Arizona Allspice (4 page)

All his buddies laughed. “I figured she was easy. They usually are, those
negritas
,” one of them said.

“Yeah, she’s real, um, generous to me, know what I mean?” Raul laughed. “She let me have her all kind of ways.” Raul’s boys laughed, whistled, or pounded on the tables. “I’m
talkin
’ to Marisol now, too, and a couple other
chicitas
and she know about all of them. But you guys don’t be trying to hit on my girl. Seriously, if you talk to her I’ll break you in two.”

I was so angry I couldn’t speak. Raul cared about Elaine. That’s what was so frustrating. He lit up when he was around her. Then Raul would do these things and say these things that just went completely against that. It infuriated me! There was nothing I could do about Raul sleeping around because Laney was strangely nonchalant about that, but if I told Elaine about this…She’d better listen.

 For a tense moment I wished I could conjure fury the way Joey did. Or at least have the muscle.  If I kicked Raul’s teeth in, however, Elaine would be extremely upset. I could just hear her say “You have to be the good guy, Manny. Don’t be like the others.” I walked up to Mr. Jeremy at the counter to pay for the beer.

“You know, I don’t sell beer to those guys over there,” Jeremy said pointing his chin towards where the
Tormentas
were sitting. “They can
git
it somewhere else. I only sell it to the responsible kids.
You alright.
Takin
’ care of your family,
thas
good.”
 

I nodded, knowing that Mr. Jeremy felt sorry for me; Deceased mother, ill father, stuck here in thirsty Cadence. But most of all, Mr. Jeremy wanted to buy the trailer park from my family. I looked over and got a clear view of Raul laughing with his boys.

Raul’s smiling eyes slid away from his friends to see me standing at the counter. The filthy smirk fell from his face. I could see the thoughts going through Raul’s head, wondering if I’d heard him earlier. I glared at him and nodded. Once Raul realized he’d been exposed, the corner of his top lip curled in anger. If he thought a menacing look with a silent threat was going to keep me quiet he was wrong.

“Guess who I saw in the convenience store.”

“Who?”
Joey asked distractedly as he sat cross-legged in the passenger seat, buried in the journal. As I told Joey what occurred, Joey’s face got redder and redder. “I’m going to kill him!”

“Wait! No!” I grabbed for Joey’s arm but he had already shot out of the truck and was heading toward the convenience store. I jumped out of the truck and ran in front of him. “Hold up, man! Not a good idea. You could get yourself locked up! And, and Elaine would never forgive either one of us!”

“You’re going to let him talk about your sister like that?” he said through gritted teeth.

“We’ll tell her. No, actually I think it’s best for just me to tell her. You want Elaine to believe it, don’t you? She’ll be embarrassed and she won’t want to listen if you’re there.”

Joey’s scowl loosened a little into a frown. He continued to glare at me, silently begging me to let him unleash on Raul. I stared him down. “Fine,” Joey grumbled. He brushed past me to the truck.

On the drive to Joey’s house, I glanced over at him. Surprisingly, he’d put the journal away without finishing it. He’d slipped it back into the glove box and was just staring out the window. He was in one of those pensive, feeling-sorry-for-himself moods. For somebody who acted so hard all the time it was always a bit unsettling to see him at his weak points. I pulled up to Joey’s trailer.

“You should be proud of yourself for not murdering Raul back there. It means you’re handling the anger thing better.”

Joey did not respond.

“Why don’t you just tell her?”

“It’s not that simple,” Joey said while getting out of the parked truck.

“She doesn’t hate you,” I said holding Joey’s blue-eyed gaze with my brown-eyed gaze.

Joey gave a skeptical chuckle. “Sure. I’ll talk to you later.” He shut the truck door hard and strolled into his house with his hands in his pockets. I took that as a sign we wouldn’t be hanging out that afternoon.

******

 
“Hey Mama.”

“Hey Sweetie.”

I entered the living room where my mom was in the recliner watching television. I kneeled by the chair and gave her a kiss on the cheek and a long hug.

“Are you all right, Joseph?”

“I’m fine,” I answered and stood up.

“
It’s
girl trouble, isn’t it?” She looked up at me.

“You could say that.”

“When are you going to get a girlfriend already?”

My cheeks grew red. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“You talk to all these girls but you never settle down. When are you going to let a girl care for
you
for once?”

I kissed Mom on the forehead. “I love you, Mom,” I said ending the conversation and walked into my bedroom.

“Love you, too,” she mumbled and went back to her television program.

I was lying on my bed irritated, staring at the ceiling and reflecting on the disgusting things Raul had said about Elaine, when my cell phone started ringing. I reached into my pocket. It was Denise calling.

“Yeah?”

“Joey?” Her voice shook.

“What’s wrong?” I stood up from the bed.

“I need you to get over here as soon as possible. My dad…”

“Where are you?”

“I’m locked in my bedroom. Just come through my window like you usually do. I need you Joey,” she whispered desperately.

“
It’s
okay, Denise. I’ll be right there.”

******

I was stalling, driving 25 miles per hour when I could have gone a lot faster. There was no speed limit on the gravel road that ran along the side of the park.

Raul sat on his front porch. My heart started pounding furiously. He had been waiting. I hopped out of the truck. I hesitated to walk towards him, adjusting my glasses. When I realized that Raul refused to look at me as if I was expected to walk over to him and apologize instead of the other way around, my anger gave me the gall to get up in his face when he finally stood.

“How could you?” My voice quivered under the strain of suppressing my anger.

Raul looked at me with his brown almond-shaped eyes. He stepped closer to me and grasped my hand. With his eyes still locked on mine, he brought my hand to his lips and kissed each of my knuckles. I began to cave. I wanted to be his
murciélagita
again, his little bat. I wanted him to say he’d never do it again and just apologize. “Don’t listen to Manny,” he said instead, each word brushed with his Spanish accent. “I wouldn’t say that about you.” He leaned in to kiss me.

Disgusted I turned my cheek to him. “No! If you didn’t say anything then why are you worried about me listening to Manny?” He didn’t answer.
“Well?!”
Still no answer.
“You’re a liar! Always have been, huh? And you sent those kids over to my house didn’t you?
You self-centered bastard!”

“It was just a joke!” Raul defended. “I didn’t really mean anything by it.”

“Which is the joke? Harassing my father, telling people I’m a slut, or you? I’d say the latter.” Tears spilled down my face and my chest constricted. I couldn’t see his face anymore, he was blurred by tears. I didn’t know who he was anymore.

“
Lo siento, mi amor
.” He
whispered
. “
Mi
murciélagita
. Nunca lo pasará otra vez.
Yo
le
prometo
, mi
cielo
.”

I chuckled bitterly. “You actually think some smooth Spanish is going to work on me? Two years and this is what I get?
You running game on
me
?
This is so predictable! You’re just like all the rest…I don’t ever want to talk to you again.”

His shoulders slumped. He knew I was serious. I wouldn’t say things I didn’t mean. I turned to leave.

“Wait! Laney…Please
don’t
.”

I turned to see his desperate eyes.

“I love you. You know that. Everyone knows that you’re mine. I made a mistake, I’m sorry.” His eyes brimmed with tears.  I started to sob. I’d never seen him cry over me before. I never wanted him to cry over me when he had so many other things he could cry over. His honest display of his feelings for me almost made me stay. I took a deep breath.

“I don’t want your half-assed love anymore. You don’t say those things about someone you truly love. If you really loved me you would respect me. You just…take me for granted. I realize that you have loved me in your own way, but it’s clear to me now that your way isn’t good enough anymore.”

“No one’s been there for you like I have! I gave you a chance when no one would and…I wanted to settle down with you someday.”

“Someday when?”

Raul’s lips parted but no words escaped.

“Exactly.”

“Come on, Elaine! You can’t end it like this. Who understands you
como
yo
? Why are you throwing this relationship away after all the history we got together?”

“By your actions alone, you’re the one who threw it away.”

“Whatever!” Raul snapped, defeated. He raised his hands in the air and let them fall in defeat. “What did you
expec
’ me to do? You weren’t giving me any, so maybe sometimes I pretended that you did around my friends. So what? Don’t be so damn sensitive about it!”

 “Talk trash about me again and I’ll get Manny and Joey to give you a beating you’ll never forget.” I wiped the tears from my face and strode back to the truck. Spinning up some pebbles at Raul with the back tires, I watched him in the rearview mirror as I drove off. He grew smaller and smaller. Seeing him still standing there looking shocked and upset, I started to cry again.

******

Raul angrily spit on the ground, his eyes stinging. He spit to remove the sour taste in his mouth.
A bitter taste, a mixture of shame and anger.

FOUR