Anxious Love (Love Sick #1) (15 page)

Ryan's hands snaked up under my ass. He lifted me and sat me down on cock. My hands rested on his shoulders; with little effort, he did all the work. We stared into each other’s eyes as I rode him. Our breathing synced as the pressure and emotion increased to a fever pitch.

I wrapped my arms around his neck as he slid down on the bed a little so he could press into me. The care he took not to go too fast made we want to weep. A few tears escaped as he continued to caress my core.

"You're close," he whispered. "I can feel it."

"Yes."

"Wait for me," he said, his breath throaty and ragged from the strain.

"I can't," I said, clenching my insides, which further pushed me closer to the edge.

"Look at me." I focused on his face. I took note of the small tic in his eyelids as he moved faster. The way his breath warmed my face as he pounded into me. I zoned in on the feel of his cock inside me, and the tightness he pushed through to reach my core. When he tensed, I saw it on his face and felt it in his body. His hand cupped my pussy from underneath, and he ran his fingers over my clit. Our orgasm hit at the same time in a mind-altering quake of mind, body, and soul.

As we came down, we held on to each other tight as if the quake would dare attempt to tear us apart. No, we were together. Melded, tethered, bound together by need, desire, and lust. Maybe by love.

We were made for each other.

I peppered his face with small kisses. I took my time, and he was more than satisfied staying nice and safe and warm inside me until he softened.

I shivered from the cold, and he replaced the blanket that had slid down. He gathered me in his arms and took me back inside. He laid me down and covered me, discarded the condom, and slid in next to me, pulled me close to him, and we fell fast asleep.

Only one thing could explain the joy I felt. Lying in his arms after having the most amazing sex, I couldn't even write sex scenes that good, and I felt what I always wanted to feel.

Normal.

When my eyes opened again, it was dark outside.

My afterglow and the mental satisfaction of being well fucked remained, but my enthusiasm waned a bit when I stood up. It took me two tries to climb out of bed.

I groaned as I gingerly took a step.

Ryan swung his legs out of bed and sat up holding my waist.

His face dropped. "I hurt you?"

"No, you didn't. I'm fine."

He shook his head.

"Ryan." I turned to face him. I held his face in my hands. "Big guy." He smiled, but with no less concern on his face. "So worth it." I waved as if the pain was nothing. I stepped into the bathroom, and Ryan was right on my heels.

"Maybe you should soak in the tub."

"You could kiss it and make it better."

He laughed and shook his head. "That's how you got in this predicament in the first place."

Ryan turned on the water in the sunken tub. It was big enough for two grown men, plenty of room for Ryan and me.

I sprinkled some therapeutic salts in the bath and the smell of eucalyptus hit both of us.

"Nice," he said. He tested the water and adjusted the temperature. "Get in. I will be right back."

I slid into the tub but winced when the warm water hit my lady parts. It didn't take long for my muscles to relax, and the pain between my legs became a dull ache.

Ryan returned with refreshments.

"We need some nourishment." He handed me a bottle of beer then opened a bag of chips and tilted it toward me. We clinked the bottles, and I brought it to my lips. It soothed my throat and the chips settled my stomach. I leaned back and relaxed watching Ryan's massive, muscular frame sink into the tub. The power his body unleashed onto my small frame. I marveled at how such a big guy could be so careful, so gentle.

"Wait, we should say something,” he said.

I raised my eyes and waited.

"To a beautiful girl, in a beautiful place, and..." He narrowed his eyes.

"Hot sex," I said. He nodded and clinked bottles.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For bringing me here."

I grinned.

We both took a long swig of the cold drink and moaned as we relished the cool liquid. Leaning back, we both watched each other. Ryan reached under the water and pulled my foot onto his lap. He massaged it with one hand while drinking his beer with the other.

"When did you buy this place?"

"After my publisher bought my first book, they offered me a three book deal. I thought I needed the seclusion, but it wasn't healthy for me to sequester myself off from the rest of the world all the time."

"Yeah, but you love it here. Your face lit up as soon as we pulled up." He took another swig of his beer and grabbed my other foot. "I feel like you walk around looking over your shoulder when we are at home, but here, you seem so open. Free."

I lowered my head. Ryan squeezed.

"This place is the only place in the world where I feel like I can take a deep breath. It’s weird, but I feel completely safe here. There's no logical reason for it except for maybe I bought it on my own and with money I earned doing what I love. I think that has something to do with it."

"That's not all of it, though."

I stared into his eyes. Wanting to tell him everything, I wondered how much I could tell him before what happened to me tore us apart.

"No, not all of it." I took a sip, leaned my head back, and closed my eyes.

"Little One." He shook my foot. "Don't run away from me." He scooted forward, set my beer down, and pulled me close.

"I'm not." I bit my lip and looked off to the side, but his hands turned my face back to stare at him. The warmth of the water calmed me along with his hands on me. I was safe.

"I already know you're a little off. It's okay, so am I. I still want to be with you. So whatever you tell me, I'll listen and I won't judge."

A tear slipped from my eyes, and my insides rumbled like a stormy mess. The truth, the whole truth, sat near the top of my throat. I was choking on it; I had been for three years. I wanted to tell him, tell someone who cared about me, but I didn't want to change what we had, and it would. I was sure it would.

He leaned over and kissed me. I whimpered when his lips landed on mine, but his kiss gave me a breath of life. His lips on me gave me energy. I felt brave when he had his arms around me. I kissed him back, drawing on the power I felt from them. When I’d had enough, I leaned back and opened my mouth.

"My anxiety was triggered by something that happened in college." I paused and licked my lips. His expectant face made my insides clench. "My best friend killed herself, and I blame myself."

"Oh, my God, Leah." Ryan pulled me into his arms and held my head against his chest. "I am so sorry. That's awful."

I held on to him, letting his words comfort me and pushing aside the shame I felt for not trusting him with the entire truth.

"But you can't blame yourself. She made that choice, you didn't."

"After it had happened, I cut myself off from the world. I wouldn't put myself in a situation where I would have to get close to anyone"—I leaned back and looked up—"but slowly, with a lot of therapy and medication, I opened myself up more to people around me."

"Like Sophie."

"Yeah, and Allie and Mark were like my steppingstones to enter back into the real world. It's just hard being around happiness if that makes sense. I think one of the reasons we all get along so well is we all have our own set of issues."

"When my mother died, I blamed myself, too. She died of cancer, but I wasn't there at the end. I felt guilty; I still do. I feel lonely a lot of the time. Even when I'm standing in a stadium full of eighty thousand people, I feel alone because my mom isn't here to share it with me. To cheer for me."

"I knew you'd fit in. You have your issues, too."

We both chuckled.

"I’m glad you told me. You're going to be okay, you know. Just in the time we've been together, I've seen you putting yourself out there and taking chances."

"Yeah, because of you. When I said this was the only place I could take a deep breath, well, it seems I found another thing that allows me to breathe."

"What's that?"

"Being with you." I reached up and kissed him. With my lips hovering near his, I said, "I could breathe you in every day, all day."

He kissed me with a little more force. "Soak it up, Little One. I'm not going anywhere."

He pulled me on his lap and his cock sprang to life. I moaned as he rubbed up against my core, even while my insides ached. My body tensed.

"Shh, it’s okay." He pulled back. "We have all the time in the world."

Was he talking to me or his penis?

I leaned back into him and placed my hand against his chest. The thud in his heart slowed down.

"I'm so sorry about your mom."

"I'm sorry about your friend."

We didn't talk much more about them after our bath. We spent the rest of the weekend eating, drinking, laughing, and enjoying each other.

While I didn't tell him everything, my heart wanted to believe the rest wouldn't matter. My heart had betrayed me before.

My head knew the truth.

Leah and I enjoyed the rest of our escape from the world. By the time we headed back to New Orleans, we were closer than ever.

The stuff she told me about her friend wasn't the whole story, but I didn't want to push her. It explained a whole lot about her.

My mind raced with ideas on how I could help her more. I would have her in the stands cheering me one before the first game of the season.

We spent the rest of our summer nights together. I felt a little bad because she walked around sore all the time. It wasn't my fault; she wanted me all the time. She was trying to make up for the last three years.

It was her idea to use sex to distract her in moments when she was feeling anxious. Who was I to argue with her methods?

"What are you grinning about?" She asked.

It was midnight, and we were sitting in the back booth at Poppies Grill having breakfast. We kept strange hours. She said when I ate her out she craved hamburgers after.

"What?" she asked. My grin gave away what was going on in my mind.

She took another huge bite of the burger that was bigger than her head. She closed her eyes and savored the bite. She savored everything that made her happy. I loved that I earned that same look in her eyes. I was a lucky man.

I reached under the table and pulled her leg in my lap. "Nothing. I'm just going to miss you," I answered.

She gave me one of her infamous pouts, and I wanted to jump over the table and bite her pouty lips.

"Training camp sucks."

"It's only for two weeks. Most teams have training camp out in the middle of nowhere for six weeks. You would have to come, and you know, make me feel better in the backseat of the car."

She blushed. She was so damn cute. "I'm not going to get you off in the backseat of a car in the middle of West Virginia."

"Okay, new rule. You're not allowed to eliminate something regarding sex until we try it first."

"Um, first of all, a veto to that rule, and second, it's not the sex in the car that I'm opposed to. A little black woman servicing a big white man in a car in the backwoods of West Virginia." She narrowed her eyes.

"Ah, I see your point." I grinned and popped a French fry into my mouth.

"Even when you get back from training camp, it isn't over. You guys still have to stay in a hotel?"

"We get breaks."

"Sex breaks."

"Yeah, but we're not allowed to call them that for legal reasons."

She grinned and took another big bite.

"I have been thinking. When we get back, I want you to come and see one of my practices. It's open to the public."

The air in the booth and between us grew sparse the instant I finished the sentence. Leah's leg stiffened in my lap. When she pulled it away from me, I held on tight. "Now, don't freak out. I have a plan."

"Okay." She was no way near convinced. Her eyes darted around the restaurant, expecting an assault from some unknown enemy. Most of the time when we were together, we were so into each other she didn't notice the rest of the world.