Apprehension and Desire: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (6 page)

“No, not all, there are some women whom I hold in high esteem, perhaps not many of them... my sister is one of them, my late mother, my housekeeper and now your daughter. You must believe me that very early in our acquaintance, I started to discover and admire all the admirable qualities of  Miss Elizabeth...”

“Such as?”

Darcy smiled and spoke more confidently, “Not only her beauty, but everything about her: her kind, compassionate heart, her lively disposition, her intelligence and, so rare nowadays, her integrity and self respect, her grace, her manners, her voice, the way she expresses her opinions and defends them even when she is wrong, the passion in her eyes when she speaks about something. I have never met a woman like her, never thought that someone like her existed. When we met again in Kent, I understood that there was no point in fighting my feelings for her.”

“Well, Mr. Darcy, that was perhaps the longest speech I have ever heard from you,” Mr. Bennet noted.

“Thank you, sir,” Darcy murmured.

Mr. Bennet did not say more and looked out of the window.

Darcy stared at him without comprehension. Then he stood up abruptly.

“May I have the honour to ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage?” he asked loudly.

“Sit down, young man.” Mr. Bennet waved him down. “Are you aware that my daughter has no dowry to speak of?”

Darcy sat as ordered.“I am aware of that.”

“It does not bother you?”

Darcy shook his head. “I am in a fortunate position to marry where I wish. I am fully able to support her so she would lack nothing. My income estimates at...”

He did not finish, because the older man interrupted him again. “Mr. Darcy, I will be sincere with you. I am not willing to give my favourite daughter to a man I know so little about nor without speaking with Elizabeth directly.”

“You refuse,” Darcy mumbled incredibly.

“Not exactly,” Mr. Bennet said slowly. “I can agree to a courtship. You may stay in the neighbourhood as long as you wish, come here every day, accompany her on walks and to parties, assemblies and church. If after..., let us say six months, she still wants you, I will not oppose.”

Darcy gave him a heavy look. “Is it your last word, sir?”

“Yes, you do not like it?”

“Not particularly,” he murmured.

Mr. Bennet’s eyes narrowed into black slits. “So we have a problem.”

Darcy shook his head and stood up. “No, there is no problem.” He spoke evenly,  “I hardly have any other choice but to agree to your conditions. I respect your decision, even understand it, though I am hardly pleased with this unexpected delay. However, I have sixteen year-old sister under my care, and I would like to know the man I will one day give her to.”

Mr. Bennet  rose as well and held out his hand. Darcy instantly accepted it. Mr. Bennet was nearly as tall as he, and their eyes were at the same level. Height seemed to be the only thing that Elizabeth had not inherited from her father.

“Mrs. Bennet! Wife!” the older gentleman cried in a raised voice when he released Darcy’s hand. “Mrs. Bennet, would you come here, please!”

The very next moment, the door opened, and Mrs. Bennet’s blond curls and a white lacy cap popped in.

Mr. Bennet extended his hand. “My dear.” 

The woman walked to them, looking from her husband to Darcy.

“Imagine, my dear, that Mr. Darcy paid us a visit today to ask me permission to court Lizzy.”

Mrs. Bennet gave her husband a most incredible look, “Lizzy? Our Lizzy?” she wanted to make sure.

Mr. Bennet smiled, nodding his bald head. “Yes, my dear, our Lizzy.”

“Mr. Darcy... our Lizzy.” Mrs. Bennet repeated slowly.

“What are your plans for the rest of day, Mr. Darcy?” Mr. Bennet asked, turning to the guest, and ignoring his wife for a moment as she digested the news.

“I will spend the night at the inn at Meryton before heading back to Kent tomorrow morning.”

“At the inn? We cannot allow that!” Mr. Bennet cried almost theatrically, “Mrs. Bennet, do you agree with me that we cannot let Mr. Darcy stay at the inn?”

The woman shook her head eagerly. “No, indeed, Mr. Bennet. Mr. Darcy should be our guest.”

Mr. Bennet smiled wildly, his eyes twinkling with mischief as he looked at the younger man. “Of course, he should.” He turned to his wife. “I hope you have a good dinner planned for today, Mrs. Bennet. Our guest travelled many miles to pay us a visit.”

Mrs. Bennet gave a loud gasp. “Dinner.” She turned on her feet and, running to the door, cried. “Excuse me, gentlemen. I must speak with Hill directly.”

When Mrs. Bennet was gone, Darcy spoke hastily. “It is not necessary, sir. I will gladly stay at the inn.”

“You will not disappoint us, Mr. Darcy. We may be a family one day, after all. I am sure Lizzy will like to visit us very often as your wife.”

***

Darcy ordered the driver to stop the carriage on the outskirts of Rosings Park. He sent his people to the manor while he decided to take a short walk to the parsonage. He had left Longbourn at first light, when the whole house had been yet in deep sleep, thereby avoiding unwanted farewells.

Elizabeth.  He would see her soon, talk with her, touch her. He hastened his pace. He had never thought that such an occurrence could happen to him, that he would fall for any woman so deeply. One her smile directed at him, one glance at her comely figure and a sort of balmy feeling instantly overpowered him. He felt content, peaceful and perfectly happy simply being in the same room with her. He lived for the next time he would see her. He had been alone as his own Master for so long, but not anymore. He was a true fool in love. It was like an addiction, an illness which had afflicted him.

He reached the parsonage from the back gate, sincerely hoping not to meet Collins working in the garden. Thankfully, there was no sign of the parson, and the cottage seemed very quiet. As he darted his eyes to the façade of the building, his heart squeezed pleasantly at the sight of Elizabeth seated in an upstairs window, reading.

The back door stood wide open, and he entered,  passing by the kitchen and the pantry. From the corner of his eye, he noticed Mrs. Collins talking with the cook. They did not see him, so, undisturbed, he reached the staircase. Once upstairs, he counted the doors, trying to guess which one belonged to Elizabeth’s room.

To his relief, his estimation proved  to be correct, and when he knocked lightly at the white, wooden surface, her sweet voice was heard. “Enter.”

As he had expected, she was seated on the cushioned window seat ledge, her small, stocking clad feet resting neatly in front of her.

“Mr. Darcy,” she whispered, her eyes widening at the sight. “What are you doing here?”

He closed the door. God, she was lovely. Her hair was only partially pinned up, and the cascade of rich chocolate curls was falling gracefully down her shoulders and back. Never before had he seen her so domestic, so intimate in her appearance.

With grace, she lifted herself from her place, her feet looking for pale green house slippers abandoned nearby.

He could not stop himself. He had to put his hands on her as he walked closer.

“I did not expect you today, sir,” she said, as he toyed with a lock of her hair.

He stared at her mouth, distracted.“You did not.”

She shook her head. “You did not go to Herefordshire?”

“I did. I talked with your father yesterday afternoon.”

“You returned so soon?”

He smiled down at her. “I told you that I wanted to be back with you as soon as possible.”

She allowed their eyes to meet at last, only to cast them down again. “Let us go downstairs,” she tried to walk past him but he caught her hand, stopping her.

He shook his head.

“You should not be here, sir,” she said nervously, her colour high.“Let us go to the parlour. We shall have some tea with Charlotte.”

“No, please. Let us stay here.” He pulled her to him, draping an arm around her back “Nobody saw me coming here. I want some privacy.”

She stiffened and her eyes widened. Was she afraid of him? “It is not proper for you to be here, in my room,” she said.

“Come,” he whispered.

He sat in the only armchair present in the small room and, without a word of warning, pulled her onto his lap.

“Mr. Darcy!”she gasped, trying to lift herself.

“Do you have to be so formal with me, Elizabeth?” he tightened his embrace around her, ignoring her struggles to free herself. “Could you call me by my given name?”

When she did not do what he asked for immediately, he prompted. “It is Fitzwilliam.”

She glared at him, slightly offended. “I do remember. It’s a rather unusual first name, I dare say, being  your cousin’s surname.”

“Yes, it was my mother’s idea, I guess. She always shortened it,  however, and called me ‘William.’”

He noticed that as she slowly relaxed in his arms, she was less tense and allowed her back to rest against his chest.

He took one wisp of dark hair, straightened it and then let it curl naturally around his finger. His gaze rested on the simple garnet cross placed in the dip of her throat, then lowered to the swell of her bosom, uncovered by the rather daring cut of her dress. She had a small dark mole on the left breast, visible just above the lace of her bodice. He swallowed and his manhood hardened. How would he able to survive those long months of courtship without even a small gratification.

She was affected, too, by their proximity, he realised. Her breasts started to heave, her lovely face flushed pink. It was so easy to reach for her lips, kiss and caress her.  But he had promised her that he would try to restrain himself. He needed to control his urges. She deserved better.

He took her small hand and lifted it to his lips. “You did not want to know what your father said?” he asked as he nudged her off his lap and stood up.

She nodded. “I do.  Of course, I do.”

Darcy walked away from her, raking his hand through his hair. “He agreed to a courtship only. He wants to speak with you first before giving his consent to the marriage.”

“I see.”

“Perhaps you could try to convince him that the courting period is not necessary in our case?” he asked with hope.

She was silent for a moment. “In your opinion, I do not deserve to be courted in front of my family and friends?”she asked with the edge to her voice, not looking at him.

“No, of course not.” He stepped to her again, catching her eyes. “You deserve everything, all the best in the world, but I had hoped that we could be together sooner.”

She looked to the side. “We will spend a lot of time together during the courtship.”

“I meant to spend time together as a man and a wife,” he stroked her cheek, “Days and nights together,” he whispered.

She blushed, as he pronounced the word nights. “I must be honest. I do not think I am ready for this. I am relieved with my father’s condition.”

There was a pause. “We shall do as you wish then,” he agreed. “I want you to be happy, content. We shall wait to be married.”

“Thank you..., William.”

He did not like that her voice sounded so relieved, so he added more firmly.  “I still want to be married before the end of the year.”

She nodded only, standing in front of him, her eyes downcast, her whole posture uninviting, distant.

“When do you plan to return home?” he asked, stepping very close to her, so their bodies almost touched, making her look at him.

She looked up. “The beginning of next week. My uncle will send a man servant for Miss Lucas and me. We will travel by post to London in his company.”

Darcy scowled. “I do not like that idea,” he announced. “It is highly improper for a young gentle woman to travel by post with common strangers.”

“It is but a few hours journey to London. I shall be fine,” she answered calmly, stepping from him.

“I want you and Miss Lucas to travel in my carriage,” he spoke in commanding tone, he often used with Georgiana. “I will escort you to your uncle’s home.”

“I cannot do that!” she protested. “You know very well that would not be proper.”

“You think that travelling with strangers is proper?” he cried, exasperated.

Elizabeth pressed her lips into a thin line. “I will not go to London alone with you in a carriage. My reputation would be ruined; you know it very well.”

“Elizabeth, be reasonable, we are about to be married, surely before the end of the year. You will travel with me in a carriage all your future life. Besides, Miss Lucas will be there, too and the manservant from your uncle that you mentioned. I may even go in another carriage after yours.”

Elizabeth lifted her chin up. “I will go by post as was planned before.”

“I cannot agree to that. I will not allow it!” he snapped.

She squared her shoulders. “You are not my husband yet, sir. To be precise, you are not even my betrothed. You are not my father or uncle to decide about me, and if they think that I can safely travel by post with Miss Lucas, I do not see the reason to do otherwise!”