ARC: Essence (12 page)

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

The first thing that happened when I tasted the burning liquid – which was not nearly as delicious as it smelled – was that the world became a little fuzzy. Not weirdly fuzzy, or alarmingly fuzzy… just softened slightly, blurred a bit at the edges of my vision.

I kinda liked it, actually; it made me feel less self-conscious as I followed our group back through the crowd. I was gliding – striding through there like I belonged – and I
did
belong, you know? I was with Jett, who was the most fun girl I’d ever met, and I was with Ryder, and his father basically owned this place.

Javi decided not to drink, and his shifty, worried expression made me feel a little uncomfortable at first. But soon his concern blended into the background of the evening, and the foreground became filled with colors, laughter and introductions with a whirlwind of people whose names and faces became indistinct after a while.

We returned to the creek, and I noticed that Ryder and his friends had pulled a wide, flat piece of rope from one side of the water to the other. They had secured it between two big trees, and it stretched, waist-high, across the clearing – just far enough downstream to be spared the waterfall’s spray.

“Slackline,” Jett explained, rolling her eyes as Ryder and Cody crowded toward it. Javi followed them warily.

“What’s a slackline?”

“See that girl?” She motioned to a willowy blonde girl with her back to us. The girl tested the rope with her hands and stood back to watch it vibrate. “That’s Shayla; you may have seen her around.”

My chest tightened. Was there ever a time Shayla
wasn’t
the center of attention?

“Shayla’s kind of a legend around here. What she’s gonna do in just a sec is pull herself up to stand on the rope. Once she catches her balance – way harder than it looks, because the rope jumps around and vibrates – she’s gonna walk across the creek and get to the other side.”

“But…” I felt my eyes widening as I surveyed the jagged rocks and water beneath her. “What happens if she falls?”

“That’s the stupid part,” Jett said. “If she falls, she hurts herself. Probably badly.”

“But…” I struggled to process this. “Why would she do that?”

“For the adrenaline rush she’ll feel when she makes it across. Like I said, Shayla’s kind of a legend around here. Has some of the most impressive readings in the entire Valley.”

“Does Cody slackline, too? Does Ryder?”

“Almost all the boys in the Community do it.” She rolled her eyes again. “Most of the girls don’t – Shayla’s really the only one – but it’s kind of a rite of passage around here. I tried it a few times, and I nearly broke my ankle.”

Shayla balanced herself on the quavering rope, and then she pulled herself to a standing position in one fluid motion. She remained motionless until the rope’s vibrations subsided, and then she began walking forward slowly – one bare foot in front of the other.

Her intensity and grace were mesmerizing. The air seemed to go out of the entire gathering as everyone stopped to watch her, but she didn’t even seem to notice. She was solely focused on the rope below her, and her arms were held outward, spread for balance.

I frowned. “Ryder mentioned something about looking for a highlining route at Taft Point the other day. Is highlining the same thing as slacklining?”

“Highlining is slacklining between two cliffs. Ryder was talking about having three thousand feet of air between him and the ground.”

I couldn’t even picture this. “No way,” I said. “Why in the world… What would happen if he fell?”

Jett shrugged. “Some highliners attach safety ropes to their lines, so they just bounce around for a while until they can pull themselves to the other side. Others wear parachutes, but some…” She shook her head. “Some
idiots
– like Ryder and his boys – they think it’s fun to just take their chances. Addicted to the rush, I guess. Morons.”

“Ryder doesn’t wear a safety line?” I couldn’t explain why, but I felt a flutter of desire at the thought. I pictured Ryder’s bare back – muscles tensed as he walked through the empty space between cliffs – and I shuddered. “Isn’t that–?”

“Ryder’s an idiot.” Jett’s voice was sharp, and she turned from the slackline just as Shayla reached the far side of the creek. Shayla jumped from the rope and turned with a little bow as the crowd erupted in cheers. “They’re all idiots.”

Catching herself as we strode back into the crowd, she paused and attempted a smile. “Sorry,” she said. “I just… get tired of worrying, you know? I know they’re doing it for their Essences, and I know Rex encourages them to push themselves. It’s just… It all just seems a little reckless, you know? It’s… frustrating.”

She retrieved the flask from her sweatshirt pocket. “Let’s forget about it, OK? The night is young… Wanna dance or something?”

The current in the air was electric, and campfire smoke enveloped my skin as Jett and I strode from group to group, passing the flask back and forth and listening to the music spilling from the guitars and drums.

I had never heard music like this before. It was
fun
, not dreary or monotonic, and its beat infused the night, humming through the pine canopy and pulsing like a heartbeat in the auras of all my new friends. I melted into their rhythm after a while, and I swayed a little and giggled when Jett prodded me and said, “Look at you, Autumn! Girl’s got rhythm!”

I should have been terrified. I should have excused myself, taken a deep breath and repeated the Centrist mantra a few times for good measure. But I didn’t. And here’s the thing: it didn’t even occur to me that I should.

Instead, I found myself smiling. And laughing. And enjoying everyone’s company without fearing for my Essence once.

Maybe it was my heart rate monitor. Maybe it was the moonshine. Maybe it was the way I kept catching the Community boys staring at me when they thought I couldn’t see them.

After a while, the fuzziness at the edges of my vision increased. Jett assured me it was normal – laughed when I attempted to explain it to her – and then I was laughing, too. We were sitting somewhere near the edge of the campfire, and I just felt so
good
all of a sudden that I couldn’t help my burst of giggles. The air was swimming with light, and we were surrounded by so many smiling, happy faces that contentment just poured out of me, thick and rich as honey.

“Autumn,” Jett said after a minute, rousing herself to sit up straight. “Autumn, I think it’s working. I think you’re getting drunk.”

“Drunk?” I struggled to my feet and staggered a little when the world spun. “No way, Jett.
You’re
getting drunk.”

“I
am
. I totally, totally am. And you are, too.”

I’m not quite sure what happened next. I know I laughed – I think we both did – but then we were out in the crowd again. We were jostling and talking and stopping to watch the group of fire dancers throwing flaming sticks into the air and catching them.

I know we looked at the moonbows again for a while, and I know the waterfall spray felt cold and dark and beautiful against my face. I remember sneaking off to pee in the woods at some point, and I snickered as my legs wobbled. Jett stood guard and promised she’d protect me from “wandering eyes”.

I met another girl named Autumn – and this was hilarious to both of us for some reason – and I picked up someone’s guitar and puzzled over the tight line of strings that buzzed and sounded terrible under my fingertips. And then Javi was beside me, and I was irritated by his concern as I swayed back through the crowd.

“I’m fine,” I remember saying, waving him away and weaving toward the slackline. “I’m fine, fine, fine. Just ‘Me, Plus’. ‘Me, Enhanced.’”

The ground felt soggy beneath my feet, but I really
was
fine. I was great, actually: excellent and confident and wonderful. I wondered how I had ever lived without feeling this feeling, and then I decided I wanted to slackline, too.

I wanted to highline over a cliff someday, and I was so giddy and excited by this that I decided I absolutely, positively needed to tell Ryder right now. So, I staggered along the banks looking for him. I smiled to myself, and I imagined how excited he would be to see me.

But then I saw him. And I was no longer fine at all.

He was standing with his back to me, but it was very clear who the girl in front of him was. Shayla. Although they weren’t kissing, they definitely seemed drawn to each other. She was laughing, and her golden hair was fluttering around her shoulders as she squeezed his bicep and leaned to whisper something in his ear.

Bile rose in my throat, and then I turned around and stormed off as they started at the sound of my intrusion. I was trudging along the creek, tripping on rocks and fighting the inexplicable tears I felt welling in my eyes, when I ran into Javi. And then I knew exactly what I wanted to do next.

I vaulted toward him, wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pulled him into a hard kiss. I didn’t know exactly what I was doing, but I knew I liked his shudder when he wavered against me.

“Autumn,” he sputtered, pulling away. “What are you doing? Are you OK?”

“I’m fine.” I pushed him against a nearby tree. “I’m fine, and I’m wonderful, and I really want to kiss you right now.”

“Autumn.” He dodged my lips and held me at arm’s length. “You’re… You’ve been drinking, and I don’t want to…”

“I’m fine,” I insisted. “I’m just ‘Me, Enhanced’. And ‘Me, Enhanced’ has been wanting to kiss you for a really long time.”

His face became serious. “Autumn, I don’t want you to do anything you’re going to regret tomorrow…”

“I’m not going to regret this. I want to kiss you, and I want to kiss you right now. Do you want me to or not?”

“I do. I have since the first time I saw you at the temple, but I don’t want…”

“Then just let me already.”

My hands threaded through his hair as I stood on my tiptoes, and I leaned against his chest and pressed my lips against his. His eyes went cloudy, and his arms tightened around my waist like clamps.

I felt strong and beautiful and completely intoxicated by the power of it. I was actually making Javi tremble.

He didn’t seem to know what to do with me for a moment, and then another shudder coursed through him and he groaned and parted my lips with his tongue. His hands gripped my hips so hard I thought they might leave bruises.

I didn’t care, because I suddenly couldn’t be close enough to him. I raked my hands through his hair, and he wrapped his arms around my lower back and pulled me to the damp forest floor below him.

My heart nearly exploded. We were kissing on a bed of moss, and I was leading his hands to my chest. I was fumbling with my jacket and the ties on my blouse, and his hands were cupping my bra through my shirt’s open fabric. The ache that raced through me was so overpowering that I think I must have lost control for a moment, because I don’t remember anything at all except the flood of desire that was suddenly so strong that I pushed him to the ground and rolled to sit on top of him.

Something rustled in the bushes behind us. I sprang to look backward, and I came face to face with Ryder. Again.

His eyes widened, and then he retreated. And then I was readjusting my blouse, jumping from Javi’s lap and taking off after him.

Why? I still wonder how I managed to leave Javi’s side, what I said over my shoulder as I turned to run after Ryder. Did I simply say I had to go, or did I say something more, like I’d seen Ryder with Shayla, and that’s why I’d raced into his arms, looking for comfort?

I don’t know the answer. That part of the night has become a blur. I’m not even sure when Javi left the Falls, but I do know I caught up to Ryder somewhere near the slackline. His eyes were cold, and his frown was more like a scowl when I rushed up to him and said, “What’s your problem? Why do you care, anyway?”

“Because I
like
you, Red,” he snapped. “I
like
you, and I’m sick and tired of watching you make out with Javi. OK?”

“You don’t like me.” I crossed my arms. “You like Shayla, and besides, you apparently date everyone here, so it’s not like I’m–”

“Shayla’s my
friend,
Red. Where are you getting this?”

“Kadence.” I didn’t mean to tell him, but the word just poured out.

The look in Ryder’s eyes told me I’d hit a sore spot. “Kadence? You’re gonna listen to
anything
that girl has to say about me?” He shook his head. “You know what? Never mind. You’ve clearly made your choice. Go back to Javi; he’s probably pissed enough at you for leaving.”

I wavered, and I think my lower lip may have even trembled when I said, “But… But I don’t want to be with Javi…”

“Then why were you making out with him, Red? Why were you sitting on his lap with your shirt half off? You have a pretty weird way of showing him you don’t want to be with him.”

“I…” I felt a tear slide down my cheek. The euphoric feeling of the night – the energetic swell of happiness and confidence I’d been buzzing with all evening – seemed to be crumbling around me now.

I wanted to collapse, to go home and be neutral and forget about everything that had happened, but instead I found myself stammering, “I… I was looking for you. And then I saw you with Shayla, so I…”

I stopped, too ashamed to continue, but Ryder didn’t make me elaborate. Instead, a funny thing happened. His expression softened, and he took a step toward me. “What are you saying, Red?” he asked, and his voice became surprisingly tender.

Humiliated, I glanced at the ground and realized a few of the ties on my blouse were still off-kilter. I struggled to fix them, and I didn’t notice Ryder was reaching for me until he cupped my chin between his thumb and forefinger.

“Red,” he whispered. “It’s OK. I’m not mad at you. Are you telling me you kissed Javi because you thought I liked Shayla?”

Making eye contact with him somehow made it feel too real. Besides, the world had begun tilting a little, and its jerky spins were beginning to make me nauseous.

Ryder must have realized something was wrong, because his tenderness faded. “Red,” he said, reaching to steady me. “Are you OK? You look a little pale all of a sudden. Want me to take you home?”

I tried to nod, but the motion sent the world into overdrive. The stars spun, the waterfall stopped churning, and the last thing I remember is the whirl of the pine canopy as the night came crashing down around me.