Are Lobsters Ambidextrous? (23 page)
Read Are Lobsters Ambidextrous? Online
Authors: David Feldman
What’s the stinging culprit? Demon alcohol. John Corbett, vice-president of technology at Clairol, elaborates:
The reason that most after-shave lotions sting is that they contain a relatively high percentage of ethyl alcohol, which, coupled with the fact that the facial skin has been subject to abrasion by the process of shaving, sets up an ideal situation for eliciting the sensation of stinging. The importance of the abrasion contribution can be readily tested by applying after-shave lotion some hours after shaving—no stinging sensation will be observed.
Corbett mentioned that there are nonstinging after-shave balms on the market, but “none have achieved significant popularity.” So why do men crave a little pain in the morning? Corbett offers a few possibilities: “Presumably men find the sting of after-shave products an aid to waking up and proof that something is happening—or, maybe, men are masochists at heart.”
Irene L. Malbin, vice-president of public affairs at the Cosmetic, Toiletry, and Fragrance Association, told
Imponderables
that after-shave lotions are not merely repackaged colognes or perfumes. Some lotions contain cooling astringent ingredients to heal small nicks and cuts; others moisturize and smooth the skin. Unlike perfumes, the scent is formulated to “perform for a short time.”
The alcohol in after-shave lotion that stings you also protects you—it acts as an antiseptic. Cosmetics companies won’t brag about this fact in ads, for if they do, the lotion will be classified as a drug. Cosmetics companies avoid the drug classification so
that the product will not fall under the regulatory and marketing constraints for pharmaceuticals, which are far more rigorous than for cosmetics.
Submitted by Dr. John Hardin of Greenfield, Indiana
.
Why
do you often see tires on top of mobile homes in trailer parks?
Our initial research wasn’t encouraging. Augie, at Sunset Trailer Park, in San Jose, California, insisted that someone was pulling our leg. He had never heard of putting tires on a trailer and thought it would be a bad idea—if the tire dented the roof, rust, and eventually a hole, would create a major repair job.
We were disappointed when Jane Owens, at Western Trailer Park in San Jose, agreed with Augie that she hadn’t seen tires on the roofs of trailers in northern California. But, she added, “They put tires on the roof in Nevada, where it gets windy.”
“Oh, no,” we thought, “don’t tell us that the tires are used to weigh down the trailers to keep them from blowing away during tornadoes?” We were assured not. Kay McKeown, who runs a trailer park in Battle Mountain, Nevada, explained that most mobile homes have tie-downs to keep the trailers in place during severe wind.
The purpose of the tires on the roof, Kay and Jane agreed, is
to kill the noise of wind and rain hitting the surface of the aluminum or tin roof. The tires deflect the pinging sound of rain; even better, the weight of the tires keeps the wind from making the roof pop in and out, the most annoying and sleep-destroying sound since the invention of the leaky faucet. One layer of tires does the job effectively, and the tires needn’t have new treads or high biases. Of course, some trailers boast shingled roofs—these don’t pop in and out, and don’t need tires atop them, but they tend to cost more.
We never would have thought of the “prevent the roof popping” answer to this Imponderable, but as ignorant as we were, we still couldn’t resist challenging the trailer park mavens about why tires were chosen to kill the sound of falling rain or hail. Surely, the owners could have found a better tool for the purpose—a tire, after all, is almost as much hole as substance. While Jane Owens acknowledged that tires can’t cover the whole surface of the roof and are much more successful at solving the popping roof problem, they greatly soften the noise. And, she adds, some people place a tarp or plywood directly over the roof and then place the tires on top. The additional covering not only kills the sound but helps prevent corrosion of the metal roof.
Submitted by Lynne Lichtenstein of Hickory, North Carolina
.
Why
do cows stick their tongues up their nostrils?
We were tempted to say, “Because they can!” But in our relentless quest for truth we asked several cattle experts about this unsightly habit. Our serious guess was that the tongue was the easiest way to lubricate the dreaded “dry nose” condition that we assumed plagued our bovine friends. Wrong. Cows stick their tongues up their nostrils for two distinct reasons.
Cows have nasolabial glands located in the dermis (just under the epidermis of the skin) that produce a watery secretion
that helps keep their noises moist. Cows and other ruminants use these secretions to digest their food, as Michael T. Smith, of the National Cattlemen’s Association, explains:
They frequently thrust their muzzles into the feed and, during rumination, run their tongues into the nostril and over the muzzle, thus bringing the secretion into the mouth. The chemical properties of nasolabial secretions are similar to saliva and aid in the digestive process (e.g., swallowing, enzymatic activity, buffering of the rumen [the cow’s first stomach]).
Smith adds that buffalo exhibit the same behavior as their bovine cousins.
Cows frequently endure respiratory infections that involve involuntary nasal discharges, sometimes quite heavy. Dr. Harold Amstutz, of the American Association of Bovine Practitioners, told
Imponderables
that these discharges are quite irritating and need to be expelled. But “cows don’t have handkerchiefs or fingers.” So they use their tongues to remove the irritant instead.
Submitted by Gena Stephenson of Bloomington, Illinois. Thanks also to Irvin Lush of Louisville, Kentucky
.
Why
don’t banks return canceled checks in numerical order?
They could, but it would take one additional step that would ultimately cost the consumer, as well as the banks, more money. Ann Walk, executive director of the National Independent Bank Equipment & Systems Association, explains:
The average account has only twenty-eight checks per month, and the banks feel that the customer can sort these and save the banks time. If you will notice on your monthly statement, the checks are listed in numerical order for your convenience. This is done automatically by machine and not by hand, as sorting checks would be.
Are the checks placed in your statements in random order? Not really. Banks send bank checks with your statement in the order
they
received them.
Submitted by R. A. Pickett of Danville, Illinois
.
What
makes cotton shrink more when washed than wool when cleaned?
If we had known how complicated this subject was, we might have tried tackling an easier problem, perhaps solving the unresolved issues in quantum physics or conducting an exhaustive search to find either a scintilla of humor or a decent female role in an Oliver Stone movie.
Trade groups in both the wool and cotton industry sent us literature full of equations and formulas, the likes of which we hadn’t seen since we glanced at the textbook for that math class in college that we decided not to take because it was too difficult or, rather, not relevant to solving the social ills of our country. But since we are stuck with the issue at hand, please believe us when we tell you we are
simplifying
our answer.
All the processes that turn cotton into a finished garment (e.g., spinning, weaving or knitting, dyeing, finishing) strain and contract the fabric. Cotton shrinks when this strain is relaxed. Although many factors can contribute to shrinkage, by far the biggest factor is swelling of the yarn when exposed to water.
One might think that swollen yarn would increase the size of the garment, but what happens is that a greater length of yarn, known as warp yarn, is required to interweave the greater diameter of the swollen filling threads if the fibers are to remain in position. But the knitting process doesn’t allow enough extra yarn to interweave, so the filling threads are drawn together. This results in a relaxation of the internal strain and shrinkage in length. This shrinkage can occur in the clothes dryer as well
as in the washing machine, as anyone who has ever seen an extra-large T-shirt turn into a medium after a prolonged spin can attest. Chemical processes, such as Sanforizing, can eliminate all but about 1 percent of this shrinkage, but the treatment affects the feel and wear characteristics of the cotton.
Despite wool’s reputation as a relatively shrink-free material, it is susceptible to the same relaxation of strains problems as cotton, and one more as well: felting shrinkage. Felting shrinkage is why you can’t put most wool garments in the washing machine, as the American Wool Council explains:
Felting shrinkage occurs when wool is subjected to heat, moisture, and friction, the kind of friction that takes place in washing agitation. The microscopic scale-like structures of the wool fiber interlock; the fabric becomes thicker and smaller; it shrinks or felts. This kind of shrinkage is irreversible.
So why doesn’t wool shrink when exposed to the heat in dry cleaning? Because as part of the finishing process of making a wool garment, the wool is preshrunk in a process called “fulling” or “milling.” Heat, moisture, and friction are applied to the fabric so that it shrinks a specified amount in length and width. Fulling tightens the weave and helps provide the softer texture desired of wool garments. Many chemical processes have been invented to allow treated wool garments to be machine washed and dried.
One advantage of wool over cotton is that shrinkage caused by relaxation of fiber strains can often be reversed. We have been testing this hypothesis by bravely, and without regard to our own welfare, gaining weight over the years. We can conclusively state that our old cotton T-shirts, which once fit perfectly, are not capable of expanding to fit our now ampler frame.
Submitted by John Clark of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
.
Why
are powdered laundry detergents sold in such odd weights?
Call it rigid and boring, but there is something comforting about the sizing of liquid detergents. Most brands, such as the largest-selling liquid detergent in the United States, Tide, manufacture 32-ounce, 64-ounce, 96-ounce, 128-ounce, and 156-ounce sizes. But compare these nice, even sizes (which make sense both as even pound equivalents and as units of quarts and gallons) to Tide’s “regular” and “Ultra” powdered detergents. According to Procter & Gamble spokesperson Joe Mastrullo, the company now produces only two sizes of “regular” detergent—in two rather strange sizes: 39 ounces and 136 ounces.
What gives? According to Edna Leurck, of P&G’s consumer services,
When detergents were first introduced, the weight selected was chosen to make the products compatible with those laundry soaps that were in general use. Over the years, increased detergent technology led to changes in the products, which have caused the standard weights to jump around a bit.
The sizes selected are not arbitrary, though. Sheryl B. Zapcic, of Lever Brothers Company, explains that powdered detergents are sold to provide consumers with
an approximate number of standard dry measured uses. For instance, if a detergent is packaged to provide the consumer with 20 uses and each use measures ½ cup of detergent, the weight of the package is calculated by multiplying 20 times the weight of each ½-cup use. Therefore, the consumer gets an “even” number of washing uses, rather than an “even” number of ounces.