ARC: Essence (11 page)

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

The next few days stretched, softening slightly and blending into a wash of sunshine, cool breezes and lightning-fast baths at the Balcony. Javi and I didn’t try to kiss again, but we did settle into an easy camaraderie. By the end of the week, we began meeting after chores for hikes and stopping by the meditation tents to spend time with Kadence.

She was fantastic. Although she giggled at our futile attempts to allow ourselves to experience the world through our opened chakras, she still seemed pleased by our meditation efforts. She was also assigned to be our official orientation leader, so we began meeting for lunch and listening to her Community lessons beside the Merced River.

Our “lessons” were essentially a crash course on life outside the Centrist Movement. We learned about literature, politics, biology and the prevalence of hormones that were apparently running on overdrive through every teenager’s veins. We learned that love and passion and sex weren’t considered dangerous out here – were even encouraged somewhat – and Kadence giggled every now and then as she talked, saying things like, “And here you were, probably thinking there was something wrong with you!”

We learned words for emotional subtleties we’d never experienced, and we talked about the differences between the ones we already knew: anxiety versus insecurity, jealousy versus envy, confusion versus bewilderment, sympathy versus empathy.

The knowledge was enlightening – new, but not new, somehow. Temple classes touched on sociology and biology and current affairs, but they also emphasized Essence drain as the root cause of nearly all of the world’s evils. The knowledge that I was now encouraged, even expected, to act in opposition to my upbringing was dizzying.

Kadence made us practice. We took turns yelling, laughing, singing… It was terrifying at first, but we gradually grew to look forward to it – sprawling on the riverbank and screaming until our lungs hurt.

Those first few days were magical. Once we’d completed our introductory lessons, we shifted our attention to what Kadence called our “inner journey”. It was during these classes that we learned to appreciate the openness of our senses.

“So there’s this guy who used to live here,” she said late one afternoon. The three of us were sitting cross-legged, and a few wispy clouds dotted an otherwise flawless sky. “Name was John Muir. Came here in the 1860s or ’70s, I think; you can find some pictures of him in the Ahwahnee.”

She smiled. “He’s the one who fought for this place to become a national park. And do you know what he said? ‘Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.’”

She waited for us to react, but I didn’t know what to say. I had never heard words strung together like that, but I knew they resonated somewhere deep inside my gut. I could tell by the light in her eyes that they resonated in hers, too.

She smiled. “Don’t try to digest that just yet. But tuck it away and hold it somewhere. And when you’re out here, think about it. Feel it. See if you can come up with any words of your own. This is what living in the Community is really all about.”

Not all our classes were quite so serious, and Kadence felt free to tease us as we struggled through the course she called “Responsible Relationships”.

“The Community encourages relationships, but they aren’t a hundred percent necessary,” she said. “It’s really up to you, and it’s all about your comfort level. But if you do decide to date, it’s important to be honest and communicate with your partner. And if you choose to become physical, you need to take certain precautions to make sure you both stay safe. How familiar are you guys with birth control?”

The idea that sexual relationships were actually encouraged here was mind-boggling, and Kadence’s rules for dating were equally overwhelming. “It’s an isolated population,” she explained. “It wouldn’t be so important if we lived somewhere else, but if one person gets a disease here, it can spread like wildfire through the whole Community. So you have to register all your new partners with Rex and Daniel. They keep a database.”

Although I lingered for a moment on the idea that I was finally allowed to experience a boy’s tenderness, the thought of having to have
that
conversation was enough to keep my clothes on for the rest of my life.

Ryder was strangely absent for most of the rest of the week, but he showed up in a flurry Friday afternoon – tromping through the stables and appearing by my side as I weighed supplements in the kitchen.

“Moonbows,” he said by way of a hello, jumping to a seat on the counter beside me.

“Nice to see you, too.” I reached for a towel. “Where have you been all week?”

He waved that away with a grin. “Busy. I’m terribly busy and important, you know, but I’ve come to let you know you have plans tonight.”

“I do?”

“You do.” He followed my movements as I began loading feed buckets in the corner. “You’re coming to the Falls with me, Jett, Cody… the whole damn Community, really, or at least the fun ones.”

“The Falls? Which falls?”

“
The Falls
, Red. Yosemite Falls. You obviously still have a lot to learn here.”

“Oh–kay?” I let the word draw into a question. I knew he was baiting me, toying with me somehow, but I couldn’t help the flutter of – what? curiosity? flattery? – that sifted through me at his attention.

“So, the Falls
rage
this time of year; it’s all that melted snow from the High Country.” He bounced from the counter. “If you catch a full moon just right – and this only works in late spring – you can actually see rainbows reflected in the waterfall’s spray.” He paused and gestured dramatically. “Moonbows.”

“Moonbows,” I repeated.

I tried to picture what a night rainbow might look like, and I must have smiled, because Ryder grinned and leaned against the counter. “Thought you might like that.”

“What do you do during moonbows?”

“Party your ass off. We bring sleeping bags and drinks and snacks; some of the boys and I set up a slackline across the creek, and we basically dance around and make like
Where the Wild Things Are
till the sun comes up.”

He must have read my confusion, because he sighed. “
Where the Wild Things Are,
that’s a book. Damn, Red, we gotta get you a proper education.”

“OK, so you watch moonbows until the sun comes up. What about your chores?”

“Red, you gotta stop placing so much emphasis on your chores.” Ryder scanned the kitchen. “Shayla doesn’t care what time you come in, long as you get your shit done. This place even has a fridge; why don’t you get tomorrow’s diets ready now so you don’t have to worry about it later?”

“Can I do that?”

“Sure thing.” He reached for a knife. “Hell, I’ve even been known to chop a carrot or two in my day. Pass me some veggies, Red. We’ll bust this out.”

I did what Ryder said, weighing and measuring and packing away all the veggies we chopped before he dashed back to the clinic and I took off for lunch. I still didn’t completely understand the appeal of moonbows, but the invitation definitely sounded intriguing – especially since it led to a few flustered minutes of side-by-side work with him. Moonbows also sounded like a great way to spike some of my heart readings – which I was definitely inclined to do, since my first weekly reading with Rex was the next morning.

When I mentioned the plans to Kadence and Javi over lunch, Kadence said, “Yeah, you and Javi should totally go. It’s a Yosemite must-see, and it doesn’t happen that often. Shayla will understand if you’re a little late to chores tomorrow morning.”

“You don’t want to come with us?”

“Nah.” She wrinkled her nose. “Don’t get me wrong; it’s totally amazing, but once you’ve been there and done that, it loses its luster a little, you know? Plus, it’s always super crazy out there, and I’m feeling kinda tired, so… You guys just go and enjoy it without me.”

Before Javi and I could protest, she smiled. “I’m serious. I will be so mad at you if you don’t go.” She tried to look threatening. “No more free meditation sessions, either. You can figure out how to open your chakras without me.”

After much prodding, Javi and I finally agreed, and we showed up at the crumbling Yosemite Falls trailhead sometime after ten o’clock. “You don’t want to get there too early,” Kadence had explained, suiting us up in warm coats after dinner. “Better to make a dramatic entrance.”

Dramatic entrance? I still wasn’t exactly sure what she meant by that when Javi and I started walking toward the thundering falls. She had also insisted we couldn’t bring a lantern or a flashlight, and I cursed this logic as we stumbled through the night. We kept getting snarled up in bushes, and we made countless wrong turns before we finally settled in a few paces behind a group of kids neither of us recognized.

As we neared the base of the Falls, the din of laughter and conversation spilled through the waterfall’s roar. A huge mob of bodies became visible through the pines, and I felt an inexplicable jolt of nerves at the sight of so many people gathered together at once.

We barely know anyone here.

I don’t know why this made me feel so self-conscious. It was nearly pitch-black, so it wasn’t like anyone could see me, anyway. But I was suddenly so overwhelmed by the idea that Javi and I might look stupid in front of everyone that I nearly fainted in relief when I felt a tight grip on my bicep. “Autumn!”

It was Jett – thank goodness it was Jett – and her blinding white smile was visible even in the darkness. She was wearing a brightly colored sweatshirt, and her hood’s fake fur tickled my nose as she pulled me into a hug.

“Oh my gosh, I’ve barely seen you this week! I’m so sorry; the stupid greenhouse guys have been working me like a dog. It’s all about the planting season, you know, so I’ve had zero time to do anything fun at all. Hold on a sec, Cody’s around here somewhere… Hi, Javi! Looking good in that jacket!”

She ushered us past mobs of people and circles of guitar and drum players. A space opened up near the waterfall’s base, and she shoved us toward the platform railing. “Check this out, guys.”

Yosemite Falls made Vernal Fall look like a bathtub. The water heaved and exploded before us, roaring downward from a summit so high it stretched out of my sight. The spray was so dense it obscured most of the base from view, but there – right there in front of me, in the middle of everything – a vivid rainbow stretched from one side of the creek to the other. It shimmered in the moonlight, disappearing and reappearing from view.

The sight of its fragile beauty was so overwhelming and unexpected that I didn’t realize I had grabbed Javi’s hand until he squeezed mine back and whispered, “I know, right?”

Jett appraised our entwined hands and quirked one corner of her lips. “Tell you what,” she said. “I’m gonna rustle up Cody, grab some drinks, and I’ll be back in a bit, OK? Stay here a few minutes by yourselves?”

There was so little room on the platform that Javi and I were nearly smashed together. We made eye contact, and a flutter of desire sprang alive in my chest. It was the first time I’d felt it since our hike to Vernal Fall – the first time my feelings for Javi hadn’t been clouded by my feelings for Ryder.

Which were stupid, I had reminded myself all week, angry a flirt like Ryder could affect my feelings for a guy as deep and genuine as Javi.

It wasn’t something I was proud of, but the thought had been present ever since Ryder showed up in the stables and told me his heart was mine. That was a dumb line – he probably said it to every girl – but I hadn’t been able to shake the feeling that maybe he really
did
fall for me a little that night we played together on the Slip ’n Slide.

I realized my thoughts were slipping again. And instead of allowing myself to be swept away in the moment with Javi, I was actually thinking about Ryder again. And I was kinda wondering where he was right now.

Dammit, Autumn.

Jett’s return with Cody was soon a welcome relief.

“OK, so the trick is, you gotta drink it fast.” Jett pinched her nose and waved Cody’s flask to demonstrate. The four of us were sitting on a log near the only fire permitted to burn at the gathering. “It’s called moonshine, and it tastes like gasoline, but it does the trick. You just gotta slam it.”

“Why?” Javi frowned. “What’s the point of drinking it if it doesn’t taste good?”

“Because it gets you wasted, bro.” It was Ryder. He appeared with a wink from the darkness behind us. “Cedar’s cronies taught you guys about alcohol, right? A huge cause of Essence drain in the twentieth century – nearly solely responsible for the beginning of World War Two?”

“What does it do to you, really?”

“It’s not nearly as scary as it sounds,” Jett assured me from Cody’s lap. “It just relaxes you a little. Takes your inhibitions away. Makes you laugh a little harder and become a little braver.”

“It basically makes you into ‘You, Plus’ or ‘You, Enhanced’,” Cody said. “It doesn’t change who you are, just makes you a little more amplified.”

“Unless you drink too much,” Ryder said, fishing a cigarette from his pocket. “Then it turns you into a raging idiot. Next thing you know, you wake up in bed next to a complete stranger.”

He grinned and turned to placate me. “Just kidding, Red. Javi. But seriously, don’t drink too much, or you’ll regret it tomorrow.”

I eyed the bottle in Cody’s hands suspiciously. I’ll regret it? He’s kidding, right? I don’t want to act like an idiot if I drink this, and I
definitely
don’t want to wake up in bed next to a stranger.

“Relax, Red,” Ryder said, lighting his cigarette in the fire. “I don’t even have to turn around to know you have that horrified look on your face.”

“I don’t have a horrified look on my face.”

“You do, Autumn,” Jett said with a giggle. “You really, really do.”

I glanced at Javi, and he squeezed my knee supportively. “I’m not sure we’re into this tonight, guys,” he said. “Just got here, you know. Although you’re selling it really well, Ryder…” He let the sentence trail off, and I was surprised by his acrid tone.

I can’t explain why this irritated me, but it did. Before I knew it, I found myself blurting, “No, wait. You said this stuff makes you braver? Does it affect your heart rate? Make you feel things more?”

“It can,” Cody answered. “It’ll slow you down if you sit around and do nothing, but if you get up and start having fun with it…”

“All right.” I nodded. “Let’s do it, then. I’m in.”