t?  Not again?”

“Sounds like a bet to me.  Hold that thought.”

Starting to wish she’d never mentioned the roof, she couldn’t stand there watching while he risked his neck.  She escaped inside and tidied away their cosy little nest from in front of the fire.  She wasn’t up to another night of passion on the floor.  As she made up the bed in the spare room, she realised she’d just assumed that Jake would be staying around for as long as she wanted him. 

Outside, the rain had started again with a vengeance.  Jake came down the ladder, holding the ends of his filthy white shirt.

“This is my best rock-star stage shirt.”

“And you ruined it for me?”  She handed him a towel and kissed him.  “Thank you.”

“Not grateful enough.  Keep trying.”

She kissed him harder, closing her eyes against the rain.  She tugged off his shirt, stroking her hands down his chest and his arms.  She couldn’t get enough of his tautness, his firm young skin.

“I’m surprised you haven’t got the obligatory rock star sleeve?”

“Tattoos?  Not me.  I’m scared of needles.”

“Feeble!”

“I’ll show you who’s feeble.”

He grabbed her.  His kiss was sizzling as he pushed her back against the wall, his hands under the soft cotton of her sweater.

“Jake!” she gasped, as he pushed down her jeans.  “It’s pouring and it’s broad daylight!”

“Why are you always so bothered about details?”

The stone was cold on the backs of her legs.  She shivered as he nudged her knees apart and plunged into her.  It was quick and hard, like nothing she’d ever known before.

Was it really only Saturday she’d met him?  Four days ago, she’d been distraught.  Since then she’d had more sex than she’d had in years and she’d loved every minute.  She banished the thought that if she’d been so eager with Joe, maybe he wouldn’t have looked elsewhere.  It was too late now to be thinking about Joe.

Jake held onto her hands and stopped her picking up her jeans.  Her sweater was somewhere around her armpits.  The rest of her was naked.  She let his eyes rake over her.  Normally she’d be rushing to cover herself up.  How quickly she’d changed.

“Nice!” Jake grinned.

“You did not just lick your lips?  And have you seen how filthy your face is?  I can’t believe you made me kiss you looking like that.”

“I made you kiss me?  And now you’re making me stand here in the pouring rain looking at you naked?”

“You could let me get dressed?”  He stood back with another grin as she stepped into her jeans.  “You don’t have to watch me.”

“Why not?  It’s as sexy as watching you take them off.”

As he zipped up his own fly, she noticed he was looking a bit more serious.  Her heart skipped a beat.  Was this where he told her that now he’d had what he’d come for, he was leaving?  But it wasn’t that.

“That last time, we didn’t use anything,” he said.  “We kinda ran out.”

She hadn’t even noticed there weren’t any condoms but it didn’t seem quite proper to say so.

“I can’t get pregnant again, if that’s what you’re worried about?”

“I wasn’t but it’s good to know.  I just wanted to tell you I get tested.  I’m clear, if you’re worried about the risk?”

How could she say it had never crossed her mind?  If that was the kind of conversation people had these days, she was way out of touch.  But it didn’t seem to be bothering Jake.  He’d already moved on.

“Well, now we’ve cleared all that up,” he said.  “I’m starved, not to mention drenched.  Can you find me something dry to wear?”

She had a big black T-shirt, too sparkly for anything other than wearing for bed.  Somehow on him, it took on a rock-star vibe.  Or maybe she just fancied him so much, she’d like him in anything.  She checked out the fridge while he washed his face and hands at the sink.

“There’s not much left.  Scrambled eggs okay?”

“For an older woman with a Beemer, you’re a pretty cheap date.”

“Just for that, I think I’ll let you make it.”

“Just for that, I’ll let you show me later how grateful you are.”