Anxious Love (Love Sick #1) (29 page)

"We going to your place?"

"I know someplace closer."

I narrowed my eyes but smiled and followed her down the elevator.

We jumped in a car and pulled up in front of the hotel five minutes later. We didn't speak on the car ride over. Ryan held my hand tight against his chest. The heat from his body excited me, but I was nervous and so was he.

The last time we were together, he had pushed me away. It stung thinking about it. I needed to be with him, but I wasn't sure how I would handle it if he pushed me away, again.

We entered the room.

Ryan headed for the window and looked down at the Superdome.

"This was where you watched the game." He tapped on the glass.

"Yeah. It was cool, really. I could feel the excitement even this high up."

"Why?" He asked still staring down out the window.

"Why what?" I bit my lip. The temperature in the room seemed to drop a few degrees.

"Why did you check in to the hotel?"

"I don't know." I hugged myself. "I guess I just wanted to be a part of your big day in some small way."

Ryan turned; the look on his face warmed me back up.

"I thought about you all day," Ryan said with the sweetest smile on his face.

"No, you didn't."

"I did. I woke up thinking about you. I always wake up thinking about you." He sat on the bed, and I sat next to him. He took my hand and held it. "I go to sleep thinking about you, too." He kissed my hand and turned his body to face me. "And if I'm lucky, I dream about you."

He placed his hand on my shoulder, leaned over, and kissed me. It was a soft, tentative kiss but filled with emotion and questions. I parted my lips, but he pulled back and stared into my eyes. The light behind him shaded his face, but the power of his gaze washed over me. I scooted closer, and he leaned down and kissed me, stronger and firmer. He pushed me back on the bed as his tongue swept over my lips, causing them to part. His tongue darted in and out as his hands roamed over my body, over my clothes. His touch was tentative, too.

His uneasiness dulled every action; it was too gentle, too timid. Not like my Ryan. I pushed him off and sat up.

He flopped on his back, placed his hands behind his head, and exhaled.

"Ryan. What's going on? Talk to me, please."

"What do you mean?"

"What happened to the guy who laid me out on the kitchen table and had me for dessert? Where is the man who grabbed me and told me how he wanted to take me? I miss him."

He sighed, stood up, and paced over to the window. "I don't know if I can be that guy with you."

The anguish in his face washed over me, and I fought to hold in my emotions. He needed to feel comfortable talking to me about his feelings without worrying about me falling apart.

"Why?"

He turned toward me and slumped to the floor, his back against the floor-to-ceiling windows.

"Ryan. Talk to me, please. You can tell me anything. Tell me how you feel."

"Since you told me about what happened to you and your roommate, I have nightmares about it. About the way he touched you. The things he said to you. I see
you
being bent over that ch-chair."

I kneeled in front of him and grabbed his forearm, but he pulled away.

I watched a plane as it made its way across the sky. I avoided looking him in his eyes as my own emotions threaten to choke me.

"I can't get that image out of my head."

"Hey, baby, it's okay. I'm fine. I'm okay. It's normal for your brain to play it out in order for you to make sense of it."

"Am I supposed to get turned on by it?"

I sat back on my heels and stared at him. "What do you mean?"

"I dream about you getting assaulted and wake up with a raging hard-on, and I hate myself for it." He slammed the floor, and I sat down and crossed my legs in front of him. I placed my chin in my hands all in an attempt to process without freaking out. "You know I would never—"

"Oh, of course, I know." I reached out my open hand, and he took it. "Ryan, listen to me."

He nodded.

"I can testify to the fact that our brains, our subconscious can do some pretty fucked-up things. Make us believe some pretty fucked-up stuff. You can't help what you dream or how your body responds."

"I should be disgusted by what they did to you. I certainly shouldn't be pushing you to do the stuff we've done."

I bit my lip and blinked back tears as I shook my head. "Don't say that."

"It's true. I would never have. After what you've been through."

"So you think because of what happened to me and what happened to Dana, which had nothing to do with sex, means I can't be a freak with the man I love."

"You love me?" he asked with a smirk.

I blinked and stared at the ground. I didn't mean to say that, and after everything, that was what he latched on to? "I—You can't decide what is and isn't an appropriate response to my anxiety. I love having sex with you the way we have it. We are so good together. It's not wrong."

I sounded like an obstinate child.

"You didn't answer my question."

I shook my head and leaned my head to the side. I peeked at his face and looked away. I peeked again and caught the grin before he pushed off the floor, tackled me, and landed on top of me.

I grunted from the impact but had no time to process it before his lips landed on mine. His elbows rested near my ears, his hands in my hair, moving my head at the angle he wanted to kiss my mouth. He pushed his tongue into my open mouth and massaged my tongue; the power of his kiss made me groan. My brain became foggy, and I couldn't breathe, but my entire body was tingling as he gave me no choice but to withstand him, his power over me.

My back arched, and my hands ran down his side and around his back in an attempt to pull him close. He pushed my hands away and sat up. I opened my eyes ready to protest or convince him to continue, but I didn't need to. He sat back on his heels, rubbing himself through his pants and looking down at me. "Take your clothes off. I want to watch you."

I pulled my shirt over my head and arched my back off the floor to unhook my bra. He captured my breast in his free hand and kneaded it, pinching my nipple between his fingers. I moaned and unbuttoned my pants. I pushed them down, and he helped pull them off, taking my panties with them.

He stopped to look down at me and admire my body. His gaze stroked all my spots.

I reached up and unbuttoned his shirt. I pushed it off his shoulders and ran my hand over his bare skin. His body remained flawless like I remembered except for a dark spot on his left side under his pectoral muscles. I ran my fingertips over it, and he winced.

"What happened?"

"Part of the game."

"Maybe we should postpone this until tomorrow when you're not all beat up."

"It's going to be worse tomorrow. I want you now."

The pleading in his voice turned me on and set my body on fire. He sat up on his knees and removed his pants. His cock sprang out as he removed his boxer briefs. I gasped at the sight of it. It made me feel all lusty and sexy, watching the way I affected him. I wanted him in every possible way. He leaned back over me.

I placed my hands on his chest and pushed him back. "Can I ask you to do something?"

His sexy smile crept on his lips, and I shivered. "Name it."

"Can you fuck me from behind?"

He narrowed his head and cocked it to the side. "Why are you asking?"

"It's this thing I have about having someone behind me. Why I always sit with my back to the wall or stand against solid surfaces. It's a weird request, I know. I mean after everything we've done together, it should be no big deal, right?"

I sounded crazy, even to my own head.

"I..." Ryan ran his hand through his hair. "The night after practice. That's why you stopped? Because I was behind you, right?"

I bit my lip and blinked back tears. I watched him contemplate the request in light of the new information he discovered. He was such a smart man. I didn't think I could out-intellectualize him either.

Ryan stood up and reached out his hand. I took it, and he pulled me up. He leaned over and swiped his lips over mine, placed his hands on my hips and turned me around. He walked me toward the bed, bent over to grab a condom out of his wallet, and with a hand on my left thigh, he guided me to the bed, as he kneeled behind me.

I leaned down on my hands and braced myself, my mind racing waiting for me to feel the anxiety.

"Leah," Ryan said in an amused tone.

I turned and looked at him over my shoulder.

"I'm not going to just stick it in and take you like a dog."

I giggled.

"Come here." His soothing voice coaxed me into responding.

I sat up and leaned my back against him. I ran my hand up his chest and back down.

"You know the first time you pulled that move on me was at the park. I thought it was the fucking sexiest thing. Like you were confirming to the world I was yours."

"You are mine. You're my rock." I took Ryan's hand and kissed it before I placed it between my legs.

He cupped my pussy, and his fingers explored my core. I tensed. "Hey, relax. It's just me."

I moaned and relaxed, my muscle going to jelly under his touch. His tongue teased the spot behind my ear, and I reached back and held onto his muscular thighs anchored on either side of me, pulled me into his sanctuary.

"Your body is so responsive to me. Thank you," he whispered in my ear. I turned my head back, and he leaned over and kissed me deep as his fingers plunged into me farther. His cock twitched against my back, and I reached behind and stroked it. He groaned in my mouth as he adjusted himself so his cock was between my legs. He rubbed it in my folds and coated it with my juices. "You want me to fuck you like this?"

I nodded my head, unable to verbalize with all the new sensations of pleasure and anxiety mixed in a weird heady cocktail, but unlike a drink, it wasn't dulling any of my senses. I felt Ryan in me, around me, everywhere, and I wanted more.

"I can't hear you, little one," he sang.

I reached out, grabbed the condom, and handed it to him. "Yes, please."

"So polite." He kissed my nose. "I'm going to fuck you so hard, but first—"

I gasped at his tone as he suited up, gripped my hips, and pushed the tip of his cock into my entrance. I moaned and leaned forward a bit to brace myself.

"You want more?"

"Yes," I said, breathy.

"Then fuck me, Leah."

I cried out and pushed myself back onto his cock. Each inch burned a little as I got used to his size all over again. I pulled back and tried taking him deeper and deeper all the while trying to remind myself to breathe. I didn't have any time for my anxiety to take over or to worry about a flashback. I had one goal; to fuck Ryan as good as I knew he was going to fuck me.

"Oh fuck, baby, that's good." He grunted on each pulse. Even through the condom, his cock was on fire as I slid on it. I bounced on him a few more times, and then he was all the way inside me and my insides clenched. He cried out as I slammed back down on him and pushed myself over the edge screaming, "Ryan!"

She exploded on my dick in minutes, and I almost lost my own load as her body twitched and she screamed my name.

I ran my hand down her spine; she had leaned over on her hands, and her back bowed like a kitten as my fingertips kneaded the skin at the base of her back. Her moans vibrated through her body.

She reached back, searching for me. I kneeled on the bed and wrapped my arms around her waist. Her back flush against my chest.

"God, you feel so good."

She moaned in affirmation.

I moved inside her with slow and short thrusts. She answered me with sexy whimpers.

My hands roamed over her body, grabbing her amazing tits as her nipples pebbled under my palm. Sweeping my other hand down her stomach and placing it on her pussy, I tapped her clit as I continued to move in and out of her.

She leaned her head back against my chest and snaked her arm up and around my neck. I leaned down and kissed the side of her face.

"Harder," she whispered with a grunt.