Appointed (9 page)

 

“So now that winter break is over, and you're starting your last semester of school, how are you feeling?” Dr. Warhol asked Zes. She sat across from him, wearing a dress suit. Her hair was pulled back in a neat bun, and she wore a pair of glasses he was pretty sure she didn't need but wore anyway to look smart.

Zes hated talking to her, but since he'd been kidnapped and taken to the underworld, the staff thought it necessary for his sanity. He, of course, would rather speak of anything than what happened. And so they did. For the most part, they talked about his classes and how those were going, what his plans were for after graduation, and a lot of boring things to pass the hour.

He shrugged, slouching into the couch. “Not any different than the last time you asked me. Still feels kind of surreal. Like I'm not old enough to be graduating and entering into the real world. Yeah, there's still college, but that's such an adult thing. It's still going out on my own.”

“You don't think you're old enough to be going to college?” she asked, and wrote something down in her notebook. He hated when she did that because he hated not knowing what she was saying about him.

“Yes and no. Sometimes I feel like I'm ready, and other times it's like…” he paused to search for the words, “…where did the time go? I've spent so much of my life here at Vala, but has it really been ten, eleven years? It went a lot faster than I thought it would.”

She nodded, still writing. “Is that why you want to continue to go to school here? Are you not ready to leave?”

“It's the only school I've heard back from,” he said, not sure if he liked what she was implying. Zes sat up, leaning forward on the couch. “Besides, that has always been the plan. It makes sense. I mean, Anj wants to learn more about history, archeology, ancient magics, or something along those lines and Vala has great college programs in those departments.”

“And what about you? What do you want to do with your life?”

Why did she have to ask such annoying questions? He scowled and shrugged. “I don't know. Something that helps people. That's about all I've been able to figure out. And I don't need to know now anyway. It's perfectly normal to not know what you want to do when you first get to college. Most people change majors in their first two years anyway. So why worry about it?”

“This is true,” she said, and continued to write — a lot.

“Did you know what you wanted to do when you first left for school?” he asked, turning the attention away from himself.

Dr. Warhol jotted down one more note before setting her notebook on her lap. “No. I didn't decide to enter the psychiatric field until I was in my mid-twenties. I, like you, only knew I wanted to do something to help people. My college experience was spent at a school similar to Vala but out in Europe. I decided to stay where I was comfortable, you see. So I understand why you would want to as well. Given my magical abilities, being an empath and able to read minds, I decided I needed more schooling in how to control what I do. Is that what you're looking for? Your magic is strong, yes?”

“So I'm told,” he said softly. His magic was another thing he didn't want to talk about. Zes knew how to control his abilities. What all he could do with his magic was a mystery, but when it came to maintaining his skills, he was an expert.

“So you want to stay at Vala because of your magic? Or because of comfort?”

“Comfort,” he said. “Again, I haven't heard back from any other schools anyway.”

“How many did you apply to?”

“Five.”

“Sometimes they're late in getting out their admissions letters,” she said, and crossed her legs in the opposite direction.

Zes shrugged. “I'd still stay here. For more than just comfort. My family and friends are here. Being close to them is important to me, as well. Mom still needs my help, and so does my brother. And Cheyenne… I don't want to leave her here and have a long-distance thing for two years while I wait for her to graduate too, you know?”

“You think your relationship will last that long?”

“I know it will.” He glared at her.

“I'm not asking to be offensive. I want to know all of your goals, long and short term. By saying that, I'm assuming she is part of your plans?”

“I'd like her to be. Who enters a relationship wanting it not to last?”

“You might be surprised,” Dr. Warhol said. “But it's good that you want to maintain connections with those who are close to you. A lot of people in your situation will pull away from their support system and lash out.”

“And by my situation, you mean people who have been through things similar to that topic you said we wouldn't talk about unless I wanted to?” Zes raised an eyebrow, relaxing into the couch again.

“Yes.”

“And I still don't want to talk about it,” he stated.

“I know, but I wanted to congratulate you on making a healthy decision. Most people I see turn toward a more destructive path,” she explained.

Zes gave her a tiny smile. “My support system is good. Anj keeps me grounded and keeps life normal — you know, familiar, stable, the same. I like that. He doesn't push me. In fact, he respects my privacy, and it helps me to sift through everything on my own. Cheyenne is… amazing. Supportive, gentle. She listens to me. Loves me.”

Dr. Warhol smiled. “It makes me happy to see that you're at least talking to someone about your feelings. Even if you don't talk about what happened, opening up about other things is a great step. I've noticed in our talks that you and your brother are closed off. Granted, I don't have any personal interactions with your twin, but from how you describe him, he seems even more private about his life than you.”

You have no idea.
Zes forced his smile to stay in place, determined to show her that it didn't bother him in the slightest even though it did. Some days Anj was his best friend, and others they were like complete strangers. There were some things they didn't talk about and trying to get either one of them to do so was like pulling teeth. Zes learned a long time ago to stop trying to pry.

He crossed his legs casually, letting his foot bounce a little. “My brother likes being mysterious. I think it helps him feel secure in himself, makes him feel more interesting. He doesn't mention it much, but I know for a fact that he feels like he got handed the short end of the stick when it comes to our magic.”

“Why do you think that is?”

“Does it matter?”

“It might. Your relationship with your brother is a key part of your life. I'd like to understand it more.”

“He's blind, you know that. His magic is what makes him normal here,” Zes said. “I think everyone's goal, in the end, is to be normal. To blend in. If it weren't, we wouldn't be here. The whole purpose of Vala is to help us be that way so we don't get lashed out at by the nonmagic users of the world.”

“The humans, you mean?” Dr. Warhol tilted her glasses up as she stared at him.

He shifted his weight. “I don't like to refer to them as ‘the humans.' That makes me feel like I'm some kind of different species and sort of freakish.”

“You are a different species. You are half-satyr, half-sprite. There's no point in denying that fact.”

“Well, maybe I want to anyway.”

“Because it helps with not feeling freakish, as you worded it?”

“Right. Growing up, that's what I was around the neighborhood, the freak. As soon as my horns came in, as soon as Anj started showing signs of his bizarre whatever it is he does, the kids on the block stayed far away. If we hadn't come to Vala, then…”

“I understand,” she said.

Dr. Warhol was getting him to open up a lot more than he wanted. She was good at her job; there was no doubt about it. Every session she triggered a ramble from him about something from his past. Zes hated being so vulnerable and easy to trap. Before he started every session, he vowed to not let his guard down, but he still did. He'd never admit it, but talking about things was sometimes nice.

She picked up her notebook again. “Is that why you don't spend the summers at home with your mother?”

“One of several reasons. We have friends here. I mean, Anj is popular. I am by association, and even though we don't let people get close to us, everyone is still nice.”

“And why don't you let more students get close to you?”

“My brother.”

She frowned as she wrote. “Now this I don't understand.”

“It's just something he doesn't do. Getting attached to people is hard for both of us. Friends have a tendency to…”

“To?”

“Nothing.” Saying the word was too difficult.
Leave.

Dr. Warhol must have been paying attention to his thoughts, because she watched him curiously and caught on immediately. “Does this have to do with what happened to your father?”

“I don't know why Anj pushes people away and keeps secrets, okay? At least I'm not the only person he does it to. Rather than make things more complicated for him, I follow his lead and keep to myself.”

“Would you like more friends?”

“Sometimes.” He shook his head. “It's better this way.”

That was the lie he always told himself. Because if Zes made more friends, who would be around to be with his brother? Anj refused to make them for himself. The fact that he let Jewl get close was a miracle in and of itself. If his brother weren't so good at playing coy, Zes was pretty sure they'd be bigger outcasts than Denver. But Anj was good at being mysterious and sexy, which made all the girls want him and all the guys want to be him. Including Zes. How he wished he could have the same kind of confidence.

“You mentioned Cheyenne. How is she doing? I heard she was bitten again?” Dr. Warhol asked.

Zes nodded slowly, not sure if he wanted to talk about it. Getting his feelings off of his chest might help a little though. “She keeps telling me to not worry about it, so I'm guessing she's not too bothered by it.”

“And how does that make you feel?”

“Frustrated, angry… worthless.”

“That's an interesting group of emotions.”

“I'm not sure how else to feel. It's frustrating to have this happen, again. It's angering that she keeps defending him and letting him get away with it, her and the staff. And I feel worthless because she won't let me help her. I can't defend her honor. Isn't that part of being her boyfriend?”

“Sometimes, yes,” she said. “Speaking off the record, I would tell you to be very worried about her, but not because of her being bitten by Denver. His situation is complicated, and so is hers. All three of you are tied together now.”

“If you're saying I should be his friend, you have another thing coming,” he said darkly.

“All I'm saying is maintain open, honest communication in regards to him. Things will be so much easier that way,” she explained.

I am being honest and open about how I feel toward Denver. I hate him. Cheyenne knows it. There's nothing else to say.
Zes rolled his eyes and stared off to the side, wanting to look at anything besides Dr. Warhol.
Are we done yet?

Dr. Warhol didn't say anything, only continued to take notes. “Don't give up on those other four schools you applied for. I'm glad to see you making so much progress. Just remember, I'm here to help you. If you have questions that need answering, I will do my best. Otherwise I encourage you to keep opening up to those around you. Not wanting to talk to me is understandable. Many see it as a sign of weakness or think I don't care about my patients. After all, it's my job to listen, right?”

She made eye contact with him. “But remember this. I took on this position because I want to help others, much like what you want to do with your life. It's in my nature to care, and you aren't weak for seeking out an unbiased ear.”

“Thanks for the reminder,” he said, and glanced at the clock. Had it been an hour yet? He'd already said so much more than he'd intended to.

Dr. Warhol also looked at the clock on her wall. “It's a little early, but if you want to leave, you can. I'm sure you have classes to prepare for and a puppy to get acquainted with.”

Zes nodded. He'd completely forgotten Anj's last training session with his dog was today. “So when am I due back? Next week? Or in two?”

“We'll have one more appointment next month, and if things are still going well, I'll be sure to tell your adviser I think you're okay. While I'm still not quite sure what all happened to you, the scars of the trauma aren't psychological. You've healed well. I'm proud of you. And if you are in emotional pain, you do a good job of hiding it.”

He couldn't help but smile.
I won't have to come back anymore!
Dr. Warhol had his respect. She did a lot to help Cheyenne, but if he didn't have to see the woman, he'd rather not. Besides, Cheyenne was looking out for him so well.
Of course she is. You're her favorite gift.
He frowned, not quite sure where that thought had come from, and definitely not liking the burning feeling where his brand was.

Dr. Warhol was watching him curiously.

“Is everything all right?” she asked, tilting her head to the side.

“I'm fine. Thank you. I'll see you next month.” His teeth clenched as he focused on riding through the pain shooting through his arm.

The doctor didn't look like she believed him but didn't press. “Have a good return to classes. My door is always open, Zes.”

He stood. “I haven't forgotten.”