Argosy Junction (31 page)
Laney,
You’re coming! Tad emailed the information, and I was so excited. You—here—with me. I can see you. I can talk to you and know your thoughts as they flit across your face.
I want to hold your hand and never let it go. Silly of me, isn’t it? Am I wrong to want to show affection for someone that I can’t even be with right now? Probably. If I hug you, will you understand, or will you despise me? If I play with your hair, will that amuse you as it has done so often in the past or will you jerk your hair from my fingers and walk away from me? Would you feel cherished or degraded by my touch?
Will I know? I wonder if I’ll have the nerve to even try, or will it be so natural I won’t realize what I’ve done until you’re offended and walk out of my life for good. I’ll be on my guard, but if I fail, please don’t be insulted. How pathetic I sound—full of sappy drivel drip. I should work on my ballad instead. That is where the sap should flow freely.
If I were a knight of King Arthur’s court, I would sign my note,
Adieu fair maiden,
Matt
“Oh, Matt, I should go meet Tad and Patience, but I can’t let things hang like that. I need to write. Something.”
So, disregarding the brother and sister working their way through the crowds to the front of the park, Lane wrote. It didn’t take her long to compose a simple brief email sure to ease any concerns. Quicker than she’d ever thought possible; she flew down the hall, into the elevator, and out of the hotel. Silver Dollar City waited for her.
~*~*~*~
“This next song is one of my sister’s favorites. She likes it because it reminds her of her
boy-
friend!” Tad’s emphasis on boyfriend sounded as mocking and teasing as he could make it. Patience stood in the wings watching them eagerly.
“You’d better watch it or he’ll whip your bum next time he sees you!”
Tad eyed her mockingly. “Let’s see…” Tad held one hand over his head and one down to Lane’s. “He’s about the same height as you…”
“Height doesn’t make up for scrawniness, Tad. He has biceps bigger than your thighs.”
“Wiry. I’m called wiry, not scrawny.”
Lane whacked him, knocking him off his stool. “You’re a live wire alright. Are we going to sing this song or what?”
The crowd loved them. Their popularity grew everywhere they went, and Lane’s dissatisfaction grew even more rapidly. The actual concerts were fun. Teasing Tad, singing, and beautiful music couldn’t be beat on the amusement scale, but the travel, the time away from home and family, and the feeling that your life is contained in a carry-on suitcase grew old quickly.
She hated sitting on planes with elderly people who fell asleep on her shoulder. She despised the frustration she felt when a toddler had a meltdown at take-off. She loved the time with her brother and hated the time away from the rest of the family.
While Patience listened starry-eyed to their ballads, Matt read Lane’s brief, but soothing email.
From:
[email protected]
Subject:
Read your letters
Dear Matt,
I read them this morning. I love you. Somehow we have to find a way to make this work. I’ll try to listen as long as you promise to always treat me as wonderfully as you always have.
Lanesy Woolsey Argosy
Twenty-One
Matt’s relief was premature. He’d read the email hoping that Lane was open to free discussion of all that she’d shut him out of, but she wasn’t. His reply, all twenty-three hundred forty-seven words of it, received a scathing reply.
From:
[email protected]
Subject:
I was wrong.
Matt,
I am not as ready to discuss this as I thought. I came home and found my family preparing for church the next day. Apparently, they have taken up residence on a pew of the Community Church. Talk about hypocrisy. The “ecumenical den of wolves” is now the acceptable temple of worship. Sometimes I don’t know who my parents are anymore.
Anyway, your sermon was more than I could take this morning.
Confused,
Lane
Had he been independently wealthy, the laptop would have soared through the window and out of his life. Matt now understood the over-used phrase “each word was a dagger to his heart.” Her capriciousness made him physically ill. Uncertain what to do, he slipped on his jacket and jogged down the stairs to the street. The lights flickered in the twilight. Saturday night meant that Pastor Barnett would be in his study reading the latest military novel, eating a lone supper, and listening to the CD of the month. If anyone could help him know what to do next, it was “Barney.”
The nauseating sound of
Air Supply
wafted down the hall from the open office door. Matt had tried to broaden his musical palate after becoming a Christian, but his tastes ran to more modern musical styles with Christian lyrics. Barney’s taste tended toward early Contemporary Christian music and eighties pop bands. His spine tingled for hours after a session with Barney on a Saturday night. This was one significant reason that Matt stayed away on nights when Barney played his “tunes,” if possible.
“Hey, Barn!”
“Matt! What brings you down here?” To Matt’s huge relief, Barney punched the stop button and jumped to grab him a cup of coffee. “You cold?”
“No. I’m fine. Well, not fine exactly, but I’ll take the coffee anyway.”
Something in Matt’s eyes caught Barney’s attention. “Is it the girl or her father this time?”
“It’s Lane. Honestly, Barney, I don’t know what to think anymore. One day she’s determined to stay as far away from anything related to the Lord and the next, there is a spark that says she’ll try to understand.”
“I take it today was a rejection notice again?”
Matt’s head and shoulders sagged. He described their meeting, Lane’s reaction to his letters and the hope he’d allowed himself to feel as he read the email. He handed a copy of the email he’d printed and nearly begged for advice on what to do next.
“Do you think perhaps it’s just overwhelming? I can see how she might decide, with so much to cover and all the evidence around her that screams ‘don’t trust this,’ simply to decide none of it was worth it.”
“You mean she decided I wasn’t worth it,” Matt muttered bitterly.
“Actually, I think you should be more concerned with the fact that she doesn’t think Jesus is worth it.”
Matt wasn’t easily rerouted to a wiser thought plane. “No, Barney, I know I should, but right now I’m feeling pretty selfish. I got saved. I met Jesus and gave Him everything. I kept away from even the nice girls because I just didn’t think I was ready for a godly relationship. Then, one practically runs me down and had my heart before I knew it was unlocked.” He kicked Barney’s desk in frustration. “Why do I have to give up her, too?”
“Jesus said that you must give up mother, father, wife, brother, sister, and children for Him. He must be your all in all. It is only when you can surrender that which you most desire to keep, that you truly learn complete contentment in Him.”
“What do I do about Lane?”
“What would you do with any young woman who wanted to know more about Jesus?” Barney’s voice held that trace of emotional huskiness that Matt knew so well.
Matt stood. “That’s just it, Barn. She doesn’t want to know more.”
He turned to leave. Barney’s voice was so low Matt almost didn’t hear him. “You’re a fool.”
“What?” Matt whirled around, uncharacteristic anger flushing his face.
“Didn’t you say she’s waffling?”
“Well she has waffled. Tonight she says she’s sick of the hypocrisy and isn’t willing to discuss it anymore.”
Barney waited. Each second that ticked by amused him and irritated Matt even more. Finally, when Matt was ready to retreat once more, the wise pastor said, “Matt, she’s fighting it. She was against it from the beginning. She has discovered the freedom that we have in Christ, but she doesn’t see it as possible
in Christ
. She doesn’t want to give that up. Frankly, I don’t blame her.”
Matt nodded. “I do understand her reluctance. The pain goes pretty deep.”
“But then she sees you, and she sees other Christians, and her heart softens a bit. She realizes that maybe there is more to the Lord than she ever saw. She’s willing to step into His presence and taste and see that He is good. But, before she can open her mouth, someone coated with the stench of this world wearing royal garments rushes by and pushes her out of her chair at the feast. She runs again. She’s even more gun shy than before, but her heart yearns for the Lord.”
Hope filled him. “Do you think so?”
“I know so. The Lord draws us to Him, Matt. Of course, some of us are kicking and screaming all the way. I sometimes think that the Lord should have called us his asses instead of his sheep. Donkeys are much more stubborn than sheep.”
Silence hung over the room like a warming mantle. What made them shiver at first grew comfortable and protective. Matt drained his coffee and rose to leave. “Thanks, Barney. I’ll try again.”
“Slowly, Matt. Woo her to the Lord. Jesus is the bridegroom. A loving bridegroom doesn’t grab his bride and ravish her like a teenager in a locker room! He is gentle. He woos her. He draws her heart to His before He declares His passion for her. He is tender and captivates her heart before He tries to possess her.”
Matt sank back into the chair. “That’s another thing I should ask you about…” Matt fidgeted in his seat until Barney misunderstood him altogether.
“You didn’t—” Barney’s surprise was evident.
“No! Not—I just—” His head hung in his hands.
“Matt, what is it? You look like every teenaged boy who has ever come to confess that he ‘went all the way’ when he didn’t mean to. If not that, what?”
Though uncomfortable sharing his private life with anyone, Matt described Lane’s layover in detail. He shared their discussions, the contents of the letters, and the kiss. Barney knew instantly that Matt struggled most with the memory of that kiss.
“Why does the kiss bother you so much?”
“I had no right. We may never— I knew that the chance of us was a long shot and I did it anyway. It’s just like before when I was with women. It was all about me and—”
The snort stopped Matt cold. “Oh, honestly, Matt. Can you truly say that there was nothing behind that kiss other than you ‘getting some’ from your girl?”
“Barn!”
“I’m serious. Sometimes I understand Lane’s irritation with Christians. We look for ways to make any behavior sinful no matter what it is!”
“But—”
Without letting Matt continue, Barney barged onward with his reproof. “Matt! You love the girl. She loves you. There is a very serious rift between you, but you didn’t drag her behind that building to satisfy your own lusts. You cared about her feelings, you showed her your concern and care for her, and you kissed her.”
“And if this never goes anywhere—”
Barney put his arm around Matt’s shoulder and walked him to the door. “Then it never goes anywhere, and no one sinned. You both put your hearts on the line, but the lines couldn’t meet.”
“Wow.”
“I’ll send my bill later. Go back and write again.”
~*~*~*~
From:
[email protected]
Subject:
Fools rush in—
Lane Honey,
That’s right, honey. I plan to try several pet names and see if any fit. For the record, honey doesn’t, but that’s what you get this time. Honey, ain’t it sweet?
Well now, Honey, I have to tell you; I was really frustrated by your email. Ok, I lied; I was ticked—royally. Frankly, I took it personally. I saw it as a rejection of me, not one of Jesus, and I hope I am right in that it wasn’t. (A rejection of me that is—if it was I’d be looking pretty stupid right now with this honey bit).
Why do sugarplum and snookums suddenly try to find their way under my fingers? Sheesh! How pathetic is that? I’m mocking my own pet names with even more nauseating ones. Honey clearly won’t cut it Smootzie Poo. (That’s from
Monster’s Inc
. and not my own irrational creation.) I think that this pet name thing will lighten up the mood of these emails on days when you’re not in the mood.
Anyway, I’m writing because I refuse to give up on you and me until the day you become Mrs. Someone Else’s Honey, and I refuse to give up on you and Jesus until the day you die.
How’s that? You didn’t think I had it in me, did you? I know you and your family think I’m just a panty-waisted city boy, but I’m being John Wayne in this one, and I’m not letting the girl get away without a fight.
There. That’s all the aggressiveness I have in me today. Honestly, Lane, I’m scared. It’s not an easy thing to admit, but when you read one day that the girl in every one of your favorite childhood books is willing to take a chance on the most important thing in your life and then the next day she kicks it in the gutter, it kind of makes a guy nervous.
So, I want to leave you with this one thought. If there is a God, and you say you believe there is, did we get our capacity to love from Him or from somewhere else?
Your Sugarpiehoneybun,
Matt * cough *
~*~*~*~
Tad watched amused as Lane snickered through her email. She’d been so sullen and grumpy for the past two weeks that he’d finally written Matt to see what happened. Matt’s terse, “All I know is that she hasn’t written me since she got home and found out your parents are going to church again” bothered him. The fact that she was reading Matt’s email and laughing told him that she’d avoided it for some time.
“Hey, Tad. You have to read this. Matt went loopy!”