Antidote (Don't) (48 page)

A grey gaze met mine.

“You watched, he fucking
raped
, and you,
you
were fucking
hard
.” Such fucking fire caught his eyes, then the wind was punched free of my lungs as Jack pushed me back against the opposite wall. “You were fucking hard when you had me pinned to your bed, when you tried rape out then. Then after you pulled the sound free, on the floor you fucking came and—”

“
What, Jack
?” I snarled, pushing him off.
“
Henry raped me—and you sat drinking fucking beer downstairs on Boxing Day. You, Christmas day, you wouldn’t even fucking look at me. They tied me up in the corner after they forced a tube down my throat, followed by Henry’s dick—and you, you were free, no ropes, you didn’t run, you didn’t help—you wouldn’t even fucking look at me, you bastard.
Why didn’t you run
? And Vince—you said you
loved
Vin—”

Gray was there, snaking an arm around Jack’s throat, pulling him off, away, then sending him skidding down the hall. “You,” snarled Gray, pointing at me, “calm it.” Then he was with Jack, who had fallen quiet, hand on his mouth, eyes looking as though they were on continuous playback.

“
My fucking head
,” he suddenly shouted. “Scared.
I heard him, but feel... felt nothing but you and Gray, fucking loved nothing but you and Gray
. But you... fucking hard. You—”

“Stop,” Gray grabbed Jack under the jaw, forcing him against the wall. “Not the fucking same
,
” he snarled. “You’ve done enough rape-fantasy to know how the body counter-reacts what’s going through the mind. You—”

Jack cried out, such fucking hurt as he looked at me and tried to break the grip at his throat
.
“Masks... saw nothing but masks and you, and you... you wouldn’t look away and leave me the fuck alone. Couldn’t fight and think straight with you there... shouldn’t have been there—wouldn’t just leave me the fuck alone,
leave me the fuck alone,
and off—” He was struggling with Gray.
“—just get the fuck off, you—”

Gray instantly raised his hands in surrender at the heat, backed off, but Jack barely seemed to notice as he cried out and tried to make a break for the kitchen. Gray pushed him back, then stepped in his way. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?”

“
Work
.” Jack pushed at his shoulders. “I need to get to—”

“
One o’clock on a fucking Sunday morning
,” shouted Gray and Jack seemed to jolt, fall quiet. “Yeah,” said Gray in an even tone. “You get to bed, calm that fucking head. You need—”

“
Fuck all from you
.” Jack had already spun away, heading for the stairs, and the next thing I knew, Gray was wrapping his arm around me, pulling me in close.

“Easy,” he said quietly. “Jack doesn’t know where he is at the moment, you know that.”

Strange thing was, I didn’t need the comfort. When the hell had I stopped needing Jack’s comfort?

Gray was unusually quiet as he undressed for bed. Occasionally I’d catch his glance toward the bedroom door, and I’d stop the mundane act of washing just to listen, try and see if I’d catch anything unusual in the night. He’d left the door open; he always had since Jack had slept in the west wing, both of us seeming to live by the constant tension of listening and waiting. Gray had made the call to pull in extra security for tonight after taking a walk outside to see that muddy footprints had led him through the trees, over to the huge wall running his property. He’d given his night staff a serious dressing down over Jack, but then had needed to apologise. Jack was re-setting the alarms, taking out a patio window, putting it back in, then going an hour’s walk through the woods, scaling the wall, then either hitching a lift or calling a taxi. There was nothing security could have done. Instead he’d called in extra staff for the night: two guards at the back of the mansion, two more sitting in a car beyond the wall Jack had scaled.

Now it was touching three in the morning and Gray looked close to exhaustion.

After folding the hand towel onto the rail in the bathroom, I went on through in just pyjama bottoms, and pulled back the covers. Undoing his watch, Gray looked over as I got in and pulled his side of the covers back. Neither of us spoke, both too wrung out and unwilling to disturb the silence in case we missed something. Waiting for me to settle, Gray switched the light out, allowing just a little light from the hall to creep over the bottom of the bed, then he slipped in by me, all black silk pyjamas coming in close. He pulled the covers over both of us and I found him watching me as I watched him. His gentle touch to my cheek didn’t startle me. We’d slept like this for the past few weeks, at first Gray coming in behind me as I refused to face him, but at some point I’d turned around, faced some of my demons. Not all, but some.

Gray’s hand slipped from my neck and he pulled me in close, kissing my head. From the way he held me then, it wasn’t just for my comfort.

No dreams tonight, please. Just this. Just us. Just quiet.

Someone laughed in the darkness. Then a hand touched my mouth, fingers digging into the corner to force entry. I gagged, choked—tried to fight. Only my hands were bound above my head, legs spread wide with a doggie-stock. Henry had fastened himself by the ankles so that they were in between mine, keeping us locked together, his hips forced into mine, his dick rubbing into my groin, trying to find a reaction as I was bound there in Jack’s spare room. And laughing. The bastard was laughing against my throat as his hands wandered up and down my sides.

“
Jack
,” I cried, needing him here, but it only increased the laughter against my throat.

“Jack’s mine,” a voice whispered from deep in the shadows as Henry’s dick left a trail of wetness down to my ass. “Yeah,” whispered Vince, “slut’s right here with me, always right here, Jan.” And he grabbed his crotch, despite the blackness—I knew he grabbed his cock.

Henry teased his tip against me, trying to gain entry, I could feel it—but who the shadows hid and who they wouldn’t let go? I could feel that more.

“
Jack
.”

A hand brushed my cheek, just gently, and it felt so familiar, so tender against everything else that was happening, I cried out at Henry’s new-found cruelty. Jack. He felt so much like Jack, all his tenderness, his love in that one touch. Tears were wiped away, each trail caught and shared in that single touch. But Henry was laughing; he was always fucking laughing as he nudged his dick into me.

“
Stop
.”

I jolted, shaken out of my dream by my own cry. Gray’s arm instinctively came around my waist, the weight heavy, but his own exhaustion kept him deadlocked in sleep. In a way I was grateful as I lay there, eyes screwed shut. Some grief was private, some grief needed to be kept private. I swore I could smell Jack, everything that was Jack, him, it was here, and that only made the grief harder to bear. Opening my eyes would force all that away, so I tried to hide in my pillow instead. Keep him close with the scent I found there. Only the touch to my cheek, it wouldn’t let me be, just gave another gentle stroke, wiping away tears. I eased my eyes open, not really wanting reality to creep back in, but knowing it couldn’t last forever, no matter how much I cried for it.

In the darkness of the bedroom, Jack’s light grey eyes looked so bright as he knelt there by the side of me. His head was tilted slightly, as if watching the trail of a tear, his face screwed lightly, and a tear slipped over his cheek as he watched me.

“Hurt you real bad, didn’t he, Richards?”

“Jack,” I breathed, but as I lifted my head, he shook his, eyes widening a touch. He seemed to struggle with the need to run, but then he came in hard and fast, head going against mine.

“Head fuck,” he said so quickly, voice hushed, “so fucking bad, Jan.” He screwed his eyes shut. “Love you both so much. But it hurts. Everything fucking hurts. You know. You’re hiding from it too.”

I whimpered as he kissed my cheek.

“
Stupid
,” he whispered heatedly. “
I say stupid fucking things
. Wasn’t you back there, wasn’t us, never fucking us except when I kissed you on the floor, when it hurt more being pulled away from you. Just... my head. It’s everywhere and I can’t ground it long enough to stay with you. I want to so fucking badly, baby. Just... just please hang on in there, stay with me. Please... stay.”

There was movement from behind me, a gentle shuffling, then, “Jack?” That came from Gray and Jack suddenly jerked back, away, nearly falling onto his ass. Maybe it was the darkness that jolted him, maybe the threat of a black gas mask easing up from behind me that scared the hell out of him. Didn’t matter which; I lost him to wherever his head had kept him hostage. Gray was already up and out of bed, scrambling over me, then reaching to try and help pull Jack up as Gray hit the floor.

“Fucking don’t,” hissed Jack, scuttling back.

“Jack,” said Gray again, this time easing back as I rushed to join them in the darkness of the room. Jack had pushed up to his feet, back pressed firmly against the wall, trying to look for a way out, then Gray was up against him, body pressed in close.

“Easy, stunner,” he said quietly. “Easy.” He played his hands around Jack’s face, just gentle swipes with thumbs against jaw, and Jack calmed.

“Nobody touches you again,” Gray said, his body shifting against Jack’s. Both wore just pyjama bottoms, Gray’s black silk on Jack’s white. Jack hadn’t taken his gaze off Gray and when Gray ran his nose along Jack’s jaw, Jack let out such an unsteady breath before shifting slightly and allowing Gray access to his throat, even though he was shaking like hell.

The kisses from Gray were just brief brushes of lip against throat. No marking, claiming, just tender nuzzling, and Jack’s uneasy sigh gave way to a soft murmur, his shivering easing into calm, deep breaths.

“Miss you, kid,” breathed Gray, and the hurt was there in his voice. “Miss you so fucking much.”

Maybe he forgot himself for a moment, but Gray let his hands slip down to Jack’s ass, and gave a gentle pull in against his groin.

“
Cunt
.” Jack suddenly pushed him off, then in one movement shifted so he pinned Gray up against the wall, his elbow digging into Gray’s throat. That anger was there, that need to tear heads off before sex became a conscious thought, Jack even added a growl to say he needed to rip a few heads off, but he faltered, maybe confused with how his body naturally reacted to having Gray by him.

“Jack,” said Gray, trying to reach for him, but Jack growled, shaking off Gray’s touch, then slamming Gray’s hands up against the wall before moving in close. Jack bit at Gray’s throat, heated, full of every need going, and something changed in Gray’s eyes, I saw it as he suddenly looked away, let life drain into nothing as the open door caught his attention. Then I realised Jack had tugged down Gray’s pyjamas, just at his hip, and was rubbing his tip against Gray’s exposed skin.

Jack’s breathing was heavy to begin with, then grunts and frustrated growls took over. He was so hard, and any other time seeing him play himself against Gray was my number one thing to see, but Jack was using Gray with one hand, wiping away tears with the other, trying to find some comfort in old habits, in Gray, but getting nowhere fast.

“Oh Christ, Christ,” I groaned, hands going on my head.

“
Us...
” cried Jack, giving one last attempt to melt into Gray, but his cock was softening, losing all life. “
Not Vince, not Cutter, just you. Just fucking you... me.”
Crying out, Jack thumped the wall. “
Fucking put me back together again, Gray. Please. Trust.... respect—fucking control.
”

Giving a snarl, Gray suddenly shifted, slamming Jack up against the wall. “Put you back together?” He snarled against his ear. “Like this?” Gray pinned his arms above his head, body now crushing in close. “Through BDSM?” He made sure Jack couldn’t move. “Let’s see how ready you really are for it, then, Jack. Let’s see how much your head really fucking needs a Dom’s control in any way.” Reaching over to the unit, Gray pulled something out of the drawers. “Take a good look around you, Jack,” he snarled in his face, and he flicked one of the handcuffs around Jack’s wrist, “you fucking remember what it looks like. Then when we’re done, don’t ever ask for my control like this again, not to ease a disorder.”

As soon as the metal slipped around Jack’s wrist, I started to back away. Jack had started to struggle just seeing them pulled from the drawer, but as the cool metal touched his wrist, clicked into place, something switched in his eyes. Jack became very, very still.

“Now you’re scaring him, Welsh. Not nice. Not good.” Even the change in his voice was different, slower, each syllable given a hard bite, but the switch had been so quick. “I think we really need to fucking play now.”

Gray staggered back, already defending against another smack in the face off Jack, then with all the shouts, cries, crashing of furniture, I scrambled back by the bed, sinking to the floor and covering my head, not wanting to see the fallout anymore, see all of Jack’s complications on final display.