Antidote (Don't) (19 page)

As I rounded a corner, my lights flashed over a figure, head down and buried in a turned-up collar. Slowing the car, I set the windows down. “Jack.” He glanced over and it was obvious he was freezing from how he tried to blow warm air into his hands without shaking. “Christ, baby.” I reached over and opened the door. “Get in the bloody car.”

He didn’t seem to need much prompting, slumping in the passenger seat and closing the door. Hands struggled with the door, and I quickly set the window up and switched on the heated seats.

Jack curled up to the door, trying to find some warmth, and we didn’t speak, Jack concentrating on the basics of getting heat back into his body, me so tempted to stop the car and cuddle up with him in the back.

We pulled up outside of Jack’s half an hour later, and for a moment Jack panicked as he tried to search for his house keys. I think he’d just realised they were on his car key ring, and that it was back at Gray’s, keeping warm in Gray’s manor. Why the hell hadn’t Gray warned Jack about that? Bastard.

“Fuck,” I heard him mumble, and I left him searching as I opened the door with my set of keys. Jack had given me a spare set about a month ago, but I hadn’t used them much with how we mainly stopped at Gray’s. I’d given him a key to mine too. A frown from Jack, I let him go through, then shut the door behind us. Jack was already dropping his coat on the stairs and heading up for his bedroom. After making sure the alarm was taken care of, I slipped my coat off, picked Jack’s up, and a curse from upstairs had me frowning as I made my way up. Heading into Jack’s bedroom, I saw him shivering like hell as he started pulling drawers open.

I knew what was wrong, what he was after, but the photo was at Gray’s too. Catching a glimpse of the magazine on the bedside unit, I took it to Jack.

“Here,” I said, wrapping my hand around his waist and resting my cheek on his shoulder as I offered him the magazine. He looked at it and I felt him physically relax, breathe out a shaky sigh, then take it. His body trembling, hand very unsteady as he held the magazine out, my hand helping his keep steady, I watched him let it drop casually on his set of drawers. “Okay?” I said quietly. After a moment he shrugged, and I tugged at his arm, pulling him toward the bed.

My clothes came off, Jack not the only one shivering now in the coldness of his bedroom, and I threw the big duvet back. Jack stripped, then he was in bed next to me as I pulled the covers over us. Jack seemed to instantly seek me out, pulling his nakedness onto mine, bodies cool but warming to the contact as we lay facing each other. The quilt seemed to have buried Jack, leaving just strands of his black hair on the whiteness of the pillow. He rested his head just below my chin, cuddling in so close, and I could feel his breath on my shoulder as he shivered.

He was hiding, and not just from the cold. Giving a frown, I kissed the top of his head. “You okay?”

He shook his head, just slightly, a no, and I could feel dampness on my neck as he shifted, seeming to want to get closer.

“Easy.” Running a hand through his hair under the cover, I pulled him out from hiding. “Jack....” I let my hand fall to his cheek and brushed at the track of a runaway tear.

Jack closed his eyes and let his forehead rest on my jaw. “Thank you for coming after me,” he said quietly, and his leg slipped between mine, his body still needing more contact, warmth, but not just from the winter cold. “So fucking bitter tonight.”

I didn’t know whether he was talking about the fresh fallen winter land out there, or Gray. Most likely the latter, but his breathing had deepened, and he was nearly half into the land of exhaustion already. I made sure the duvet was pulled as tight as possible around us, even though my shivering had stopped with having Jack and his warming body next to me. I knew Gray hated Cutter, with good reason too, but this was Jack here.

Our Jack. Not Cutter’s.

“Shouldn’t have missed the collar... ” he mumbled, and I pulled him in closer.

“Can I ask you something,” I said quietly before he slipped under, “about something you said.”

He mumbled sleepily against me, then, “About the art comment, didn’t mean it. Just... just pissed off, just—”

“No,” I said, kissing his head. “Not that. You, you said that you’d woken up in someone else’s bed, with the blackouts.”

Quiet, a harder grip came around my body.

“What did you mean, Jack?”

There was the briefest of shivers. “Don’t. Ask Martin.”

“Hmm? Who’s Martin?”

“Martin likes the ladies. Nurses. Doesn’t like me. Likes to... walk.”

“Walk?” I stroked at his back. “This Martin likes to walk. Where to, baby?”

“Bed,” he mumbled.

“To sleep with women?”

“Walked to Gray when it mattered...” A tear fell against my cheek as he rested back down. Christ, tonight had really played with his head. “Love him so much, Jan. Can’t let Cutter fuck this up for me, not with Gray. He’s struggling seeing Cutter’s collar. Should have stopped, thought, should have taken my head out of my ass, kissed the fuck out of him... so many should haves, too much fucking past.”

“Easy. Easy.”

“Call him in the morning, yeah?”

“Yeah, in the morning, baby. Get some sleep. Rest.” But he was already there, and I let my breathing match his, needing the calm.

The sound of the shower woke me first and I eased an eye open expecting daylight to filter through the arm across my face. Instead the darkness still made itself comfortable as a sleeping partner around me, and the snow outside sapped all of the warmth out of Jack’s side of the bed. Giving a frown, a blind fumble under the covers found that Jack’s side was cold. Then the sound of the shower came back into focus. No light came from under the rim of the en suite door, just a constant patter of water and an occasional sweep of steam as it played with the chill of the room. The heating had been cut back on with spending so much time at Gray’s and I pushed the covers back, knowing Jack would need some warmth after he got out. I’d never known him to take a shower during the night before, not without being worn out through sex. Managing to slip on some of Jack’s pyjama bottoms, I headed into the hall and sorted through the cupboard, managing to switch on the heating with the aid of a light. Somewhere off in the distance a door opened, and glancing back, I yawned and switched off the light.

“Just seeing to the heating, Jack. Be through in a minute.”

Rubbing at my shoulders as the soft thump of the combi heater mimicked a deep heartbeat, I padded through to the bedroom and glanced at the bathroom door. “Jack?” The sound of running water still echoed softly in the bedroom, and wiping at my face, I headed over to my mobile phone and picked it up off the unit. Jack’s magazine was out of place, dropped casually and on the verge of falling off the edge, onto the floor. That hadn’t been where he’d last dropped it, and I glanced back to the bathroom as my fingers hovered over the touch screen phone. That was twice now in the space of only a few short hours that he’d gone casual. Cleaning now, was that through necessity, compulsion—or just needing to wash off past memories? My heart sank a little. Giving a hard sigh, my attention was back with the phone. Gray should know Jack was home safe. Maybe him saying Jack couldn’t leave until morning had been a way to make Jack stay. Jack was right; he was in a bad place and needed his mind easing as much Jack’s. Would he even be asleep now? I doubted it.

Jack’s home. Safe.

I frowned, knowing more needed to be said in the text but lost with how to fix this.

...not doing too good; I somehow doubt you are too. We’ll sort this. Jan.

A hand slipped over mine and the mobile was taken from my hands. I jerked, giving a smile, expecting to see Jack. But a wide and unfamiliar smile was offered, sex indiscernible until the feel of a huge body pressed into me from behind, making the mass of shadow more than male and heated as a hand swamped my mouth, culling my cry.

“Shush, shush. You’ll have plenty of time to cry for me, sweetheart.”

Giving a look towards the bathroom, I tried to yell, this strangled whimper that sounded more hiss than anything; then I was hurled face-first onto the bed, half on it, half off as shadows and heated breaths suddenly bled into the bedroom. I tried to count how many, three, four... then a metal bar pressed into my mouth, and a grip to my nose forced me to take a breath and welcome it. Hands were grabbed, a knee digging into my ass to keep me still, and cold cuffs slipped over my wrists. Someone else held onto my hair, forcing my face into the covers to demand cooperation or risk suffocation.

“Easy, pet.” This voice wasn’t the house of muscle who’d taken my phone. This one came effeminately sweet as a hand gripped my jaw, forcing my head while some sort of watch dug into my cheek. A squeeze came roughly at my ass, then traced down and palmed my balls through my trousers. “Play nice, I’ll feed you real well.” The hand slipped inside and rubbed between my cheeks. “Yeah, feed this pet real sweet.”

“Not yet,” whispered the house of muscle. I was allowed to turn my head to the side to see a mass of shadow that dwarfed all the others that were shifting quietly around the room. Occasionally he’d point at certain things and they were picked up by other moving shadows. With a look over at me, he came over, climbed on the bed, and then sat crossed-legged by me. “Mind if I borrow a few things of yours, kid?” He slipped the phone back in his pocket, then breathed close to my ear, “Of course, starting with that slag of a boyfriend of yours?”

I started to struggle, then cried out when my arms were grabbed and pulled up, that knee digging in my ass to stop me easing the pain in my arms by shifting my hips.

Giving a tut, Muscle Man shook his head at me. “Nice to meet you, by the way.” He winked over. “You can call me Vince. The nice man who wants to pet your ass, that’s Henry.”

Names. I went still. Names were a bad thing. Faces... Christ. I could see their faces even in the dark, and Vince, his eyes were so bloody alive.

Vince looked over to the en suite and gave a heavy sigh. “Any idea what we can do to fill the time while princess in there preps his ass for me?”

“Oh yeah,” whispered Henry, and I choked back a sob as the jingle of a bracelet or watch came with the sound of my pyjama bottoms being pulled down off my ass. “Got plenty of ideas, me.” I bit back a cry, my shame, as he bit my ass cheek, then pushed a finger in. Now the jingle of a watch matched hard fingering and, grunting into the bit gag, I closed my eyes as ragged nails grated me from the inside. “Fucking nice and tight, boy.”

“Pull your finger out of his ass, Henry, save it for later,” hissed Vince quietly, sounding annoyed. “I was thinking more along the lines of a DVD anyway.”

Henry left me alone and I stilled on the bed with a touch of my ass on display to the dark shapes that moved quietly in the room. People were pulling things out from drawers, packing them in a case, but being so careful and quiet with it in the process. Vince brushed my face, wiping the hair from my eyes. “You and that boyfriend of yours, you been watching a few porn sites lately, hmm?” said Vince. “You like that slut of yours as a kid? Him getting hammered by Cutter?” Vince grinned, showing perfectly white teeth against the black backdrop. “Little fucker’s got a mouth on him, ain’t he?”

Pulled off the bed, I landed on the floor between the bedstead and bedside unit. Henry slipped behind me, then pulled me back, almost hugging me from behind as Vince moved over to Jack’s DVD/flat screen combi on the far wall. After inserting a disk, silent images of Jack flashed across the screen. He was back at the party, being told silently that Cutter wanted to see him in the back. “Hmmm, nice, tight package, that.” Vince was back sitting on the bed, cross-legged, watching. Another man stood by the bathroom door, a fourth shadow stood quiet over by the window. A kiss graced my head from behind. “Smell good, pet.” Henry licked at his own finger, his gold watch making that cheap jangling sound with it fitting loosely on such a thin wrist. “Taste even better. See?” He stuffed it close to the mouth bit, and I shook it away, nearly gagging.

“Pack it in,” hissed the third man over by the bathroom door. “There’s a time and place for that. Keep him fuck free until then.”

“Fuck free, Doc.” Henry hugged me. “They didn’t say nothin’ about finger free. And I’ve got ten of them.” I tried to get free as he waggled them for everyone to see. “Heel, pet.” A thin arm around my throat pulled me back.

“Shush.” That came from Vince. He barely turned around, his head tilted slightly as he watched the DVD play out. “Favourite scene’s coming up. And... here.” Jack’s ass was held open by one of the thugs onscreen and Cutter took him raw. “Yes, get in there, my son.” Vince fist-pumped the air, mocked doing a silent wolf-whistle, his smile all the innocence of a devoted football fan seeing his favourite team score a goal.

He stopped as the shower was cut off in the en suite. “Oh.” He winked down at me. “Play time.”

Tears misted my eyes and I started kicking the hell out of the unit as Henry let me go and scrambled up to his feet. Like Vince and the others, he disappeared out of sight. One hid behind the door, one went flat on his stomach on the floor by the other side of the bed, Vince out in the hall, and I tried to cry out as the light came on in the bathroom and the door eased open.